My daughter is 4 years old and is Type 1 Diabetic. She has been diagnosed since she was 19 months old and at the moment is on multiple daily injections.
We’ve been having issues with nighttime high blood sugars and have had quite the time trying to sort it out, our Diabetes Specialist Nurse (who’s new to us) asked us about a pump today. Among other reasons why we dont want a pump yet, I said “We have talked to her about it and she doesn’t want one” and our DSN abrubtly said “that’s not her choice to make” … like I get she’s only 4, and so she doesn’t understand the importance etc. and I know in the long run it probably would be better for her but I generally don’t feel comfortable with the idea of forcing her into something she really doesn’t want. I know the stress it would cause her having to do changes every few days, I think she needs to be a bit older to understand it more and She already has so little choice in all of this anyway and it just doesn’t seem fair. It is her body, and she’s the one who has to live with this.
AITA to be so annoyed at the “that’s not her choice to make” comment or am I overreacting?
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My daughter is 4 years old and is Type 1 Diabetic. She has been diagnosed since she was 19 months old and at the moment is on multiple daily injections.
We’ve been having issues with nighttime high blood sugars and have had quite the time trying to sort it out, our Diabetes Specialist Nurse (who’s new to us) asked us about a pump today. Among other reasons why we dont want a pump yet, I said “We have talked to her about it and she doesn’t want one” and our DSN abrubtly said “that’s not her choice to make” … like I get she’s only 4, and so she doesn’t understand the importance etc. and I know in the long run it probably would be better for her but I generally don’t feel comfortable with the idea of forcing her into something she really doesn’t want. I know the stress it would cause her having to do changes every few days, I think she needs to be a bit older to understand it more and She already has so little choice in all of this anyway and it just doesn’t seem fair. It is her body, and she’s the one who has to live with this.
AITA to be so annoyed at the “that’s not her choice to make” comment or am I overreacting?
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> I want to know if I would be the asshole if I made a complaint about a comment a nurse said about my 4 year old. I feel I may be the asshole as I might be overreacting and would possibly get the nurse in trouble for nothing
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Not overreacting. It is unknown and scary for a child. She’ll be ready when she’s ready.
Please do say something to the administrator or if a survey is offered or even ask for a survey.
They are supposed to provide options and information, not opinions.
YWBTA. She was making it clear to you that you make the decisions, not your child. That seems to make you uncomfortable. That’s a YOU problem.
NTA. Yes you have the ability to make the decision for her but you’re allowed to take her feelings about it into account.
YTA you are her parent and she is 4. As she gets older she will have more autonomy but right now she doesn’t have a full understanding of the long term consequences of her actions. The nurse was just pointing out that you are shirking your responsibilities as a parent.
YWBTA – your 4 year old doesn’t have the ability to understand what is best for her. The nurse is trying to help the best way she can. Type 1 diabetes can have horrible complications if not managed correctly and timely. Do you want your daughter to live with nerve damage or eye damage, just to name a couple things, for the rest of her life because you let her make the call on treatment when she was 4?
INFO: How extensive have the discussions been about this been with your daughter? Do you think you presented it in a way that could be a positive, or were you mostly focused on her potential fear in how you presented it to her?
I think you are overreacting. This is difficult situation for you and for your child. And you are under lot of stress and trying to do best you can for your child.
But she is right. There is a reason why we don’t let 4 year olds decide most things in their life. You are the one that have to decide if this is something that benefits her health and quality of life, even if she is scared of it. You can make wrong decisions, but you cannot but that sort of thing on a child. What if something bad happens and she starts to think it was becuse she chose not have the pump?
Make sure that your child knows that you are making the decisions and always thinking what is the best for her. So she don’t have to stress. The nurse could of been more gentle, but no assholes here.
Yeah sorry YTA. You didn’t like her comment but it wasn’t inappropriate, unprofessional….. or wrong. You shouldn’t complain about medical professionals for giving their perfectly legitimate opinion just because you don’t like it.
I get the overreaction, you kicked into protective mom mode but she isn’t trying to force you to do anything – she just pointing out that sometimes moms have to make their kids do what’s best for them, not what they want.
YWTBA! Your daughter is too young to make medical decisions for herself, which is EXACTLY the reason why parents are assigned medical power over their children until they’re old enough to make the decisions themselves. Your daughter’s health should be your primary concern, not her comfort.
YWBTA
Your the parents, she is 4 she doesn’t know what the hell is good for her
You are the parent. You make your kids do stuff they don’t want to so in the future they are healthy and functional.
My kid is sick but won’t take medication. Open her month and give her the medicine
My kid doesn’t want to read, well too bad, she needs to learn to read
My kid wants to eat junk food all day long, too bad veggies are important
You as the parent make these decisions
INFO: would her comment have bothered if you if you weren’t already feeling insecure or doubtful about your choice to not have her wear a pump?
YTA
She’s 4. It’s not her choice. The nurse is trying to do her job by educating the patient’s caregiver (that’s you).
YWBTA. The nurse was doing her job and giving you appropriate guidance on the medical care for your child.
YTA full stop. Your 4 year old doesn’t know…anything about anything. Your job as a parent is to make the best decision for her. As it sounds now, she’s headed for renal failure and myriad other complications by early 20s because you want to be her friend, not her parent.
YTA. Sorry but if her healthcare professionals think that she needs this, then who are you to argue, especially for something as silly as “a four year old doesn’t want it”.
If you had medical concerns you could always get a second opinion from another doctor etc…but just not doing what’s best because a child doesn’t want to seems risky and stupid
YWBTA for complaining.
The nurse is correct that as a parent you have final say in a 4 year old’s medical decisions. She did nothing wrong.
It’s great you are wanting to preserve her bodily autonomy but there is also a point where you have to make the decision.
Type 1 runs in my family and I have multiple family members with insulin pumps. They love them.
If she is afraid, maybe she can talk to someone who has one.
YTA, you’re not really acting in her best interest here. She’s on multiple daily injections and would only need to change the pump every few days, what’s kinder there? Plus you are having trouble managing her BG levels currently, again a pump would be kinder than multiple injections on a night.
My eldest has ADHD, didn’t want medication, had many conversations about the benefits of medication and everything I had learnt about it in my research. Eventually had to say you try this for 6 weeks and then we reassess, he hasn’t looked back.
Sometime we have to be the adult and act in their best interests because we have the knowledge and maturity that they don’t have to understand and help them and in that sense I agree with the nurse.
No judgment because you are clearly a caring parent and I love that you are considering your daughter’s feelings and autonomy. At the same time, I am with the nurse on this. Your daughter is 4 and cannot understand the long-term implications of not getting her blood sugar under control. You are the adult and can understand this, so I recommend that you take into account the recommendation of the nurse who specializes in treating diabetes. I can’t even imagine how traumatic a pump is for a 4yo or their parent, but the cost of not using a pump may be far worse for her.
