My brother Paul (31M) is getting married to his fiancée Mary (30F) next October. They met at work about two years ago—both lawyers—and claimed to be “inseparable” from the start. Real fairytale vibes. The issue? Paul was in a 10-year relationship with Bella (30F) when he met Mary.
Paul and Bella were deep into their relationship—renovating her home, planning to move in. Our families were close, we all thought they were endgame. They supported each other through college, traveled, had baby names picked out, and seemed genuinely happy.
Paul’s a big skier, and usually went on group trips. But that year, he went “solo” and started acting distant, especially when Bella came up. We thought he was planning a surprise proposal—he’d mentioned it a few weeks earlier.
Then one day I saw a coffee cup in his car with “Mary” written on it. He brushed it off, said it was a mix-up at the café. I didn’t think much of it then.
Right after New Year’s, Paul abruptly broke up with Bella. No explanation, no closure. He blocked her on everything and left stuff at the house they were renovating. She was heartbroken, reaching out to me and our parents, sobbing and desperate for answers. Paul wouldn’t talk to her—or us—about it.
Less than a week later, Paul told us he was seeing someone new. Tension grew. Eventually he said her name: Mary. My stomach dropped. Same name from the coffee cup. That’s when it clicked—he’d been cheating. For months.
Then we met Mary. Paul and Mary would giggle about how coworkers used to joke that “Bella wouldn’t like” their flirting. Like it was funny. Mary came off arrogant and loved stirring up drama. The more we saw her, the less we liked her. Paul is disgusting for what he did but she’s not innocent—she knew Paul was in a relationship when they met.
Here’s the twist: I don’t think Mary knows Paul was still with Bella so far into them dating. From what she’s said, it seems like Paul told her he and Bella had already broken up months before they did. I still feel awful for Bella. And Mary? I kind of want to give her a reality check.
So… WIBTA if I told Mary the truth?
Comments
No. Tell her. You have nothing to lose. Do it in front of your brother. Talk about a “thing” that happened right around the time he dumped Bella in “x” month…
At this point I don’t think it will matter and you will come off looking bad or people will think you are a bitch however it was messed up what they did and i have no issues being petty when necessary so I say do whatever you feel is best.
She knew and didn’t care. Karma will get her because once a cheater, always a cheater.
Well, you could be really sneaky about it and say something like, I’m really impressed that you are so confident in your relationship with my brother, considering that he was still with Bella for about a year when you started dating. (Or however long it was) I mean, you don’t seem intimidated by that old adage that if they’ll cheat with, they’ll cheat on you. Good for you, Mary!
It would probably be smarter to say nothing, but I’m a petty old lady…
No, let karma take care of them. You know the saying, you’ll lose them how you got them.
Mary knew your brother was in a serious relationship but she kept flirting at work, so much so that coworkers commented on it, your brother was two timing. They deserve each other.
Bite your tongue and keep your distance. Stay out of their inevitable drama.
No, NTA Unfortunately, I don’t think Mary will care if you tell her.
Would you telling Mary have any effect on their relationship? If Paul and Mary would giggle about what the coworkers would say how Bella would feel about them flirting, Mary absolutely knows he was with Bella, it’s just that neither one of them gives two shots about Mary and her feelings
I’d say something, and try to say it as objectively as possible. If you start with your opinion or your judgement, you’re not going to be heard.
Something like, “I really want to tell you what i e observed. “ and go into what you’ve seen. You might end with an emotion like, “it concerns me”. But i wouldn’t go into a judgment like, “this relationship isn’t what you think it is”. Just what you’ve observed. And maybe how you feel about it. How they feel and what they decide or think of it is up to them.
Keep your mouth shut and mind your business.