For context, my mother is 59 and I am 30. She visits me once a week or so and every time she comes over, it seems like she completely blows up my bathroom. We’re not talking just a little bit, we’re talking about material staining the bowl, splashing onto the bottom of the lid, and onto the seat and she just leaves it like that. I’ve asked her multiple times why she does this and she said, “well I can’t help it if I’ve gotta go”. She has IBS so I do feel bad bringing it up and I don’t want to make her feel bad because it can be quite embarrassing, but I don’t think it’s fair that I have to clean up someone else’s waste that can clearly do it themselves. Would I be the asshole?
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For context, my mother is 59 and I am 30. She visits me once a week or so and every time she comes over, it seems like she completely blows up my bathroom. We’re not talking just a little bit, we’re talking about material staining the bowl, splashing onto the bottom of the lid, and onto the seat and she just leaves it like that. I’ve asked her multiple times why she does this and she said, “well I can’t help it if I’ve gotta go”. She has IBS so I do feel bad bringing it up and I don’t want to make her feel bad because it can be quite embarrassing, but I don’t think it’s fair that I have to clean up someone else’s waste that can clearly do it themselves. Would I be the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Would asking my mom to clean the toilet after she goes to the bathroom make me an asshole because she has IBS, a medical condition?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but do it politely. Anyone with IBS knows it’s uncontrollable when you need to go like that, she probably does it everywhere unfortunately. But as someone else with it I’m wondering how she gets it on the seat. Is she not sitting on it properly? The bottom of the lid is one thing (assuming you mean the seat lid), it could for sure splash like that. But I’ve never heard of anyone getting it on the top of the seat. Either way, yes ask her to clean it up.
NTA. It’s not about going, it’s about cleaning up after yourself. Buy some clorox/lysol wipes and leave them in the bathroom for her?
Leaving fecal matter on the toilet isn’t hygienic.
It’s not personal. It’s a health risk.
NTA. This isn’t about her having IBS. It’s her not having enough respect for the person using the toilet after her. She needs to clean up any mess she makes
You need to set boundaries; it’s not unreasonable to ask her to clean up.
Nah man, you’re defs NTA. Like, I get she’s got IBS & stuff, but that’s no excuse to not clean up after urself – especially in someone else’s gaff. U can’t just drop off a bomb & peace out, y’know? She might feel awkz if you bring it up, but it’s just basic respect! More people need to get that. 🚽💩🧼🤦♀️
NTA. As someone with at times crippling IBS I can make multiple trips in an hour and would NEVER leave my toilet like that and I would be SO embarrassed if I accidentally did leave some mess somewhere but it seems your mom doesn’t care if she wasn’t immediately apologetic and changed her behaviour.
This is just disrespectful
NTA. That’s gross. It’s not about her having IBS it’s about her being a decent human being
Put some gloves and Clorox wipes by the toilet and ask her to wipe it down.
While I do not have IBS, I suffer from something similar, and unfortunately I can have explosive toilet visits. However, I always to my best to leave the toilet as close to the same state as I found it.
That means I clean my shit up!
I think it’s okay to bring it up but do leave Clorox wipes by the toilet somewhere so she doesn’t have to brainstorm the cleanup.
USE THESE WORDS!!!!
“Mom I swear to God I will walk out into ONCOMING TRAFFIC if you leave my toilet dirty again, OKAY?????
Here are 3 cleaning things to help “your issue”
Love you Mama (muah)”
She can’t help it if she has to go. But she can clean the bowl with toilet paper or a toilet brush. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her this. I’d leave cleaners out and there would be no misunderstanding on her part of what she has to do.
NTA. She can clean up after herself. I can’t imagine why she would want to draw attention to herself in this way.
Anyone using a toilet anywhere needs to leave it as clean as they found it. It’s basic human decency.
She has IBS so I do feel bad bringing it up
Why? It has nothing to do with her IBS. Last time I checked, “failing to clean up the mess you leave on the toilet seat and lid” is not one of the symptoms of IBS.
“Well I can’t help it if I’ve gotta go”.
“But you CAN help not cleaning up after yourself, Mom!”
I’ve asked her multiple times why she does this
Stop ASKING her WHY she does this. You KNOW why.
Any reasonable person would be embarrassed if they left a mess uncleaned, including people with IBS commenting on this very AITA page. Your mother is not one of those people. She is not embarrassed. She doesn’t care.
Stop asking her why and start TELLING her she needs to clean the toilet.
I would give her one last chance, and if she does it again, I’d tell her she can’t visit any more.
NTA.
NTA, i have IBS and would be MORTIFIED if i left a toilet in that state. Its not an IBS issue, its a inconsiderate human issue
NTA.
What is she doing in her own home? Does the toilet ALWAYS look like that? I highly doubt it. She’s glad she doesn’t have to clean up after herself for once, but that is is peak AH behaviour.
Dude, YWNBTA. IBS ain’t an excuse to leave a gross mess. If she can’t avoid makin’ a mess, she gotta own cleanin’ it. It’s basic respect, man. You ain’t her clean-up crew. Family or not, it’s your house, your rules. Stand ur ground, my dude. 👍
This is a revenge plot she started 25 years ago, I bet she also turns all the lights on, runs muddy foot prints through the house and drinks straight from the milk carton…
Erk ! NTA
NTA , I say beat her to the punch go visit her home.
YTA. Your mother changed your dirty diapers. Just Clorox wipe it yourself.
Do you have cleaning supplies out in the open that she can just grab?
Nta. I had a “friend” that did that every time he visited. I would leave out cleaning supplies out on the counter for him to use, but he just didn’t take the hint. So, he’s not allowed over to my house anymore.
It’s absolutely disgusting to leave the toilet a mess for someone else to clean up and rude af. It shows a lack of respect for you.
You can get really sick cleaning up someone else’s poop.
NTA
She should be embarrassed enough to do this without being asked.
NTA. If she isn’t considerate enough to clean up after herself, stop inviting her over.
I’m mortified at the thought of what her home toilet might look like.
NTA, but I have a caveat:
Did you leave her toilet like that when you were living at home as a teenager? Because if you did, you don’t have a leg to stand on, and I’d bear that in mind before opening a discussion about it.