YTA. I think the nurse might have been a bit blunt, but she wasn’t wrong. at 4 years old there is no way your child can be making a rational decision on this, so really it is on you to make the best choice for her future health, It would be a different matter if she were 14 or 16 where a child can be considered mature enough to refuse consent on medical procedures.
YTA This is not something that a 4 year old should have a say in. A 4 year old doesn’t understand “want” when it comes to things like this. You need to be a parent and realize that you are not effectively managing her blood sugars right now and you need to follow medical advice.
YTA. When I was 4 I did not want to eat vegetables, brush my teeth, take a bath, be on concussion watch, use antiseptics, remove the sliver, not remove the sliver, etc etc. I’m sure if it had come up I wouldn’t have wanted to have surgery or take medication or wear a brace or do any various things that could prevent my body from being irreprepairably harmed. My parents would have explained to me why it was important, but it would have happened.
YWBTA. Your 4 year old does not have the intellectual capacity to make an informed decision about her healthcare. You are supposed to do it for her. If you want to take the child’s preference into account that’s a choice you are allowed to make but complaining because a nurse made a factual statement is nuts.
I am all for bodily independence, but she’s 4, she’s not there yet. This is not her choice, this is yours, you are her mom, you think would be best for her. YWTA if you don’t do it.
YTA. She’s a four-year-old child. She cannot weigh the pros and cons of different treatments. You need to make this decision for her.
I think that you have good motives, but I think that you are making a big mistake. It is unfair to offload the responsibility of important health decisions onto a 4 year old. She has not developed the cognitive skills to make such a decision, a decision that could have life long consequences. What a horrible burden for her to carry if it turns out to have been a mistake. That is what parents are for.
It is not easy, I am sure. But as her parent, her understanding of pump v no pump will be what you have told her. If she doesn’t want it, it is likely that this is a reflection of how you have given her the information.
I don’t want to call you an AH, as I don’t think that you are doing this on purpose, but if you continue to offload your responsibilities onto a very young child, then I think that would become a fair assessment of your behaviour. Time to suck it up, weight the health implications of your daughter’s options and make a decision in her interests. Then it is your job to help your daughter to feel okay with this decision. This is also in your power.
Be strong, do the right thing, and good luck!
Not an AH for making your feelings of the conversation known. But you are an AH for how you are caring for your daughter. I understand your feelings about giving her opportunities to be in control of her body. But at some point you have to have a conversation with her (as much as you can with a 4 yo) about what you are choosing for her. It sounds like the medical team is thinking a pump is the best option. Why are you so against it? Explain to your daughter that she really really needs this medicine. It will take some getting used to, but you are doing this for the betterment of her life. Even throw in there that as she gets older and is able to control things more for herself, she will get to choose if she keeps the pump or not (probably no younger than 10 yo should be making decisions, amd even i think that’s too young).
YWBTA if you report it. She isn’t wrong….it isn’t the choice of a 4 year old to make medical decisions, it is the responsibility of their parent or guardian. 4 year olds can’t evaluate all of the information to make an informed decision, but you can. The nurse was pointing that out.
Also, YTA for letting a 4 year old make a choice that you admit is not in her best interest.
YTA. I have a 4 year old and I’m big on teaching her consent except for “health and safety” so she says I don’t want to hug. That’s fine. That’s her choice. She says I don’t want to brush my teeth. That’s not fine, it’s for her health to brush them. I won’t pierce her ears until she wants them, but it’s cosmetic. I had her tongue tie clipped when she was a baby because she couldn’t eat properly and was losing weight.
You can teach your child consent and choices without negatively impacting her health.
YTA you can manage your daughter’s health however you see fit, you know the situation best, but you would be an asshole to complain about the nurse.
A long time ago I fell and my leg hurt. Although I did not want to, my parents decided to take me to hospital and have xrays taken. Long story short, I had to stay with a broken leg.
Had they listened to me, it would not be good. I was eleven, not four years old.
Sometimes parents have to take difficult decisions for their children. You say yourself it would be better for your daughter to have the pump.
Your daughter needs to learn how to manage her diabetes before she gets a pump. If her pump malfunctions and she doesn’t know what symptoms to look for for low or high blood sugar she could get very sick.
YTA.
The nurse was giving you a reality check. This isn’t a hug from a questionable relative at Thanksgiving; it’s life-saving medical care. The reason parents make medical decisions on behalf of their children is that a 4-year-old literally cannot make a sound, informed decision about this. It’s your responsibility.
When I was a kid, I would fight my parents tooth and nail against things like brushing or flossing my teeth, cleaning out cuts and scrapes I got from playing outside, etc—but it wasn’t “my body, my choice” because the alternative to those things was potential severe infection or lasting damage to my teeth and gums. I couldn’t understand anything past “this is physically uncomfortable”, so obviously I refused; today I’m a healthy adult and thankful my parents didn’t give in.
Yeah, YTA. I’m all for kids having their bodily autonomy respected when it comes to who they want to hug and kiss, food they don’t want to eat, the clothes they’re going to wear that day, but medical decisions are for parents with the guidance, advice and instructions of the people who went to school for that stuff.
NTA. Idk I’m with you 100%
You’re the AH and overreacting.
Source: mom of young kids who has had to make medical decisions for them because THEY ARE KIDS AND DO NOT KNOW BETTER.
I know a 5YO with a pump. he understands its use and is learning to manage his disease properly and safely. 4 years old is not too young to begin to learn to manage the disease she will have for her entire life.
Depends on if you’re upset about the message vs the tone. The message was blunt but boils down to “parents make the decisions.” If her tone was rude and/or belittling she might need some coaching for bedside manner.
Also, all of these people saying you’re the parent and you make the decisions are completely ignoring that you are the parent and you ARE making the decision that you feel is best for your child.
I don’t find fault in you for wanting to give your child bodily autonomy, although it sounds like the nighttime numbers aren’t great and you’re struggling. The timeline for a pump might be moving up, so it is something you might need to prepare her for.
YWBTA if you complained because the nurse is right. At four, your daughter is not capable of making these choices, and as a parent you have to be responsible for making the best choice for her health. You can’t follow her lead on something you acknowledge she doesn’t understand.
What your daughter really wants is to not have these medical interventions, but that’s not possible because her diabetes needs treatment. Imagine explaining to your adult daughter that you dragged your feet on the best treatment for her because she was 4 and didn’t wanna.
And there probably is a kid friendly and simple way to describe what an insulin pump does.
NTA as a mom of a child with a medical condition, it is YOUR decision. And if you are basing it on what you know your child to be able to handle, then that is your decision. You know your child best and I’m sure have her health and development at the forefront of your decision making. It’s not the nurses decision and it sounds like she was being too abrasive about a decision that you would have to live with daily.
