I know this post is morbid and dark, so I apologize for that.
I (36F) am close to dying. I have terminal cancer and I only have about a year or two left. I’ve accepted and made my peace with it, and I don’t mind openly talking about it. I also have a less than common relationship. My current partner/boyfriend (38M) is also my ex-husband.
Me and him married right out of high school, stayed together through college, had three kids together (12M, 11F, and 4M). We divorced when our daughter was 3 because of his intense work schedule. It was a lot of heartbreak and pain, but at the time it felt right for both of us despite that.
Two years after the divorce I was first diagnosed with cancer, and he reduced his work hours so he could take more time with the kids, and it slowly shifted to him also taking care of me, and we rekindled our romance, but didn’t get remarried. I got lucky the first time around and was declared cancer free at 31. I had my youngest child at 32, and was rediagnosed at 34. We tried treatments but it’s been recently declared terminal.
Please don’t feel sorry for me or throw me a pity party. I’ve gotten to live the life I wanted and I’m okay with the fact that I’ll most likely die before 40. The only thing that causes me any emotional pain is that I won’t see my kids grow up and experience life milestones like graduating, getting married, and having kids.
Long backstory, but here’s the problem. My partner and I have discussed it and we want to remarry each other. I want him to be listed as my husband in my obituary, I want him to be able to make medical decisions in case I’m unable to (this one is big for me because of my situation), and so that he can get Survivor Benefits when I pass.
My sister (38F) says that it’s cruel to remarry him knowing I’m going to die soon, and that if I loved him I wouldn’t have divorced him in the first place and that by remarrying him I’m disrespecting the sanctity of marriage by doing it “willy nilly”. She also said I probably used my diagnosis the first time around to get his pity love so he’d get back with me since it resolved the main issue from our divorce.
So, Reddit, I was wondering if it’s really bad for me to remarry my ex? I love this man, we both regretted our divorce and are so grateful that life brought us back together, but now that I’m close to death we want our love to be legally recognized.
Comments
NTA. STA (sister’s the asshole)
NTA. He is fully aware of what he is agreeing to if he marries you again. Not your sister’s business.
I feel as if I have 0 tools for your question 🙈
I guess the big question is (and only you two can answer it) is what are the gains and downsides of marrige? How would it positivly and negitivly affect you, him and your children?
NTA. While I understand your sister’s feelings, I don’t agree with her. It’s your life to live, not hers.
If your ex is all in on this what business is it for your sister to get involved.
NTA. you should have the right to get all the support you need (and less fingers pointed)
Sis can go pound sand. NTA all the way around. Best wishes in your remaining time.
If he wants to marry you too then NTA
This is honestly quite romantic
NTA. You both are going into this knowing what is happening. I am so sorry. I wish you peace and comfort and much love from your family and friends.
NTA. You have valid and good reasons (both of you) for wanting this to be so. Plus it’s absolutely none of her business.
Absolutely NTAH!!!
Be happy. Don’t let others get in the way.
You’re making the right decision.
Definitely NTA. Yours is a sweet love story full of back and forth decisions that are so typical of human beings. The perfect love stories are boring, no redemption, no spiritual growth. Your story is inspiring. Please do marry and enjoy life with your husband.
NTA. It’s your life, your love, your choice. Your sister’s judgment doesn’t matter here.
Don’t let your sister get in the way of your happiness and that of your immediate family.
YSTA – your sister’s the asshole!!
Do what you and your Ex/Boyfriend want. You both know exactly what you’re doing and everyone else can stay out of it if they disagree.
NTA. He sounds like a decent sort. He likely never stopped loving you and wants to do right by you and his children.
Honestly, it sounds like your sister is jealous and miserable. Ignore her and live the best life you can with the years you have left. Don’t waste your precious time on her nonsense.
NTA at all! You are actually thinking about your partner here. Is there any way that your sister can benefit after you go if you aren’t married?
Your sister sucks! NTA!
Wow. I’m not going to say your sister is an idiot or an AH, since I don’t know her. But on this topic she is just plain WRONG. And she sure seems to be deliberately cruel.
In any case, her opinion is worthless. Ignore her.
If the best thing for you and the father of your children, and probably for those children, is to remarry, then PLEASE do so ASAP and with the blessing of this internet stranger (and I’m guessing, without having read any other comments here, of every person who reads this post. My very best wishes to you and your partner & children.
