Hello! I am the middle child in my family. I have an older sister and a younger half sister. We were all raised by my step dad and mom. My mom and step dad got married when I was 2 years old.
We were raised very differently though. I had strict rules and no money thrown at me. If I needed a tutor I had to figure it out myself. If I wanted to do activities after school again figure it out myself. I got grounded for weeks at a time for the smallest things like rolling my eyes or asking “why” when one of the parents said something. I was often encouraged to quit things I wasn’t perfect at. Despite all this I got into college, was president of multiple clubs, got decent grades, a decent SAT score, and a crazy amount of volunteer hours. I went to a state school on a full ride… all figured out on my own. In fact my parents didn’t even know where I applied to school and not because I didn’t mention it.
Now it’s my sister’s turn to apply to schools. She made fun of me for “only” going to a state school. She says only dumb people do that. She never cleans after herself and sits on her phone all day. She was given a tutor that charges $95 an hour to improve her grades. She was given a different tutor to improve the below average SAT score. She was given unlimited money to join activities but refused except for one social club. She was also given a brand new car to get to and from activities (I did not have a car). Now they’ve hired a college application coach for her. This person charges $150 an hour. So despite having all the resources handed to her on a platter she and the coach have decided she needs to lie about what activities she has participated in. Our parents said they would pay every college cost no matter how much it costs even without a scholarship (this was not the same for me or the other sister).
I felt this wasn’t fair. Not just to me but to the many kids who didn’t have her opportunities. She refused the opportunities other kids dream of and now she’s going to steal a spot that belongs to someone else at a school.
She makes fun of me for going to a cost friendly school but she needs to lie to get into school. There are kids busting their butt to get into school who can’t afford to even eat 3 meals a day.
WIBTAH if I said something?
Edit: I forgot to mention that I was asked to write her admissions essay which is part of the reason I have so much information.
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Hello! I am the middle child in my family. I have an older sister and a younger half sister. We were all raised by my step dad and mom. My mom and step dad got married when I was 2 years old.
We were raised very differently though. I had strict rules and no money thrown at me. If I needed a tutor I had to figure it out myself. If I wanted to do activities after school again figure it out myself. I got grounded for weeks at a time for the smallest things like rolling my eyes or asking “why” when one of the parents said something. I was often encouraged to quit things I wasn’t perfect at. Despite all this I got into college, was president of multiple clubs, got decent grades, a decent SAT score, and a crazy amount of volunteer hours. I went to a state school on a full ride… all figured out on my own. In fact my parents didn’t even know where I applied to school and not because I didn’t mention it.
Now it’s my sister’s turn to apply to schools. She made fun of me for “only” going to a state school. She says only dumb people do that. She never cleans after herself and sits on her phone all day. She was given a tutor that charges $95 an hour to improve her grades. She was given a different tutor to improve the below average SAT score. She was given unlimited money to join activities but refused except for one social club. She was also given a brand new car to get to and from activities (I did not have a car). Now they’ve hired a college application coach for her. This person charges $150 an hour. So despite having all the resources handed to her on a platter she and the coach have decided she needs to lie about what activities she has participated in. Our parents said they would pay every college cost no matter how much it costs even without a scholarship (this was not the same for me or the other sister).
I felt this wasn’t fair. Not just to me but to the many kids who didn’t have her opportunities. She refused the opportunities other kids dream of and now she’s going to steal a spot that belongs to someone else at a school.
She makes fun of me for going to a cost friendly school but she needs to lie to get into school. There are kids busting their butt to get into school who can’t afford to even eat 3 meals a day.
WIBTAH if I said something?
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> Would it make me an asshole if I told someone she is lying to get into college? This may make me the asshole because it would make our family so mad and ruin her chances of going to the prestigious schools she expects to go to.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This is basically what happened in the college admissions scandal.
Lots of missing context in this one. I feel like we are not getting an accurate picture of the story.
Man leave her alone what you do will come back to you
I feel like this is a slight ESH
Techically, its none of your buisness. If she is willing to lie to get into college, i have a feeling she will lie when she is in college, and they take dishonestly very seriously.
She sounds spoiled and rude. i would report the application coach for encouraging dishonesty though.
NTA, but honestly, it sounds like you’d be better off just cutting these people out of your life entirely.
You’re 💯 correct that lying takes a spot away from someone more deserving.
I’m not going to declare you an a$$hole for ratting on her or not. That’s on your conscience. You need to think about the consequences with your family.
