I (21f), have two friends, H(23F), and K(23F). Yesterday was K’s birthday. We went out to celebrate on Saturday to get a drink as more people could go to that but she also had a birthday dinner yesterday. It was planned weeks in advance and H RSVP’d yes but did not attend.
Full disclosure: a complicated layer of this, H, my boyfriend, and I have had quite a few threesomes recently. My concern is coming from a place of friendship, but I understand this complicates our dynamic and I want to be upfront about it.
A few hours before the dinner yesterday, H sent a picture of her outfit to a big groupchat with me and K in it. It was super cute with a short skirt and a crop top, but the dress code for the dinner was ‘wedding guest formal.’ I didn’t think much of it at the time because I figured
My boyfriend (23M) and I, were the first ones to arrive to the restaurant. We waited for our party and he texted H, to ask how far away she was. While waiting for her reply my boyfriend pulled up her location and we saw she was at a popular spot downtown with restaurants, a pro basketball facility, a club, an arcade, etc. Then she said she wasn’t coming.
We all had a lovely evening. Good food, good conversation, I met new people from K’s hometown. It was great!
K drove me to my train after dinner. I mentioned that I thought it was messed up that H ditched the birthday dinner to go out and didn’t tell K ahead of time. K said she didn’t care. She mentioned that H had called her earlier but she wasn’t able to pick up and K assumes that she was calling to cancel last minute.
I had a feeling that H was out with her ex. So I pulled up her location on my way home and she was at her ex’s house. They used to be in an on and off relationship but broke up. I care about H and this relationship is bad for her. It is 100% on her ex’s terms, something I pointed out after she left the bar so fast a couple weeks ago she left her credit card behind (which was no big deal because I just went back and grabbed it). I only mention it to point out how much power this ex has over her. Ex calls, and she goes running to comfort them even though they keep breaking her heart.
It’s a tough situation so I texted her last night to make sure she was okay and said we missed you tonight. She told me she let K know she would not make it. But I know that’s not true. She sent her outfit to the groupchat, went out with her ex, ended up at they’re place, and lied about letting the birthday girl know ahead of time. K insists she is okay and doesn’t care, but I think this is so disrespectful. It’s very indicative of how toxic this relationship is for her if it’s affecting her friendships.
I want to address this with her but I’m worried since it’s not my birthday dinner I’d overstep. WIBTA if I tell her it’s very disrespectful and she needs to cut ex off because they’re affecting their relationships? Also this may come across as jealous or possessive because I’ve been hooking up with H recently. WIBTA?
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I (21f), have two friends, H(23F), and K(23F). Yesterday was K’s birthday. We went out to celebrate on Saturday to get a drink as more people could go to that but she also had a birthday dinner yesterday. It was planned weeks in advance and H RSVP’d yes but did not attend.
Full disclosure: a complicated layer of this, H, my boyfriend, and I have had quite a few threesomes recently. My concern is coming from a place of friendship, but I understand this complicates our dynamic and I want to be upfront about it.
A few hours before the dinner yesterday, H sent a picture of her outfit to a big groupchat with me and K in it. It was super cute with a short skirt and a crop top, but the dress code for the dinner was ‘wedding guest formal.’ I didn’t think much of it at the time because I figured
My boyfriend (23M) and I, were the first ones to arrive to the restaurant. We waited for our party and he texted H, to ask how far away she was. While waiting for her reply my boyfriend pulled up her location and we saw she was at a popular spot downtown with restaurants, a pro basketball facility, a club, an arcade, etc. Then she said she wasn’t coming.
We all had a lovely evening. Good food, good conversation, I met new people from K’s hometown. It was great!
K drove me to my train after dinner. I mentioned that I thought it was messed up that H ditched the birthday dinner to go out and didn’t tell K ahead of time. K said she didn’t care. She mentioned that H had called her earlier but she wasn’t able to pick up and K assumes that she was calling to cancel last minute.