Ive known people who are married but divorced and remarried 3 times. Do whatever you guys want to make you happy. If its consensual, its all groovy. NTA dont let someone tell you how you how to live your last bit of life. Dont be self conscious. Enjoy your life amd do what feels right to YOU
Sister is truly sick, avoid like plague. Remarry and find peace with each other and your children. They will learn a lot from your struggles and strength.
Why does your sister even think she has a say in the matter? It’s none of her business. This is between you and your man period.
Your sister is a jerk! Absolutely get married. It makes 100% complete sense all the way around. Your sister sounds jealous of your love or is just a miserable human being
NTA. And as a practical matter, you’re going to be leaving him with a much more complicated situation if you’re not married. Estates are a mess, but if you’re married it’s basically all automatic.
NTA, he’s well aware of the situation, and it might be an emotional comfort for him as well as you. It can be easier to say that he’s widowed, than that he lost an ex which could mean many things. As long as both of you want to, go for it. ❤️
NTA. Marriage will make all of the legal and financial stuff dramatically easier for him when you pass.
You’re simply choosing to face your remaining time on Earth with the man you love by your side, on your own terms. Love and life is complicated enough. You do you.
Nta if he’s willing go for it and your sister is wrong
NTA
Your sister isn’t even making sense. Terminal cancer means you’re going to die either way, and your partner is going to be just as devastated whether you remarry or not.
I say, congratulations on finding each other, and deciding to marry. Congratulations on having the kind of love that includes the “in sickness and health” part. Congratulations on having a clear, practical plan for your end of life care. I hope it’s a beautiful wedding with your kids, your once-and-future husband, and all the love you deserve.
Why is your sister such a hateful cnt to her dying sibling? Do you want that energy anywhere near you during your final rotations around the sun? Cuz, I surely wouldn’t deal with anyone like that with limited time left.
I hope you have peace and love in your final rotations around the sun.
I’m trying to figure out why your sister doesn’t like you. She’s incredibly hateful.
NTA! Your sister sounds like a LOON!
I wish you peace in the time you have left and also for your kids. Apologies if I’m overstepping, have you considered leaving them cards, letters, and videos for when or several they can receive as they get older?
Just a thought. Plenty of pics too.
Apologies for overstepping.
NTA!! Marry the man!! To me, it seems like your sister is jealous and wants to marry him instead. Enjoy the time you have sound whatever you want.
Guilt tripping a terminally ill family member is wild.
Shouldn’t even be a question – if it makes you both happy, then do it.
Life is complicated, and messy. People are complicated and messy; we can make mistakes, and we can change and can grow. It’s not a traditional a to b straight line journey perhaps but, it is what it is. People lead all kinds of unorthodox lives and are just fine.
Maybe I understand your sisters point of view (though don’t necessarily agree with it), maybe she’s right about your partner only coming back because you got ill, or maybe she’s wrong. Only he knows that, but your husband/ex-husband is a grown man with the capacity to choose for himself. If he’s making a mistake it’s his to make. The same goes for you too.
It really doesn’t matter what she thinks, or anyone else, it’s your lives and it’s up to you what you do with them.
I hope whatever time you have is filled with love and happiness.
Who cares what anyone else says? You’re essentially married already. You need to be married for 9 months for him to be granted survivor benefits.
Edit: NTA
It’s his decision. If he wants to get married, then you should. I wasn’t able to marry my late fiancé because he would have lost his medical financial assistance since I own my house. I didn’t have any choices on his aftercare, I don’t have his ashes, and his family doesn’t talk to me anymore. I took care of him through all of his treatment, but we didn’t have kids. You’re his wife, everyone including hospital staff knows that, but legally it could cause problems for him in the future. I’m so very sorry you and your family are having to deal with this. I know it sounds cheap and cliche, but I truly send you and your family all my good vibes and prayers. And I wish for strength for you, your husband, and your children.
NTA – Your sister is wrong, you want it he wants it
NTA – but seriously – consult a lawyer. As your surviving spouse he could end up on the hook for what will be astronomical medical and other bills.
This isn’t a TV movie. Your kids (not to mention him) could end up financially deprived if not devastated if your death wipes him out. Also, if you have assets that you can move to a trust for the benefit of the kids and outlive the lookback period, do it.
Guess who inherits everything if you don’t remarry your husband? You should absolutely marry him. It makes total sense.
NTA for remarrying. But you ATA for divorcing in the first place because of his work schedule. Y’all should have figured that stuff out without divorcing. If you are religious, make peace with that before the end.
