My (f31) sister (f30) got engaged last year and is getting married end of this year. I am not a bridesmaid. But at her birthday party this year I asked her bridesmaids’ about bachelorette, since I still hadn’t heard anything, and found out they had been told by my sister that I was planning her bachelorette. I quickly told them I wasn’t and I have no idea why she would think otherwise. The bridesmaids then said they would plan it. Well, it is now less than two months to the wedding and nothing is planned for a bachelorette…
For context here: I got married a couple years ago and after announcing my engagement my sister assumed she would be a bridesmaid. I never asked her to be, I hadn’t planned on asking her but then didn’t have the heart to tell her no. However, maid of honour was my best friend, who also planned my bachelorette.
And when my sister announced her engagement she made a very clear point that I was not to be her MOH or bridesmaid.
Back to now, I know I will be sent to the gallows if my sister doesn’t get a great bachelorette. But I really don’t want to now. WIBTA?
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My (f31) sister (f30) got engaged last year and is getting married end of this year. I am not a bridesmaid. But at her birthday party this year I asked her bridesmaids’ about bachelorette, since I still hadn’t heard anything, and found out they had been told by my sister that I was planning her bachelorette. I quickly told them I wasn’t and I have no idea why she would think otherwise. The bridesmaids then said they would plan it. Well, it is now less than two months to the wedding and nothing is planned for a bachelorette…
For context here: I got married a couple years ago and after announcing my engagement my sister assumed she would be a bridesmaid. I never asked her to be, I hadn’t planned on asking her but then didn’t have the heart to tell her no. However, maid of honour was my best friend, who also planned my bachelorette.
And when my sister announced her engagement she made a very clear point that I was not to be her MOH or bridesmaid.
Back to now, I know I will be sent to the gallows if my sister doesn’t get a great bachelorette. But I really don’t want to now. WIBTA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the A if I don’t make sure that my sister gets a bachelorette party even though I am not one of the bridesmaids. (The bridesmaids haven’t planned anything and the wedding is getting close)
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Wait, she didn’t make you a bridesmaid on purpose but somehow assumed you’d plan the bachelorette? That’s delusional lol
NTA why on earth would she think you would do it??
YWNBTA
>Back to now, I know I will be sent to the gallows if my sister doesn’t get a great bachelorette
sent to the gallows by who? You haven’t even been asked to plan the party. What reasonable person could blame you for not doing something you have not been asked to do?
NTA – Your sister didn’t include you in her wedding party, you have zero responsibility to plan her bachelorette party. Have you talked to the MOH about this to let her know that it’s her responsibility to plan one for your sister?
NTA. I was in a similar situation where I was not a bridesmaid but the bride and groom asked me to plan the bachelorette party. Their reasoning was I have more money than the ‘maids and therefore could put on a better party. I nipped that right in the bud which is what you need to do too. Tell your sister you’ve heard that she expects you to do the party and that you will not do it. She needs to tell her bridesmaids it’s their gig or she can go without.
NTA
While details of a bachelorette are sometimes a surprise, the time and date and general location still needs to be discussed with the bride-to-be. If she hasn’t discussed anything with you then I don’t think she’s actually expecting anything from you.
Just in case, keep your head down and act innocent if called out.
If you’re not close enough to be in her wedding party I don’t think you are close enough to need to plan her a bachelorette party
NTA – Maid of Honor typically hosts the Bachelorette with the bridesmaids, unless other plans are made. You are not wrong, but I suspect being in the right is not the entire reason you are here. This sounds a bit tit for tat among you, and I am guessing you know by now that not asking your sister to be in the wedding party, while also NOT telling her that she won’t be, was kinda low. In order for you to save your relationship with your sister, it’s probably time to speak up and ask her what’s happening with the bachelorette because the bridesmaids have nothing planned, before it gets too late for her to have one.
NTA but make it clear to the bridal party and your sister that you were not asked and won’t take it on.
NTA but clearly communicate to the bridal party and your sister that you want to clear up any confusion and the bachelorette is a bridal party planned activity. While you would like to attend, it is theirs to plan/ coordinate.
This is a maid of honor task to be supported by bridesmaids. I (f50+) just had to plan one as a bridesmaid since moh wasn’t able. I wouldn’t expect a non bridal party member to feel any obligation toward that. I had a few attendees offer to assist which helped, but the bridal party lead the planning.
INFO: Why would you be blamed if there is no bachelorette? Were you ever asked to throw one? But yeah, tell your sister that you were told by her bridesmaid that you were expected to throw a bachelorette and as you are not involved in the party neighter informed about that, you are not going to. And then grab popcorn and watch your sister go nuclear on her bridesmaids 0:-)
NTA, but don’t be that person who just ignores it and lets your sister be disappointed when there is no bachelorette. It will only be your fault in her eyes. You don’t know if the MOH is just stitching you up and will say to your sister that YOU told her that you would plan it or if your sister genuinely told them that you were doing it.
Just say to your sister that you haven’t heard anything about the bachelorette from the MOH yet. Does she know when it is so you don’t double book? Then leave it there. If she genuinely thinks you are organising it, you can put her right and say no, I am not. I told the MOH that on your birthday. It’s the role of the bridal party, and while I’m happy share some ideas, I haven’t allocated the time to organise the whole event.
Don’t get into an argument, and don’t get bullied into doing it.
ESH. Her for assuming you’d take care of it and you for not even reaching out to her and clarifying.
The situation only depends on who she expects to plan the bachelorette. So you should ask who she expects to do it. If it’s you just do it and if it’s someone else remind them about it. Otherwise YWBTA as you have clues that nothing is prepared but made nothing to prevent the disaster.
ESH…You are not a bridesmaid and you were not even asked to plan one by your sister. The only way you heard anything is because you asked the bridesmaids and still, have not heard from your sister.
But you seemed concerned over your sister having or not having a bachelorette. So either talk to your sister or the bridesmaids and plan one or do not, since no one seems to be stepping up to the plate.
Or maybe you will find out that there is one and you are not included.
You do not seem to be close with your sister.
Maybe there is one and you’re not invited
NTA-The wedding party plans the bachelorette. Your sister ruined her own party by telling them you were planning something.
NTA. If no one specifically discussed it with you, how would you know you were supposed to plan it? Plus, isn’t it the MOH’s duty to plan it or ensure it gets planned? If the MOH didn’t ask you, how would you even know?
Expecting someone who is not even in the wedding to plan a bachelorette party without even asking her is main character-level entitlement.