Obligatory “this is a throwaway account”, I don’t really use Reddit that much but don’t want people I know finding this.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for three years and he moved in with me last year. Everything was going great until last Christmas when his parents announced they were selling the family home, and downsizing but they wanted to go on one of those six month long cruises around the world. Fine, whatever they can do what they want except they have a younger daughter “Emma” who is 18. Completely unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend had agreed to let Emma live with us until she moved away to uni. This led to a lot of fights between my boyfriend and I because I didn’t want Emma living with us. Despite all this, she moved in after the house sold in February.
It has been hell. For starters, our house might have three bedrooms but only one was used as a bedroom. One is my home and the other was a home gym for me and my boyfriend. Emma turned the gym into her room and now a lot of our equipment is in storage. I hate having Emma here as she’s a total brat and doesn’t contribute anything to the house. Here is just a small list of shit I have to deal with:
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the second Emma turned 18 she was out with friends, coming back drunk at 3am and waking up my dogs as she clattered into the house, normally with an equally drunk friend.
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for the first month of her living with us she would steal my stuff constantly. Skincare, haircare, perfume, clothes. Anything. I now have a lockable box for toiletries so she can’t get to them.
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has lost six different sets of house keys since moving in and I’ve had to have the lock changed twice due to various issues.
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refuses to do anything I ask her to do because she’s “busy” SHE DOESN’T HAVE A JOB. HOW IS SHE BUSY??
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refuses to eat anything I cook and will demand we order takeaway instead. I have asked her repeatedly for meals ideas and even if I make that exact meal, she refuses to eat it as “it doesn’t taste right”.
The breaking point came last weekend when me, my boyfriend and the dogs went away for the weekend. I was reluctant to leave Emma in the house by herself but my boyfriend said it would be a great way for Emma to gain some independence before going to uni. Big fucking mistake. We came back in Sunday evening to a trashed house and a hungover Emma asleep in her room. I had to get a professional cleaner in on Monday to tackle the worst of the mess after I spent half the night cleaning.
I’m done. I want her out the house. I thought I could deal with this until she moved away in September but I can’t, especially now that she’s talking about putting her place on hold for a year so she can go travelling and use our house as a base. No, I want her gone and out asap. True, she has nowhere to go as her parents aren’t back from their cruise until the end of August but I don’t care. I want her gone.
I’ve talked to my boyfriend about this and he won’t budge because Emma is family and he can’t kick her out. So WIBTA if I kick her out???
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Obligatory “this is a throwaway account”, I don’t really use Reddit that much but don’t want people I know finding this.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for three years and he moved in with me last year. Everything was going great until last Christmas when his parents announced they were selling the family home, and downsizing but they wanted to go on one of those six month long cruises around the world. Fine, whatever they can do what they want except they have a younger daughter “Emma” who is 18. Completely unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend had agreed to let Emma live with us until she moved away to uni. This led to a lot of fights between my boyfriend and I because I didn’t want Emma living with us. Despite all this, she moved in after the house sold in February.
It has been hell. For starters, our house might have three bedrooms but only one was used as a bedroom. One is my home and the other was a home gym for me and my boyfriend. Emma turned the gym into her room and now a lot of our equipment is in storage. I hate having Emma here as she’s a total brat and doesn’t contribute anything to the house. Here is just a small list of shit I have to deal with:
the second Emma turned 18 she was out with friends, coming back drunk at 3am and waking up my dogs as she clattered into the house, normally with an equally drunk friend.
for the first month of her living with us she would steal my stuff constantly. Skincare, haircare, perfume, clothes. Anything. I now have a lockable box for toiletries so she can’t get to them.
has lost six different sets of house keys since moving in and I’ve had to have the lock changed twice due to various issues.
refuses to do anything I ask her to do because she’s “busy” SHE DOESN’T HAVE A JOB. HOW IS SHE BUSY??
refuses to eat anything I cook and will demand we order takeaway instead. I have asked her repeatedly for meals ideas and even if I make that exact meal, she refuses to eat it as “it doesn’t taste right”.