I mean, NTA clearly but who would you report to? What proof do you have? Crappy situation and unfair, as you point out. No matter how much it sucks, though, it’s probably best to move on and try to ‘forget’ about the dishonesty and selfishness happening. It’s out of your control, and quite frankly, it’s not worth your time. Don’t let the advantages your sister has been handed detract from your numerous accomplishments and work ethic. You’ve earned your keep, and that’s something not many (including your youngest sister) can say very often. The dividends will pay off in the end.
NTA but I would consider where you think how this will end and if it’s worth your energy. If your parents raised you so very differently do you think they will actually care? If you’re reporting to the school and they find out, are you prepared to be the villain?
For me, I wouldn’t. Having integrity and strength doesn’t always have to be said, sometimes people out themselves. For you, will you actually feel better after reporting her? Sounds a bit beneath you for such a strong, independent person.
havent you realized that our entire society is based upon scamming at this point? /s but kinda not. anyway, if what you wrote is the exact truth, i can understand your feelings. its probably best to stay out of it, but i can understand if youre pissed at these people. i dont know what the answer is here.
You get out of college what you put into it.
You gave goals and dreams and your efforts have and will continue to be rewarded.
Money can’t buy everything. Your parents can’t buy her a work ethic.
Just drop it. It’s not a contest. Who knows what the University would even do about it? You may be the better person, but a slight YTA if you report it.
I understand your resentment for sure, but this sounds like petty jealousy, which is no reason to sabotage her future. I’m going with ESH. I suggest you let karma catch up to your sister, and it surely will. Worst case, she gets admitted to an out of town school and you’re rid of her.
I mean, reporting her would be fine, but if I were you I’d think a bit about what your goals are and what is and isn’t the best use of your energy. Report her…to whom? To what end? There’s a decent chance (like, a very hefty one actually) that whatever entity you’re thinking of reporting to is just going to say “thank you for your concerns” and proceed exactly as they were with reviewing college applications. Wouldn’t it be a better use of your time and energy to focus on your own studies, goals, and relationships than to search for ways of maybe, potentially, possibly mildly inconveniencing your sister?
You’re clearly massively jealous of your sister, and I think that’s clouding your judgement and making you overestimate the impact you’d have by “reporting” her.
Nah report her wtf, with that much support she shouldnt need to lie. shes just spoiled
No matter her advantages, you will achieve more than she has ever dreamed of. And yes, I can tell. Then move forward with your life, kicking them all off, like dog turd on your shoe, and leave them all behind.
NTA, but don’t waste your time. People who are used to everything being done for them usually get completely overwhelmed in college. It’ll be a harsh awakening for her when, after paying people all semester to do her homework, she completely bombs the oral presentations and in-person exams. (It’s not uncommon to be told to write an essay in class for a topic you don’t know about until the exam begins. And professors generally expect you to recite from memory during oral presentations, and answer questions afterwards.)
It’s not worth the drama. And there’s a decent chance she still won’t get in many schools just by lying about activities. Even of she does, this girl is going to flunk out as soon as she has to put real effort in. Let her fail on her own and focus on never seeing these people again.
Just get some therapy and let it go. My rule is if what you are doing doesn’t impact me negatively then it’s none of my business (not to be construed that I would not stand up for someone else being hurt in a meaningful way). Yes, maybe she’s getting admitted over someone more deserving, but this is not the hill to die on…unless you want to cut ties with all your family., because when they find out…and they will, you will be persona non grata.
Yeesh sounds like mom replaced you and your older sister with the new kid. NTA cut them out of your life. Report her to whatever college admissions boards she applies to if it’s necessary but tbh I feel like it’d be pretty easy for admissions to prove she didn’t do any of the stuff she claims. Like don’t they check references to prove you aren’t lying about your activities and grades?
Congrats on getting into state college btw! Bet your half sister won’t even get into community college even with mommy and daddy buying her way in.
NTA – handy tip for parents, if you want family loyalty from your children the you have to show loyalty and support to each child. If you don’t, you get a (justifiably) bitter child torpedoing your favorite.
YTA cause you did it out of jealousy. There’s never a reason you should be this deep in somebody’s business, even family. Whole post reeks of you being jealous of your sister. It’s understandable, but my god being a hater like this needs to be nipped in the bud.
you are so insufferable. the entitlement and self-pity are just a multiplier. grow up.
Yes, YTA.
