I work at a grocery store, sometimes in the fuel kiosk, where we sell cigarettes. The policy is that we HAVE to physically hold the ID and scan it. We cannot just type in a birthday or anything, except possibly with approval from a supervisor or manager, and even requires an override from one to be able to do so. This policy can be frustrating for customers, but there’s nothing I can do.
Multiple times now, I’ve had a man come up wanting cigarettes, and either not having ID, or trying to use a laminated paper medical marijuana card as their ID. Of course, I cannot sell them like that, and each time I’ve politely told him so, and each time he’s raised his voice, said someone else did it for him, driven off angry, and even once almost caused an accident. Well, today I finally recognized that he is the boyfriend of the owner of a shop in town that I frequent. I’ve developed a bit of a friendship with her, and love her to pieces, and pretty sure it’s also her car that he’s driven every time he’s come by.
As for our relationship, I have not had the chance to hang out with her outside of work due to conflicting work schedules, but when she’s not busy we talk (about personal stuff as well), and enjoy each other’s company.
I feel like I need to tell her how he’s been acting, but at the same time, I’m worried it’s not my place.
Personally, I’d want to know if my SO was being rude to people who are just following policy, and it’s happened repeatedly, but that could just be me.
WIBTA if I told her about his conduct?
Edit for some context.
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I work at a grocery store, sometimes in the fuel kiosk, where we sell cigarettes. The policy is that we HAVE to physically hold the ID and scan it. We cannot just type in a birthday or anything, except possibly with approval from a supervisor or manager, and even requires an override from one to be able to do so. This policy can be frustrating for customers, but there’s nothing I can do.
Multiple times now, I’ve had a man come up wanting cigarettes, and either not having ID, or trying to use a laminated paper medical marijuana card as their ID. Of course, I cannot sell them like that, and each time I’ve politely told him so, and each time he’s raised his voice, said someone else did it for him, driven off angry, and even once almost caused an accident. Well, today I finally recognized that he is the boyfriend of the owner of a shop in town that I frequent. I’ve developed a bit of a friendship with her, and love her to pieces, and pretty sure it’s also her car that he’s driven every time he’s come by.
I feel like I need to tell her how he’s been acting, but at the same time, I’m worried it’s not my place.
WIBTA if I told her about his conduct?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> If I tell her about his conduct while helping him at my job; I’m not sure it’s my place to tell her that kind of thing.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but you have to decide how important that friendship is and if it’s worth it to you. It’s possible your friend either won’t believe you or won’t care and that will cause some major damage in the friendship.
Personally I’m always ready to go scorched earth on people who are unnecessarily rude to strangers, especially employees who have no control over the rules, but that’s me.
Yeah YWBTA if you just blurted it out. You are friendly, but that isn’t close enough to have a quiet word. Besides, he’s not breaking the law or trying to hurt someone. He just wants his cigs.
I’d wait until you meet him through her and say “aren’t you the guy…”
YWBTA it has nothing to do with your acquaintance. IDs for cigarette purchases are store policy. If this customer doesn’t like it they can go somewhere else. Someone is always going to complain.
INFO: how close of friends are you? there’s a difference between friends and friendly acquaintances.
me personally, if we were good enough friends that we hung out outside of her workplace, i’d probably tell her but not make a big deal of it, just bring it up like a casual “hey thought you should know your boyfriend can be belligerent about his cigarettes” or something, idk how to phrase it.
otherwise, i’d leave it alone.
some people are saying it’s not a big deal but if i was dating someone i think i’d want to know if they were rude to retail staff, as in my experience it tends to be a red flag. at the same time, if i didn’t know someone well, i might not take it seriously. it really depends on how good of friends you are.
YWBTA or NTA it depends. It isnt your place since its not your relationship. You don’t have to like him and dealing with customers can be a pain but you wont change them. It may work talking to her but she may very well get upset if you bring it up dependant on your tone. I personally wouldnt bother as its not the risk of potentially starting drama and just keep my thoughts to myself while gossiping with cowokers about him or something.
In the end you have to keep in mind you’re a stranger to the shop owner as far as private stuff goes.
What is she supposed to do if you tell her? She’s not his mom and can’t control him. Just do your job and refuse to sell him cigarettes. Why does he keep coming to your store if he knows you can’t sell them to him? If you want to stay friends with her, don’t complain about her boyfriend. That rarely works out.
YMBTA. Maybe go at it differently? Print out your state’s instructions on how to get a state ID. Give it to your friend, saying that you noticed her boyfriend has trouble buying cigarettes because he doesn’t have an ID, and the law and the register require that you scan the ID , so he’s been frustrated several times. Let her connect the rudeness dots.
My guess is that he does not have a valid driver’s license and is too something or other to figure out the alternative. I think all states have state IDs for people without driver’s licenses for exactly this reason. You could hand the info to him, but it doesn’t sound like he’d be very open to it.
If you blow up the relationship because she didn’t know he isn’t a legal driver or that he smokes cigarettes, not really your problem. She ought to know if he’s driving her car.
Also, start using exact language. Not “May I see your ID”, but “I am required to scan your Driver’s license or State ID.”
“Saw your BF again today BTW, same old same old” when she asks what you mean just casually mention “Oh didn’t you know?” that once again he’s mad at you for not breaking store policy because it could cost you your job?
YWBTA it’s not your place & are we sure she doesn’t know? I HIGHLY doubt this is the only circumstance that causes him to be rude. Those kinda people are typically also rude to wait staff, strangers, probably also get irrational road rage.
I’d just continue like normal & if she ever asks why I don’t like or wanna be around her boyfriend tell her the truth🤷♀️
I think everyone here is missing a rather big point: He’s apparently driving her car without a license. I’d pass it along as the consequences to that could be pretty bad.
You both work in customer service.
I’m sure you’ve had convos about rude clients before.
Just tell the story. “Omg, our register literally won’t sell cigarettes w out scanning a state ID, and this one guy keeps throwing mantrums about it… as if I set the policy… and as if haven’t told him 50 times by now. I think he just comes in to yell at me at this point. Ppl are wild right?”
If her bf has been bitching to her that she needs to buy him cigarettes bc of some “stupid cashier” she’ll put it together.
Disagree with all the people saying it’s none of your business. If he is being an AH to YOU… then it’s 100% your business. You have the right to tell anyone and everyone about someone being an AH towards you.
Im sure she already knows hes an asshole, you have nothing to gain by telling her