We work in an office setting and my bestie, L, does not understand social cues and doesn’t seem to have any social awareness. She tends to overstep and do others jobs to try and help out which is sometimes very helpful but it usually ends with her causing more issues. L and our other coworker T do not get along. T is very direct while L takes everything very personal and gets her feelings hurt easily. T has politely asked several time for L to please not do her work and to leave her emails unread so she doesn’t miss them. T had had enough and told L directly but politely in an email to stop overstepping and that she’s doing more harm then good (we work with sensitive information and tight deadlines). Bestie took this very personally, bawling her eyes out and went to management to say how cruel T was being to her.
Bestie sent me the email in question and texted me saying “what a bitch, right?” But I 100% agree with T. WIBTA if I told bestie that T is right and she needs to stick to her tasks and stop overstepping?
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We work in an office setting and my bestie, L, does not understand social cues and doesn’t seem to have any social awareness. She tends to overstep and do others jobs to try and help out which is sometimes very helpful but it usually ends with her causing more issues. L and our other coworker T do not get along. T is very direct while L takes everything very personal and gets her feelings hurt easily. T has politely asked several time for L to please not do her work and to leave her emails unread so she doesn’t miss them. T had had enough and told L directly but politely in an email to stop overstepping and that she’s doing more harm then good (we work with sensitive information and tight deadlines). Bestie took this very personally, bawling her eyes out and went to management to say how cruel T was being to her.
Bestie sent me the email in question and texted me saying “what a bitch, right?” But I 100% agree with T. WIBTA if I told bestie that T is right and she needs to stick to her tasks and stop overstepping?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action should be judged because it could hurt my friends feelings and the way that I do respond to my friends’ question could affect our friendship in a negative way
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I think it would make you the best bestie to be honest with her! Especially at work. You are not there to blindly support her to her own detriment regardless of the circumstances, you are there to also sometimes let them know when they are wrong.
NTA She needs to be told. Her behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. The fact that she has been told repeatedly and keeps doing it shows she’s acting maliciously. I highly doubt she’s as innocent as you think she is.
Stay out of it and let management handle it.That is way you do not lose a friend. since she has brought this to their attention thinking that it will go her way,they will investigate it.Anything that happens beyond this point she brought on herself.
YWNBTA. Your bestie is going to get herself fired if she keeps messing with other people’s work. It would be both kind to tell her, and the right thing to do as an employee.
You need to be tactful in your honesty but tell her the truth. You aren’t actually besties if you can have those conversations NTA
YWNBTA.
She had to be asked more than once to not open someone else’s emails? To stop doing their tasks? She was overstepping and it’s unprofessional and disrespectful.
Your friend may have difficulty with social cues but someone asking you not to do something is pretty damn clear so that’s not an excuse. And she didn’t ask for your opinion before complaining, she just wants you to tell her she’s right which shows she cannot take accountability for her actions which is emotionally immature.
YWNBTA. I keep my work space organized in a specific way. Paperwork turned counter to everything else is a priority or a place marker. Unread emails are how I find replies I’m waiting for.
I’d have escalated to management myself and seen if there was a way to block her from accessing my emails. There’s no reason for your friend to be messing with another person’s work space or communication.
YWNBTA, but I would stay out of it because you will lose your friend. She’ll likely see it as a betrayal and stop talking to you.
NTA
Also she sounds like she is 14… she was crying. My god grow up or get a thicker skin
NTA -you can approach this and still take L’s side.
Agree with bestie that the other person is trash- as the bff I never feel obligated to be anything but wildly supportive about the feelings.
Meanwhile, the best approach is still not touching the other person’s things. She doesn’t deserve L’s help! Plus, not doing any of her stuff means interacting with her less- that’s beneficial too.
>”what a bitch, right?”
Response “Yes, …. to be clear, I assume we are talking about you here, interfering with Ts work and then trying to get her in trouble. “
Ask your manager to tell her.
NTA.
You’d be dong her a favour. Sit her down, tell her that you know she meant to be helpful but that the problem here is her. I suggest that you tell L that there is actually a really simple fix here, she needs to get in the habit of ASKING people whether they would like her to do ./ help wuth a task, BEFORE she jumps in, and then listening to their reply . If they say yes, she can help, if they say no, she needs to back off and accept that answer.
If I were T, I would probably have involved management myself before now becasue the fact that she is interfering and disrupting T’s workflow, and that she won’t stop interfering even when she’s been directly asked to, is a massive problem
Also, if L makes a habit of this kind of thing then she risks management deciding that she is more trouble than she is worth, and that the easist way to deal with things its to fire her.