YTA and you’re overreacting.
NAH. i feel for you. the first thing i also thought was this little life has little to no say right now with her bodily autonomy and that really really sucks. good on you as a parent for being so aware of this and advocating for her. on the flip, while i think the doctor could have delivered this differently, she is ultimately right, unfortunately… your daughter simply does not understand what yes or no means in this context but you and the doctor do. imo that is the closest thing you will get to informed consent. even in a few years she still won’t understand. if getting this improves her quality of life AND yours, then that’s ultimately all there is to it. i’m sorry your daughter and family has to navigate this!
My son hates wearing his Dexcom but we do it anyway. With something like diabetes there’s going to be non negotiables. A pump could help her out since you are struggling with MDI.
YWBTA, I am all for consent of your own body until it becomes deadly. You love your daughter and thats very clear. What is also clear to me is the nurse spoke out of concern for your daughter’s physical well being without the pump, she isn’t trying to insult you. You have to make medical decisions for a 4 year old and I know its hard, but its part of being a parent and at the end of the day all the nurse wants is the same thing you want, for your daughter to be safe and healthy.
The nurse is doing her job YTA a four year old has no idea about any of this, it’s your job as her parent to make the best decision for her with the nurses help and advice!
YTA, she’s 4 years old, if she was to get really sick and decided she didn’t want life saving treatments, would you give her autonomy to make those decisions too?
YTA So I guess if she’s scared of needles you’ll also skip vaccines due to bodily autonomy. Use bodily autonomy and her personal choice to skip all the hard decisions you’ll need to make as her parent and guardian. She sees pretty pictures on someone’s body and ends up wanting tattoos at 4 yo? Yup that’s her choice get her some tattoos /s
I was a medically fragile child and had my first operation at 4 months old, and had several more throughout my childhood.
YTA. The nurse is correct. You may be okay, safety wise, waiting another year or two. But you would be in the wrong to report the nurse.
When I was 11, my parents let me make a then seemingly low risk decision that ended up massively impacting my adult life.
She’s not old enough to make that important a decision. She’s not going to enjoy injections every morning, evening, and whenever her sugar gets too high, and she sure isn’t going to enjoy finger sticks to check her glucose. You need to be a parent and do what is in her best interest.
If she didn’t want to eat anything but chocolate and ice cream, would you make the argument that ‘it’s her body’? I happen to know what happens to somebody when their blood sugars are unstable-I lost my younger brother to kidney failure from diabetes. YTA
YWBTA for reporting the nurse. She is doing her job.
An insulin pump is less instrusive and painful than multiple daily injections. It is also more effective at managing her blood sugar levels. It will ultimately give your child more freedom and control over her diabetes.
It seems like you are the one who doesn’t want to do the maintenance of the pump because a 4 year old isn’t going to do it herself. And you don’t seem to have presented it to her as a positive, only a negative. If you tell her it is going to help her feel better, which it will, no more scary highs, and she won’t have to have several shots every day, she will probably want it. Does she have a Dexcom? They are also attached to her body and replaces the painful finger sticks. If she gets injections and finger sticks, she will be an unhappy little girl.
Look online for children who have pumps and see how the parents handle them and how to help the kids understand they need it. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen’s son is diabetic and she is doing a lot for children with the disease. I have seen several of her ads on Reddit. Also there are two Type 1 subs on Reddit where you can talk to other parents who use pumps and CGMs. It’s going to be a long time before your daughter is able to manage herself, and you have to lay a good foundation and go above and beyond to help her. You need to be a responsible parent and that’s what the nurse meant.
Oh hon. Take a step back here and imagine this is another woman’s child. What needs to be done? Remove the understandable emotions that you have wrapped up in your beloved daughter and recognize that this is just one of those terribly difficult moments of motherhood. You will have to face this again as she grows up; you’re her mother, not her friend. And sometimes the best way to protect her is to do the uncomfortable thing now, to avoid the worse thing later.
NTA for being irritated, but definitely the AH if you don’t step up and do the right thing.
NTA;
her body her choice. teach her that young. some of these ppl are comparing normal kid issues (not wanting to eat veggies, or take cough syrup) to having a device attached to you is WILD. they are NOT the same.
As a parent and an adult you are responsible for making decisions for your child when they are aren’t able to make them for themselves. But at four years old she has the autonomy to say that she doesn’t want a pump and that should be enough for the nurse who should respect yours and your daughters decision.
We aren’t talking about hugging gramma here. We’re are talking about a life threatening autoimmune disorder.
Be an adult and make the decision.
YWBTA
Yes YTA, 4 is young and if it helps it helps, she will just always say no and will just solidify her fear of it the more you let it be her choice.
I can understand how you feel but from a medical standpoint, she really doesn’t have a choice here especially if it’ll benefit her if she does it, at least at that age she can accept it quicker.
If my dad made it my choice on how to handle my busted lip it would have stayed busted because I plopped my butt on that chair and refused stitches, my doctors got a straight jacket and my dad DID NOT hesitate to pick me up and assist in tying me down. I never felt so betrayed but it was necessary.
Even as a adult I been in situations where I did not want to go through things but it was extremely needed for my disease and I had to grit my teeth and do it.
Examples such as installing a tube into my liver, and cutting a hole on my chest to help a infection, installing a picc line.
Scary stuff to do and deal with but its needed to HELP, your her mother, help your daughter. I understand its painful to do things that’ll hurt or upset your child but this is why we are their parents we do things necessary to help them otherwise they wont do it.
I bet if I ask my 6yr old son anything medical related he will ALWAYS say no and he is definitely old enough to understand.
YTA. My daughter/toddler just got prescribed glasses. She doesn’t want them and hates wearing them. She could lose vision in one of her eyes if she doesn’t wear them.. but ya know her choice is her choice!… see how fucking mental that sounds?
Also. Its true. Except I make her fucking wear her glasses because im an adult with a functioning and developed brain who can fully understand long term consequences and effects for choosing not to attend to her health issues…. wake up.
SHE is 4 years old…..you are the MOM 😉 she shouldn’t be given adult options until she IS an adult (in this situation specifically).
Gently, because you are a mom under stress, you are not wrong for feeling irritated at rudeness. That should have been calmly pointed out and settled on the spot.
You would be the ah if you lodged a complaint, for reasons others have well explained. Good luck.
YTA . Stop be so sensitive
What the nurse said is perfectly reasonable. A four-year-old without experience of the alternatives cannot make informed decisions about medical care. The decision is yours, not hers. You can take your daughter’s “stress” into account when making a decision, but it’s your decision to make. You have no grounds for a complaint.
You’re overreacting.
YTA she is too young to make decisions. You will need to make decisions in her best interest that she won’t like as a parent because you need to think for the bigger, long term picture.