I find it hard to believe that you really care about these hypothetical other kids who didn’t have her opportunities. You’re jealous that YOU didn’t get the same opportunities. At the end of the day she’s your little sister — don’t you want the best for her?
I have a younger sister; we are six years apart. By the time my parents had her they were more financially/emotionally stable and had learned from the mistakes they made with me. It would be wrong to resent her for it.
Don’t do it. Look I get why you would feel some kind of way. She will learn her lesson at some point in life…life has a funny way of doing that to ppl. Disregard her comments and just live your life and accomplish your dreams.
Oof, I’m sorry you had to go through all that and have such uncaring, unsupportive parents. I hope you’re proud of yourself for getting so far without their help (although you deserved better).
I completely understand your resentment and the need for some kind of justice, but this is clearly coming from a place of anger and jealousy. And actions motivated by those feelings don’t usually end well. And I don’t think it’ll make you feel much better, esp if you do something and she faces no consequences anyway (then you just make yourself more angry).
I suggest doing nothing snd cutting contact with any members of your family you don’t want in your life. It might take a long time to get over this, but you’ll be better off, and your sister (and parents) will hopefully learn things the hard way. But you’ll be long gone and thriving by then. Don’t sink to their level
WNBTA but the motivations are kind of AH (as much as I sympathize)
ESH. Your sister sounds awful but you sound jealous. Live your best life away from these people.
Yes
YWBTA – and yes, you need therapy. Life isn’t fair. But you need to stay in your own lane and focus on yourself. It would be total batshit crazy for you to reach out to any college to try to thwart your own sister’s college admission, and it says a lot more about your own instability than her potentially lying.
YTA & very petty & incredibly childish.
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There is no point in saying anything. Create your boundaries though because she will either flunk out or will not be able to support herself in the future. So do to what she is doing and your parents make a no money loan and a no live with me boundary. You will need this in the future. Life isn’t fair however it sounds like she is too lazy to benefit from any of it long term. Do you.
NTA. The accountability you want is far from guaranteed. The consequences to you are a certainty. Maybe, just walk away from your toxic family.
As a fellow middle sister, you will never see the justice you seek. Find a way to ignore the pending shit show.
This sounds like Operation Varsity Blues. Your parents are TA if they’re going to knowingly lie on her application. You made it into college on your own merit and so should she. I wouldn’t “report” her because if she’s really like you say then it’s more than likely she’ll flunk out of school. As for you continue to kick ass in school and remain focused on your future. There are more important things for you to occupy your time with. You may be angry, upset, and hurt all emotions that are valid but remain steadfast in your convictions and go low contact for now.
You are spending too much time thinking about her. Focus on the best outcome for your life. You can’t control everything or be the “honesty” police. I get that it is unfair, and I am sorry about that, but don’t poison your own life as a result by focusing on it and being bitter.
Yes YTA . I had to basically parent myself due to a family that was dysfunctional due to mental health issues . I am in my late70s now and look back on my life proudly . It made me the adult that I became . Don’t waste your thoughts about her . Karma will take care of it .
Dude, leave it alone. Look at it this way: you’re self sufficient, you did all that shit by yourself and your sister is probably going to need her hand held through most of life. Even though your parents clearly have a favorite, you persevered and made the best out of a terrible situation. Live your life. Stop worrying about what your sister is doing. It sounds like she doesn’t even like you.
Youre in college. Move on with your life.
Youre focusing your emotional energy on obtaining “justice” for the lack of love you experienced. There is no justice for that. Nothing will make it better.
Everything you do will make it worse.
You clearly have not detached yourself emotionally from the family if you’re still getting this level of detail. That’s a bit sad. You need to love yourself enough to stop obsessing about these people and how they live their lives .
Move away, invest your time and energy into making friends, and make a great life for yourself.
Yta to yourself
So this sister is your dad’s biological daughter and is treated better than you and your sister who are steps? That sucks but don’t do anything. She will mess this up all on her own. Your issue should really be with your parents rather than her. I wouldn’t cut them out of your life but do think you should express how unfair this is to you and your other sister. Don’t expect them to change though. Hold your head high and be proud of all you have done and don’t do anything you would not be proud of. Hugs! 💜
Of course YWBTAH here. You will reap what you sow, and so will your sister… you should be very proud of yourself with everything that you have achieved. Don’t worry about your sister. You do you. And try to stay y away from her if that still hurts you.
Why are you still in contact with your mom, step dad and half sister if they were so horrible to you? How did they treat your older sister? Does your older sister have anything to do with these people?