The breaking point came last weekend when me, my boyfriend and the dogs went away for the weekend. I was reluctant to leave Emma in the house by herself but my boyfriend said it would be a great way for Emma to gain some independence before going to uni. Big fucking mistake. We came back in Sunday evening to a trashed house and a hungover Emma asleep in her room. I had to get a professional cleaner in on Monday to tackle the worst of the mess after I spent half the night cleaning.
I’m done. I want her out the house. I thought I could deal with this until she moved away in September but I can’t, especially now that she’s talking about putting her place on hold for a year so she can go travelling and use our house as a base. No, I want her gone and out asap. True, she has nowhere to go as her parents aren’t back from their cruise until the end of August but I don’t care. I want her gone.
I’ve talked to my boyfriend about this and he won’t budge because Emma is family and he can’t kick her out. So WIBTA if I kick her out???
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> I might be the asshole because my boyfriend’s sister has nowhere to live and kicking her out will definitely cause a huge divide in our relationship.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. But I think you need to kick the boyfriend out with her. He doesn’t respect you at all.
NTA. It’s your house. I would’ve kicked them BOTH out the second I found out he said it was okay without ever talking to you.
18 is old enough to know better. She’s also not your problem, she is his problem. I would be seriously reconsidering this family and marriage long term as boundaries don’t seem to exist to begin with
NTA. She can find out the hard way what happens when you FAFO. Also I don’t see much sign of your asshole boyfriend doing any of the sweeping up after Little Miss Entitled. Eff her, & frankly, eff him.
NTA – but whose names are on the lease? Who is paying for all this takeout and cleaning and work. Has your boyfriend admitted that she is a problem and attempted to put his foot down about her disrespectful attitude towards your home? If you can’t kick her out, some real rules need to be established, such as times to come home, cleaning chores, etc. Your boyfriend is treating you like a hired hand to keep up after her refusal to contribute in any way to the home. If she can’t financially contribute she needs to contribute with labor. No you won’t be the asshole to kick her out, but I suspect your bf will lose his shit, and really where does she have to go? It may be easier for you to leave and take your finances with you.
YWNBTA to kick her out, but FYI, you and your boyfriend are incompatible. Might as well end it now.
If your name is on the lease you should get a say. Did your bf just not acknowledge her stealing? he sees all the same stuff you do but doesn’t get mad that she mistreats yall. Does he refuse to acknowledge it? If she’s making your life worse and refusing to contribute then a foot down must be placed. And if he continues to defend her rigerously suggest they get a place together and she becomes his responsibility
NTA. Kick both of them out. BF has already proved he doesn’t respect you.
NTA. You were never consulted in the first place, your boyfriend dropped this on you, and Emma clearly has no respect for your space. She needs to go
NTA. Kick both of them out. He doesn’t respect you.
I mean, what are you going to do to kick Emma out if your boyfriend says she stays? Throw her belongings out the door and change the locks for the third time? Won’t your boyfriend just let her in again? While she’s clearly a pain in the ass and should be contributing like the adult she is your disagreement here is with your boyfriend, who clearly doesn’t give a toss what you think or feel on this issue. You live there too and that’s seriously not considerate of him. Does he railroad you and your feelings in other ways? You WNBTA to request Emma shape up immediately or go stay with a friend or other family member for a month before university starts (she’ll probably go unless she magically has money to travel all of a sudden) but I don’t see how you can possibly enforce it if her brother/your bf is not onboard.
NTA protect your space, protect your peace.
NTA she goes or they both go. Stick to your guns.
NTA. Kick both out.
Does the sister even know this is your house? She might think it’s her brother’s and that’s why she acts as though she owns the place
You’re NTA but you need to do a BOGO on those two. Put him out as well. He has no respect for you or your home.
NTA Kick them both out immediately. Neither has a drop of respect for you or your home.
Who’s on the lease? If both it’s his house too. Stop ordering take out: she eats what you makes or makes her own.
NTA, but your boyfriend is enabling her. Either kick them both out or you leave.
Sounds like you have to kick the boyfriend out to get rid of her because he’s insisting on housing her. No biggie, because he’s shown you that he’s willing to go behind your back to conspire with his family of origin despite your discomfort and without your agreement.
