Hi! Random account because I don’t use Reddit but I listen to the podcast a LOT. (idk how to change my username, rip.)
My girlfriend (30F) bought a house in April last year and she and I (25F) moved in together at the end of October. Previously it was a bigger apartment but they renovated and made two flats out of it. We live in one and, coincidentally, an aquaintance (30F, I’ll call her G) of my girlfriend bought the other one. We share an entryway that leads to our separate apartments.
Before she moved in, around the same time as us, we went out for drinks with her and her boyfriend (late 20s, I’ll call him A) and had a good time. This was the only time we went out.
We occasionally text with her and we have a WhatsApp group but it’s mostly about house/condo related stuff. She texts more with my GF than me, though, since they’re the owners.
Her boyfriend is around quite a bit (he has roomates and told us he hates it), he has the keys and on one occasion he was kind enough that he helped me and my girlfriend to build an IKEA shoe rack. All four of us are cordial.
Onto the issue: around Christmas G went out of city to visit her family. A was staying in the house (we knew because we could hear his voice playing Playstation. The walls are thin). Once or twice we heard him opening the main door of the entryway and speaking with people (women) around 2-3 AM. We were weirded out, but ignored it.
About one or two months ago we meet G while we were coming home and she was going out. We chat and she tells us that things between her and A are rocky because of “trust issues”. That same week we find out through mutual friends that he was texting someone else inappropriately, but they’re apparently still together.
Around Easter the same thing happens again: she visits her family, he stays in the house and invites women at strange hours of the night.
It’s so disrespectful that he’s cheating (I can’t come up with any other options) in her house??? Also whoever he invited rang our door every time and woke us up. A part of us wants to tell G because she doesnt deserve this (no one does), but we’re worried she might take his side and we really dont want to create a weird enviroment.
Would we be the assholes if we told her?
Comments
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Backup of the post’s body: Hi! Random account because I don’t use Reddit but I listen to the podcast a LOT. (idk how to change my username, rip.)
My girlfriend (30F) bought a house in April last year and she and I (25F) moved in together at the end of October. Previously it was a bigger apartment but they renovated and made two flats out of it. We live in one and, coincidentally, an aquaintance (30F, I’ll call her G) of my girlfriend bought the other one. We share an entryway that leads to our separate apartments.
Before she moved in, around the same time as us, we went out for drinks with her and her boyfriend (late 20s, I’ll call him A) and had a good time. This was the only time we went out.
We occasionally text with her and we have a WhatsApp group but it’s mostly about house/condo related stuff. She texts more with my GF than me, though, since they’re the owners.
Her boyfriend is around quite a bit (he has roomates and told us he hates it), he has the keys and on one occasion he was kind enough that he helped me and my girlfriend to build an IKEA shoe rack. All four of us are cordial.
Onto the issue: around Christmas G went out of city to visit her family. A was staying in the house (we knew because we could hear his voice playing Playstation. The walls are thin). Once or twice we heard him opening the main door of the entryway and speaking with people (women) around 2-3 AM. We were weirded out, but ignored it.
About one or two months ago we meet G while we were coming home and she was going out. We chat and she tells us that things between her and A are rocky because of “trust issues”. That same week we find out through mutual friends that he was texting someone else inappropriately, but they’re apparently still together.
Around Easter the same thing happens again: she visits her family, he stays in the house and invites women at strange hours of the night.
It’s so disrespectful that he’s cheating (I can’t come up with any other options) in her house??? Also whoever he invited rang our door every time and woke us up. A part of us wants to tell G because she doesnt deserve this (no one does), but we’re worried she might take his side and we really dont want to create a weird enviroment.
Would we be the assholes if we told her?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NTA you could even install a ring doorbell, which would show people coming over.
Id want someone to tell me. Especially if we were having trust issues
Not TA. It would be nice to let her know. But need to word it differently than “your bf has an another women here”. Kinda like “hey, when ever you’re free we can grab some coffee when your sister/family is back in town.” Shell eventually catch on theres another lady.
Ask her to install tiny cameras in her house.
Then she can upload the videos.
Tell her before he gaslights her.
Next time you see them together I would be tempted to say hey G could you ask the women that are calling round not to keep ringing our doorbell in the middle of the night? because it’s waking us up.
Light the touch paper and retire to a safe distance.
Maybe you could play it off with a seemingly innocent question: “By the way, next time A has guests over, could you please make sure he tells them which is the correct doorbell? That lady who was visiting over Easter rang our doorbell and woke us up every time she came by.” When she asks more follow-up questions, you can casually let slip that you don’t think it was the same guest who came by at Christmas, because that one at least got the right doorbell.
Ok – the dude is obviously scummy if this is true but my question is, what sort of woman goes to hook up with a guy in what is quite obviously his girlfriends flat?
Yep, tell her. Just saying he has been having guests over while she was away.
Too bad you didn’t open your door so he could see that you are aware. Gosh, the girl needs to get tested.
The question you should be asking is
DIWMHTBD
Do I want my house to burn down?
You have called your accommodation a flat, apartment, house and condo. Am I wrong to think it isn’t a human writing this
Get a door bell camera 🤷🏻♀️ can’t deny video footage of the whole atrocity.
NTA. A is risking G’s health by “entertaining” other people when she’s not around.
Get a doorbell camera for “security” purposes.
Updateme
I hope you’re sure it’s not a late night pizza delivery. I’m assuming you heard more?
Nta. Be a good neighbor and just tell her. He could give her an STD and cause her to be infertile. She deserves to know. If you can, get pictures if it happens again.
Personally, I’d tell her. I’ve told several women in the past that they were being cheated on. Some didn’t believe me. For others, I just confirmed their suspicions. One got mad at me but later broke up with the cheater.
My ex lived with me and my parents, he brought random women there while I was at work and my parents were home. No one said anything, it was mortifying, my neighbour finally said something and gave me proof. Please tell her! Get a camera doorbell or gift her a hidden camera she can use to face the door inside her apartment. That way she can play it off like it was for security not because she was suspicious.
YWNBTA but from other comments you’ve made to her, she should already suspect this. You’ve opened the door w those comments for her to ask questions, and she’s not asking them. That’s likely because she either doesn’t want to know, or is embarrassed because you know. I think you’ve done your part and should leave it alone unless you get woken up by someone ringing your bell again, then you go full on to both of them that whoever is coming to the door in the middle of the night needs to know their damned apartment number.
Yes mind your own business. She needs release.
You would be TA if you don’t tell her.
Would you want to know?
Maybe play dumb about it and say you met her sister last time at 2am….
Mail her an anonymous message. That he’s hiring hookers to the house when she’s away. Set up a hidden camera
What if he just gets female uber eats drivers?
Walls are thin but youre not hearing people inside or sex?
NTA… but if you’re truly worried she won’t believe you, it’s time to install a ring doorbell and/or gift her one.
Tell her because he’s putting her health at risk. She deserves to know.
Bring up his visitors being girly loud and ringing your bell with both of them present.
Or they have an open relationship.
Just ask if he can keep it down when she’s out of town.