But glad to see y’all remarry.
Looks like a beautiful marriage coming up.
Who cares what your sister wants. If your ex wants it along with you, that’s all that matters!
NTA. And your sister is an unsupportive, judgemental b*!ch
NTA, this is between the two of you. Tell your sister to mind her own business
Gosh no, NTA at all OP. Your sister needs to keep her fkd up thoughts to herself. No one normal thinks like that, let alone says such cruel things out loud. I’d be going LC with her if she said that to me.
The decision to remarry is only between you and your partner. It’s no one else’s business how you decide to live the remainder of your life, but I for one think it’s an absolutely beautiful idea that will create cherished memories for your partner and children to hold onto when you’ve gained your angel wings.
I also hope the doctors prognosis is wrong, they often are, and you’re with your family for many years to come yet. You’re strong and amazing, sending love and squishy hugs xx
This is between you and him. Your sister’s TA.
NTA – I think it would be such a beautiful occasion for your whole family and kids too. It will definitely be a sweet memory for your kids to see their parents together again; even if you one day unfortunately pass on.
Quit listening to your sister. This is between you and him. If that’s what you two want to do go for it. Don’t justify to her any longer or anyone else. Simply say it’s my decision. Don’t bring it up anymore.
NTA. I get what you mean about the medical decision making. Sure there’s other ways with a bunch of paperwork, but having a spouse does make things easier. And you want the man you’ve loved to be the man that’s there to take care of you and the kids in the end.
What’s it got to do with your sister?
Your sister sounds AWFUL. If she doesn’t bring anything positive to your life, cut her off. You don’t need to be dealing with that kind of garbage.
NTA. I wish you both love and joy.
NTA. Only thing that matters is what you two want.
Of course you can marry him.
NTA. Sounds like your bf and you are on the same page for these major decisions, and that’s what counts. And about the ‘pity love’ comment of your sister: I hear some jealousy there. Maybe that life altering news made it more clear for your bf that he needed to slow down on working overtime and make more time for his children, maybe that’s how he realised he wanted to be there for you. I would never judge a man like that. Also, it seems like all these benefits of remarrying are mostly for him- which is again more altruistic than egocentric if anything. For hem to not be hurt by you passing he shouldn’t care that much, but he does so technically remarrying will not make it worse. I even think, since you really love eachother, it might give him more peace of mind. That you’ve regrown to eachother and if you couldn’t make it… that he’d know that he’d be your husband at the time you’d pass. I don’t know how to explain, but I’m definately on your side. I do hope that you’ll be able to cherish the time you have left for as long as possible.
NTA. He’s also agreeing to it and it’s beneficial for him and the kids, and his ability to raise the kids.
It’s no one else’s business.
NTA. This has nothing to do with you sister. The only people that matter in this particular situation are you, him, and your kids.
Sounds to me like your sister needs to mind her own business. NTA.
Please marry him because you love him, he loves you, the kids will know that you are married, and most importantly, they will get your benefits when you pass. It is hard to raise children and he will have to cut down on work to do a good job of it. Please make it easier for the whole family. And then you can die in peace. As a nurse, I know all about that. Many blessings😊
You will die and he will be without you whether you remarry or not. Live your life. Tell your sister to mind her business. YWNBTA.
NTA: He clearly never stopped loving you & the kids. He has made huge sacrifices & took on the burden of your care. Typically, an ex doesn’t do all that. You love him too, & want the best outcome for him in these circumstances. Your sister sounds bitter, jealous and toxic.
Your time is limited. Spend it with people who love & support you (not your sister).
NTA. Your soon to be Husband is an adult and can decide for himself
nta sister is an sanctimonious %$#@, do what is best for you and future husband mentally and financially (survivors benefits) as those also are also helping the kids as well
Yeah, stop listening to your sister. She should shut the hell up and support you in whatever you want to do. NTA.
Tell your sister I said to fuck right off.
All your reasons sound solid. Why does it matter what your sister says?
NTA: He agreed and you agreed that’s what matters
Those are his calls to make, not your sister’s. She should do him the courtesy of believing he knows more about who he is and what he wants than she does.
Marry that man at the courthouse on Monday. NTAH. Stop wasting time second-guessing a beautiful life of love. Don’t allow others to dictate and manipulate both of your feelings.
You’re dying. It’s ok to do what you want.
