I (18M) am a college student renting a room. It’s one room in the basement of a townhouse and the family I live with (parents early 30s with a 1 year old) also own the house. They are nice enough people but I generally like to keep to myself so I don’t tend to interact with them very much and most of our communication is done through a group chat with the three of us.
Earlier this week I texted them about something unrelated and at the end of the conversation they informed me that they are going to have a priest over on the 13th to “bless” the house and that they will be opening all of the doors in the house to do so. I didn’t respond to the text because I wasn’t really sure what to say. I don’t care rhat they’re going to be blessing the house, but I don’t want them going into my bedroom to do it.
That also happens to be my birthday weekend (I’m not technically 18 yet) so part of me just wants to visit my family for the weekend and lock my door and say something about forgetting about their plans. That sounds pretty dickish but I am not comfortable with having them in my room. It feels like a violation of privacy and I’m not sure what to do. WIBTA?
EDIT: I went looking through my lease as many of you suggested and the only things it talks about are for repairs. There is nothing about being able to come in for any other reason so I am not sure what that means for me
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I (18M) am a college student renting a room. It’s one room in the basement of a townhouse and the family I live with (parents early 30s with a 1 year old) also own the house. They are nice enough people but I generally like to keep to myself so I don’t tend to interact with them very much and most of our communication is done through a group chat with the three of us.
Earlier this week I texted them about something unrelated and at the end of the conversation they informed me that they are going to have a priest over on the 13th to “bless” the house and that they will be opening all of the doors in the house to do so. I didn’t respond to the text because I wasn’t really sure what to say. I don’t care rhat they’re going to be blessing the house, but I don’t want them going into my bedroom to do it.
That also happens to be my birthday weekend (I’m not technically 18 yet) so part of me just wants to visit my family for the weekend and lock my door and say something about forgetting about their plans. That sounds pretty dickish but I am not comfortable with having them in my room. It feels like a violation of privacy and I’m not sure what to do. WIBTA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to lock my roommates out of my room so they can’t perform religious ceremonies in there. I feel like an asshole because it’s their religion and their house
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m going with NTA for now as you have a right to privacy and setting boundaries. Have you spoken with them about not wanting your room ‘blessed’?
NTA. I don’t think a religious blessing is a valid reason for them to be accessing your space. You might want to check with your local landlord-tenant board about what constitutes a valid reason for them to access the space. I would reply back that you are denying them permission, that you are not comfortable with them accessing your space for that purpose, and will be locking the door. You might also want to start looking for a new living situation.
NAH, You are NTA.They can bless the house without crossing into your private space.Wanting privacy isnt being disrespectful its just setting a boundary.
NTA. Your bedroom is your private space and you have the right to set boundaries, even if they’re doing something religious in the rest of the house. Locking your door and politely letting them know that your room is off-limits is reasonable.
It might help to send a short message like “Hey I’m going to be away for the weekend/my room is private, so please don’t enter” so it’s clear and avoids misunderstandings. You don’t have to participate or make your space available for something you’re uncomfortable with.
You are NTA for wanting your privacy, but I’d be shocked if your rental agreement didn’t include something that states your landlord can access all parts of the home. They should have to give you warning of course, but they are probably within their rights.
YTA
depending on where you live, your landlord has the right to enter and inspect your space.
where i live it is not legal for anyone under 18 to sign a contract
If you are a renter, or a tenant, you have every right to lock your door. Unless they have a mechanical need, they shouldn’t be in your room. And they shouldn’t be forcing the religious beliefs down your throat. How unfortunate they put you in this uncomfortable situation.
They aren’t your roommates, they are your landlords. Depending on where you live, they have the right to enter your room with enough warning. Where I am, it’s 24 hours.
Soft YTA.
If they’re the landlords and they gave you plenty of notice then YTA imo it’s their house and it’s not like they’re saying they want to do anything to your room, they just want the door open. You could ask them to please close your door right after
From what I know of blessings, ai don’t think they will necessarily need to enter your room even with the door open. I dont want to say YTA because it would feel like an invasion of privacy, but also it is their house and they would find it important that the whole house is blessed.
YTA. They aren’t your roommates, they’re your landlords. They own the house, and that includes your bedroom. They also gave you a decent amount of time’s heads up, likely to give you time to make your space presentable or hide/move any valuables or whatever else you aren’t comfortable leaving out so they can’t be TA for any of this. Planning to say you just forgot would be lying, and an AH move. Did they say they need to enter your bedroom, or do they just need all doors open for the ceremony they are doing?
Landlords can only enter for necessary inspections and repairs. You are entitled to quiet enjoyment of your apartment.
They’re your landlords and giving you ample warning. Like other posters have said they aren’t going to really be doing anything in or to your room and aren’t trying to invade your privacy.
And anyway I’d say in this life take all the blessings and positive energy you can get. Then ask them to close your door when they’re done.
NTA for wanting privacy – but definitely talk to them face to face about your concerns.
NTA, if they entered your room without your express permission you’d be entitled to call the police where I live.
Tell them their fairy wish magic will work just as well from outside as inside
This is one of those situations where you need to weigh the consequences of your actions before making a decision. If you push for not opening the door, you could be in for a not-so-friendly living situation afterwards.. I personally think the blessing is odd and I’d be uncomfortable, but the after-the-fact uncomfortable might be way worse and much longer lasting. It’s up to you, but I’d personally bite my tongue, let them get on with the spiritual mumbo jumbo with the door open and laugh about it later when alone.
You need to contact the legal owners if the house it is highly unlikely they have the right to sublet and you could find yourself on your ass if you don’t have your own rental contract because the owner doesn’t want a Squatter situation.
