24f here.
For years, I have been body shamed by my coworkers, they will always got out of their way to criticize what i’m eating, call me fat, thunder thighs, fat face, asking me if im pregnant etc.
A little over a year ago I lost a lot of weight and went from a size 12 to a size 4 in 5 months. Now I am back to my normal size, after being out from an injury and also I had been slowly gaining weight back due to the fact that I am just in a better mental space now.
I have asked my coworkers to stop talking about my body when I was losing weight rapidly, when they were encouraging me to lose more and more and they got offended, telling me that they’re giving me a compliment, that I should be grateful etc. Before that, I was always body shamed for being “fat”.
Yesterday was the third time that someone had remarked on my weight the past month.
One of my coworkers looked me up and down and asked me why I was big again, if I couldn’t stop eating, why I had let myself go, asking me what various foods I couldn’t stop eating etc. I did not say anything and ended up leaving anyway because my shift was up.
I didn’t know what to say, this woman literally just came back from having a baby and that’s what she wanted to say to me after being out?
I know that it is partially normal because I live in Hawaii, and people here tend to be comfortable saying UNPC things to people’s faces without consequences. However, it’s unprofessional in a work environment regardless.
These people know that, and they don’t care. However, whenever I tried to speak up about it I get accused of trying to change the culture. Not only that, but i’m these people’s supervisor, so it’s strange regardless of culture.
WIBTA if I told my coworkers to stop talking about my body?
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24f here.
For years, I have been body shamed by my coworkers, they will always got out of their way to criticize what i’m eating, call me fat, thunder thighs, fat face, asking me if im pregnant etc.
A little over a year ago I lost a lot of weight and went from a size 12 to a size 4 in 5 months. Now I am back to my normal size, after being out from an injury and also I had been slowly gaining weight back due to the fact that I am just in a better mental space now.
I have asked my coworkers to stop talking about my body when I was losing weight rapidly, when they were encouraging me to lose more and more and they got offended, telling me that they’re giving me a compliment, that I should be grateful etc.
Yesterday was the third time that someone has remarked on my weight the past month. One of my coworkers looked me up and down and asked me why I am big again, if I can’t stop eating, why did I let myself go etc. I did not say anything and ended up leaving anyways, because my shift was up.
I know that it is partially normal because I live in Hawaii and people here tend to be comfortable saying UNPC things to people’s faces without consequences. However, it’s unprofessional in a work environment regardless, these people know that and they don’t care.
WIBTA if I told my coworkers to stop talking about my body?
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> I may be the asshole because I may be being oversensitive. In the past, I have been painted as being ovesensitive for speaking up for myself and as trying to change the culture where I live.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Context:
Photo of my body when my coworkers told me I was beautiful, and I should lose more weight vs me yesterday being “big”
I’m not really asking for opinions, but it’s absolutely ridiculous. I am a very average size in the west and plenty of my coworkers are not thin themselves but they act as if because I am in my twenties, I need to be a stick figure like they were in 1992. Ugh.
NTA. It is unprofessional, inappropriate, and rude
Nta!!! Honestly I hope this is fake bc it would be absolutely horrid for anyone to get treated this way. You are not even close to overweight and even if you were no one should comment on your body. Please speak to a boss or hr or someone!!! Please don’t internalize any of what they say they are rancid people
NTA
Look, your body is beautiful and you’re not overweight, but even if you were, nobody has the right to talk about other people’s bodies or looks. In a work environment there’s no way to curse or stop talking to the person hahaha I’d advise you to talk to your work’s human resources department, maybe they’ll stop this for good.
Definitely NTA. Your coworkers are giant AHs and if someone at the company knows and allowed this, they are AHs too. Not all bodies are composed the same, but to me a size 12 isn’t even big?? But, even if you were doing a My 600lb Life audition tape, you’re not a trending topic. It’s grossly unprofessional to discuss you like this
I’m usually a defender of men complimenting women. But in this case, they’re not complimenting, they’re criticizing. And unless you’re in a line of work where being pretty is part of the job, you don’t owe it to them to be (what they think is) pretty.