If my parents had listens to me as a 8 year old, I would still be walking around with a dislocated knee when I insisted I was fine. However they took me to the hospital and got me treated (I was protesting all the way) that I am now very greatful for!
YTA but I understand. I’d struggle with forcing my child to have an invasive medical device as well. However, there is a reason they are suggested. Her fluctuating glucose level is a threat to her long term health. It’s a scaled up version of getting shots- they hurt and they’re scary, but we have to do scary, difficult things sometimes to be healthy. I don’t want to get a Pap smear but I’m going to. Your feelings are valid, they’re real, and they’re understandable. In this case, they don’t accurately reflect reality.
The way the nurse said it was extremely rude, BUT at 4 your daughter doesn’t know how important it is and it’s something she maybe she shouldn’t get a say in. ESH.
YWBTA. Look, our kid has heart defects. She also is autistic and IDD. Do you think she wants to have her chest cracked open? To go to all these appointments and tests and take medicine?
For 15 years, we’ve had to do things she doesn’t like. Currently, it’s using a CPAP. She hated it at first. We hated it because it was like torturing her. Guess what? Three months in and she’s 100% compliant and likes not waking up 20 times a night because she’s suffocating.
Your daughter has a long, hard road ahead of her. You have to learn what battles are worth fighting and which are not. Making trouble with a nurse who is trying to advocate for your child is not the right move.
And she’s right. You don’t let a child that young make medical decisions, especially when it means the child’s body is taking a beating from wild glucose swings. Get your kid on a pump asap and protect her kidneys, eyes and circulatory system.
YTA For making medical decisions based on the whims of a 4 year old child
If my mom had the choice to better my life and didn’t take it because i was a four year old throwing a tantrum and found that out as an adult and now suffering from preventable decline? Id simply never talk to that mother again. YTA take care of your child and listen to the damned medical professionals
YWBTA. While I completely support bodily autonomy, the truth is that your daughter already doesn’t have that with her multiple injections.
You are the one afraid of how she will handle the transition and are using your daughter as a scapegoat for your fear. This is something so many parents do throughout parenting as their kids grow up…we often hold our kids back from development because of our fears (this could be in the areas of chores, responsibilities, independence, athletics, academics, etc etc). In your case it’s in the medical realm.
First step…own the act that YOU are scared. That’s okay. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be frustrated that what you’ve been doing in the past hasn’t managed her condition. Recognize. Name. Accept. Learn. Overcome. Your daughter will need these skills as well.
Call your DNS back. Tell her. You are right, it’s not my daughters decision, it’s my decision and I’m scared of what this means for us and even if not rational, it feels like if she gets a pump, then I failed at managing her condition. Can you please help me and sell me on why the pump would be better for her. Once YOU accept and are ready, then you can help your daughter understand as well.
Being a parent is making hard decisions like a life saving pump to manage diabetes for a FOUR YEAR OLD who doesn’t have the capacity to understand consequences. Step up and do the right thing. Even if she cries. Even if you have to “force” her to do changes. Yes, she has to live with this but at 4 she doesn’t have the mental capacity to make the decision. You do, so do it. And don’t blame the nurse for trying to bluntly smack you into understanding this.
Edit: YWBTA
YTA she doesn’t have the experience or knowledge to make that kind of decision. A four year old only wants to do what they enjoy. It’s your job as a parent to make those tough decisions for her. The nurse isn’t a stranger off the street. She’s giving her professional opinion.
My kid wanted to take people home from the store if she thought they looked pretty when she was 4. They are little kids, and even the brightest of them can’t fully understand abstract concepts or long-term thinking. This is a major medical decision that could save her life. Don’t let a kid who you wouldn’t trust with making decisions about weekly grocery shopping choose her medical treatments
eta- ywbth
Not getting her blood sugar under control has massive risks to her long term health. Your child is 4yo and not capable of understanding the complexity of what it means to be a type 1 diabetic. You say it’s her body and she gets so little choice but if her kidneys are shot by 25 do you think she’ll thank you for letting her 4yo brain be responsible for such an important decision? The nurse is right that it’s your responsibility to make the safest/best decision for her health. YTA.
YTA – Its for their health, so that they live. Its not a cosmetic choice
How is changing a pattern h every couple days better than multilingual daily injections?
Soft YTA. Speaking as a mom of medically needy kids, the earlier you introduce this stuff and teach its proper use the more adapted kids will be to this. The more routine this is the more they will stick to it when they are older. Mine had to learn to swallow pills as infants and had to do many treatments everyday and not all of them were easy for the kids to bear. It was my job to find a way to help them to cope. Visit with a Child Life Specialist at your children’s hospital and talk to them about your concerns and ask for help in finding those coping mechanisms. Find out if there is a parent group that you can talk to to get ideas from. The more knowledgeable your kid is (in their age appropriate way) the more empowered they will be to take control of their own diagnosis.
YTA. I’m not sure if this is the right answer for your daughter or not, but that was NOT an unreasonable thing for a nurse to say. You should not complain about her.
I don’t know the nitty gritty of injections vs pump. I don’t know how severe your daughter’s nighttime blood sugar issues are. So I’m not telling you what to do. But parenting DOES mean sometimes making kids do things they don’t want to do for the sake of their health. I give my kids choice when I can, but sometimes it comes down to “You need the cavity filled before it becomes an abscess. We will do it with a pediatric dentist and laughing gas to make it as easy as possible, but it has to be done.” Or, “You have to get a blood test because we don’t know what’s going on with your stomach aches. You can sit on my lap and close your eyes, and you can have ice cream after, but you’re having a blood draw.” I had to drag my kid kicking and screaming into the hospital for that one, though she miraculously calmed down for the test.
It sucks. But sometimes you gotta do what’s best for their health. And while I’m not telling you your decision is wrong because I don’t know enough to say that, I am saying the nurse’s response was not out of line. That’s a reasonable thing to say.
I’m sorry to say YTA. I also have a medically complex kid, mine has a g tube and a feeding pump though so a little different scenario. It absolutely kills me that I can’t let him decide what medical devices get surgically implanted into his body. But he isn’t old enough to truly understand the situation, the options, and the pros and cons. I almost think that you’re doing your daughter a disservice by letting her make this choice because she doesn’t have the cognitive ability to fully process the situation, she’s just too young. Especially if you believe in the long run it is the better decision. Your comment that it doesn’t seem fair and the she has so little choice is spot on. It’s not fair and I feel this every single day. But I think you’re letting those emotions cloud your judgement. Like I said, it breaks me every day that my kid doesn’t have a “normal” childhood and needs to be sitting still and plugged into a pump for feeds 6 hours a day when he wants to be playing. But I need to keep him healthy. Does your children’s hospital have a social worker or counselor you can talk to? Sometimes it really helpful to be able to talk to someone about your emotions behind these decisions rather than just the medical professionals that only look at your child’s medical needs. Wishing your family the best!!