He’s the one who put you in the position of having to cook for and pick up after his sister (why isn’t he taking care of and picking up after his houseguest?) of putting you in the situation of having to safeguard against her theft (why do you have to lock up all your belongings in your own house?) and he’s the one who said she would step up on the responsibility front if left alone for the weekend and instead she – very predictably – threw a massive party (after which you had to organise and pay for professional cleaners).
His sister isn’t the problem, he is. Don’t worry, you’re 25 and he’s not husband material, plenty of time in your life to find someone who is.
Kick them both out
NTA. But please don’t kick out the sister. Kick out your bf and sister. This behaviour is not magically going to better – he doesn’t respect your feelings
Your house why are you dealing with that ….kick them both out NTA ..but if you don’t you will be to yourself 😔
NTA. BF was a fool to bring in another roommate without your knowledge and consent. Even if you get rid of her, what about holidays and summers? Can you move out?
Your bf can rent an apartment for him and his sister…..
If he moved in with you, that suggests it your house or name on the lease, if so you’ll have to kick both of them out or he will just allow her back in. He clearly doesn’t care what you think or care about your feelings. You have a boyfriend problem not just his sister problem. How much of a doormat do you want to be for the rest of your life?
NTA- it’s YOUR house- kick the boyfriend out along with the sister. They can find a place together.
info: Who pays for all her stuff? The locks, the cleaners, the takeouts? Why did you clean up a whole night and what did your bf and the culprit do? Where there any other consequences for her? What does your bf say about the situation?
I’m laughing only because I don’t understand how you dealt with this for so long. NTA. Respectfully, you can’t seriously wanna keep living with somebody that’s controlling what you want done in YOUR HOME. What you say goes, end of discussion.
NTA. This relationship would have been done for me the minute he invited a permanent houseguest over without checking in with me, and definitely after the first couple of weeks of his sister’s behaviour.
Is this a place you own, or do you rent it together? If it’s your place and he just lives there, kick them both out. What do you want with a boyfriend who makes decisions for the both of you and peacefully watches his sister disrespect you, your space and your belongings? Don’t fool yourself thinking that this is a one time thing, it will likely happen again.
Boyfriend’s sister: Nothing to feel sorry about here. She’s young, but an adult. Time to learn that actions have consequences. She had it good with you and took it for granted plus her actions show she doesn’t respect you in the slightest.Nobody owes here a free place to stay and being family is not a free pass to treat others badly. She will find out soon enough that nobody wants to house her if this is her way of thanking them. Also, how would she go travelling? Sounds like she doesn’t make any money.
Be sure to change the locks one more time once they are both gone.
And maybe reflect on why you want to be in a relationship where you significant other treats you like your needs and feelings don’t matter.
You’re not an a** for finding the situation unbearable, but you’re handling it wrong. Your boyfriend has already told you he chose her over you which is natural because she’s his sister. If you kick her out it’s the end of the relationship. So I think rather than kicking her out you need to break up with him. I’m not sure who owns the place but if it’s not your house, you don’t have the power to kick her out. Even though all this stuff is really annoying and her parents might have put up with it because she’s their kid, I think this is all pretty normal 18-year-old shit. But ultimately, the one who should be setting boundaries is your boyfriend and if he isn’t and it’s hurting you, that’s worth ending the relationship over.
NTA. Probably time to find a new boyfriend but yes kick him and his sister out asap
NTA I would kick them both out before they bring their parents too. Remember that their parents sold their house and used their money to take a cruise. Just where they going to stay when they get back? Hint: you’ve got 3 bedrooms and a manipulative bf.
Nta kick them both out
You’re going to have to evict them both, most likely. Your bf already showed he doesn’t respect you or your space.
Don’t live with your boyfriend. Problems solved.
I love when people say they’re using a throwaway account to stop people they know finding it but then detail a very specific scenario that would make it obvious anyway.
Nta, she sounds like a nightmare
Kick them both out
You are showing more responsibility for this 18yo than either her parents or herself. It’s very telling that her parents left her unhoused before she’d left for us.
She is treating you like a sucker and you are letting her. Why is her treating you and your home like sh*t an option?
Tell her to get a job, contribute, share chores, eat the food, sort her attitude, show respect OR SHE CAN LEAVE. And you need to mean it.
