My husband and I have been together for 14 years and have children together. In the 14 years we’ve been together I never thought that he would be cheating on me until yesterday. When he got home from work he mentioned that he wanted wings and his uncle might be coming over. I was okay with that. It’s getting later and his uncle never arrives. We order dinner and he said I’ll go pick it up. About 30-45min pass and I’m wondering why he isn’t back yet. The drive to the restaurant is about 10 mins there and back. I call him, no answer. He calles me back and said the order never went through and would take another 20 mins. I was like ok… we hang up and he three way calls me with another family member to make plans for the weekend, which I thought was a little odd and I just get a bad feeling in my gut. That call lasted about 3-5 mins. We hang up and I FaceTime him , and again he didn’t answer and we just ended the phone call. I FaceTime call three more times and answers on the last call in his car. I tell him to show me where he’s at because I don’t believe him and I can tell he’s not in the restaurant parking lot. I start to ask him where’s he’s at and why he’s lying to me and he’s getting upset. He keeps saying he’s in the restaurant parking lot and I say I’m going to drive there. He hang up on me and send me a message that said he met his uncle at the bar up the street from the restaurant while he waited for the food to be done and that if I show up and make a scene, he’s don’t with me.. I have never made a scene, I’m a private person. He shows up to the house like 20 mins later. Am I insane for thinking he cheating?
Wife 36 – F husband 36-M Am I insane for thinking my Husband is cheating
r/Advice
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Nah you aren’t insane. He is hiding something.
Definitely not insane how did his story change so much and why did he get so defensive when you said you’d come to where he’s meant to be?? He’s hiding something and never ignore a gut feeling
He’s either planning your big anniversary party or getting it on with some lady in the parking lot.
ask him, if you’ve been married that long, you can read his face
Ok but as an adulterer, this is the worst excuse ever. Come on, man – I’m going to get wings 10 minutes away and you’re effing around. Not very smart.
That’d be a crazy way to go out and cheat, usually it’s a little more planned and complicated – why would he do it at the worst possible moment where you’d be assuming he’d be back within 10-20 mins.
If he’s truly dumb, then maybe. Probably told the half truth and didn’t wanna tell the other half to reduce unnecessary conflict.
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck ……
It’s a bit strange, that behaviour. If you really want to know where he goes, put a gps tracking device in his car. Somewhere that he won’t find it easily. At least then you will be certain. Sorry you’re suffering this anxiety.
This is so odd. Ask the uncle if he met him at the bar. Call him. He is behaving really odd. He went to pick up food so he got it and went to the bar with it? Why didn’t he just text you with his change of plan? Of course you’ll text him asking where he is. You’re waiting for food to arrive and he’s gone awol.
It’s suspicious behavior.
This sounds like something I would do back when I was using drugs… is it possible he is abusing substances behind your back?
Why didn’t he just tell you he was with his uncle at the bar until the food gets done? It’s shady. Even if he didn’t cheat, who wants the shady behavior
Ask the uncle or mention it to him and see what he says.
It’s also possible he picked up gambling… take a look at account and watch.
Be loyal or be single! No one deserves that level of anxiety, just wondering what you’re up to. If he can’t give you a straight answer to your question, he’s hiding more than the answer.
Definitely sounds a little sketchy. Trust your gut.
I’m in agreement with the other people who have commented that your husband’s behavior sounds shady. You can’t know anything for certian, but I would suggest checking out the sub reddits for body language so you can be aware of any changes and other sub reddits regarding people who have experienced cheating and go from there. It sucks that the people we care about gotta be this way and create stress and suspicion… I hope you can do some self care activites to destress and gain clarity to focuss on his behaviour going forward and then the courage to confront him.
Does he have any unexplained charges on his credit card?
Don’t know if it’s cheating, but he’s up to something. Any chance he has a drug problem?
Based on the story and your reaction something tells me despite what you say, he HAS given you reason to doubt before.