YTA. This isn’t about you, this is about the health of your child. 🙄
Yes, YTA. For many things bodily autonomy is a fantastic thing to get children to understand from a young age; but when it comes their health and a disease that is literally life threatening if it’s not constantly monitored, that is not the time to argue with the medical professionals who literally specialize in treating that specific problem. It’s not a permanent. It’s not irreversible. It may actually result in less stress for your child regarding the management of her diabetes because it results in less pokes.
YTA. You are the parent. Please don’t let a 4 year old make the parenting decisions. smh
If improper management triggers a serious event, it can become a life ending cascade of events. A pump makes that much less likely to happen.
Watched a young adult die over the course of 2 years due to this. By the time she was gone, she had both legs amputated (it started with a couple of toes).
She needs insulin to survive and a pump or an omipod would save her many injections, less worry for the parents and the kid.
They make pretty stickers to put on them that are kid friendly.
As a diabetes nurse, you want to take control of those sugar levels before your baby ends up in a diabetic acidosis or with renal failure
INFO: You say “among other reasons.” What are the other reasons?? For now, though, I do think YTA for not getting your daughter on a pump…
My niece has had a pump since she was 5 and her diabetes has been been very well controlled and she’s in her twenties now . YTA .
Nta…you have a right to feel comfortable with your provider.
YTA—she doesn’t know what she’s agreeing to or disagreeing to. She’s too young and clearly this is something that will improve her quality of life. The caregiver was trying that make that point. We weren’t there so can’t comment on her tone, but she’s not wrong. If you complain and also if you disregard medical advice because a 4 year old said so, then not only are YTA, but also a crap parent.
NAH because you’re in a tough position and it’s ok to feel however you feel. Given that you’re choosing between two safe and medically acceptable options (pump vs shots), I do think it’s ok to give your daughter some choice. She has very little choice in her life generally and surrounding her diabetes.
Aside: If you want to get her more on board with a pump, could you find a Cool Teenage Girl with T1D and a pump to talk to her about it? All the older kids I know who use a pump and/or a CGM love it and are very empowered in their own care. And a cool older peer can be much more persuasive than a parent or nurse.
YWBTA. I am a T1D and this is not the correct take in this scenario. This isn’t like “I don’t want to force my kid to give hugs and kisses.” This is the BEST option for her current AND future health outcomes. I also don’t understand the logic of changing the site every 3 days being stressful when the patient is already taking multiple insulin injections a day. A pump plus a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) equal fewer numbers of pricks and sticks. This is the gold standard of care for insulin dependent folks and though we attach feelings and subjective opinions to health and medicine, this should be an objective choice because it improves the health outcomes for daughter. Kidney disease, retinopathy, neuropathy, ulcers, amputations, none of that stuff is fun. And as someone else pointed out, children/toddlers/ and even teens are expected to do things all the time they wouldn’t normally choose but it is their guardians responsibility to have them so eg eat vegetables, brush your teeth.
Our 6wk old baby was getting twice daily injections of blood thinners. Her legs were so sore and bruised. We were given a subcutaneous canula (very very similar to a pump) to use instead
She no longer needed the injections as we used the canula instead and connected a line to administer her meds twice a day
YTA for not getting the pump. Why wouldn’t you want something to help your child even a little? We were desperate to avoid having to keep injecting our baby (she’s no longer on the meds now, gets oral aspirin instead)
YTA with 4 she can’t understand the consequences of her illnesses and what can happen if not treated right. She just hear that there will be a pump and of course she doesn’t want it. Like which child would go for this. She just can’t see that this is the best for her health and for her future.
You see what happened to her since she was a child and feels bad for her. She had no say in all this and thought you do her a favor by giving her some power – decide about the pump. But this is the wrong moment. You harm her more then you do her good.
When she needs to pay the consequences of this decision years later, you can’t say “but you didn’t want it!”. She will say “I was fucking four! I wanted to be dinosaur and marry Bluey!”
YTA.
With the risk of sounding like an asshole;
She’s not gonna thank you for letting her make the decision when she has her toes amputeed at 30.
Get her the pump. It will make your life and yours SO much easier and her diabetes more manageable and the risk of late diabetic complications lower.
I was scared of getting my son the pump At first. He was 8. He decided to try it, and it was the best choice we’ve ever made. He’s 20 now, and on the Medtronic 770g pump
No judgment but did you see there’s a new barbie doll out who has a pump? Might help in future
I realise I’m in the minority here, but NTA. You said it’s one of several reasons, which is reasonable. If it were the only reason, then yeah, questionable but everyone saying to force your child into something they don’t want…honestly, it makes me feel so uncomfortable. Yes, at 4 there are going to be things they don’t want to do that you’re going to have to find a way to make them do but one of the big things that helps in that is giving a choice. You might not have framed it this way exactly but you’ve asked do they want to keep to multiple injections a day or go onto a pump, and they’ve said multiple injections a day. Cool. Decision made. If they’re not fighting you on injections but would then fight you on a pump they didn’t want, it seems a no brainer.
I’m not even her parent and I’m annoyed on your behalf. My nephew was diagnosed at 3 and his parents gave him shots until he was probably 10, when he started doing them for himself and I think was on a pump by 13? He’s 22 now. I don’t think she will understand the choices yet, so I get where that nurse is coming from KIIINDA but the delivery is lacking, if she said it the way it comes across.
NTA for feeling that way about accommodating your child’s comfort in handling their chronic disease but I don’t think it escalates to the point of complaining about the nurse’s comment to anyone? You can just say, “yes as her parents it’s ultimately our decision and we decide to honor her feelings and comfort”. Meh.
I have heard that diabetic service dogs can assist with monitoring levels, especially overnight? I don’t know if that’s something that could be an option for your family, but may be a possibility to look into?
YTA 4 year olds want what feels nice, not what’s necessary or healthy. This is medical and you’d want her to be save. Bodily autonomy is great, but when she needs it to keep her body functioning there is no discussion. Like brushing your teeth or going to the doctor. You’re the adult who need to make sure she has the best care for her condition, and children this age don’t understand enough to make the decision.
YTA
NTA
That nurse needs reeducating if she thinks a 4yo should have a pump. Recommended minimum age is 8 as far as I know.
ETA and it’s not like you based your decision entirely on the wants (or not wants) of your daughter.
YTA if she doesn’t want a pump it’s because of how you have presented it to her. At 4 years old she forms her opinions solely on what you tell her.
You don’t want the pump and are harming her long term health
So instead of picking the option that would overall fix your problem AND keep your daughter safer you decided to let the 4 year old decide?
YTA. She literally cannot comprehend anything needed to make an educated informed decision. Consent is important, but so if taking care of them.
