17f
I already posted this elsewhere but I feel like the focus wasn’t on the fact that I’m actively going behind my mother’s back and feel SO BAD.
About last month I switched my physician/gp practice as I wasn’t comfortable there and wanted some help for my depression, mental health, as you can imagine. This was because I was deteriorating completely and couldn’t keep myself safe. I didn’t tell my parents/family because they are the cause for my mental health issues
My mother found out I switched because she tried to book an appointment for me and they told her.
She was so angry already because I didn’t sit this medical entrance exam MCAT/UCAT (I’m planning to take it next year instead and would’ve failed if I done it now because of the amount of stress I was under)
I tried to stay away from home as much as I can. Eg left at 5am, got back at 8pm during school hours and studied as much as I can whilst i was at it.
I was scared to return home and also hurt because she thought that I was sexually active since I switched healthcare providers and had something to hide. The question of abortion even came up. when im really well behaved and never had a boyfriend. She has this tainted perception of me so she switched me back to her drs.
I’m a good daughter** Those that know me know that I’ve never been in a relationship let alone active. And it just. Again hurts that I’m doing something good for my mental health. Trying really hard for myself and it’s just backfiring.
My parents started fighting because of me,, whilst I was away because my mother was so mad that I went behind my back. My dad also got mad and they started threatening each other. They have not spoken it’s been 2 days. They even threatened to walk out on eachother.
To add both my parents suffer from health conditions they DONT need my stress. Which is the reason why I never mentioned my mental health,,,they wouldn’t understand and they don’t need the burden.
OKAY SO
Knowing this would it be bad if I go behind their backs AGAIN to switch myself back to my choice of healthcare provider. Knowing that 9/10 I’m going to get into a heck lot of trouble. I feel like mental heath deserves some attention and want to try for myself with the energy I have left. When I neglect it for too long (I’ve did for years) I start to go down the slippery slope of suicidle ideations which I got less frequently for the time period that I was receiving support.
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17f
I already posted this elsewhere but I feel like the focus wasn’t on the fact that I’m actively going behind my mother’s back and feel SO BAD.
About last month I switched my physician/gp practice as I wasn’t comfortable there and wanted some help for my depression, mental health, as you can imagine. This was because I was deteriorating completely and couldn’t keep myself safe. I didn’t tell my parents/family because they are the cause for my mental health issues
My mother found out I switched because she tried to book an appointment for me and they told her.
She was so angry already because I didn’t sit this medical entrance exam MCAT/UCAT (I’m planning to take it next year instead and would’ve failed if I done it now because of the amount of stress I was under)
I tried to stay away from home as much as I can. Eg left at 5am, got back at 8pm during school hours and studied as much as I can whilst i was at it.
I was scared to return home and also hurt because she thought that I was sexually active since I switched healthcare providers and had something to hide. The question of abortion even came up. when im really well behaved and never had a boyfriend. She has this tainted perception of me so she switched me back to her drs.
I’m a good daughter** Those that know me know that I’ve never been in a relationship let alone active. And it just. Again hurts that I’m doing something good for my mental health. Trying really hard for myself and it’s just backfiring.
My parents started fighting because of me,, whilst I was away because my mother was so mad that I went behind my back. My dad also got mad and they started threatening each other. They have not spoken it’s been 2 days. They even threatened to walk out on eachother.
To add both my parents suffer from health conditions they DONT need my stress. Which is the reason why I never mentioned my mental health,,,they wouldn’t understand and they don’t need the burden.
OKAY SO
Knowing this would it be bad if I go behind their backs AGAIN to switch myself back to my choice of healthcare provider. Knowing that 9/10 I’m going to get into a heck lot of trouble. I feel like mental heath deserves some attention and want to try for myself with the energy I have left. When I neglect it for too long (I’ve did for years) I start to go down the slippery slope of suicidle ideations which I got less frequently for the time period that I was receiving support.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1)going behind my parents back
2) makes me an asshole because it already put a strain on their relationship that could worsen
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
How long till you turn 18? Maybe just ride out the storm.