Is he drinking
Take his pic to the bar and see if he was there and who’s with. Maybe put an air tag on his car. And if these things sound like a good idea you have big problems
He’s hiding something, but he probably wasn’t getting his dick wet, at least this time.
I don’t know if he is cheating, but something is going on. Do you care when he drinks? Like was he trying to avoid telling you he was having a drink or has he ever had a drug problem? He’s being sketchy about something and now it’s on your radar so just pay attention and see if anything else he does is weird or out of the ordinary
Not insane. You already know he’s lying. He’s either cheating or scoring drugs.
Not necessarily cheating – but sounds like he’s doing something he’s ashamed of you knowing – could be buying drugs or something like that I guess.
Something is not adding up his behaviors highly suspicious
I do not recommend it, but you might want to go through and see what his phone logs are numbers that show up that you cannot identify
I do not know how close he is to his uncle, but you could always do. Hey I heard you ran into husband. Did you have a good time with the restaurant waiting for the food and catching up with husband?
And depending on how close he is with his uncle and would he cover for him you need to take things in consideration and do further investigation
It may be already too late because if he is doing something now that you’ve got your guard up, you’re probably delete any evidence that there is the other thing I suggest is if you can get Cell bill to see unrecognized numbers
he is lying, possibly cheating, and def up to something. check your bank accounts and see if money is being shifted around. are you on the deed to your house? was there a prenup with a cheating clause? does he have a drug problem?
UpdateMe!
He was just buying some coke. Nbd s/
Be very careful about accusing him of cheating, because it’s a lose-lose situation. If he is cheating, you will have to divorce him. If he’s not, he will be furious with you, and he might just decide “If she thinks I’m cheating, then I’ll go ahead and cheat for real,” and you wind up in divorce court anyway. Get hard evidence. Put a tracker on his car, hire an investigator, whatever you need to do.
Not at all. This sounds very suspicious indeed. Why didn’t he say he met up with his uncle in the first place? makse absolutely no semce. he’s either hiding drug use or another person
Drugs or a quickie either way smells funky
I used to be a bartender, and it was extremely common for men to use the ‘I’m getting food’ line as a way to drink/do drugs without getting caught. Calls from the wife would be met with rolled eyes, “can you believe this bitch”, and chugging what they can before leaving.
He is not innocent. The fact he threatened you tells you all you need to know.
Def something fishy going on there.
It’s sketchy and he’s hiding something but it doesn’t sound like a love affair. There’s no way an hour is enough time to cheat and bring chicken wings. I mean you technically could, but it would be terribly executed.
Whatever it is, he’s upstairs to no good. After 14 years he’s going to be “done” (I think this is what you meant) with you if you show up at the restaurant to verify he is where he said he was? That seems very extreme for someone that had nothing to hide.
Lol is there a massage parlor near the chicken wing place?
Check texts and different messaging apps on his phone.
Might be any number of things, seems kinda weird and unfocused. My guess would be drugs.
He’s up to something
This sounds like drug use or cheating to me.
He is hiding something, but if I were to ever have an affair, it would take more time than what your husband was missing for. Maybe drinking at the bar or maybe illegal drugs.
He’s saying he will be done be cause he wants to be done.
Trust your gut!
I would call the uncle and say hubby wanting to see if you wanted to come over this weekend since he hasn’t seen you in a couple of days and wanted to see when a good day it.
If the uncle doesn’t say I was just with him then you know he is lying. I would look at your phone bill and see who he calls and been texting. If you cannot find the name then just call it.
Lie and say you talked with X today and she’s pissed as she didn’t know you were married. I cleared that up and you can leave now
It sounds like an addiction to me. Could be drugs, alcohol, gambling or whatever his vice may be.
This sounds more like drugs, especially with how he responded by threatening.
Updatme!
He’s definitely hiding something but I wouldn’t jump on the cheating thing straight off the bat. Does he have a shady history of anything? Drugs, gambling, booze?