Do you also let her decide if she brushes her teeth, bathes, gets shots? No. Because she’s 4 and its your job.
YTA. The nurse saw right through you. YOU don’t want the inconvenience of introducing the pump and teaching your kid about it.
She was blunt because she’s probably dealt with plenty of people like you who choose convenience over what’s right. Even worse acting like it’s the kid’s decision, when it’s really yours.
Get over yourself.
YTA- bodily autonomy for children stops at the point of ensuring their health and safety.
I understand how you feel. It’s probably scary to her, and we hate when our children are scared/hurt, but as a parent, her health should take precedence over her feelings in this case. When it comes down to it, this is a potentially life-saving device at most, and something that will make your child suffer far less on a day-to-day basis at the least, and you’re letting a 4-year-old who doesn’t understand the severe implications of her diabetes to decide. Yeah, maybe the nurse was slightly callus in how she said it, but at the heart of it, she’s not wrong. She’s looking at the whole picture while you’re scratching the surface.
YTA.
You are not there to be your child’s bestie you are there to PARENT and PROTECT your child’s health. A 4 year old is not capable mentally of making their own health decisions. Talk to the endocrinologist and ask about what her best option is, fine. But a small child does not get a say. You need to do what is best for her disease course to prevent complications and preserve her health.
It is so obnoxious for this nurse to dedicate a career to helping sick kids and to have a parent who won’t participate; a parent who’s more concerned about deflecting responsibility, being wishy washy about treatment, being passive aggressive, treating everyone like they exist to make the kids life hard, etc. get your shit together OP.
YTA if you complain. The nurse is right (you even admit it when you say you know in the long run this would be beneficial). Sometimes parents need the support from a professional to make a tough decision. Not letting the 4 year old run the show when the adults around know this is the right thing to do.
You’re wrong. If this is the best way to manager her life-long disease then that’s it.
YWBTA
What difference will it make if you take the time out of your day to complain. None? Exactly, move on with your life, take the time you would have used to complain and read “Harry Potter 1”, it’s my favourite in the series and I’ve read it so many times, something about the first time learning about the magical world and all the new stuff just makes it my favourite of the bunch.
YTA. She is correct. Poorly regulated diabetes wreaks so much havoc on the body. You’re the parent and should be making the best medical decisions for her. She is not old enough yet to make informed decisions.
YWBTA. Just because a nurse said something you didn’t like to hear doesn’t mean that you should report her for educating you.
NTA! As someone that has experienced body autonomy childhood trauma, I cannot imagine something more traumatic than having a machine attached to you against your will as a child. Although, as her parent and guardian, you do have the ultimate say in her medical decisions, I commend you for listening to your daughter and taking her opinions into consideration. The nurse is an asshole to say that your child has no body autonomy regarding her medical needs- especially in front of her. If she felt strongly about your child getting a pump, she could have approached it in a way that was compassionate and with more empathy, explaining the reasons to reconsider it to both you and your daughter. It shows a lack of empathy to a small, scared child to say that she didn’t deserve a voice in what happens to her body. That kind of talk is dreadfully damaging to a human and can cause issues later down the road. Sounds like the nurse needs empathy training for working with kids.
YTA for letting a 4 yr old make decisions about their medical care. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for your daughter and your family but…
The fact that you are against her getting a device that has the potential to vastly improve her quality of life and reduce long term negative effects of her disease is mind boggling. You mentioned maintenance and I can’t believe that a 4 yr old is currently managing all that goes into being an insulin dependent diabetic. You are more than likely helping her with testing, determination of doses and administration of meds. It honestly feels like you projecting your fears or biases into this situation.
Grow up. Your daughter is not your friend she’s your CHILD. The nurse is right. I wish they made people get qualified with parenting classes before they are allowed to have a child.
I’m a type one diabetic as well…. I wasn’t diagnosed til I was 12, but my God I WISH I had insurance that would let me get a pump (and a CGM). Either of those things would make a world of difference.
I get wanting your kid to consent to things, and I agree. But at 4, she doesn’t understand. A pump could add years to her life, and WOULD DEFINITELY add quality to those years. The higher her A1C is, the more at risk she is for long term irreversible damage… organ issues, eyesight issues, amputations….. pumps are proven to help lower A1Cs and those risks.
I honestly don’t care if you complain about a nurse (that nurse probably doesn’t care either, I’m sure she understands it’s hard to have a sick kid), but please do what’s right by your kid and get them the best care available to you.
NTA. That nurse confused her role, and offered you parenting, rather than medical advice. While the legal system may give you the right to make medical decisions for your child, how you go about that is up to you in order to support ideas (which I personally value) such as religious freedom and cultural autonomy. While her opinion may be fairly ubitiquous, her lack of diligence in monitoring her role could put other patients in a position where they feel alienated from the medical system. I think kindly bringing up your concerns to her management is important.
Now, in terms of your decision to not push the pump upon your child, I assume that you have accessed all supports in explaining its importance to your child, and in normalizing the pump socially. She may only be 4 years old, and unable to understand the importance but if you force something on her she will remember this. My parents made me have a surgery (helpful, but not life saving) when I was 5 without my consent. I feel that this affected my mental health and my willingness to accept advice from them going forward. If you want to be able to support her long term, I think making this decision for her could create barriers. But I do think you should do everything you can to promote that getting the pump would be an important part of self care. Some children may be less affected than I was, and you have risks either way. I wish you and your family the best in navigating this.
YTA
YTA.
No 4-year-old wants anything that feels slightly uncomfortable. They don’t have the ability to think ahead. That’s why they have parents or guardians to make those decisions.
YWBTA for reporting it, but ultimately for the situation I think NAH. Yes, it’s correct that a pump would overall be better in the long run, but you’re also not wrong to emphasize your daughter’s right to bodily autonomy (within reason). Especially for something as painful and invasive as an insulin pump. All children to some extent are treated as though their consent doesn’t matter, but I think that’s especially damaging for young girls in the long run. Does your daughter understand that she’s sick? I assume you’ve been able to explain why she needs the daily insulin in an age-appropriate way, maybe you could reach out to a psychologist with experience with childhood diseases who could help you explain to her that the pump might be uncomfortable but it will keep her from waking up sick in the middle of the night.
YTA. You’re also the parent. The nurse is absolutely right, this is not a decision a 4 year old gets to make. You need to make it as a parent and you need to explain to your daughter in an age appropriate way that this is what has to happen to keep her ALIVE. Not simply happy or healthy, T1D can kill your child if it is not managed effectively.
Part of a parent is making hard choices and unpopular choices when it is in the best interest of your child. You don’t get to defer on this one.
T1D here, since I was 14.
I think in the nurse’s head she was trying to empower you and it didn’t come out right. I have found that happens with medical professionals sometimes. They’re good at medicine, but being good at one thing sometimes means a person doesn’t have the brain space to be good at some other things.
