I (30f) am currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first child. The father is not involved and I’m doing this alone.
I have stressed since the beginning that I do not want a baby shower because I don’t like the idea of celebrating a life before its even born because what if something happens?? Not a whole of people know I’m pregnant because I wanted to keep it quiet as a surprise then we could do an “After-Birth” baby shower. I only let a few select people know and of course, my job. A baby shower would ruin that surpise I have planned.
Up until my third trimester, my decision with the No Baby Shower rule was respected until a couple of my managers were talking about doing it anyway despite that I said no. I’ve tried explaining my reason why but it feels like they don’t care. I have my own plans on having a party for my baby but not until after he’s born and safe.
They know how much I don’t want a baby shower right now and they’re still planning on doing it anyway. I know they mean well but WIBTA if I tell them I will walk out if they do it despite me saying no numerous times??
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I (30f) am currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first child. The father is not involved and I’m doing this alone.
I have stressed since the beginning that I do not want a baby shower because I don’t like the idea of celebrating a life before its even born because what if something happens?? Not a whole of people know I’m pregnant because I wanted to keep it quiet as a surprise then we could do an “After-Birth” baby shower. I only let a few select people know and of course, my job. A baby shower would ruin that surpise I have planned.
Up until my third trimester, my decision with the No Baby Shower rule was respected until a couple of my managers were talking about doing it anyway despite that I said no. I’ve tried explaining my reason why but it feels like they don’t care. I have my own plans on having a party for my baby but not until after he’s born and safe.
They know how much I don’t want a baby shower right now and they’re still planning on doing it anyway. I know they mean well but WIBTA if I tell them I will walk out if they do it despite me saying no numerous times??
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> I feel like I might be the AH because I know my coworkers are just trying to be nice.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Yes YWTA for your reasons.
Simply put, your coworkers wish good things for you, and your rejecting them? Because?
Well, you have fun with that, don’t expect to max any team evaluation for a long time.
NTA. Put this in an email. Walk out if they do it.
Sometimes you have to play the reindeer games.
They want to help you.
I wonder if you have anxiety?
When you raise a child on your own you need help.
Maybe practise letting people?
NTA. Your baby, your choice on the baby shower. Them making your pregnancy about them and their desires is ridiculous.
YTA if you walk out.
YWBTA b/c you really have no idea how much a baby requires. You’re going to need everything they’re going to gift you. Don’t deny your child over pride.
Alternatively: tell them you want a baby sprinkle or an event after the baby is born. That you appreciate their offer and this preference is not you being humble etc. Like others suggested send this in an email
NTA, and definitely do turn around and walk out if they try it
Asshole or not, your reasoning is truly bizarre; your baby is alive RIGHT NOW, is that not worth celebrating? Should children born ill not celebrate until they’re cured in case they die? No life is guaranteed, I may die tomorrow at 30 some die at 90 others before they reach 1 year old. None of these lives are more valuable than the others. Regardless of the party, i’d do some serious soul-searching regarding your perspective and maybe even talk to a professional about perinatal anxiety.
NTA but yeah it would very likely cause issues for you at work, so I wouldn’t if I were you.
Send a clear email to the offending managers stating that you do not want a baby shower, and got word that one was still being planned despite your wishes. Maybe add something like “I am hopeful this was a joke or perhaps you didn’t realize I was serious when I explained it would make me uncomfortable, but I just wanted this stated clearly and in writing to make certain it doesn’t go ahead.” Start and end with some fluffy thanks for caring and acknowledging that it was an ill-conceived attempt to support you.
I’d keep threats to walk or contact HR out of it, you’re trying not to escalate the situation.
Is this like… superstition? Do you think you are jinxing yourself?
“Baby shower” is just another way of saying, “come eat finger foods and deposit copious quantities of baby goods into my inventory.”
It is normally fun because people allow them to be… But… it doesn’t have to be this “celebration of a new life” situation. (Sorry, that portion of it sounds like you are worried if you celebrate your baby that something bad will happen? Could be misunderstanding you.)
Why not let them call it what they want to and you just suck it up and accept the huge amount of free baby stuff?
Also, “afterbirth shower” is so… afterbirth-y.
NTA can we talk about the privacy violation here??? Being pregnant is private personal medical information that you do not want shared, your managers are trying to plan a whole party revealing this information to your workplace. That is 100% not okay!!!
Send an email to HR if you have one, or your managers’ boss and frame it not as you not wanting a baby shower but as you not wanting your private health information shared to your workplace. Let them know you have made this very clear to your managers. Remind them this can have legal ramifications if they don’t put a stop to it.
NTA. As managers are involved I’d send out a company wide email to that effect. Get it in writing so that if they do throw you a party and you walk out they can’t retaliate against you. E.g She abandoned your job mid shift or whatever and write you up.
Non work events at work are not compulsory. Walk out and walk straight to HR. HR doesn’t actually care about you but they care about shit that leaves them open to legal actions.
If I’m being honest, your reasoning seems flimsy— UNLESS this is a subsequent child and you already have all the necessities. Why would you not want your baby to have the things it needs before it is born? And what if something did go wrong? There’s no reason to assume it would, and gods forbid it did, you can return things or keep for a later pregnancy. You are NOT in any way, shape, or form going to feel up to having a party when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed with a newborn. As a mother myself, trust me on that one. I would get the idea of having a post-birth party out of your mind for your own sanity. Secondly, your baby NEEDS things when it’s born. You need diapers, wipes, clothes, burp cloths, bottles, swaddles, some type of bedding, etc. all before your child gets here. You are responsible, and solely on your own, it sounds like, for taking care of this child that you are bringing into the world. Being prepared is important and the responsible thing to do. I don’t think you quite understand what having a newborn child is going to be like. You need things BEFORE you give birth. These people are trying to help you get the support you need, I would urge you to reconsider. They care about you.
All that said, it is ultimately your choice and though they are very gracious for offering to do this for you, they should also be able to respect your wishes. YWBTA if you walked out, though. Choose a better way to deal with the situation. These people are trying to be your village.
Can we just point out that as a mom, the last think I would have anted to do with my newborn was host or go to a party. It might feel like a good idea but in reality you are going to be sore and tired and dealing with a major life adjustment.
I can’t imagine that you would want a shower with a newborn. Newborns need attention and, most mothers at least, aren’t in the headspace to organise anything in the first months. You would also not want your baby around so many people. The most likely scenario is that the baby gets frustrated and you go to a different room for some peace and quiet. Plus newborns don’t have a developed immune system. A room full of people is not always the best idea.
No judgement , so info.