Personally, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t do it.
You have a lot of grudge against your sister, but it really should be directly towards your parents for the way they’ve clearly spoiled her versus how you and your older sister were treated. I can’t blame you for the way you feel, but there is the saying, “What goes around comes around.” Your sister will get what’s coming, and I’m sure the colleges she applies to will see that.
I’d say, given that your feelings are valid and that morally, you’d be in the right, NTA. Although if your sister tries to plagiarize or use AI for anything she submits, then report her for sure.
YWBTA. Because anywhere she gets into, she’s going to do badly and probably fail/drop off. Obvious consequences of her (lack of) abilities will correct this issue – you don’t need to be the bad guy (or even bother). Enjoy your well-earned success – your parents have not done your sibling any favours here. She is going to have a sad life.
Snitch
YTA here girl lol. I get it. But it’s time to move on. You say you’re in school and etc.) aren’t you busy? Focus on your life instead of your little sisters.
Hey OP, I am you 33 years down the road. My brother is your sister. Let me tell you how this all pans out: YOU are the lucky one. You are going places she can only lie about. You will accomplish things, because you know what it is like to hunger for something and have to work for it. Because you’ve experienced this, you know how to work for it. You will spend your life setting goals, crushing them, and reaping the benefits.
She’ll flunk out of whatever school she gets into, make excuses about how the teachers were mean to her, and come back home. I doubt she will ever finish college. My brother didn’t. He lied on his resumes and got amazing jobs with big corporations. He lived in a mansion in a very expensive city for a while, but when his life fell apart, which it was always going to, he lost the mansion. Now unlike your sister, my brother is as smart as he is entitled. So he could fake things most people could not. I mean, he actually learned his field just by reading books, but the entitlement and delusions of grandeur meant people caught on eventually, and he had to job hop every couple of years. He lied to his wife about who he was, he lied to his kids about his accomplishments and finances- and they all eventually found him out and left him. He’s in his mid 50s and broke, living with his enabling mother again. He was never expected to do chores, so at nearly 80 she is cleaning up after him, and her house is trashed. They deserve each other. His wife and kids don’t see him. Now that things are verifiable on the internet, his “degrees” can be proven fake, too, so there are no more high-paying jobs. He will bleed mommy dry while he tries to find a young woman who is naive enough to believe his lies. It’s not working anymore.
Me? I have a PhD in a science field and I teach and conduct research in an area I am passionate about, and do just fine for myself. I’ve lived in different countries, am fluent in 3 very different languages, and I have a wonderful marriage with my soul mate (it takes work, but it is worth it). I paid off my house this year while living in a separate apartment because I had to move for a job- and I could afford both. Life is good and every thing I say about myself is easily verifiable. Your parents unintentionally gave you the gift of self-actualization. You had to hunger, strategize, work for, and succeed for everything you have. Those skills are invaluable.
YWNBTA if you stopped her from getting a spot some other rich kid will keep a deserving kid from getting. But you don’t have to bother. You are better off just forgetting about her and watching it all play out. I get the jealousy and anger, I really do. But time will show you how badly they failed her, and how good you have it because of the wrong they did you. She’ll dig her own hole on top of hole on top of hole. Who knows, maybe she will marry rich and your parents will leave everything to her. She’s still got the short end of the stick from my perspective. She has no idea how to earn what she most wants in life. Her parents made her less capable of following her dreams than you. She probably doesn’t even know what her true ambitions are. She’s not hungry for anything but more more more. That’s empty.
You’ve already won.
A bit, yes. You would be descending to her level. She sounds like a very insecure person. People don’t say things like that unless they feel inferior to the person they are trying to tear down, and by pointing that out, you would be doing the same to her. That’s a cycle that never ends well.
Have you ever sat down with your mom and told her how much hurt you feel because your sister is being given so many things that they never gave you? Tell her that it makes you feel unloved. Be sure your sister is not in the house and cannot butt in on the conversation. Because the real issue here is not what they are giving her. That is a smoke-screen that you have erected to protect yourself against the real hurt.
Don’t make this about your sister, at least as much as you can. It’s about how you feel. You aren’t responsible for your sister, or how she behaves, Find out why your parents couldn’t help when you were going to college, but they can now. Maybe they had a good reason. Maybe not. But talking it out might help heal some of the hurt.
Report her to who? The application police?