I don’t know how much you know about pumping, but look into Omnipod and Dexcom. Omnipod is tubeless. You dose via a bluetooth handheld device. And Dexcom is a CGM that you can follow from your phone.
If she’s getting shots 4-5 times a day, does she know that pumping means only getting needle sticks once every few days? Omnipod is 3 days and Dexcom is 10 days.
The other thing about Omnipod is that there’s no warranty situation. On tubed pumps like Medtronic there’s a 4 year warranty so insurance will only cover a system change once the warranty expires. Since the pods don’t have a warranty situation you can try it for a little while and change to something else if she doesn’t like it.
The last thing I would say, is that in most situations I agree with you about teaching bodily autonomy early. But when medical issues are involved, and the child is not old enough to understand the decision making process, the parent has to take authority. And that’s what I think the nurse was getting at.
Gentle YWBTA
I can see how that sentence might be rude, but I think what she’s getting at is that you are the parent and you need to manage the care for your child, who is too young to manage it herself. I work in a hospital myself and the number of times I have seen parents come in saying they can’t give the medicine to their young child because they don’t like shots, or the taste of it, or whatever it is, is astonishingly high. Of course we want our children to go along with their care, but they don’t understand so as the parent, you need to take charge of this, not leave it up to them or wait until they feel like it. I’m not saying shove meds down their throat or whatever, but sometimes you just gotta tell the kid, this is how it is and this is what’s going to happen and yes it sucks but we have to do it.
Do you ask your daughter if she wants an insulin shot? Or do you give her what she needs because you’re her parent and it’s your job to take care of her?
What other decisions are you leaving up to her? Do you brush her teeth if she doesn’t want to? Do you buckle her into her carseat if she’d rather not be buckled? Do you let her put rocks in her mouth or play barefoot in the snow? Surely there are cases where she says she doesn’t want to do something and you make the decision for her because it’s something you’ve decided is necessary.
Whatever decision is made about pump or no pump, it should be made by rational actors who can understand all of the information and make an informed decision that best meets her needs. She is not capable of making such a decision for herself. That’s literally your job. The nurse is right.
I was diagnosed as a T1 diabetic when I was 6 months old. I now have a kid in college and one in high school. A pump isn’t necessary and forcing her to use one could cause trauma. I do injections because im more comfortable with them. Pumps get kinks in their lines and could malfunction.
You have yeats to figure this out, so letting her choose is the best option. Also, get her a Dexcom ASAP.
You’re the parent. It is up to you to make important medical decisions for the child. The child is 4. They don’t understand. You need to step up and be a parent. You would be TA if you complained over this. Grow up
The nurse is right. You are the adult. Act like it. Your child could die if their diabetes isn’t managed properly.
The nurse knows better than you in this situation.
YTA. Do better.
I’m with the nurse. Children don’t have the capacity to make certain decisions. Explain to your child why a pump is necessary for her well being and that’s why she’s getting one. Your the parent this is your choice, it’s one thing to let your kid chose her own outfit or what she wants for lunch. This is a serious issue that she’s doesn’t have the capacity to understand long term. Do your job.
I think a soft, YTA is in order here. I’m thinking maybe you weren’t given much autonomy through your childhood and you want to give your daughter that feeling of owning her body. I absolutely get that and I think it’s important to learn, especially for girls. There are lines you’re going to have to draw though. I don’t have to tell you how difficult it is to manage Type I. You do have to explain that to your daughter though. As a parent, sometimes making the executive decision- even against your child’s wishes- is the best for their well-being. The pump seems daunting at first, but if you learn it and become confident with it, your daughter will eventually follow your example. Four year olds love being the big girl or big boy. Tell her that since she’s a big girl now that she gets to use it. It will become part of her routine and she’ll be so used to it in a few weeks, you’ll wonder what you did without it. It’s good to get it started early anyway. Kids are little sponges at those ages, but becoming more self aware. She’ll be a pro.
YTA. Why are you going against professional medical advice given to help your daughter? What are your other reasons for being against the pump?
YTA if you report. YWBTA if you let your child’s sugars and health get out of control because you’re trying to give her autonomy. Work on making her comfortable with the idea. Show her pics of lots of other people having them. Try to introduce her to some other kids locally who have them. Get the barbie. Sell her on it because she SHOULD be getting it and she SHOULD feel comfortable with it and both things are possible.
What could go wrong letting a 4 year old make important medical decisions?
Nah. Just let her feet rot off instead. 🙄
You WBTAH if you don’t get her the pump.
My parents let my oldest brother decide he didn’t want his tonsils out when he was in elementary school, despite doctors stating he needed them out pretty badly and waiting until he was older would be a bad decision.
They explained it all to him and told him they didn’t have to – but that the doctors think he should because it could be a problem later.
Of course he decided not to do the scary thing.
When he was 29, he had a motorcycle accident. The doctors couldn’t intubate him because his tonsils are so ridiculously large, so he had to have a tracheotomy instead.
That was enough to finally prompt him to get his tonsils removed about 6 months later.
So, he had them removed, and came home, and coughed hard one time the next night, and his wife found him dead the following morning.
We have parents to make these decisions for us because we can’t reasonably be expected to make them as children or to understand the ramifications of major medical decisions at an age where we are still learning to read, write, do arithmetic, and use scissors.
This is not something you put off on her to decide. Get her the pump, FFS.
YWBTA she is advocating for the patient, that’s her job. You’re also supposed to be advocating for your child. You seem to be missing on that. You can’t figure out how to keep her levels from spiking at night. That’s a dangerous situation to be in. Instead of taking the steps that are being suggested by your trained, and specialized, medical providers you’re asking your young child to make the decision when they can’t fully comprehend what’s being asked. You make the decision. And you should be phrasing it in ways to make your child want it, excited about the change, and understanding that it will improve their health.
The nurse is correct. It isn’t your daughter’s decision to make. She’s 4 years old. It’s YOUR decision to make. I read another poster’s comment about it being the best way to keep her healthy and just because that’s true regarding diabetes, it doesn’t take into consideration other factors that you as her parent know. Bottom line you know your child BEST. It’s the nurse’s job to give you the medical information you need to make the best decision considering your child overall, not just specific to her diabetes. You are her parent and know her best.
NTA.
I agree with giving your daughter bodily autonomy.
However, I do think that it is important to convince her to try it.
For what it’s worth, I was once in a similar situation. My son was in the hospital. I think he was 5 at the time. They needed periodic anal temperature readings (for accuracy) to track his temperature over several days.
He was upset & fed up and didn’t want it done and the nurse became impatient and told me to hold him down so she could do it. I refused and said I was not going to take away his bodily autonomy, and told her if she was that short on time she should come back later. I don’t recall the whole conversation, but at one point, she told me he was “too young to have bodily autonomy”, which I thought was BS. We can’t teach kids what it is, if we keep taking it away from them. If they are old enough to understand and express a preference, then as long as it is safe to do so, I think their wishes should be respected.