YWNBTA NTA. Explain all this to your new doctors as this sounds like an issue of you not being able to access the care you need. They may be able to help with keeping your healthcare locked down? Idk. Keep yourself safe. Your mother’s reaction to your perfectly reasonable actions are not your responsibility, nor is your parents’ relationship. Soon you’ll be 18 and be legally in control of yourself (appreciate that doesn’t help loads if you’re still having to live with them).
um… u wouldnt be the a-hole cuz… tf????
you’re struggling mentally and you switched physicians becz u think thats best for ur situation, that has nothing to do with ur parents relationship and it shouldnt!!
honestly, if you’re parents relationship is weak, theres nothing u can do to prevent it and anything n anyone can break it. however its not on u!
if you’re parents cant be proper adults and deal with it in their own terms, then it’ll strain the relationship no matter what u do! its not smth for you to be added in to, especially when ur already struggling yourself.
I’d say do it. help yourself! and talk to your physician about this, let them know how you’re struggling with your mother on this decision, maybe have them explain it to ur mother. a lot of times, parents take it better when an expert physician explains it to them becz they’re trained for this work and usually know better ways to word things, plus it might be common too.
This is an advice thing not an AH thing.
I live in the UK and parents can’t control a child’s medical stuff like this, so it’s very weird to me. Children deserve medical autonomy once they are capable of understanding, especially teenagers.
Your parents’ relationship is not on you to manage. Children can put strain on a marriage but they’re not responsible for any breakdown. It is up to the adults to communicate effectively and seek support if they need it.
Also, so what if you were getting an abortion? You’re old enough to have a boyfriend if you want one. Even if you’re extremely careful, you might have an oops baby (plenty of married people have those btw, not just teens and promiscuous people).
None of this is on you. You’re 17, soon to be legally independent. If it was me, I’d put into a letter something along the lines of ‘it really hurts that you still don’t trust me and treat me like a child, despite all evidence to the contrary. I would like to be more independent which will help me transition into adulthood and you are stifling that. Worse, you are putting a lot of stress upon me for trying to set developmentally appropriate boundaries.’
NTA
Your parents are a problem but they are NOT your problem. Their relationship is for them to resolve, not you. Do you have any other family who can support you? It sounds like a very difficult and disruptive situation and I am very sorry you have to deal with it. Don’t feel guilty about your parents – it really is not your fault at all. As you are under 18, you have limited options which is why I am asking if there are other family members who could offer you some help.
Sweet sweet child. Never compromise your health for someone’s confort.
NTA. GTFO.
NTA. You’re 17, old enough to start taking control of your health. If your parents can’t or won’t support you, you’re not wrong for doing what you need to stay safe
do what’s needed for you.
NTA
>
when im really well behaved and never had a boyfriend.
Also just incase u didnt know, “Having a boyfriend” doesnt mean you’re not well behaved XD
NTA. Not by any means. As others have said, at 17 you need to do what’s right for you. If your parents can hear the truth without blowing up, tell them. If not, just do what’s right for you and don’t worry about your parents.
My question is about why you are being pushed to take the MCAT at 17? In the US, you would normally take the MCAT when you are in your last year at university at 20ish or older. Are you nearing completion of uni at 17? If so, no wonder you are feeling hyper stressed. Is all of this pressure coming from your parents? If so, I seriously suggest pushing back and postponing. Life is short but it’s not THAT short. Take some time to look after yourself and get healthy.
hi sweetheart, you are NTA for swapping your care provider to somewhere you feel more comfortable.
now that you are 17, you are in charge of your own medical care; when you contact your current provider to switch, ask them to make a note that no one, other than you, has permission to discuss your medical care – including where you are registered. under HIPPA, and GDPR (UK), once you’ve made that a rule it would have to be extreme circumstances (life or death, contacting your next of kin) that would allow them to break it
ask your new care provider to verify any changes of your care with you before they are implemented – including swapping to a different practice. this is in addition to ensuring they are aware that you do not give permission for your mum or anyone else to know about your care.
as other commenters have said; your parents health concerns and relationship concerns are not your problem. whether they are fighting over you, or because of your actions, is irrelevant – this is their adult relationship, that they are responsible for ensuring either continues, or ends in a healthy way. not something for you to be worrying about, on top of everything else in your life.
for what it’s worth, this reddit stranger is very proud of you for taking the necessary steps to look after your mental health, and i hope you continue to do so even if your parents put obstacles in your path. best of luck to you going forward xxx