NTA You are both consenting adults, so why is your sister making it her business? You have kids with the man and have been married before, so it isn’t “willy nilly.” Tell your sister to shove it up her arse and go get married! 🥰💞
If it’s what you and he want, who cares what anyone else thinks?
NTA. You are both grown adults and know full well what you are getting into. That said your relationship is none of her business.
OP I’m so sorry for what you are going through, you could write some letters for your kids for the big milestones like graduation, marriage and having kids, so you are still being a part of it even if you won’t be there
NTA, your sister is an idiot.
You love each other: get married.
Sounds like it would be a personal triumph for you both.
Nta. May you die with not regrets and your head held high, knowing you got the most out of life!
As other People stated, your Sister can suck eggs.
Love isnt some romance story crap, All perfect and with no bumps.
Your sister sounds like she needs to stay in her own lane.
Your sister is TA go to the chapel boo.
There is nothing “willy nilly” about yours and your husband’s decision. What you’ve listed are very valid reasons, both legally and EMOTIONALLY. For both of you.
I’m so sorry you’re faced with this terminal fuckery.
You deserve to be happy and whole with what lies ahead.
Your sister sounds like a POS telling you that he stayed out of pity. Fuck her right the hell off.
NTA why care what your sister thinks? If you two agree, do it
Try the molasses and baking soda combo daily. No harm 🤷🏼♀️
Marry him be blissfully happy
Don’t listen to your sister. It will be sweet to remarry
He obviously loves you a great deal. Your sister is not only putting her two cents in where it doesn’t belong but doing it in a most cruel way. What does she have against you? Marrying your ex serves more than one purpose and makes perfect sense given it’s what you both want. NTA. Tell your sister she’s been overruled.
NTA. It sounds like you both want the marriage and it sounds like it’s what’s best.
No you’re not, I think it’s a good idea.
NTAH. Being remarried might actually make things easier on him when you die, because he would have legal authority to make decisions for the kids
NTA
You need someone who can make decisions for you…either your husband or your sister
I think you would rather it be your husband
Fuck your sister. Nothin else to say.
Do it, and do the best you can to enjoy the time you have left together. NTA.
Do it, it makes everything so much easier for you and for him. If you don’t, other people need to make legal decisions about your life, don’t think you would want that.
Updateme!
your sister should mind her affairs. the man has made his decision just as much as you have. people may not understand it or agree with it but it was made in unison between 2 people and it just so happens your sister is not one of those 2… NTA… ride on, be happy. i dont pity for you. im happy that your happy and that is all that matters.
NTA. Nobody’s date of death is set in stone, we all expire weather expected or not. What matters is the quality of our time here. If being together makes both of you happy why would anyone else’s opinion matter?
I wish you and your family many many blessed moments.
NTA
tell your sister to get fucked. she is so wildly out of line.
you are two consenting adults so anyone else’s opinions or judgments aren’t your concern.
Also.. getting married could absolutely help down the line with medical issues given how hospitals can be about not letting non family members into rooms or not sharing information or allowing them to make decisions.
NTA, but I wouldn’t recommend it. You’ll saddle him with all of the debt accumulated from your treatment. You could legally make him your medical representative if you’re unable to make decisions. I don’t know what the steps are, but I think it’s doable. You also don’t have to be married to put him as a partner or husband in the obituary. It’s kind of up to whoever plans the funeral to prep all of that. The funeral home and news, if published in a newspaper, will put whatever you give them.
I could be wrong about this, but it’s from personal and family experiences.
May the journey be peaceful and the time left well spent internet stranger.
NTA. If he is fully aware of your situation and wants to remarry? Go for it.
It’s no business of your sisters. And I disagree with her. You have 3 kids together too and you need to be sure they are taken care of.
All the very best to you.
NTA. Marriage is between two consenting adults. Extended family opinions don’t matter. You both love each other and want to get married, so get married. Tell your sister to worry about her own marriage (or lack thereof depending on the circumstances). :>
NTA, and it really ain’t any of your sister’s business if y’all do remarry. It’s what both of you want, he knows the health issues, and still wants that too.
My view; if it makes you happy, and ya ain’t hurting yourself or anyone else, do. Be happy, we’re only in this life once, so why live miserable?
Lmfao, “sanctity of marriage”. You can confidently ignore anyone’s opinion who uses that phrase w out mocking it.
Your sister should mind her own business. If you want to marry the dude, do it. She can make her own choices about her own partner. All that you have said makes perfect sense, marry the man, have a party, life is short however you look at it.