I had a feeling that H was out with her ex. So I pulled up her location on my way home and she was at her ex’s house. They used to be in an on and off relationship but broke up. I care about H and this relationship is bad for her. It is 100% on her ex’s terms, something I pointed out after she left the bar so fast a couple weeks ago she left her credit card behind (which was no big deal because I just went back and grabbed it). I only mention it to point out how much power this ex has over her. Ex calls, and she goes running to comfort them even though they keep breaking her heart.
It’s a tough situation so I texted her last night to make sure she was okay and said we missed you tonight. She told me she let K know she would not make it. But I know that’s not true. She sent her outfit to the groupchat, went out with her ex, ended up at they’re place, and lied about letting the birthday girl know ahead of time. K insists she is okay and doesn’t care, but I think this is so disrespectful. It’s very indicative of how toxic this relationship is for her if it’s affecting her friendships.
I want to address this with her but I’m worried since it’s not my birthday dinner I’d overstep. WIBTA if I tell her it’s very disrespectful and she needs to cut ex off because they’re affecting their relationships? Also this may come across as jealous or possessive because I’ve been hooking up with H recently. WIBTA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to call out a friend as a third party in the situation and may be overstepping my bounds as a friend. Especially because what I want to call her out for is hanging out with her ex and this friend and I have a sexual relationship.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
Birthday girl didn’t care, so leave it
Also birthday girl literally got a call even tho she didn’t pick it up, I am sure the other girl also texted her when she didn’t pick up
Also really this make it seem like you are jealous she is getting back together instead of continuing to have sex with you and the other person
YTA
Stay in your lane about the birthday dinner. You’re not the birthday girl, and adults get to make their own choices.
You should also not be sleeping with your friend that clearly has some issues. Feels a little like you’re taking advantage of the insecurities and self worth issues that lead her back to the ex so much.
Maybe work on helping her get to the bottom of that instead of into your bed.
YWBTA- Seems like it an issue between H and K, not H and you. H doesn’t need you to fight a battle for her, especially since it seems that she doesn’t care. You can feel however you want about it, but it seems like you would just be causing unnecessary drama by bringing it up now that it’s over.
YTA…Not your circus, not your monkeys. This is for the birthday girl to pursue if she wants to.
YTA. You need to mind your own business. No one appointed you babysitter, life coach or hall monitor. Tend to yourself and your own relationship.
YTA Just mind your own business
Yes, YWBTA
Why are you stalking your friend? Why are you putting yourself in the middle of something that doesn’t involve you?
I mean, what point does this serve?
YTA – seems your more bothered about her seeing her ex & checking her location is creepy!
Personally think it sounds like you’re jealous.
YWBTA. K said she was fine with it, and she is an adult who can determine what behavior she is and isn’t okay with. If you’re concerned with H’s relationship with her not-so-ex, then have that conversation with her, but leave K out of it.
This is giving creeper vibes. I get being worried for a friend but the birthday girl said she didn’t care and your putting your nose where it isn’t wanted. She’s gonna make the mistakes she makes.
YTA.
Here’s the key point:
> K insists she is okay and doesn’t care,
Stay out of K’s business.
YWBTA.
YTA if you call her out. If birthday girl isn’t upset, it’s not worth blowing up over. Your feelings sound tangled since you’ve been involved with H yourself, but that doesn’t justify dragging birthday girl into it. Yall are young, H has growing up to do when it comes to her ex. Trying to mother her into that realization will likely push her away or affect your friendship. If she picks him over you, that warrants deciding how good of a friend she’s being, but don’t try to police how good a friend she is to someone else. It never works out to be a good choice.
YTA – you sound like a jealous controlling ex, just saying…
YWBTA. K doesn’t care. H could have left a message when she called, letting her know, so that isn’t a lie. Yes, her relationship sounds unhealthy, but that is her relationship. You can’t end it for her. You can talk to her about that, but honestly, it sounds more like jealousy at times, when there have been relations between you.
Why aren’t you the little shit stirrer. Yta I saw one of your comments and that you get you should leave this alone. I am glad.
YTA. It’s none of your business. Don’t be a creepy stalker.