I ( F 22, night shift worker) live with a new roommate (F mid twenties, grad student). We’ve only been living together for about a month, and while we haven’t had major issues yet, our schedules are completely opposite.
She’s a bit loud during the day when I’m trying to sleep, but I’ve been addressing that with things like a door sweep and sealants. I know I prefer more quiet than average, so I’ve tried not to push it too hard.
Anyway, it hasn’t come up yet because I haven’t been cooking, but before she moved in, I had done most, if not all my cooking at night on my days off. It just works the best for me schedule and sleep wise. I don’t think I’m very loud while cooking (I’m naturally quite quiet) but you never know. I spoke to her this afternoon about the fact that I cook at night and that I planned on making something later this week, probably around midnight. She told me she wouldn’t be able to sleep with the smell and the noise and that I couldn’t do it. That was definitely a bit odd… I wasn’t asking for permission, I was giving a courtesy notice.
I really don’t have an alternative here. It’s either I cook at night, or I starve. I come back home around 8/9 am, shower eat something that only requires microwave heating, work out, and then decompress for bed. I try to be asleep by the latest 1 pm to wake up at 9 pm to get ready for work. I only cook on my days off during the night to maintain my sleep schedule and some semblance of balance for my circadian rhythm. I cook multiple meals at once, and my go to’s typically take around 3 hours from start to finish since I cook in large batches. I offered to start cooking during the day and finish at night, but she also has an issue with that since she sleeps during the early morning when I get back from work as well.
I don’t want to be considered a bad roommate. I try to be considerate of other people’s circumstances as much as possible but I feel like she’s not being reasonable about this.
WIBTA if I cooked at night this week despite our disagreement?
Edit: Rooms in the house are rented individually so I had no contact with her prior to moving in. We don’t see each other much either unless I make an effort to stay awake long enough to cross paths with her.
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I ( F 22, night shift worker) live with a new roommate (F mid twenties, grad student). We’ve only been living together for about a month, and while we haven’t had major issues yet, our schedules are completely opposite.
She’s a bit loud during the day when I’m trying to sleep, but I’ve been addressing that with things like a door sweep and sealants. I know I prefer more quiet than average, so I’ve tried not to push it too hard.
Anyway, it hasn’t come up yet because I haven’t been cooking, but before she moved in, I had done most, if not all my cooking at night on my days off. It just works the best for me schedule and sleep wise. I don’t think I’m very loud while cooking (I’m naturally quite quiet) but you never know. I spoke to her this afternoon about the fact that I cook at night and that I planned on making something later this week, probably around midnight. She told me she wouldn’t be able to sleep with the smell and the noise and that I couldn’t do it. That was definitely a bit odd… I wasn’t asking for permission, I was giving a courtesy notice.
I really don’t have an alternative here. It’s either I cook at night, or I starve. I come back home around 8/9 am, shower eat something that only requires microwave heating, work out, and then decompress for bed. I try to be asleep by the latest 1 pm to wake up at 9 pm to get ready for work. I only cook on my days off during the night to maintain my sleep schedule and some semblance of balance for my circadian rhythm. I cook multiple meals at once, and my go to’s typically take around 3 hours from start to finish since I cook in large batches. I offered to start cooking during the day and finish at night, but she also has an issue with that since she sleeps during the early morning when I get back from work as well.
I don’t want to be considered a bad roommate. I try to be considerate of other people’s circumstances as much as possible but I feel like she’s not being reasonable about this.
WIBTA if I cooked at night this week despite our disagreement?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1→ I’m planning on cooking my food for the week at nights, which isn’t the norm for most people’s schedules.
2→My roommate has already expressed her discontent with me cooking at nights… And I plan to do it anyway. I acknowledge that I’m essentially disregarding how she feels.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
if you stay up until 1 pm, just cook in the am before you go to sleep.prep at 8:30 am should give you enough time.
Absolutely NTA
She wants you to make concessions according to her schedule but won’t make any for yours?
ESH
This is quite rediculous. How were these issues not hashed out when deciding if each other would be suitable roommates?
As far as your specific issues, when someone give me pushback on what my plans are, I ask them what is satisfactory to them and see if that works for me. Getting along with people isn’t hard unless they don’t know how to communicate properly and effectively.
Again, I do not know how issues like this were not settled before move in?
It’s a bit disconcerting that your nocturnal schedule wasn’t warned about discussed in advance before moving in, and what that would entail. Cooking is a normal thing to do when you’re awake, whether day or night, as is laundry, witching tv, open and closing doors, using the bathroom, normal things that everyone does.
It’s fine that you do it, but you also may want to find housing that works for you, because this is about to blow up in your face.
NAH
Nta! Did you not have any conversations about schedules before becoming roommates? Cook if it wakes her or bothers her have another discussion!
Honestly, it is possible she might not have even noticed if you hadn’t told her.
I live with 2 others, and we are each on a different shift: day, evening, and night. We all are careful to not wake the others when they’re sleeping, but we also understand that sometimes it cant be helped. We only avoid cooking certain things when someone’s sleeping because our fire alarm goes off when you boil water. I think it also depends on the size of your space and the location of the kitchen to her room. If her room is right next to the kitchen, I can see where that could cause an issue, especially in an apartment where the walls are typically thinner.
You might try it out to see if it causes a problem or not, and if it does, come up with an alternative time, but she cant keep you from cooking at all, you pay rent too.
Also, if she cooks in the afternoon and evening when you sleep, then cooking at night is free game.
NTA but I would definitely look into a rooming house that catered to night workers. In the meantime, it’s a rooming house (I know it’s an old-fashioned term but so what). You, she, and everyone else signed on to a shared space and therefore must accommodate each other.
NTA.
As you pointed out in the post and edit, there’s not really a time you can cook that will please her. She sleeps in, won’t let you do any earlier at night if you woke up to do it before work, which would be a pain.
She can get over it
NTA. I’d assume she also cooks while you’re sleeping right? It’s the same thing. Only difference is she’s not quiet during the day while you’re asleep. This needs worked out quick. Next time just do it don’t worry about telling her. If it’s an issue for her I guess she too can go out, spend money and time installing door seals and the door sweep of her own. Just like you had to for her daily noise levels.
You should probably consider discussing these things with a potential roommate before moving them in though. Having different schedules can be done as long as the ground rules and common decency are followed.