NTA Look you don’t need anyone’s approval to get married except the person you wanna be married to. Your sister trying to make it a negative thing is just plain mean. Love your man, enjoy your kids, enjoy your life while you can. PS I’m sorry for your diagnosis
NTA! How could you two remarrying be bad? I see only positive in doing so. In addition to what you listed as pros (and I don’t remember any cons), I bet your kids would feel more secure whenever you do shuffle off this mortal coil. Your kids are in a kind of tough spot, but having their dad there will be a boon to them. I bet if you do remarry, the kids will know dad isn’t going anywhere.
Your sister should mind her own business. You’d think she’d be happy for you!
Best wishes to you and your family.
Your sister isn’t the one dying, you and she has no idea of the importance you remarrying go ahead and do it congratulations.
Ask your sister if she has feelings for him or something.
NTA, but your sister is kinda fishy
If you don’t want to tell your sister off, I’ll happily do that for both of you.
Wishing you both happiness and love.
Your sister is jealous. tell her to mind her own business.
NTA He is 36 and is going into this with eyes open. Relationships are complicated and people can grow apart but they can also grow together. It’s rare but not impossible. Your sister can butt out, this is between you and your partner.
Or looking at it differently, he reconsidered his priorities in light of your diagnosis and chose you and the kids over work. Absolutely remarry. You’ve been honest with him and there are many reasons this seems like a good idea for you both, and one reason it’s a bad idea for your sister. If he wants this and you want this and your kids are happy, that’s all that matters. NTA
Your sister has literally no saying this. This is between you and him. Why does your sisters irrelevant opinion matter literally at all to you? Would you seriously not marry him even though he wants to marry you because of something your sister said? That’s ridiculous
NTA
NTA. My parents sort of got back together after splitting up 17 years earlier when my mom was dying. They had never technically divorced. Had they been divorced not separated, I could see a chance they would have remarried. I made all my mom’s medical decisions (I was 23 and closest to her), but my dad who had lived separately since I was 6 was there every day. Good luck to you both. Hugs to you and your kids and the groom.
Your sister sounds like a fuckin hater. You’re NTA. I’m glad you and your ex were able to find your love again. Marry that man and live out the remainder of your life in peace
Ugh, time to ghost your nasty, jealous, toxic excuse for a sister.
Does your sister think he won’t be hurt if you die and you don’t marry him?
NTA.
If he is willing to go in this last journey with you, then I think it would be wonderful to marry him again. I would advise that the two of you sit down with an estate lawyer before your marriage and talk about your diagnosis, how you want to structure your end time, and what documents and estate planning you need to do together to make that happen.
NTA. Damn dusty room. I’m not crying. You’re crying.
It would be cruel if he didn’t know.
Marry him tomorrow and to hell with everyone else. He’s there for you and the kids and your sister needs to shut up.
Life is short. Time is luck….. follow your heart ❤️
NTA. He’s fully aware of what’s going on here, he knows you’re terminal. You both regret the divorce, and you’ve clearly come back together as a team. Your reasons for marrying again are sound, you trust him to make decisions for you if necessary and this will help him financially after you’re gone, too. You clearly want to be together, officially, not just as boyfriend and girlfriend.
I’d be against this if he was unaware of your prognosis, but he’s very aware that you have limited time together. You both want to make the most of that time as husband and wife, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Given the situation, I think it would be selfish NOT to marry him again. Marrying helps you both and you both want it. In this case, I think you’re being both selfish and selfless, because you want this for you, but also want this for him. Go ahead and get married again, be happy together for as long as you can, create memories as a couple and as a family with your children. You know you’re dying, you should be doing whatever it takes to make yourself and those closest to you happy during this time, give them all great memories to hold onto in the future.
Whose decision is this?
Just figure that out and you’ll be okay.
Neither of you are minors. It is okay to make the choices y’all want to make.
Anyone else’s opinions are just noise.
How is your sister “benefitting” financialy from your passing if you are not married?
Your sister sucks. Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials!!
Don’t listen to your sister and do what’s right for you, your partner and your children.
Nta. Your sister is an idiot. She’s out of her depth in this situation. The only opinions that matter are you and your husband. He’s ready. Take the leap again. Live out your days in happiness with your family.
I think he can make his own decisions. I would do it for my ex if I was single. I don’t think the marriage would make it any more or any less painful.
Also, I know everyone wants to give advice when it comes to cancer, and some people stop taking advice because they accept their fate.
