throwaway account as my friends know my original account. i (32f) have been together with my partner (30f) for 6 years and we just celebrated our 6th anniversary last april. unfortunately, i found out last january that she had been cheating on me with a co-worker. after finding out, i immediately confronted her and she said it was a mistake and it was nothing, and i forgave her and said that we can try again. three weeks later, i find out that they are still in communication and had another incident. i confronted her again but she pushed it aside, and asked for forgiveness.
another incident happened where the co-worker had to move to another department and he happened to block her (the reason? i dont know, and frankly dont care) and she came home to me crying and saying that she had been blocked by him. that felt like my last straw and wanted a break and so i stayed by my parents place for a week. she came over by the end of the week and told me come back home with her. she said she was sorry and said that we should move it past us. i agreed because i love her, still love her.
it has been months after the first incident and things are different, unsurprisingly so. we are still together and she is back to normal, as if nothing had happened. but i am internally a wreck. we have an upcoming out of town trip for three days in the next weekend and am planning to break up with her after that. i could break up with her before that but i, somehow, still want her to at least leave my side with a happy memory. as a philosopher once said “it matters how this ends, cause what if i never love again?”
wibtah?
Comments
You are 100% gonna love again. And be treated right. And not have to deal with this crap. You are worth so much more than this, NTA!
You’re already the asshole. She cheated on you multiple times and then came crying to you when her affair partner cut her off and you’re still with her. Have some self respect ffs.
Leave her dumbass.
YTA
If you want to break up with her for cheating, do it. Don’t steal a trip while knowing you’re going to dump her. That’s immoral.
But why are you shocked she’s a cheater? She cheated and you agreed it’s not a big deal. If my kid steals my car and drives it into a tree drunk and I tell him it was a mistake and nothing, do you think he’ll learn his lesson?
Next time set boundaries and enforce them. Don’t go on the trip.
Only an AH to yourself. She didn’t care about your happiness when she cheated on you several times with the same guy. And even admitted that she was still communicating with him when she came home
In tears about being blocked by him.
Bro… you have shredded your own sense of self worth so bad you don’t have a choice but to stay with her. She’s going to do this for as long as you are together. Just get used to it. This is your life now.
YTA to yourself. Stop being a doormat and move on. She doesn’t deserve your kindness.
She will keep cheating, if you keep forgiving her and taking her back. Bin her off now! You will then be able to meet the person you are supposed to be with, the one who treats you right- because you deserve it
NTA. Except for allowing her to treat you like this. This is ridiculous. And the fucking audacity to come crying to you after her affair partner blocked her???? she doesn’t respect you and you don’t respect yourself enough either
How are you in your 30s and this spineless?
Crying to you about the affair is a whole other level of “the neeeerrrrrve on some people”
Others nailed it – get out, don’t bean AH to YOURSELF. Break-up, move on, run far away. She isn’t worth it, you can find better in time.
Wait a minute why are you still her boyfriend after six years? Why haven’t you proposed for this? Like that’s odd to be still dating for six solid years and not even being near proposing.
Oh my young friend. Please do the right thing and dump this woman. You deserve better. She thinks she’s pulled a fast one on you. That means she’ll do it again. You can’t trust her and you’re all twisted up inside. Please please my friend. Free yourself.
YTA if you wait until after the trip
NTA is you do it this weekend.
Do you really need an explanation?
Are you TA for separating yourself from low quality people who don’t treat you well? Nope
Could you maybe capitalize your post? I’ll be an asshole.
You want your post judged, but you can’t capitalize your sentences? Isn’t that the bare minimum? Too much heartbreak?
As a philosopher once said, “It matters how you write, cause what if you never write again?”
Why do people care about what others think about you in the end? She cheated!! Why does she matter? What about you?
You are codependent and need to seek therapy. She’s walking all over you and you can only think of giving her a nice memory.
NTA but man, the way I’d have blocked this one and gone no contact a LONG time ago. wow
She deserves nothing along the lines of further respect. Not even another thought.
NTA. I would break up with her now and block her on everything. It’s clear she’s good at manipulating you, so don’t give her the chance. Coordinate everything through a third party.
Also, it’s better to be single and happy than lonely in a relationship.
NTA. Just get it over with though. She doesn’t deserve a nice memory or a trip. You’re being an AH to yourself.
If you stay, then you will be the AH to yourself. Stay with her and expect this for the rest of your life. Expect to not know who the father is of your children.
When they tell you it was only sex and it didn’t mean anything, they are also telling you that your respect and love for them mean nothing to them also.
Hell no. And, save yourself a shit ton of heartache and a shit ton of therapy money and stay away from women who ever have men in their intimate life. Stick to lesbians.
This must be a joke. She is just with you because her lover, after using her, dumped her.
You must break up BEFORE the trip
NTA. If you are struggling to leave, get counseling. Sometimes we stay because we be fear the unknown. You have been a couple for a long time. It’s hard to imaging what life will be like alone. Sometimes people stay because even a bad relationship is better than no relationship because it’s hard to look that far ahead. But there will be a day when you ask yourself why you didn’t leave sooner.
Read this, it will help you.
Cheating on someone you live with is absolutely insane. Think about it… you’re sharing a home, sharing a bed, sharing a life, and still choosing to betray the very person who sees you every single day. It’s not just a mistake. It’s not just “something that happened.” It’s a calculated, deliberate decision that takes a special kind of selfishness and disrespect.