And in this case, they think you’re struggling, which would mean they’re talking about something in your personal life that you’re having a hard time with.
Maybe they think they’re being helpful. But even if we give them the benefit of the doubt on that, you have every right to refuse their help in a personal matter.
So by all means ask them nicely to stop. And if they won’t stop when you ask nicely, escalate to telling them sternly, and if that doesn’t help, to complaining to HR. YWNBTA.
And I say that as a man who wishes it were generally accepted to tell a colleague she’s pretty.
NTA
What the fuck is wrong with them? It’s completely unprofessional for them to comment on your body one way or another.
You will NOT BE THE ASSHOLE if you told them to stop commenting about your body. No one should be commenting about your body at all. I would take it a step further and report them to HR for creating a hostile work environment.
NTA but if you’re their supervisor, it sounds like you need to start giving formal performance-related feedback on this matter. You can start with firm, professional coaching on the topic but also make it clear that part of being a productive member of the workforce at your organization is respecting cowowkers and taking feedback when it is given, which in this case would be to stop making comments about anyone’s physicality. Work with your manager or HR if you need more support or empowerment to do this.
NTA
Didn’t read anything except the title. I am 100% confident you are NTA. It is your body and how you feel. Even if it absolutely devastates your coworkers when you tell them, you’re NTA.
If you’re a supervisor at your work, you need to see the tone for behaviours. That includes, responding to bad behaviour directed at YOU, let alone a member of your staff. What advice would you give to one of your staff if they were going through the same thing?
If you don’t know, then find out, and carry through. I’m sorry for going through this but it’s your job now to help create and enforce the culture. Culture change comes from top down, so you need to do something about it.
NTA
I was overweight and lost about a third of my body weight slowly over the course of the year. The comments about my body in this time, although they were were positive, were nonstop, but I was so self-conscious of my new weight that any acknowledgment of the weight that I lost was like they were saying to my face. “Hey, I know you used to be fat Now you look good because you’re not fat. “ And then I would have this horrible fear and paranoia of weight gain, and every time I gained weight, I would be miserable. No matter who I asked, I couldn’t stop people from making comments because people are going to say what they are going to say regardless of how I felt.
The only solution here is to be firm on a boundary and not to let up, if u say u don’t want them talking about ur body tell them straight up, “from now on when u talk about my body, the consequences will be x,y, and Z” spell it out as clear as day and if they cross the boundary do what u say ur going to do, weather it’s going to HR or a Boss and telling them. If u faulter here, they will continue to never listen to ur boundaries so do not let them bully u. Just know what’s in ur power to do, u can’t Physically stop someone from saying something about ur body but they can have consequences from what they said that you enact .
NTA, I was going to say “go to HR” until you said you’re the supervisor. That being the case I’d do one of three things. 1-Do an employee review and have one of the items on the review list say “Speaks professionally and respectively towards coworkers and clients.” 2-Have HR come in and do a seminar on workplace harassment and how it can cost people their careers. 3-(this one you probably can’t do, but it is fun to consider) Post a picture on the bulletin board of “The Person We Are Making Fun of this week!” The rule being Be as rude and unkind as you can be. Then see how they like it.
Finally, I saw the pictures you posted and I think the ‘heavy’ one (which isn’t, looks more healthy and proportioned than the skinny one.
SPEAK TO HR??!
Absolutely you WNBTA
“Why the f do you care what size I am? Do you have nothing better to do with your time than obsess over me? What makes you think I even give two f’s what you have to say? So shut your mouth when it comes to me and my weight or what my body looks like. As if you’re so perfect? You could use to – lose some weight/ dress better/ learn to do make up/ get a better haircut/ whatever- so why don’t you work on you and leave me the f alone?”