I knew someone who was diagnosed with cancer in their early 30s. They beat it. Someone later convinced him that eating meat was the cause. He became a vegan. He then was always lethargic and cold. Couple of years later, we learned his cancer was back and raging. He got this attitude that it was his fate.
Anyway, I convinced him to try giving up all carbs and to start intermediate fasting, but to start it off by fasting for at least a couple of days. He did. Long story short. His cancer went into remission, and he was declared cancer free.
He also knows his chances of dying from cancer are higher than most people’s, but at least he gets more time here.
BTW. His doctors had told him that his cancer was aggressive and that he had up to a year to live and to make arrangements — that if he was in his 40s or 50s, he’d have up to 6 months to live.
Wow your sister sounds like a horrible person. Am I right in guessing she’s a christian? She sure sounds like one.
I think there are lots of good reasons for you to get remarried, the most important one being that both of the people who are actually marrying want to be married to each other.
I think it will be of comfort to your children too, either now or down the track, to know that their parents loved each other at the end. Plus all of the good reasons you have already listed.
I can’t see how anyone would be negatively affected by this marriage.
So like you guys are functionally together, yeah 100% nta, weird comment from sister. Did uhm something weird happen with them? Regardless, f cancer and good luck on your journey.
NTA It’s what you both want, so do it. Surround yourself and your family with love.
Come on ChatGPT, we know that machines can’t have cancer.
Nta. If that’s also what your ex wants then go for it. You’re both consenting adults and know what the situation is.
NTA. tell that woman to keep her Willy Nilly attitude to herself. You and your partner have discussed the matter and it is up to you and you alone. A couple of things to consider: if you are on Medicaid for your treatment, you may lose eligibility upon getting married. Medical power of attorney can be arranged, married or not. Survivor benefits…not sure how this works with social security, but any pension, Ira, cd, can be directed to him if you want, not dependent on marriage. All that aside, if you two are in love and really want to remarry, then hire a justice of the peace and a hall and go for it! Uh a new dress and celebrate life together! And roses! Ooo roses!
You do you lady, love him marry him don’t marry him, do what makes you happy and anybody else who has an opinion can kick rocks!
NTA at all!
Your sister’s comments are incredibly cruel and misguided. You’re choosing to celebrate your love and provide your partner with important legal and financial security during a difficult time. Remarrying for love and practical reasons before you pass is a compassionate and entirely valid decision. Live your life and love your way.
If he’s on board – do it x
Who cares what you sister says . Your husband is aware you are slowly drifting away and is ok with marrying, it will benefit him and your kids , and give you all one beautiful memory to cherish, and some rejoicement in this hard time. Plus the message for your kids is beautiful that love is stronger.
Do it all that make you and your loved ones happy before crossing the bridge my friend.
Your sister is wrong. This is honestly a truly beautiful story, OP. I won’t feel sorry for you. My mom and dad are both fighting terminal diagnoses so I can (somewhat but obviously not entirely) relate.
But I will celebrate you. I will celebrate your fight, your courage, your grace in acceptance and the strength that will be passed on to your kids. I needed this today OP. So much more than I can explain.
If this is what you want, you marry that man. You do it for you. Flush the world out and ignore it, you have time with your kids and your loved ones and you are choosing to celebrate it in beauty.
I’m rambling. But just know that this story has made you a hero to a random 34 year old stranger you’ll never meet. I’m rooting for you and I thank you for sharing.
Wtf is wrong with your sister (sounds a bit like jealousy). You should Do what’s best for you guys.
Your sister’s OPINION should have ZERO influence over YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DECISION. Full stop.
NTA, it’s none of your sisters damned business!
He’s been there for you through it all – MARRY HIM!!
NTA. You and your partner thought you were doing the right thing, but made a mistake when you divorced. You resolved it when you came back together.
How can it be “more cruel” to be married to the love of your life and the father of your children when you die? Logistically, you will be making things easier. Losing you will no doubt be the hardest thing your family will ever go through. It’s not going to be any worse for him if you’re married. In fact, I’m sure being married will bring your partner and kids a deep sense of comfort to shore up their sorrow.
Please marry him. Confirm and codify the love you have for one another now. It will be comforting for both of you.
May you find joy and love in all the little blessings of your remaining days, and when your time comes, may it come peacefully. All my best wishes to you and your family.
NTA He is informed about everything and still willing to remarry you. Your sister should respect that this is not her business and stay out of it.