“Did my husband pick up food, have a drink with his family member after he 3 way called me and got annoyed that I spam called him or is he secretly a heroin user CHEATER?”
My wife and I use the “Find My” app so we can just look and see where each other is at. If he’s uncomfortable with that, and he won’t be, you should get an attorney. The other thing is look in the mirror: you posted on Reddit about this, so clearly this isn’t the first red flag. Go with your gut.
Not at all. Now you have to become a detective.
Sorry.
Updateme!
Husband, for that matter.
Nope, he’s up to no good. You should have driven there without saying a word.
There is definitely something not right, but it could be substance abuse instead of cheating.
He’s tryin to play you for a fool. And the fact that he even mentioned that he’d be done with you sounds like in his mind he is done with you. I’m sorry for sounding crass, and I don’t mean any disrespect at all . But he’s hiding something . Hope you get to the bottom of it and may it turn out for the better
Lot of married men are gay, could be gay
I agree something is off. It could be drinking or substance abuse problem. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and get the answers you need.
If it’s not him, the uncle is in a bind and he’s trying to help him out
On the plus side he is the worst cheater ever!
I don’t know if it’s cheating, but I think he’s definitely hiding something from you.
So the uncle didn’t show up at dinner, so hubby left the house to meet up with him at a bar. Makes me inclined to think he needs something from the uncle and not the other way around. In any case there needed to be an in-person meeting for something to change hands, otherwise calling/texting would have sufficed and there would be no need to risk a clandestine in-person meeting on short notice. Someone made a bet they can’t cover and didn’t want spouses to know that one of them helped the other out, maybe? 30-45 minutes doesn’t sound like an affair and if there are no other contributing factors I don’t think it’s cheating.
He’s been buying junk off marketplace he’s ashamed about.
Tracker app
Trust your gut
Beyond suspicious. But also idiotic to think you’d get away free and clear being that obvious.
Maybe drugs
I was all set to tell you ur trippin, but the sudden story change is SUPER sus. He’s definitely lying to you about something. Maybe he’s cheating. Maybe he’s drinking/using drugs on the dl… Either way, your instincts are good
Check the phone log on your cellphone plan. Log onto your carrier and you should be able to pull up every number he has called and text messaged.
He is cheating
He is hiding something…maybe he is cheating or
maybe its drugs…whatever it is, its wrong. Time to get snooping sister!
Any history with drugs?
Here is a fact you’re not going to like. 70% of men cheat at least once in a five year period. 40% of women self report cheating in the same time period. Good luck
The only real thing you know is that him saying that you two are done if you show up is a huge problem. There is clearly something suspicious going on and this is the crap he’s saying?
I genuinely don’t think it’s cheating. It’s too clumsy – dragging out a food order so you can sneakily bang someone? I think everyone saying it’s drugs is right. That would explain the irritability when you said you were coming.
Think back to some of his habits and behaviours. There is some evidence of this somewhere – you just don’t realise you already have it.
This sounds more like drugs or some kind of money issue…. Paying a loan shark or something? But cheating is never out of the question. Definitely shady!
I dont think its a girl because i think he would want to build more time and distance into his story.
I think he’s either scoring/using drugs, drinking or placing a ton of football bets.
Is this the first time that something like this has ever happened?
If it’s totally innocent, are there any big birthdays or anniversaries or other life events coming up? Could some sort of surprise be getting planned?
You aren’t insane but I don’t see where the “cheating vibe” is coming from
If you driving to the bar to meet him there means you’re making a scene and would end a 14 year relationship, he’s lying about something.
Keep quiet and just watch for a while. Don’t argue, threaten or tell him you’re watching. Just see what happens.
Sounds like drugs
I have never heard of someone saying “my gut was wrong, he really is a faithful husband”
Might not be cheating, but definitely hiding something. Could be gambling or drugs or cheating, it could also be a surprise for you but given his threat at the end I assume it’s probably not that. Hopefully you can check bank records or just ask the uncle yourslefn
Unlikely but if he is the truth will come out eventually. Give it some time.