I obviously don’t know where the line is with regard to medical safety & support for your daughter, but it also doesn’t sound like the nurse’s bedside manner is great, even if she is technically correct.
YTA. YOU are the parent. It’s YOUR job to protect and give her the care she needs. At 4 she isn’t even close to understanding how serious this medicine is for her health. She has no concept of it at all. It’s YOUR job to explain to her, how important this medicine is to make her feel better and keep her safe. Be her damn parent!
As a 40yo T1DM diagnosed aged 11 and having been on pump therapy for 4 years, with a newly diagnosed 7yo with T1DM the fist thing I asked was when she could start on a pump.
The 7yo has been resistant, but I have upsold the idea sufficiently that she is now looking forward to starting her pump (tomorrow!)
She gets enough autonomy regarding other things, like activities, hugs, to brush hair or teeth first, food (again snack of carrot sticks or rice cakes… however for the first 3 weeks post-diagnosis breakfast consisted heavily of easter eggs so she would do her insulin).
Maybe it hurt so much because you know the nurse is right?
Very soft YTA. You still love your baby. There are very good reasons it took me 25y to start using a pump. Basal bolus regimes just aren’t as good as hybrid closed loop systems. You need to maximise her time at school learning, not having hypos / being checked for ketones.
Good luck x
Look, YWBTA, but I want to speak to a greater issue. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Your 4 year old WILL suffer from this. You can’t stop that. But the pumps that measure her blood sugar and inject insulin automatically are a God send. People don’t discuss it, but end-stage diabetes(death) is usually not a sudden event but a culmination of years of poorly managed diabetes.
If you don’t do that, you have to track her blood sugar by jabbing her twice a day and then inject the insulin. Right now you have control. When she gets bigger, she will be able to resist checking her sugar and sneak foods behind your back. I am 54 years old. I have personally known and seen at least 5 diabetics that have had staggering health issues because they did not take care of themselves before they were 20 and didn’t think(or care) about consequences. For a diabetic not managing their blood sugar, a fun night out drinking at 21 can cause damage they can’t come back from. She is 4 now. If you get her on a regimen that is seamless that she can stick to when she is 15, you will be helping her to live past 30 with her eyesight and toes. This nurse has seen all the complications of diabetics who don’t manage their blood sugar. .
Just a quick google produced “In the U.S., diabetes complications contribute to the deaths of children and adolescents, but the number is relatively small compared to the overall diabetes mortality. For example, during 2012-2014, 228 deaths among individuals aged 1-19 were attributed to diabetes, according to the CDC. While this represents a decrease from 265 deaths in 2000-2002, it’s still a significant concern.”
Wearing a seatbelt restricts your kids autonomy. The same way she has to do that, you have to help her do this.
NTA – as a mom of a now grown, medically fragile child. There were things she hated that HAD to be done for her health. There were also things that HAD to be done, but there were options in how to do those. We whenever possible allowed her to be part of the discussion on those options. It’s horrible when you have next to zero control over your own body, because of health concerns. So letting a child make the few decisions that they are able to gives them so agency.
A pump is great, but the alternative is getting multiple needles a day, multiple tests a day. Kiddo knows this. And as long as you’ve explained the options to her neutrally, and helped her understand both options as fully as she can, letting her make the decision about something to do with her own body is healthy. Also explaining to her, that if her sugars continue to be out of whack and uncontrollable, the pump might be her only option- but until then , or until she’s ready- you will let her make the choice- gives her agency.
Maybe start showing her ppl her age and other kids who have pumps. Let her see one, hold it, carry it on her belt. Get her comfortable with it. Maybe that will help her want to have one?
If she had a softball size tumor in her brain would you say she won’t have surgery because she doesn’t want to.
YTA. This is poor parenting, and I’m not sure that your stated motives are genuine. Your child has a very serious condition. Listen to the medical professionals.
NTA. I would have replied “You’re right. It’s MY decision. As the parent, I have decided to take my child’s feelings into consideration.”
Whether or not you should allow the 4yo to make the final decision is not the issue, in my opinion. A nurse may disagree with your parenting choices, but they are yours to make.
My youngest is 13 and has severe intellectual disabilities. He “looks normal” though so people don’t understand that what works for a typical 13yo child will not work for mine. A typucal 13yo you can rationalize why they need an IV & get them to tolerate it even if they don’t like it. Unless my child is too ill to move, he will tear it out of his arm. Nothing will stop him. As his parent, I’ve run into nurses/people who get annoyed because I don’t “make him” do it. As though we haven’t tried to teach him to tolerate it. He doesn’t understand.
If he had an insulin pump, he’d tear it off so frequently that it would defeat the entire purpose of having one.
As the parent, you know your child best. The nurse was rude IMHO.
Info- wouldn’t the pump limit any additional poking be it glucose checks or insulin injections? While consent is important, I don’t know if this should be included. Just like brushing her teeth or taking a shower.
NTA.
But you can tell which people in the comments think their kids are property.
Yes, it’s your job as a parent to do what’s best for them but that doesn’t mean you have to steam roll how she feels — even at 4yo.
If you are okay with having to monitor it the way you’re currently doing, and it isn’t causing her to get worse, it’s perfectly acceptable to wait until you feel she can better understand what’s going on. She will be more likely to trust you in the long run if you aren’t forcing unnecessary scary things to happen.
Now, if this is causing her to get worse and the pump is the way to make her better, you may have to force the issue but you don’t have to be unkind about it.
For my kids, when it’s something that is absolutely non negotiable, I empathize that it sucks (whatever the it may be), I let them know I wish there was a different way, but ultimately as their mom it is my job to make sure they are healthy and safe and sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do to be healthy and safe.
YTA. You’re the parent. Be the parent and do what’s needed for the child.
Does your daughter know that not having the pump means she will have to get poked more often?
YTA… the nurse said “it’s not her decision”. She is correct. It is your job, as her mother, to make decisions about her health. When she is 18, she can make decisions. I sure hope you haven’t been practicing this nonsense her entire life.
Yes you would BTA. So changing a pump once every few days is somehow worse (and clearly YOU have led your child to believe this- not child of that age is like “gee daddy I don’t want that” without being fed some information) than having multiple injections EVERY day?
Just admit this is what you are choosing over what medical professionals suggest.
YTA. The nurse is looking out for your daughter’s long-term wellbeing.
As a child, your daughter is unable to understand the health consequences of blood sugar spikes and crashes. You, as the adult tasked with caring for her, should understand. A pump is a good solution, whether your kid wants it or not.
The nurse is 100% right and you’re reacting this way because on some level you know it.