This isn’t about AITA, this is about legal entitlement. Depending on where you live and what agreement you have with them, they may be fully entitled to enter that space as they please as it is in their house and they live there. What matters is how well you protected yourself when you moved in. Did you sign a rental agreement? A lease? Whatever documentation you have of your contract, carefully go over it and see if there’s anything that allows them to do this, or anything that restricts it. They will likely know what they had you sign very well, and may already know they are entitled to do this. If you are on a rental agreement, I’d move ASAP. A lease locks you in until it’s over or you find someone to take it over.
As far as not wanting your room to be blessed, NTA.
This would fit better on legal. Most people are going to give the advice you need. NTA
Why don’t you behave like an adult and have an honest face-to-face conversation with them? It won’t be comfortable because any type of confrontation is not, but it might make them look at you in a different light, a better one. Be a grown-up and talk to them about it before you just go off and leave your door locked. Communication is the key!
NTA
Did they specifically say that they want your door open? If not they might not be expecting you to do that. From your post it sort of sound sounds like they are just telling you that a priest will be walking around. You can just say you don’t want people you don’t know in your room, especially when you’re away. I’m sure they’ll understand.
Also as a Christian, a closed door won’t ruin a blessing. If you are worried that your different world view will upset them don’t. They are renting the room to you so they are aware that you may not posses their beliefs. Just tell them the truth that you are going to keep the door shut because you don’t want someone you don’t know in your room. Doing this will communicate to them that you have certain boundaries, that these things are not something you’re interested in. The priest will just bless the door if at all.
NTA. Also, some states (NY is the one I know off the top of my head) have statutes prohibiting landlords from making any housing decisions on the basis of religion, so you could do some research into your local renter’s rights laws if you’re so inclined.
NTA. I worked for a property management company and the only times we could go into the homes was for property inspections (like the annual inspections), repairs (like a water heater repair) or lease agreement violation (like a pet they werent supposed have). All needed 24 hours’ notice. As a tenant, they should not have access to the place you are renting. They gave up the right to it when they decided to rent the room.
YTA. Landlords are allowed to go into your room if they give notice.
That’s not legal!! Lock the door- have a removable lock for when you are there and asleep so no one get get in as well…
Also maybe move soon as you can
I’d play a prank on them. Get several life size cutouts of the weirdest shit you can find- movie monsters, porn stars, whatever. Bonus points for crazy mannequins or sex dolls. Stand them, facing your door, just outside the door’s clearance. Make sure you can’t see anything past them. Then leave for the day when the priest comes by. Put a camera there to record their reaction.
You have to live with these people, is it worth digging your heels in?
Ask them to do a different day, when you can be home so no one’s in your room without you there.
I’ve been in this exact situation before. I used to room with a guy who was Greek Orthodox. They do a yearly home blessing. I’m an Atheist for reference.
Could I have shut my room and told them to stay out of it? Yes. Would they have? Also Yes. But honestly, it didn’t hurt or affect me at all to let them do their ritual. In the interest of keeping peace in the house I just let them do it. Honestly the incense they used smelled kinda nice anyway.
Granted, we were roommates and you are a tenant. But I’d say the benefit of keeping the peace in the household probably outweighs any harm that could come of the situation. It’s just going to be a person walking into the room, saying some words and maybe spreading some incense or something similar. It shouldn’t be any skin off your back.
I get the privacy and it’s your room aspect. But sometimes in life you gotta consider the bigger picture.
NTA. your lease entitles you to privacy in this situation. I would ask them to clarify whether they would just be opening the door to your room, as well as all others in the house, while the Priest does his thing out of your room; or if they will come inside your room. I suspect it’s the former, but if it’s the latter, tell them you are not comfortable with having people in your room and point out that the lease says they can only enter for necessary repairs.
you also might just want to suck it up if you’re planning on living there for a long time. even if the priest goes into every room, he’s probably just going to say a sentence, wave a bible, and leave.
Are the entering or are they just opening the door?
They’re giving good notice.
NTA, but be prepared to find a new place because they’re not going to be renewing your lease.
NTA…but even if you lock the doors they can still get in. They’re the landlords which means they’ll have a copy of the your keys. It sucks.
Soft YTA. Yes they’re your landlords, but they also live in the property and that changes a lot of the landlord-tenant rights. While you have a general expectation to privacy, you’re also attempting to hinder their religious beliefs in their own home, and they have given you notice. You very likely don’t have a legal leg to stand on. And even if you do they definitely can choose to not renew your lease in the future.
Just ask for more information about the blessing. Opening all the doors does not necessarily mean anyone is going inside, besides “spirits” or the like.
I would be scared that they think they need it blessed.
So this is a bit hard. Is them wanting to come into your room and bless it weird? Yes. Does your privacy need to be respected when you pay rent? Yes. Is them blessing your room going to affect you in any way? Personally not that I can see. Is it worth possibly disrupting the peace of the house by refusing and locking your door? Only you can answer that.
I’m an atheist, I’ve been blessed by various religions due to where I was at the time. I just said “thanks” and moved on. You’re almost 18, maybe it’s time to have an adult conversation with them and express your concerns/not wanting to do it? You won’t always be able to lock your door and go to your parents in every situation.
I’d be concerned about what why they needed a priest to bless the house. That’s not an everyday occurrence. If there are any “disturbances“ in the house, I’d want my room to be included in the cleansing, lol.
NTA but it might be smart to do it to keep the peace for a cheap room. Ask how often blessings happen. If it’s once a year, I’d suck it up as a pseudo inspection.
NTA setup a camera in your room & lock your door before you leave. This is not legal & don’t listen to the religious nuts in the comments blaming you.
NTA, but in life you have to learn to pick your battles and I don’t think this is the one. As a devout atheist myself I would just let them do it, roll my eyes behind their backs, and move on with my life.
I’d be wary of locking them out, they may decide you need to be exorcised and then what?