There is no way my parents would have tolerated this behaviour, let alone in law doing me a massive favour.
If your Boyfriend isn’t on board, he can leave too.
NTA
NTA. Do yourself a favour, kick both of them out. It’s your house, you really should have stood your ground and not allowed her to move in at all.
INFO:Is his name on the lease (or do you own the house youself) and do his parents have a new place to live in yet? Cause I’d watch out that they might try to move in as well when they return. “oh just untill we find a place of our own again”
Sit them both down, tell them frankly either the sister leaves and or they can both leave. Give them a clear deadline and stick to it.
Also, notify your landlord about this matter and see if they can help you with getting them evicted if needed.
NTA
Nta
Think about all the peace and space you’ll have if you kick them both out ✨
Updateme
BF won’t budge on his unwelcome, terrible houseguest? Fantastic! He can get out, too.
YWNBTA, but you have a much bigger issue than the sister. Your bf didn’t make sure you were okay with adding a 3rd person to the house before forcing it to happen. It doesn’t sound like he’s making her do anything or addresses her antics and then, when it suited him, he urged you to ignore your gut and leave his sister alone in your house so you’d go away with him.
And now he’s refusing to do anything about it because it doesn’t seem like he really cares about your feelings or property. Kick both of them out and enjoy a quiet, clean house for once.
Kick him and Emma out. Reclaim your home.
NTA. Just know if you try to kick her out, your boyfriend might go with her. He doesn’t care that you don’t want her there.
NTA, kick them both out. He should have backed you up, and he didn’t. One of these days I hope his bratty sister grows up and gets a damn job.
Kick her and your bf out
NTA. You have a boyfriend problem. It is absolutely unacceptable that your parter is refusing to effectively address and correct her behavior. For me this would be relationship ending. If he is acting this way with his sister who he is supposed to be looking out for, imagine how he will be as a dad? Hell no. Also are his parents aware of everything that has happened? Have you directly spoken to them yourself?
If you still want to try and make your relationship work, I would suggest he and his sister get a short term rental until she goes off to uni. You mentioned that he moved in with you, so I’m going to guess that he’s not on the mortgage (or lease).
Good luck and DEFINITELY kick the little asshole sister out! Her spineless big brother can go with her if he doesn’t like it.
YTA
You have allowed this entitled brat into your home.
You have allowed her to get away with every single thing you listed.
You cook for her, clean for her? YOU have not held her responsible in YOUR HOME.
Time to change the locks for the last time. Don’t give BF or his sister a key. Pack up both of their belongings in boxes, sit them out side to be picked up.
NTA but be prepared for the storm that’ll follow. His parents will most likely berate you, your bf would probably leave with her OR things would be super tense between the two of you. If he’s disregarding the fact that his sister is making you uncomfortable in your own home & disrespecting your boundaries then perhaps it’s best if he does go with her.
If you own the house, tell him ‘she goes, or both of you do’,
The baby of the family has to grow up.
Kick them both out.
He moved into your apartment and gave the ok for his sister to move in without a conversation with you.
She is underage drinking, steals from you and trashed your house.
At what point will you stop being a doormat and letting the both of them bulldoze over your sense of peace?
They both need to go because if you get rid of the sister your boyfriend will make it a living hell in your home.
You are not the AH if you kick them both out but you will be the AH to yourself if you don’t.
Tell him she goes, or they both go. Nip this shit in the bud. He, and she, are disrespecting you. Do you really want to marry into a family where the parents essentially abandon their teenage daughter, and their son allows her shitty behavior in someone else’s house? Kick them both to the curb. You deserve so much better.
NTA
Do you rent or own? Trashing the house is the line that should have had your boyfriend taking your side, although he should have from the beginning. Rules should have been set in place in the very beginning but your biggest problem is the bf. Having someone move in with you is a two yes issue. And being disrespected in your own home by a teenager is bs. As for her wanting to use your house as a base, that’s where she needs to move out or the bf does. Even the audacity of her talking about it is ridiculous and why are you tolerating this girl’s disrespect every day? And the disrespect from your bf? NTA
NTA. But if you want to get rid of her, you’ll have to get rid of him too. He doesn’t think a thing about giving away what you own. He doesn’t respect you. And he’s probably not mature enough to realize that what is yours is not his.