You’re being gaslit.
Sounds like something I would do when my drinking got a little out of control… maybe his intention was to go have a beer at the pub – how are you going to have an affair in an hour? My money is he just downed a couple of pints and might feel embarrassed or ashamed about it.
Listen… if the response isn’t “hey I recognize you’re worried… what can I do” then you need a different dance partner.
You’re not overreacting. Lawyer up.
Also the fact that he said “I’ll be done with you” after 14 YEARS of marriage, just because you’re concerned, speaks VOLUMES.
You don’t throw 14 years away over your wife wanting to feel at ease. Hes definitely hiding something and I would suggest gathering “evidence”, just in case.
Almost certainly cheating.
If he is cheating his execution is hilariously bad
Seems like he’s meeting a drug dealer more likely lol.
I hate that everything on Reddit seems fake now. OP has 2 posts on account, the only other post is in r/CheatingStories and was deleted by the mods.
OP hasn’t replied to anything. If really trying to get Advice you would expect if they would answer some of the simple questions.
If I were having an affair, a quick trip for food is not how I would plan my ‘time with the girlfriend’.
I’m with the other answers here, who are more concerned about drug/alcohol use, or perhaps gambling. No response required, but are there other issues in the past with addiction or ‘bad behavior’?
I honestly feel its drugs over cheating but what do I know. This just screams i can run over to __ house and grab the shit and run over to get the food not thinking about time because of drugs. He would have to be a fast lay to try and get a quickie while picking up dinner.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s an absolute shock and after 14 years of trust this can be devastating to even consider. First and foremost, something is obviously wrong, your intuition is correct and you’re not crazy. Second, do not, I repeat DO NOT confront him demanding he tell you if he’s cheating. The reason why is, if he’s already cheating he will have no problem also lying about it. And if he’s not and there’s some other reasonable explanation (like he’s planning a surprise party for you or something) then you will just look like a jerk for accusing.
So your next step is to keep your mouth shut about it and pay attention to his behavior. Now that you are on alert, think back over the past few weeks, maybe even months about any other suspicious behavior of any type and make note of it.
You might go into panic mode and start seeing anything and everything as possible evidence. Unexplained time. Stepping out for a phone call. And the next time something slightly odd happens you’ll want to suddenly confront him. Don’t do it. Separate your emotions from the facts. You are now going to be a detective and you need absolute complete solid evidence. In the meantime feel free to ask the questions of ‘hey where were you?’ or, “who was that on the phone?” Those would be the normal questions you would always ask. But just take the answers even if they are far fetched. Don’t probe any further and let him think you’re buying it.
His phone is your next big source of evidence. Do both of you normally have easy access to each other’s phones, both physically accessing it and know the password? If so you now need to look through his phone when he’s not around. I know you will feel strange like now you’re the one maybe violating some trust, but this is the only way.
One final piece of advice to keep in mind. You’re now in this for the long game. What I mean is you might not find any clear concrete evidence for a while. And you have to keep your calm and not let it drive you crazy. If he’s already cheating, he’s been doing it for a while, so when he is out for an explained amount of time and you’re feeling hurt and betrayed and angry, don’t blow your cover and make this worse. Not until you are absolutely certain.
Believe me, I know what I’m talking about. I was given a crummy cover story and then she just got much more discreet and better at hiding it. And then it continued off and on over several years. Yes, years.
I really sincerely hope that he’s not cheating and there’s some other thing going on. The unfortunate reality is though that it is the most likely explanation.
He’s not cheating. He’s doing drugs.
Don’t know whether he’s cheating but he’s definitely doing something he doesn’t want you to know about.
Phone location sharing:
My wife and I share our locations with each other 24/7.
