I (31)M have been with my gf (36) for going on 2 years. We started dating late into 2023. I would often spend nights over at her place, since I had roommates, until we moved in together. Everything was pretty decent except one major thing. She kept leaving the front door unlocked when she got home. Something that I kept warning her about and asking her to stop doing, since we live in a large city with a high crime rate.
Normally I had no issues going behind her and checking. For the first year, since she worked a late shift and I have sleeping issues, I would make sure to get up and check the door after she went to sleep. However at the beginning of this year some medical issues came up and I spent a few months in the hospital. Well I’ve been home a few months and with a disability now that makes it hard for me to walk.
Now the issue is, she still works late, and is not locking the door behind her when she comes home and I can’t always get up and check the door. Today I marked the 4th time this week I woke up to find the door unlocked. Keep in mind we moved to a new apartment and this door doesn’t catch well so it can come open with a strong wind. It has done so on several occasions with us sitting in the same room.
Now after constantly bringing this up, and her saying it takes time for a person to change their habits amongst other things, I want her to actually see what could happen. I talked to a friend and suggested the next time it happens, I call them and they come over and load up all our valuables and hold on to it for a few hours so she see what could happen. However based on how she handles basic talks and goes into a depression and calls herself the worst gf ever, I know she won’t react well to this. WIBTA?
P.S. I know this is a crappy idea and there are other ways to go about this. However after months of sitting down and talking to her, brainstorming solutions, going to the leasing office to try and get a smartlock installed, her sister and friends talking to her… I am out of idea and would love help on ways solve this without just breakup with her.
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I (31)M have been with my gf (36) for going on 2 years. We started dating late into 2023. I would often spend nights over at her place, since I had roommates, until we moved in together. Everything was pretty decent except one major thing. She kept leaving the front door unlocked when she got home. Something that I kept warning her about and asking her to stop doing, since we live in a large city with a high crime rate.
Normally I had no issues going behind her and checking. For the first year, since she worked a late shift and I have sleeping issues, I would make sure to get up and check the door after she went to sleep. However at the beginning of this year some medical issues came up and I spent a few months in the hospital. Well I’ve been home a few months and with a disability now that makes it hard for me to walk.
Now the issue is, she still works late, and is not locking the door behind her when she comes home and I can’t always get up and check the door. Today I marked the 4th time this week I woke up to find the door unlocked. Keep in mind we moved to a new apartment and this door doesn’t catch well so it can come open with a strong wind. It has done so on several occasions with us sitting in the same room.
Now after constantly bringing this up, and her saying it takes time for a person to change their habits amongst other things, I want her to actually see what could happen. I talked to a friend and suggested the next time it happens, I call them and they come over and load up all our valuables and hold on to it for a few hours so she see what could happen. However based on how she handles basic talks and goes into a depression and calls herself the worst gf ever, I know she won’t react well to this. WIBTA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action the should be judged is talking to my friend and having it set up so that our items (tvs, gaming stations, and electronics) would be removed from the house to teach my gf a controlled lesson about locking the door at night.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA Just break up with her instead of traumatizing her.
She’s going to call the police when your stuff is all gone too. Have fun explaining to them that you weren’t really stealing all her stuff, just teaching her a lesson. They’ll love that.
And what if she wakes up, happens to go downstairs, and finds your friend in the house? She might use lethal force to protect herself from the perceived danger.
The relationship will be ending either way (at least I would end it if I was her), so just end it now instead.
If you do that plan, then YTA. A better idea would be to install a smart lock that either locks automatically or you can lock remotely.
“Hey babe, I’m having a hard time being mobile still after all my medical problems. I really need you to make sure the front door is locked. Please try hard to remember.”
Be an adult and have a conversation. ESH
EDIT: and her thinking she’s “the worst gf EVAR” is her personal hang up. You aren’t being unreasonable in your request unless you go through with your stupid plan.
YTA.
I cannot believe you wrote this out and don’t see how you suck. You are condescending and essentially want to punish her as if she’s a child. Ew.
Bro, if you want to “teach her a lesson” I hope the lesson she learns is to drop you.
ESH
Is your girlfriend from a rural/small town area where no one locks their doors? Because this makes no sense if she has always lived in the high crime big city you live in now.
That said, you’d be ill advised to go through with your plan to have your friend take your stuff. There are so many ways that could go wrong. And it’s just plain cruel.
Yta. Either break up with her or actually talk to her.
YTA.
Self locking doors, camera doorbells…there are all kinds of things you can do to improve security without scaring your gf.
This attitude of ‘teach her’ and ‘fear for her’ has to stop – you’re her equal partner, not her superior.
YWBTA. If you do this you had better be prepared to 1) explain yourself to the police, and I can tell you it won’t go well for you, 2) see your friend to facing criminal charges and 3) you’d best have a place set up to go when she ends the relationship and rightfully kicks you out because you will have irretrievably broken her trust.
Set an alarm on her phone to remind her to lock the door. Just sit her down and say things aren’t working so you think the two of you together as a team need to brainstorm new ideas.
YTA
If I were the GF and you did this, I’d break up with you and I’d have you arrested. WTH is wrong with you? You’re afraid of being victimized by a criminal so you become one and victimize your GF? Dirty nasty tricks are never ok. Just nope.