One of my (34F) colleagues (M) always gets my name wrong in emails. And not just a small typo—he calls me by completely different names. My email address has my name in it, so there’s no way he can email me about work without knowing my actual name.
I’ve corrected him a couple of times, but it didn’t change anything. Today, he sent me another email, called me by yet another wrong name, and this time, he even put the name in ALL CAPS.
I don’t understand why he does this or what the logic behind it is. Normally, I wouldn’t care since we don’t work closely, and I usually just ignore it. But after today, I’m starting to think this is intentional.
Now I’m wondering I can also just have fun with this? Maybe I should start calling him by random names based on whatever comes to mind for example Fluoride. If he wants to be weird about my name, I can be weirder.
WIBTA if I did that? Or should I handle this differently?
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One of my (34F) colleagues (M) always gets my name wrong in emails. And not just a small typo—he calls me by completely different names. My email address has my name in it, so there’s no way he can email me about work without knowing my actual name.
I’ve corrected him a couple of times, but it didn’t change anything. Today, he sent me another email, called me by yet another wrong name, and this time, he even put the name in ALL CAPS.
I don’t understand why he does this or what the logic behind it is. Normally, I wouldn’t care since we don’t work closely, and I usually just ignore it. But after today, I’m starting to think this is intentional.
Now I’m wondering I can also just have fun with this? Maybe I should start calling him by random names based on whatever comes to mind for example Fluoride. If he wants to be weird about my name, I can be weirder.
WIBTA if I did that? Or should I handle this differently?
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> I mean, I could be the asshole if I don’t call him by his real name and call him random stuff while I know his name.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO…Why haven’t you asked him? Is this an adult workplace?
YWNBTA
To be honest, your coworker seems like he’s definitely doing this on purpose to get a rise out of you but it would be very funny if you did the same to him. (He might get upset in the process but yolo).
Yea he’s doing it on purpose. Have you discussed this with him? Have you discussed this with his supervisor? Ask him one time to start using your correct name immediately and always or you will have to go up his chain and report him for a hostile work environment. Then follow through. Don’t call him random names, as he can use that against you or call it an agreement or a joke between the two of you. YWBTA if you played his game. Don’t stoop to his level. Make sure to keep a written record of every time he uses the wrong name and pull emails where he used the wrong name for proof.
ESH both of you are being immature
Respond to his email and cc both of your supervisors asking him to use your correct name. If he does it again bring it up to your supervisor to address it with his or HR.
INFO: By chance are you calling him the wrong name and he is trying to draw your attention to names?
YWBTA or really it would take it to ESH because you’d be getting in the mud with him.
Respond to his email, CC his supervisor, and your personnel officer.
Dear Correct name,
I have asked several times that you use my actual name when communicating with me. I am now documenting this request with Supervisor and Personnel, for their records.
Please respond confirming that you have read and understood this email.
Your name
NTA but also not the smart choice. If you lower yourself you also risk disciplinary action. Right now you have documentation that you’ve asked him and he’s escalated. So take it up the chain OR send one last curt email politely requesting that he stop, and then take it up with management when he doesn’t.
Start calling him Ozempic. J.G. Wentworth. Placenta. Skyrizzi. Mango. Figaro. A different one every time. Really mess with him.
Info
I have to ask, are these group emails or just to you and he gets your name wrong
I’ve done this. It was effective getting a coworker to pronounce my name properly. My last name is French. Odd spelling but easy to say. He thought it was odd im french, apparently. Started to massacre his lengthy five syllable Italian name. He got the point.
If you don’t care then yeah have fun, don’t be a lil snitch like some people are saying. If you really do care and just don’t wanna say you are then just give him a one to one hey man, I really don’t appreciate this. It feels disrespectful blah blah blah talk. If not walk in call him biggity Bob. Have some fun
Is he pulling names from his favorite tv shows or movies maybe? Waiting for you to catch on and respond with names from the same references? What names has he used? I’m really curious.
Edit for punctuation.
Not addressed to you right, so no action required on your end. Straight to the bin.
I bet it will stop in two times max.
Yeah, don’t do that. Stay professional. You could respond to his email and say “This is ZhrAsh1990. Was this message intended for me?”. It’s a professional response seeking clarification of his intent. It also creates a record of the interaction in case you need it for HR.
YWBTA – in the eyes of management if you choose to escalate this, that is.
Escalating workplace stuff is asking for trouble with HR.
First, collect your evidence; print hard copies of past email with wrong names and/or your requests that he stop treating you that way.
Second, ask your manager how they want you to handle it. They may want you to send an email specifically asking this person to call you by your correct name; if that’s the case, tell them you’ll be copying them on the message to create a paper trail. They may want you to go straight to HR, so be prepared to do that as well. Whatever they tell you to do, send a followup email saying “Summarizing our discussion about [XYZ], I will be following your instructions to [ABC]…”
Finally, follow your manager’s instructions and don’t try to take things into your own hands or “be funny” with it.