Your sister is TA. You haven’t lied to him and all the reasons you’ve listed are reasonable, also given that he’s the father of your kids – in terms of making sure your wishes are carried out. I wish you beauty, peace and love however long you have left.
It’s none of your sisters business and she doesn’t get a vote!
Has she always treated you this way?
Get married and ignore your sister.
You’re in my positive thoughts OP and definitely NTA.
NTA, but your sister sure is.
Definitely remarry. It’s something both of you want for your family. I think it’s a beautiful thing. He loves you. You care for each other. I think it’s also something beautiful for your children to see their parents love for each other in this horrible situation. They will always have that memory of their parents and the wedding. Their mom and dad together.
Then there is also the seriousness of what you want him to be able to do for you when the time comes.
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Finally, back to your sister and her opinions.
Your sister’s opinion is pretty disrespectful even if she thinks she is being considerate. To have the gall to tell you what she did actually pissed me off.
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I wish you the best. I hope you make some beautiful memories among the painful ones that your family will remember you by.
I’m not religious or atheist, but I believe we are all connected. From the rocks in the ground to the stars in the sky we are all one thing.
My dad died 5 years ago. He suffered for years and was a literal skeleton by the end. I spent 3 weeks with him before I had to travel back to Brazil. A week later, I was working and suddenly I felt a joy that I had never experienced before. It flooded me and then I knew. My dad had passed.
About 5 minutes later my brother called to tell me, but I told him that I already knew dad had passed.
🫶
My grandfather’s dearest sister died very early in her adult life from TB. She spent a lot of time in the sanitorium and before she died she married a fellow patient. They both knew they wouldn’t have a big future together but what mattered most was everything they shared at that very moment.
I grew up hearing that story from my grandfather because it became a vitally important part of his life philosophy that he really felt he needed to pass on to all of us in her name. Make the best decision you can right now. Do what makes you happiest right now. Don’t ever be so afraid of what might happen tomorrow that you forget to love and to live today.
I wish you all the love and blessings. This is something your partner wants. It’s something precious you can share with him and your children. Tell your sister to piss off.
You are both adults that can communicate and make your own minds up.
Never mind what any one else says , not their business.
NTA
NTA. The “sanctity” of marriage isn’t all that relevant when it’s also a government institution.
NTA sounds like a good idea you’re both informed adults and sounds like the right move. Sorry about your sister being a b×tch
Sister needs to butt out!
Marry that man.
My husband and I almost divorced a few years ago. He was an alcoholic and it got BAD. After some events that took place, we started talking again. I had already filed for divorce, had an attorney, dates scheduled etc etc etc. one day I turned to him and he looked me dead in the face and said “If you do decide to go forward with the divorce, I’ll marry you again.”
So marry that man again and live the rest of your days with your husband!!
You put on a great dress and you marry him. Make it everything you want it to be. Celebrate your love and honor your truth. Also, it’s smart to line him up with survivor benefits and access to help make decisions. This is very practical and good for you for being realistic.
I hope you enjoy the time you have and have peace always. You are brave. Be sure to let him know all your wishes as well and maybe even pre plan as much as you can.
Let your kids know you will always be with them.
NTA
NTA
It’s good for you. It’s good for your children. It’s good for your future re-husband. You ended things on paper, but remarrying shows you are demonstrating the sanctity more than most in that you two figured out how to fix it, even if it was late.
Be cautious of people who find ways to make things like this about themselves and their beliefs. You should be spending the remainder of your time focused on your spouse and children and enjoying what you can. If people bring drama into your life, no matter how much you love them, it may be time to reduce contact or create a bit of distance. Make your will airtight that your spouse and children get everything and FULL custody goes to your spouse and your spouse alone. Make sure everyone who wants an opinion is made aware that they will not have any benefit in your death, so their opinion is unwelcome in your remaining life. Loving family often hear things like that and realize they are taking things too far and sort themselves out, and I hope your sister is one of those people.
Wishing you the happiest days ahead with a wedding filled with love and laughter. Wishing your children an easier transition than most and that they always have you looking out for them.
What you do is between you two.
Also, by getting remarried, your children will stay with your husband and not go to your sister as next of kin upon your death. Which could be the motivation behind her not wanting you to remarry him.
NTA at all, it sounds like both of you this entire time have been doing what’s right for you and your children. It doesn’t matter what your sister thinks, it matters what makes YOUR FAMILY feel whole.
NTA Your sister is wrong. She sounds kind of immature and not experienced with serious matters like this.