If you continue to say nothing, they will continue to say crap like this to you.
NTA
>and people here tend to be comfortable saying UNPC things to people’s faces without consequences. However, it’s unprofessional in a work environment regardless.
What a litany of unpleasant A H behavior.
>whenever I tried to speak up about it I get accused of trying to change the culture.
What, change the culture of obnoxious, egregious unprofessionalism?
> i’m these people’s supervisor
Then write them up. Repeat offense, fire them.
Sorry you’ve been subjected to that.
Hey I grew up in Hawaii and I just want to say those aunties are rude ass and I don’t care how blunt the island culture can be.
You’re their boss. You’ve got excellent suggestions here — I especially like the one with performance reviews checking the ‘respectful language’ box.
Sorry this is happening. Have some poke for me, I’m far away from the ocean right now.
NTA
You should have gone to HR awhile ago.
NTA. They are !
NTA and by a concealable digital voice recorder to record their comments the report to HrlR.
NTA, as a fellow Hawaii resident, I haven’t experienced this in my office, but in Filipino and sometimes Chinese culture it can be normal to comment on and nitpick other people’s bodies. In my (limited) experience, often it’s actually meant as a way of expressing affection, although I personally do not tolerate this anywhere, in the workplace or out. But you also risk alienating yourself in your workplace if you push back too firmly, which as you know can be a big deal here. So at the end of the day it’s really up to you. You can try to explain to them that it’s offensive to you, but there’s a high chance they aren’t going to listen.
Why haven’t you gone to HR or Ethics about this yet? That’s harassment and harassment is a crime. Criminal Harassment is defined as repeated contact that causes someone a reasonable fear of harm or emotional distress. NTA.
HR ASAP
>However, whenever I tried to speak up about it I get accused of trying to change the culture.
I don’t think I’d shy away from that. If your workplace culture is one where insulting someone’s body is totally cool after they’ve asked people to stop, that’s a culture that should change. And you’re the supervisor so it’s totally acceptable for you to be the one to change it.
But I would confront it immediately next time someone says something, and refuse any of the excuses they’ve been giving. Come to my office now. This is rude behavior, it’s unacceptable, and it has to stop today. If they have excuses or whatever they can say them, but completely dismiss them as it’s just unacceptable to treat someone like that at work. And if you need to and can, perhaps consider attitude with performance evaluations, or if someone’s engaging in bullying and refuses to stop, replace them.
But I would start by not letting it go any time you hear it about yourself or anyone else. Just take them aside immediately, tell them to cut it out, don’t let it be ok just this time.
NTA, it’s absolutely no one’s place to comment on anyone’s body type at any time. I’m so sorry you have to go through that. Start saying things about whatever they are insecure about and see how they feel. Or better yet tell them if they don’t stop commenting about your body that you’ll take it up with higher management. It sounds like you have a bunch of workplace bullies.
NTA. I’d make a blanket notice that anything unrelated to your work will be documented in a spontaneous performance review. You’re their boss. Remind them of that. Sometimes you gotta put people in their place and play the boss card for them to realize they need to cut that out. They’ve done some mental gymnastics that could qualify for the audacity Olympics to justify WHY their comments are appropriate. Remind them who they’re talking to.
Why don’t you stand up for yourself! Stop letting them treat you that way! I would have scratched the earth with them! They are bullies & ignorant AH! 🤦🏾♀️
NTA. I had a medical condition that made me so miserable, I was unable to eat. Think losing 60 pounds in half a year without trying. Once my body was able to handle food again, I ballooned back up to my normal weight. I hated when people spoke about the weight I lost, because to me, it was a reminder of my health struggles. If anyone had the gall to ask about my weight gain….i don’t know if I have the self control to not hurt them
This is harassment and it’s illegal in the US. Tell them if they don’t stop, you’ll go to HR. You’ve asked them to stop. They need to stop. This behavior is unacceptable