YWBTA. You are resentful of your sister and I understand but your real issue is with your parents not her. Youd just be better off getting your revenge by succeeding. Focus on yourself. Get your degree, move out and cut off your family if you feel as though you are in a good place to do so. When your sister is 30 year old college drop out with no direction in life, your parents will have no one else to blame but themselves.
She has already proven that she does not want to do what it takes to succeed, she needs absolutely no help from you to fail.
Yes, you would be TAH. Don’t do it. If everything you said is true she’ll flunk out within a couple of years, and would honestly struggle to get through the state college route. Let life do the kicking, and just go LC/NC. MTCW.
YTA. And you are her sister? You are vindictive and you are planning to betray your sister in an unimaginable way. If you keep going like this, you will end up all alone.
I don’t know who you think you’re going to report this to. A college application coach doesn’t tell an applicant to lie. They help refine any essays to make the student stand out, among other things. It’s way too easy for a college to check up on any activity your sister claims to have participated in. None of this will guarantee that she’ll get into any school, and it won’t ensure that she won’t flunk out in her first semester. Yes, your parents are treating the two of you very differently and it’s not fair, but don’t let bitterness over this eat you up.
Mind your own business. I understand you feel like life is unfair but do you really hate your sister so much? Who cares if she lied on an application? Why are you invested in destroying her life? Are you jealous of her?
NTA and I know people will disagree because most people are anti-snitch but I am pro-snitch for sure. I fully, 100% think people deserve to be turned in when they’ve done wrong, and I forever root for people to be turned in when they do wrong.
I think that reporting her serves no real purpose other than some kind of vindictive spite to get back at your lazy sister and enabling parents. Is that the kind of person you want to be?
As to the tutors and lessons and coaches etc – she got them when you did not, not out of favouritism, but because she actually needed them. From what you’ve said you sound extremely intelligent, determined and focused, you’ve worked hard and reaped the rewards of that hard work. Your sister either didn’t want to or couldn’t put the effort in, do the work, keep up with the demands of her courses etc so your parents offered every possible helping hand to help her get there. The problem with that approach is that it’s not sustainable. They can pay her tuition and pay for tutors but ultimately she needs to put work in to graduate and pass her classes and if she doesn’t do that then she will fail. There’s only so many excuses or buying her way out of trouble before she can’t be helped and she will find that out for herself. You can’t control the actions of others; either she will grow up and figure out she needs to put in the work to succeed, or she won’t and either way she will reap the consequences. You can control your own actions though, and decide what kind of person you want to be. There will always be people in the world who will cut corners, buy their way in, pay to get out of trouble and coast along with no effort from them whatsoever, that is never going to change – whether it’s your sister, a local elected official, a CEO of a massive company or the POTUS – it is a part of life unfortunately. You can either let that knowledge tear you up and make you bitter and envious or you can accept that you’re doing the right thing, putting the work in and not allow the laziness of others to change you for the worse.
YWBTAH
Live and let live my friend. She sounds annoying but what would you gain from sabotaging her. Is spiteful and vindictive. Stop being so bothered by what she got and you didn’t. Focus on you and your life. Maintain appropriate distance from cruel people. But don’t go out of your way to make other peoples lives hard. What’s the point.
Yes. Don’t be a fuckin rat
Did you write the essay? If not, I fear you might have missed out on a glorious opportunity.
I’d leave it. So she gets into an expensive school that she flunks out of. She gets humiliated, and your parents burn money, and you get to remind them of that on every visit.
Well, isn’t this the same thing that Becky from Full House did to get her kid into a better school? It’s illegal. So you would not be an asshole to rat her out. HOWEVER, I’m sure schools sometimes get communications from people who are jealous, haters, etc trying to stop someone from being accepted so they may not take your complaint seriously.
I can’t blame you for what you want to do. I can’t vote you to be an AH, because I can so very much understand that frustration and anger.
But I have to ask – you want to do this, but to what end? What do you think will truly be the outcome here?
Wishing for her downfall only brings your own soul down. Don’t commit malicious acts under the guise of benevolence. don’t sacrifice your own integrity because of the poison in your family.
NTA. Don’t write her anything and yes, do it, tell to the university.
Go to therapy, leave your sister alone. YTA.
Karma is a bitch.
I wouldn’t do it. It’s up to her to fall flat on her face. If she’s behaving the way you say she is, she’ll fall flat on her face at some point during college. And I hope your parents aren’t there to clean up her mess.
I would tell her to fuck off on writing the essays, though.