REALLY? Please girl, you’ve been jerked around enough & sadly, time to put on your big girl panties and face the painful truth. You’re BF and his sister disrespect & abuse you horribly. Kick them both out. Let him find somewhere for them both to live. She can steal his things, lose his house keys, trash his home and bust their budget or learn to cook. It will hurt you, maybe painfully, for a little while, but your peace of mind, self worth / respect are priceless. You will gain insight into a healthy relationship going forward & ultimately be glad for YRNTA, unless you allow them to continue making you miserable. Sorry if I seem harsh, truth hurts! 👍🏼 💕 Best wishes.
Sis is the identified problem. BF is the underlying problem. The solution could be as easy as… 1) Put her out. 2) BF threatens to leave. 3) Take him up on it.
She seems to have so many friends who support her lifestyle. Let her rent a room from one of them. OP, you are NOT powerless here. Take a stand and take action.
Both can go and why didn’t he clean up himself or have him pay for the professional cleaning services? Smells of ai.
NTA
NTA living with siblings as a couple , especially when you start as a couple living there is detrimental to the privacy and capability of the relationship . What if you wanted kids in a few years or now and she is still there ?
She’s an adult, she could have rented a place herself and yeah 18 is old enough to do a job and rent a place yourself and it’s not your job to fix her parents problem
You own the house?
Let him know she goes or you both go. He can choose. Because you’re THIS CLOSE to ending the relationship
You need to kick both of them out. He’s obviously never going to have your back going forward. NTA.
It’s your home. No one has a right to it but you. Everyone has written to you to kick your boyfriend out. I agree. He didn’t have the right to let her move in. Definitely a lack of respect. He should be controlling how she treats your home. Not allowing an 18yr. old to come home, your home, drunk. Also, he should have paid for everything she wants and needs. The professional cleaner? He should pay, and any decent partner would have helped you and stayed up with you while you cleaned. He would have made her get up and help too. After yanking a knot in her tail.
Now, get rid of both. Let him live her, without spending your life and home.
Evict, yes you have to do it officially. No changing your mind, and it stops them from dragging out their leaving. Plus, they have residency in your home. THEY have cost you enough. End it now.
If I read this correctly, it’s your house? So tell Emma to gtfo.
NTA
Grow a backbone and evict Emma already. Her family is at fault for not preparing her for the real-world.
And frankly, BF should be following her. Ridiculous that HE demanded she move into YOUR home. But moreso that you rolled over and allowed it
NTA Emma can go live with any of her partying friends that will have her. She and your boyfriend are both entitled jerks.
Change the locks one more time and don’t give either of them a key.
The biggest AHs are her parents. She was obviously only 17 (as OP wrights about her turning 18) when they left, and probably still going to high school. It’s seriously irresponsible to leave the country for six months when you have a minor living at home!
Set the rules with discipline if she breaks them punish her. If your boyfriend won’t help you enforce them then he’s part of the problem. It’s your house not theirs so maybe you can tell him to get his own place until she’s at university or when her parents get back. She’s an entitled kid and she needs to understand consequences.
Kick them both out.
NTA. My ex-husband did this with his sister, niece, and brother. He told them it was fine if they move in and didn’t bother telling me. They were not nice house guests and regularly left things trashed. I held guilt for a very long time about how I handled the situation and now I don’t feel bad. It was completely unreasonable for my ex-husband to just decide they could live with us and then not set boundaries with them.
NTA
I have a better idea than getting her out of the house.
You go!
But seriously. Your boyfriend should have your back, he does not. He does not care what you think or what you want. This will not get better. This is your life if you stay. Your wants and needs get brushed aside.
Is that what you want?
Edit – brushed over that it’s your place originally. So instead of going, kick both of them out.
NTA-Your bf’s parents are AHs for going on a months long cruise when they still have a child to care for. Your bf is an AH for agreeing without discussing it with you. The sister is a slight AH, but she was obviously raised by AHs who don’t care about her, so I feel bad for her.
NTA – kick them both out and he can take care of his sister and help her find her independence.