And your sister has a stake in this how?
Do what you want to do!
Sis doesn’t make any sense. You’re currently partnered, you’re going to die whether you’re married or not, he’s going to be heartbroken whether you’re married or not. As long as your partner knows about your prognosis, it’s yours/his decision.
I’m happy for you that you’ve found your peace with your prognosis. I hope the rest of your life together with your partner and children will be full of wonderful moments that your family can cherish. 🩷
It’s not a bad thing to do at all. I think it’s the right choice for you and for him and is a lovely thing to do.
It’s hardly “willy nilly”. I don’t think your sister is making sense. Also, the only people who need to be happy with your choice is you and your husband to be.
Nta he knows everything and it’s his choice but your sister needs to mind her own business. What does your sister get if you’re not married?. I just can’t imagine ever saying to someone that was ill that it was cruel to marry their love. So I wonder what she gets out of if you’re not married?. I’ve lost a brother and if ever said to me he wanted to marry his first love who was awful. I would have help with the plans smiled and hoped in the end he passed happy.
NTA. If you’re both fully informed and consenting, nobody else’s opinion matters. Wishing you the best.
Apparently, you love each other very much. It’s obvious by your post and this man asked you to marry him. I do not see any any in that. There are places being married he will be able to carry out your wishes if you become incapacitated or unable to make those decisions. Ignore your sister. She didn’t contribute anything.
I would say yes go ahead and marry him
NTA. Please remarry the man. He knows what he is doing. It is not that you are hiding the fact you are dying. It will make medical decisions easier is he is the spouse. And you have children together. Why not have him listed as your (late) husband. Everything before doesn’t matter. In the end he was your husband and was there for you.
Tell your sister to go fuck herself. Who is she to say how you should spend the rest of your life?!?
Remarry your ex. Make him your husband. Become his wife. Cherish each other for the time you have left. Make it count. Every damn minute of it.
I know of what I speak. I lost my husband 3.5 years ago to cancer. I’d give anything for just one more hour with him.
With my whole heart and soul, I wish you both the best.
Yes, marry him! I lost my best friend to cancer 2 years ago. I hate cancer. There is the saying “Don’t delay happiness.” That saying applies to you! Your sister sure is a wet blanket. Get married and have whatever dress you love and your kids in the ceremony. Beautiful wishes to you. Your kids will have these beautiful memories of you and your sister can do the guestbook 🤣😅.
Love to you and yours. ❤️
NTA.
Sounds like your sister is the asshole. If BF/ EX wants to remarry, then do it. But maybe also set aside some money for just the kids in a trust or something. Or not. You know what’s best for you
Yeah do it man, if its gonna help him in the long run its gonna help your kids too , it sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea , like if hes a good guy and father i see no reason not to
NTA, and who cares what anyone else thinks?!? It’s YOUR relationship, you love each other and if it feels right to the both of you, then go for it.
Nta remarry the man dump the sister
Nta. From a medical standpoint, at least he’d be empowered to see your wishes through. From an emotional stand point, I think it’s beautiful that you found the love in each other you once had and encourage you to do it if it brings peace of mind and closure.
NTA. That decision is up to you and your man, no one else! You both found your way back to each other, and other than solidifying a love you both have for each other, your also looking at the benefits for him and your kids after you do pass. As morbid as that may sound. But it has nothing to do with anyone else. Also, is your sister unlucky in love or something? Such a negative take on your relationship. You’re disrespecting nothing. You both made a choice, and you will both make a choice on this. If you were to marry someone else would it be disrespecting the sanctity of marriage or would it be ok because you hadn’t divorced him?
Also I know you don’t want a pity party, but I truly am sorry! Make the most of the time you have left with your beautiful family! Wishing you all the best!
What matters is what you and him both want. If he wants it and you want it, then do it
NTA but wow your sister is. Get married to him if that’s what you both want to do. Your sister is a jerk.
Besides the fact that your together, it makes the will, obituary and everything else so much easier. Wonder if sister thinks she has some claim to whatever assets etc you may have.
NTA
Marry your husband.
So many men leave their wives when the wives get sick. This man came back and supported you and y’all’s kids when you got cancer. He’s a hero.
Your sister must be blinded by grief or something because she’s giving colossally bad advice here.
Your partner is a grown man. You’re making grown up choices and decisions together, while she’s preaching from the sidelines about pseudo-academic nonsense.
You know why you’re doing what you’re doing, and so does he. Hold your course.