So, this girl and I had a think for 4-5 years, the last 2 of which were long distance because she decided to go back to school and get her master degree in Europe. About a year ago she fucked some random guy after a drunken evening at a bar, but I let it slide, and she’s been off alcohol since.
Anyway long distance doesn’t really work, and she decides to dump me 2 months ago, but we stay friends. She’s on the final stretch for her thesis and working her ass off, under a lot of stress.
Last Sunday we’re talking a bit, I talk a bit about my new gf, and she’s all about how I should tell my new gf that I’m still friends with her (really just friends, no sexting or anything) , and that she intends to be fully opened with her new bf, blah blah holier-than-thou shit, to which I retort that if anyone has some morality lessons to give me, she certainly isn’t the one. And no I’m not cheating on my new gf, I just want to keep things separated as I’m still at the start of the new relationship.
At which point she completely explodes and tells me that I’m dead to her, I never existed etc. OK fine.
But the kicker is, while she is working on her thesis, I gave her access to one of my AI tools which is great for managing academic references, citations etc. And before the explosion, she told me many times how much it helped her and that she was thankful. Which is great, I’m happy it helps.
However, I feel it’s very funny that after basically telling me that she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, she is still using the tool I lended to her. I didn’t buy it for her, it is not her own account (in which case OK, a gift is a gift) . It is my account that I gave her the password to. A bit as if you’d have shared your Netflix password to your ex.
I recognize that she needs it, that her thesis stresses her like mad, and that probably the explosion wasn’t only because of me but because of all she’s going through. But still, it hurts. She hasn’t answered any messages since, even to my apologies (though I don’t think I have anything to apologize for, except maybe that it wasn’t the right moment to say what I said).
WIBTA is I changed the password to something like IHaveNoPrinciples! or ThankYou
Would it be too petty? I’m worried that she’d get even more pissed and stop using it and screw up her thesis. Yeah I’m a fucking fool but I care about her.
Thanks for your lights Reddit! And yes I know you’ll tell me I should just have dumped her when she cheated, and yes maybe I should have, but I didn’t and that’s on me. And I do believe that she gave up the drinking and flirting in bars after that.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
So, this girl and I had a think for 4-5 years, the last 2 of which were long distance because she decided to go back to school and get her master degree in Europe. About a year ago she fucked some random guy after a drunken evening at a bar, but I let it slide, and she’s been off alcohol since.
Anyway long distance doesn’t really work, and she decides to dump me 2 months ago, but we stay friends. She’s on the final stretch for her thesis and working her ass off, under a lot of stress.
Last Sunday we’re talking a bit, I talk a bit about my new gf, and she’s all about how I should tell my new gf that I’m still friends with her (really just friends, no sexting or anything) , and that she intends to be fully opened with her new bf, blah blah holier-than-thou shit, to which I retort that if anyone has some morality lessons to give me, she certainly isn’t the one. And no I’m not cheating on my new gf, I just want to keep things separated as I’m still at the start of the new relationship.
At which point she completely explodes and tells me that I’m dead to her, I never existed etc. OK fine.
But the kicker is, while she is working on her thesis, I gave her access to one of my AI tools which is great for managing academic references, citations etc. And before the explosion, she told me many times how much it helped her and that she was thankful. Which is great, I’m happy it helps.
However, I feel it’s very funny that after basically telling me that she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, she is still using the tool I lended to her. I didn’t buy it for her, it is not her own account (in which case OK, a gift is a gift) . It is my account that I gave her the password to. A bit as if you’d have shared your Netflix password to your ex.
I recognize that she needs it, that her thesis stresses her like mad, and that probably the explosion wasn’t only because of me but because of all she’s going through. But still, it hurts. She hasn’t answered any messages since, even to my apologies (though I don’t think I have anything to apologize for, except maybe that it wasn’t the right moment to say what I said).
WIBTA is I changed the password to something like IHaveNoPrinciples! or ThankYou<myname>! or such kind of troll password? And of course messaging her about the change and letting her know she’s free to keep using it and good luck for her thesis?
Would it be too petty? I’m worried that she’d get even more pissed and stop using it and screw up her thesis. Yeah I’m a fucking fool but I care about her.
Thanks for your lights Reddit! And yes I know you’ll tell me I should just have dumped her when she cheated, and yes maybe I should have, but I didn’t and that’s on me. And I do believe that she gave up the drinking and flirting in bars after that.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The app is very important for my (ex) friend, so my changing the password might be quite petty and unnecessary.
She’s under a lot of pressure so her explosive reaction might be forgivable and I should not jeopardize her studies for a relatively small thing.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA Bruh.
YTA. There are no points to be scored here unless you are going to be very petty indeed
NTA. Just quietly change the password and let her figure it out for herself. Don’t make a scene or even contact her about it.
She’ll have to make her own account and pay for it with her own money, not a big deal.
You WNTBA if you gave her a heads up so she could adjust and save her work from the tool before she loses access. Since you did allow her to use it, it would be an A move to just cut off her access to previous work.
NTA if you give her 24 hours notice and she acknowledges the fact (but be prepared for her to explode again).
Ywbta if you change the password without warning her because that of the work she’s previously done using that tool
Back up her stuff so she can transfer to her own account or different platform. Change your password, send her the file and wash your hands of her.
YTA for putting up with her shite. She’s an AH for being stupid enough to rely on someone else’s account for her thesis research and treating them like dirt as well. She deserves what she gets.
YWBTA. Her thesis is important lol and you two are no longer a thing. You can just tell her and she can get her own. If it helps her that much, she won’t mind paying for it.
It’s sketchy af to not tell a current partner about continued contact with an ex, and from your comments/replies, this is clearly punitive motivation on your part. ESH
•You would be the AH if you did not tell your girlfriend about being friends with your ex.
•You are the AH for getting angry at your ex and thinking she’s being “holier than thou” for suggesting something that is very reasonable.
•And to top that off you are considering being petty to her out of this?
YTA in my book. Don’t be an AH to your new girlfriend and let her know you are friends with your ex.