First the parents should have waited until their child was old enough before selling their home and abandoning their immature, bratty daughter.
Second she is not your responsibility
Third and last your boyfriend is wrong, get rid of them both
Kick out both
I wouldn’t call your relationship a ‘boyfriend’ but you can if you want to but either way neither of those 2 people should live in your house unless this is what you want your life to be.
Evict her now, it is your house, not your boyfriends, yours.
NTA
NTA, don’t be an AH to yourself.
got some siblings’ problem in your house, take care they don’t get their parents in after their cruise as well.
your bf got his sister into the house YOU own, not him. doesn’t matter if he pays bills or not, it’s rightfully yours, you own it. not him. and even if his name would be on any documents with yours it takes two ‘yes’ on that matter.
his sister is an ungrateful brat, their parents clearly did something wrong in raising her and teaching her manners and respect. she’s no teenager anymore, she’s a young adult which doesn’t know how to behave. especially when it comes to other peoples belongings.
you voiced your concerns more than once and they both didn’t give a shit. evict them both.
Nta your house your rules
Dump him. It’s your house. You’ve got a hobo sexual being a gold digger acting as if your house is his house and your stuff is his sister’s stuff. Throw them both out. Hire lawyers. Go down to county courthouse to file eviction in them and restraining orders: he does not love you. He’s only with you to exploit you.
How much more crap do you want to deal with until you wake up that he’s been exploiting you the entire time?
NTA.
You have a BF problem, not a SIL issue. The BF seems to have pretty different priorities for confliction interests than you. Wha’ts even more huge a red flag is that he doesn’t have your back.
His bogus argument “I can’t kick her out, she’s family” really means “I don’t want to kick her out, she is more valuable for me than you.”
Be sure to kick Emma out, and the deadbeat BF ought to go too.
NTA. Your BF is clearly demonstrating that he has no respect for you and that his “family” is more important than you. So either accept the disrespect and second class status or evict them lawfully. If the lease is coming due for renewal, consider this the perfect time to move on.
NTA. She needs to leave and you need to be willing to have him go with her if it comes to it.
NTA you are not her family. Break up with bf, he doesn’t respect your feelings.
NTA – kick them both out.
Obviously your bf doesn’t sees you as a partner but as his family’s servant/house provider. He’s an AH who comes from an AH family; Emma clearly is one, and their parents… who sells the hoy and goes travelling when they still have a minor child living at home? Do you really want to be part of this family? Do you want to have kids born into this family?
Ywbta if it’s jointly your house with your boyfriend. I would pack up and move out, dumping the dead weight boyfriend on the way out. If it’s solely in your name, start eviction proceedings for her and your (hopefully now) ex.
NTA. I think you can do things to mitigate some of this though;
>has lost six different sets of house keys since moving in and I’ve had to have the lock changed twice due to various issues.
If she loses a house key she needs to be the one to replace it.
>refuses to eat anything I cook and will demand we order takeaway instead. I have asked her repeatedly for meals ideas and even if I make that exact meal, she refuses to eat it as “it doesn’t taste right”.
Cook a meal. If she wants to join in she can. If not then she needs to work out a solution. You’re not running a restaurant for her.
Not sure about the others. there are petty things you can do (e.g make noise in the morning) but they won’t help much.
>No, I want her gone and out asap. True, she has nowhere to go as her parents aren’t back from their cruise until the end of August but I don’t care. I want her gone.
Sounds reasonable. Her not having anywhere to stay isn’t your problem. It’s hers.
NTA and night as well kick him out as well. He never consulted you about the whole thing and he doesn’t have your back now. Take back your house and your life.
He can get an apartment and move out with her, so she will be fine. This will give you two space or time to think. He has ridden roughshod over you in your own home. Not good partner behavior. Be firm on this.
You have a boyfriend problem, not an Emma problem.
Kick both out. NTA. He invited someone to stay at your home after you invited him to live with you? How? He’s a guest too!
Break up with him. He can get a place and she can stay at his.
You’ve left this too long if the parents are back end of August and she’s been doing this since February.
Tell boyfriend he and sis need to figure it out for a month but don’t be surprised if it ends your relationship. You guys aren’t compatible
NTA but let’s be real, they both need to go.