My friends bday is early January, just after new years which is peak summer time in Australia. Every year around Aug-Sep she informs people she will be having her bday on X day. I asked her why she tells people so far in advance (it happens every year so not like it’s for a 21st,30th, etc) her reason was “people go away that time of year so I want to tell people early so they have no excuse to not miss my bday”. NOW I keep my mouth shut bc this friend is entitled and sensitive but WIBTA if I told her people are allowed a holiday on most of peoples only 2-3 weeks off a year? I want to know if I’m the crazy one for thinking this! It happens every year and every year I panic that my partner or family want to go on a holiday and I’ll have conflict with either my partner/family or my friend
I must add- I have attended her bday every year since I’ve met her
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My friends bday is early January, just after new years which is peak summer time in Australia. Every year around Aug-Sep she informs people she will be having her bday on X day. I asked her why she tells people so far in advance (it happens every year so not like it’s for a 21st,30th, etc) her reason was “people go away that time of year so I want to tell people early so they have no excuse to not miss my bday”. NOW I keep my mouth shut bc this friend is entitled and sensitive but WIBTA if I told her people are allowed a holiday on most of peoples only 2-3 weeks off a year? I want to know if I’m the crazy one for thinking this! It happens every year and every year I panic that my partner or family want to go on a holiday and I’ll have conflict with either my partner/family or my friend
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> 1, telling my friend she’s entitled
2, not being a good friend
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Celebrating a birthday is fine. Personally, I couldn’t care less about mine, but each to their own.
But for a person to be that entitled and precious about their birthday, beyond the age of 8, is embarrassing.
NTA. She’s a friend… not your child or your partner. I would plan my outings so I don’t miss my partner’s birthday, I don’t think there is anyone else I would do that for.
I have a friend who does the same – every year for her birthday, she does something (like a picnic followed by a theatre evening, etc, with 15-20 people invited) and I find it a bit awkward – she’s the only person I know who organises something for their birthday (my other friends – all in our 30s – don’t, they do something with family and would be happy with a card and a small gift from me), and something so “big”. I have declined several times but have always had to give an excuse because she will ask…
Nta. Even if she gives notice way ahead of time, that doesn’t entitle her to your attendance. You have options and you get to choose what you want and what is more important to you. Your world and year do not revolve around her birthday
NTA. People can’t be expected to organise their lives around her.
NTA. I’m in a very similar situation – my birthday is early January right after NYE.
Sure, letting people know her plans is fine but it’s absolutely unreasonable to expect anyone to change or build their plans around her birthday. If you’re a bday person it can suck when everyone’s away but it’s just the nature of that time of year
my birthday is early November – close enough that I run into holidays, wind ups etc, and have occasionally clashed with an early work Christmas do. I tell people from late August onwards when it’ll be so they can make an informed decision. I understand they might prioritise the other thing, it’s more ‘in case they would have preferred mine had they known but they feel obliged to honour the first commitment’. I would never expect people to plan holidays around me, decline their kid’s graduation thing etc. It sounds like this is what the friend does expect and feels if she calls it early enough then she gets dibs, in which case, NTA. If it’s just, hey, if you haven’t locked anything in yet, I hope you can make it work, NAH.
(Though I think anything more than 2 months and people won’t remember, especially if they have to weather the silly season first.)
My birthday is July 3, the day before American Independence Day. Growing up, I unfortunately had to sacrifice birthday plans or move the date of the party because people were busy with family over the holiday. She has had enough birthdays to know how to plan for herself.
it sucks, but you’re NTA
NTA. People are allowed to take holidays during their limited time off. Your friend can give notice, sure, but she doesn’t get to demand everyone plan their summer around her birthday
People get to take their holidays, even if it conflicts with her birthday you can say it kindly without being rude