Do this one by the book, or it’s likely to turn out poorly for everyone involved – including you.
ESH, especially the employer breaching child labour laws by employing you two.
lol go for it. Call him whatever random thing pops into your head. Sounds like he needs a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he’ll finally learn how to spell ur name right after a dose of his own weirdness.
YWBTA – Occams Razor on this one, don’t assume malice. The first thing that came to my mind is he might have some sort of disability. Like my friend who has Dyslexia can never remember the second “R” in my name so I give her a pass every time I see it. Everyone else who drops my “R” gets hassled a bit though.
The next step is just asking him. “Hey whats up with this, you misspelled my name all the time, I’ve corrected you, what’s going on”, that conversation is more important than any advice you get here. Because he’s your coworker and we’re not. If you start firing back at him, and he’s got something like a disability or other condition going on, then you could be in really hot water. For all you know he’s going to say “yeah I’ve been messing with you this whole time” and then you two can make a joke of the entire thing.
I’m wondering if you have a non-Anglo name and he either doesn’t want to use it, can’t pronounce it, or is intentionally trying to disrespect your culture. I want to work with a woman named Yng-Li, and one of the guys thought it would be really funny to call her “Wingie,” “Inga Binga,” and other crap. Our boss was an incredibly cool guy, and he pulled this jerk into his office and said that the next time it happened would be his last day. About two weeks later, he did it in a room full of people… including our mutual boss. That was indeed his last day.
YWBTA because that is not a professional work appropriate way to address this. Document that you are asking him to use your correct name, send it by email, CC your manager and his manager. Save all emails and communications where this person uses an incorrect name. If you have sent previous emails asking him to stop the behaviour hopefully you have copies saved. If the issue doesn’t resolve take what ever steps are available to make formal complaint.
Weird.
I feel like you would have mentioned this, but just in case: Are you trans? Or not straight? Or have any qualities that don’t fit neatly into gender norms? Do the replacement names he uses seem to be specifically chosen to convey something? Are they corny sitcom joke names (like Bertha for example) or just conventional names in same vein as yours getting swapped in?
It might be worth filtering your inbox to just emails from him and making a list of everything he’s called you. Maybe he’s trying to convey something with the name choices but you haven’t picked up on the pattern yet.
I know this is outlandish, but for the sake of this example let’s say he’s one of those twitter “transvestigstors” that accuse people of being secretly trans based on appearance. If your name is Cassandra but the list of names he calls you looks like Pat, Alex, Riley, Taylor; he’d be saying “I know you’re a man so I’m calling you by a male name only” but with neutral enough replacement names for plausible deniability in front of HR.
For the record I’m not saying trans-related stuff is the most likely thing happening here, I’ve only brought it up twice in my reply because it’s an easy example of people messing with other people’s names. But since you didn’t mention that being a potential factor, I’d say it’s more likely he’s attemting some form of really bad (flirty) joking, or it’s some cornball “power move” trick he learned about on a grindset youtube channel, or maybe if it’s just been a half dozen times total he’s just a space case who has too much on his plate and genuinely mixes up people’s names. But at this point you’ve told him to stop, so whatever reason he has doesn’t matter. He needs to stop.
I have a name that isn’t uncommon but can be spelled many ways. My name was in my email signature when I used to teach so there was no excuse for getting it wrong, similarly to yours. But I got so many emails with my name spelt wrongly that I eventually told my students that I’d ignore any emails in which it was misspelled.
They soon made sure they were getting it right. Is ignoring his emails and option?
Don’t go down to his level.
Either ignore an email because it’s clearly not sent to you if he’s using the wrong name.
Or reply CCing everyone saying “sir I’ve asked you multiple times not to use incorrect names. Please call me by XXX name in future. “
Then, if he does it again right to HR
Do you have a human resource department? Take it up with them.
This is the way. Use a theme though like foods or flowers or sea life!
Don’t respond in kind. Instead, send him an email cced to his supervisor or to HR if he doesn’t have a direct supervisor that politely points out that you have told him several times that you expect to be addressed by your proper name and to continue to address you incorrectly is negligent and unprofessional on his part. That should get his attention. NTA.
YWBTA and look immature and unprofessional.
In this situation I would just reply to the email saying I think they’ve emailed the wrong person because I’m xxxxx. I’d do it every time.
If they called me by the wrong name face to face, I’d look around and ask if they were talking to me. When they say yes, I’d reply that I thought they said yyyyy when I’m xxxxx.
FWIW I’ve had a colleague call me by the wrong name. They kept asking what my email was because they couldn’t find me in the address book (because they were looking for the wrong name). They were only a little off though. Two years in they finally worked it out.
Maybe it’s his way of flirting with you?
Start replying with “I think you sent this to the wrong person. That’s not my name.”