My aunt is getting married on Sunday and has us cousins on some kind of job. I’m (16m) an usher and one of my cousins, Meg (11f), is a guestbook attendant.
Meg said she didn’t want to be a guestbook attendant. She said that she only took the job to not feel left out. But trying to talk to people petrifies her.
I’m a reporter for my high school newspaper, so I’m used to chasing down people with a pen and paper and asking what they think of whatever. I think I’d do a pretty good job at it.
I brought up the idea with my mom and she said it’s a bad idea because Aunt Grace spent months planning the wedding. That it would be a dick move to change this part behind her back.
Problem is that Meg is freaking out and the adults aren’t doing anything to help or telling Meg to deal with it.
I’m all for trading jobs and have her be an usher. If she panics, we have two other cousins who can step in and help. Besides no one is going to notice or care.
WIBTA?
Edit: I texted and called my aunt to see if Meg can help us with the usher detail. So far, we haven’t had a response. We’re going to talk to her tomorrow.
Meg said she tried to talk to her about it, but that everyone keeps brushing her off.
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My aunt is getting married on Sunday and has us cousins on some kind of job. I’m (16m) an usher and one of my cousins, Meg (11f), is a guestbook attendant.
Meg said she didn’t want to be a guestbook attendant. She said that she only took the job to not feel left out. But trying to talk to people petrifies her.
I’m a reporter for my high school newspaper, so I’m used to chasing down people with a pen and paper and asking what they think of whatever. I think I’d do a pretty good job at it.
I brought up the idea with my mom and she said it’s a bad idea because Aunt Grace spent months planning the wedding. That it would be a dick move to change this part behind her back.
Problem is that Meg is freaking out and the adults aren’t doing anything to help or telling Meg to deal with it.
I’m all for trading jobs and have her be an usher. If she panics, we have two other cousins who can step in and help. Besides no one is going to notice or care.
WIBTA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am thinking about trading jobs with my cousin at our aunts wedding on Sunday. I could be an asshole because I wasn’t originally assigned to be a guestbook monitor, but I think it’s better than my cousin having a nervous breakdown while trying to talk to strangers.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YWBTA only if you did it without telling your aunt. Is there any chance you can tell her about making the change if she’s cool with it?
YWBTA if you do it without talking to your Aunt first. Your mom is right–she has spent months planning this event. Changing things to better suit you without talking to her would be very rude and disrespectful.
Just talk to her. Let her know your cousin is very nervous about talking to so many people and you want to help make sure the day goes smoothly. If she still blows you off, then you need to do the job that you agreed to do (usher) and let the chips fall where they may.
YWBTA if you don’t run this by your aunt. This isn’t like a regular job or a school assignment where you can just switch parts. This is your aunts event and she made the plans and decisions. She needs to ok this change.
Why do it behind aunt grace’s back? I think that’s the only thing that would make you an AH
You sound very presumptuous to say no one will notice or care. And don’t ushers interact with people too? I don’t see how you switching with her helps her. It sounds more about you.
Could another cousin assist her as guestbook attendant to help her feel better? I would go for the solution that involves the fewest changes to things. People should be willing to help her or let her out of her role. She’s only 11 and can’t be expected when she agreed to have been fully capable of understanding her decision.
Keep in mind that Meg would still have to talk to people as an usher. If she has this much anxiety over talking to people are you sure that being an usher would be any better than a guestbook attendant?
Ywbta to just trade jobs without confirming it’s okay with your aunt because she may have asked everyone to do their specific jobs for a reason.
YWBTA
It’s not your wedding dude. Do not change anything. Leave this alone. Your job as cousin is to talk to your cousin and tell her that if she doesn’t want the job, she should tell your aunt and step down. Or talk to your aunt about it and let her handle it. It is not your decision or place to arbitrarily change something in someone else’s wedding.
Your heart is in the right place, but this is not something you change.
I have to imagine being an usher involves more talking to people than standing by the guestbook? I think you would put Meg in a worse position by trading with her. But INFO: has anyone actually asked your aunt what she thinks?
There’s a way to suggest this to your aunt without being an asshole but you have to approach it sensitively
Gusstbook Attendent is a fake wedding role that impacts nothing about the wedding if your cousin cant participate. Theres no interacting or chasing down, its just standing next to the table that the guest book is on so its easier for guests to identify where to go to sign the guest book.
So taking that role from your cousin to a role that is actually interactive like usher, would be harmful.
The ushers and attendents also usually get listed in the wedding pamphlet by names.
Maybe just talk to your cousin about how her role is the lowest pressure role available and she can just opt to drop out, or talk to family about what she should do if she needs to step away.
Honestly I’m going to say NTA. Everyone is saying it’s Grace’s wedding, which I get it, it is. However, this is the risk you take when you get CHILDREN to perform duties at a wedding instead of your adult friends like most normal people. Typically the groomsmen serve as ushers and I didn’t know people even did guestbooks anymore.
NTA, but talk to your aunt directly
Letting your cousin be traumatized isn’t gong to make for a pleasant wedding either
Sorry but how is being an usher going to stop her from having social interaction? Maybe she needs to swap with someone in charge of chair or flower arrangements. Something inventory related that has nothing to do with people. This seems to be more about you than her. Talk to your aunt. Doing this behind her back is definitely an asshole move as who know how she will react. On the off change she does not like it you have ruined her mood on her special day. Don’t be the cause of that.
YTA. Meg’s parents can talk to the bride!
guestbook accountant is a shitty job. YOu will be sitting with the book all day long.
The reasonable way to handle this is: Have her IGNORE the duty she never agreed to have in the first place, and tell her not to do any duty. Your aunt is an AH to force / guilt her to do this without her consent.
YWNBTA
YTA if you change it without discussing with your Aunt. Someone else can help her.
Talk to the bride. Ask about your other cousins