Now a bit of context before everyone grabs their pitchfork and torches.
My mom (50+F) had a bunch of medical problems in 2024, she had 4 strokes and lost both of her feet because of her diabetes, I’ve been her sole caregiver since 2023.
We got evicted and lived in a RV, that’s when my mom lost her feet and had her strokes. I’ve had to take care of her while juggling a full time job and being a full time student (Working on getting my GED and degree)
Recently at the start of the year my mom went to a physical rehabilitation center, she constantly blows up my phone and my father’s, she’s constantly trailing off and sometimes completely dropped the conversation when someone walks into her room, or she asks for things constantly knowing well that I’m struggling to keep things a float, asking for me to buy her vapes or to come see her right then and there even calling me during class and work, I’ve been working on having her work on her disability and recently I just found out she’s been neglecting it so bad they had to reject her and we have to start ALL over again. (Over a year or filing for disability and food stamps, wasted)
I got home from work today and my mom calls me and tells me that she’s being kicked out of her rehabilitation center in 3 days because her insurance won’t pay for her stay anymore and she needs a place to go and someone to get her, I’m still trying to figure out where me and my dad are going to go because we have to move out of the apartment I’m staying in soon. I want to tell her no she can’t stay because she’s going to get worse, but I know she’ll start crying and it breaks my heart.
But I’m about to be homeless and I don’t even know where I’m going. Plus I feel like I’m going to get mad at her more then happy to see her, she constantly asks for stuff even knowing I’m broke even when we lived in the RV she’d wake me up just to ask if my daily pay hit so I can buy her smokes or soda, not groceries, not snacks, not even booze. Just smokes and soda. I’m just now finally getting into the habit of waiting 2 weeks for my next check instead of using daily pay every time I work.
If you need anymore context or details, don’t hesitate to comment.
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Now a bit of context before everyone grabs their pitchfork and torches.
My mom (50+F) had a bunch of medical problems in 2024, she had 4 strokes and lost both of her feet because of her diabetes, I’ve been her sole caregiver since 2023.
We got evicted and lived in a RV, that’s when my mom lost her feet and had her strokes. I’ve had to take care of her while juggling a full time job and being a full time student (Working on getting my GED and degree)
Recently at the start of the year my mom went to a physical rehabilitation center, she constantly blows up my phone and my father’s, she’s constantly trailing off and sometimes completely dropped the conversation when someone walks into her room, or she asks for things constantly knowing well that I’m struggling to keep things a float, asking for me to buy her vapes or to come see her right then and there even calling me during class and work, I’ve been working on having her work on her disability and recently I just found out she’s been neglecting it so bad they had to reject her and we have to start ALL over again. (Over a year or filing for disability and food stamps, wasted)
I got home from work today and my mom calls me and tells me that she’s being kicked out of her rehabilitation center in 3 days because her insurance won’t pay for her stay anymore and she needs a place to go and someone to get her, I’m still trying to figure out where me and my dad are going to go because we have to move out of the apartment I’m staying in soon. I want to tell her no she can’t stay because she’s going to get worse, but I know she’ll start crying and it breaks my heart.
But I’m about to be homeless and I don’t even know where I’m going. Plus I feel like I’m going to get mad at her more then happy to see her, she constantly asks for stuff even knowing I’m broke even when we lived in the RV she’d wake me up just to ask if my daily pay hit so I can buy her smokes or soda, not groceries, not snacks, not even booze. Just smokes and soda. I’m just now finally getting into the habit of waiting 2 weeks for my next check instead of using daily pay every time I work.
If you need anymore context or details, don’t hesitate to comment.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 I haven’t taken action yet but I will have to soon
2 because I feel like I’m abandoning my mother
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NTA. They have an instruction on airplanes: to put on your own breathing mask for emergency oxygen before you assist others. You’re drowning and these folks are not being parents, they’re dragging you down. It’s very sad, but it’s hard enough when you’re a younger person trying to get started in life let alone when you have a mother who is not helping herself because she’s on a self-destructive path and doesn’t see or care that she’s taking you down with her.
You have to be your own priority from now on.
That said…what’s up with your father? Why is he letting his child take on all of this? It’s his job to take care of your mother, not you. You’ve done enough. Just because you prioritize getting a place on your own to live doesn’t mean you’re forcing them to be homeless.
Focus on you, she sounds manipulative NTA
NTA. You can’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, no matter how much you love them. And it sounds like your mother will accept nothing less.
You could all use some counseling. This is complicated. I would finish this semester and take a break. Maybe your mom could go to a nursing home or a group home.
NTA. Your mother needs a social worker. Call the facility and tell them that you have no place for her.
It sounds like you need to run from BOTH of your parents. They took vows; you didn’t.
If you are in the usa, look up your center for independent living at virtualcil.net. These are advocacy organizations and they help people with disabilities for free. They can help her apply for disability. They can help her transition safely out of a nursing home. Services should be free.
NTA