No doubt about it
Nothing to hide
What is insane is asking strangers on Reddit to help you figure this out …
Probably not cheating..
But there could be any number of reasons for this..
Secret alcoholic, drugs, buying a present, buying something he’s not allowed to..
My first thought isn’t cheating.. actually my mind doesn’t go to cheating at all
That escalated too quickly. He’ll leave you if you were to show up? What has he said since he got home? I’d be focusing on his threat.
He’s hiding something. Tell him that. Ask him why he didn’t originally answer your calls. DO NOT let this go.
Drugs or cheating. That’s the only explanation I’m sorry.
Don’t they have those gps things you put in your kids shoes to see where their at? Don’t see why they wouldn’t work on husbands to 😉
Couple possibilites
He probably is cheating
He is doing drugs
He is up to something shady and doing something illegal
He actually did go to the bar and was with his uncle but thought you’d be upset if he went to drink (I don’t beleive this one. Why didn’t the uncle come over to say hi and why the lengths to hide this)
I’d just keep an eye on him and say nothing at the moment. If you syay something to soon, he may change his stride. And I mean a very close eye. If in a few weeks to a few months you still think he is acting weird and can’t wrap your head around it you can confront him and talk about it or hire a private investigator.
I hate to say this but usually when a partner gets an intuition their partner is cheating in long marriages. They are usually correct.
Happened to my mother and her first marriage. She was with the man 10 years and he cheated on her with her best friend at the time and now they are married
Sounds more like drugs. I went through this with my ex husband a few times. First time he went to deliver a table and was gone for about 4 hrs. When I questioned him he claimed he got lost. For 4 hrs?! In a small town?! Found out later he was buying meth but got ripped off and the guy took off with his money. Years later it was cocaine and suddenly I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere with him. We always went everywhere together usually so this was very odd to me.
His”uncle” seems to take up a lot of time, for an uncle. Contact the uncle to get the truth.
Don’t assume. You say you’re private. Privately observe your husband. You have every right to. Check phone records, and maybe gps in the car when he’s distracted. Go full on FBI/CIA on him. If he is cheating, it’ll come to light.
Call the uncle, but in the future see if you can smell a woman on him. That time would not allow him to shower.
Agree with others that this sounds a lot more like drugs than cheating.
Sounds like dude just wanted some peace to have a beer for a little bit. Any stress in the relationship lately, or you think he just hasn’t had alone time?
He’s hiding something, but don’t assume a woman. It could be drugs, gambling, etc. – any addiction.
Guys this is a bot post for crying out loud 😂😂😂 y’all’s first day on the internet?
Put a damn camera in his car when he gets home from work. Drugs, cheating, or just tryna get a drink without the nagging guilt trip . You’ll find out soon enough
get life360 app so u can see where he is. we have that for our whole family
Put a tracker on his car
Either cheating, or a drug addict. But yeah, he’s hiding something from you.
Make him share his location with you. Shouldn’t be a big deal if he isn’t hiding anything.
Sounds like me back when I was drinking..not cheating..
I used to do this when I just needed a fucking break. The issue was my wife couldn’t just exist contently and I needed to be her constant source of entertainment. I used to say I ordered food, then say it’s running late.
In reality I would order the food once I got there. I’d have one beer, and just decompress, and then I’d get so many phone calls and texts even if I had just gotten to the restaurant. It was insane. Depending on how overwhelmed I was sometimes I’d stay there too long. Just. Sitting.
Couples and individual therapy helped us.
Given the timing, it’s unlikely he’s cheating unless he’s king of the quickies. Also, you don’t call another family member for a group chat while a hooker is chilling in the car. Going to the bar with his uncle, especially if he announced this beforehand, would seem to be the most obvious answer. If you have a history of reacting negatively to him going to bars, he was probably trying to evade your whip by lying.
He’s an unclefucker.
You will never trust him again. Once trust is broken, it’s a whole new ballgame that is not much fun to play.