When you live with someone, you’re not just sharing space… you’re sharing routines, responsibilities, intimate moments, vulnerable conversations. That person is waking up next to you, cooking meals with you, folding your laundry, building a home with you. They’re trusting you with their heart, their body, their safety, their peace. And to violate that trust under the same roof? To lie to their face every morning, every night, while hiding a betrayal in the background? That’s a different level of cruelty.
Cheating on someone you live with means coming home to the very person you’re betraying, looking them in the eyes, sitting on the couch next to them, eating dinner across from them, while carrying a secret that could shatter their entire world. It means pretending to love, pretending to care, pretending everything is fine, while creating emotional and physical chaos behind their back.
It’s insane because it’s not just about sex. It’s about the lies you have to tell to keep it going. It’s about the emotional distance you create every time you step outside that door with intentions you’re hiding. It’s about the audacity of using someone’s love, their trust, their home as a cover for your dishonesty. It’s about taking the security they gave you and turning it into a playground for betrayal.
When you live with someone, you’re supposed to be a team. A partnership. A safe place. Cheating destroys all of that. It doesn’t just break trust… it breaks everything. It turns the home into a battlefield, the bed into a lie, the shared memories into painful reminders. And the worst part? It’s so avoidable. You could’ve left. You could’ve been honest. You could’ve ended things instead of dragging someone through deceit.
Cheating on someone you live with shows a level of entitlement… the belief that you’re allowed to enjoy the benefits of commitment while behaving like you’re single. It’s wanting loyalty from someone you’ve already betrayed. It’s asking for forgiveness without ever offering faithfulness. It’s insane because it’s selfish. It’s cowardly. It’s unnecessary.
At the end of the day, if you’re unhappy, unfulfilled, tempted, curious… leave. Don’t sit in someone’s house, sleep in someone’s bed, accept someone’s love, and then spit in their face with betrayal. Cheating is always wrong… but cheating on the person you live with? That’s next-level disrespect. That’s cruelty wearing a smile. That’s destroying a home while still expecting to have a place in it.
And the truth is… anyone capable of doing that was never really worthy of sharing that space to begin with.
-Riyaz Shaikh
Why do you want to give her one last happy memory? She has cheated on you multiple times! Grow just the smallest semblance of self respect and dump her cheating ass immediately. YTA to yourself if you don’t.
YTA to yourself. Not for wanting to end it. She’s proving time and time again that’s she not really sorry or it wouldn’t keep happening. I don’t usually condone any kind of cheating and staying, but to each their own. But this isn’t a one off “mistake”. She’s choosing to continue the pattern.
You will find love again.
If you want to go on the trip, go ahead. But are you really on a happy note when YOU are not happy? If you want to go, go. But don’t do it so she can have the happy memory. Only go because it’s for you.
If your gf was in tears because her affair partner blocked her, she has/had an emotional attachment to him. That is a red line, to me. She needs to go.
NTA
NTA in any way imaginable. It isn’t hard to stay loyal or piss off
Once a cheater always a cheater. Find someone that will love you
Honestly, yeah, you would be an AH to wait that long.
She’s worse, obviously , but what you’re doing is weird, dishonest, and somewhat manipulative.
She’s not worth being with, take a deep breath and end it. You don’t need the trip.
NTA. You are so incredibly brave to even give her a second, THIRD, chance. If you believe you can fix it through love, and therapy, please do. However, if its going to affect you long-term, which most people it totally does- it’s okay, and its time to let go.
She doesn’t deserve anything but a middle finger for the hurt she’s caused all without any remorse.
YTA to yourself for being a dormat to someone who constantly don’t treat you right.
Break up with her and take someone else on the trip. This gives her time to pack up and get out before you return.
I mean it about taking someone else — a buddy, a relative, anybody who can distract you from your heartache.
Trust me it’s better this way than to watch her packing and crying to stay.
BEFORE and don’t look back!
Some would call you a simp. Just drop her like the hot mess that she is.
I didn’t make it past the first paragraph. I have what I need…NTA.
For future reference, a cheater always cheats. You’re smart for moving on. Because it would happen again and may have happened before this last affair. It is ironic that cheaters always find themselves cheated on by those whom they betrayed the one who loved. Good luck on your journey.
Rage bait
You will get past this and you will find somebody much better. Whatever it is that you’re waiting for it to happen while you’re deciding to actually do the break up is not a memory you’re going to have. What you’ll remember is how she cheated on you. The sooner you do it the better. I think you’ll feel relieved. Get your life back under control and you will be the better for it.
No you’re not TAH. Think of it like this: you break a glass bowl. You feel bad and tell it you’re sorry. Did it fix the bowl? No. Same premise here. You’ve heard her sorry one too many times.
So far you have been the epitome of a cuckold. I am surprised you didn’t ask her to let you watch while the skank got banged repeatedly by this A-Hole. Grow up, man up, grow a pair and kick this leg spreading champion to the curb.
NTA, do it after the trip, treat yo’self
Cut her loose brother, you deserve better
So do you just have zero self respect or what?
Omggggg you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than some AH who lies to you & cheats on you repeatedly!!!!! NTA you shouldn’t even wait that long to dump her. Definitely dump her, though!!!