Hey y’all. I’m 29 years old, my wife is 26 years old. We met summer of 2020 and have been married since winter of 2021. For the past 6 ish months we’ve kind of grown distant, she started to go to work earlier, coming back later and I know working for a college is busy. One thing is we haven’t been intimate for the past month and we’ve haven’t had sex since May. This past Thursday we were hanging out at home, smoking some flower and THC carts. She finally got into the mood for us to have sex. We started, and she let out a moan and said “baby I’m so sensitive and sore, slow down” She caught herself, I said “what was that babe?” She said “you’re so big hun” I was surprised and wondered why she said that, I haven’t seen any marks on her, or hickies. Finally 3 nights later on a Wednesday she was asleep and for the first time she left her phone out in the open, i turned it on and saw a message from a name “Dom” she has no family, relatives or friends that she’s mentioned by that name and she’s never used that name around me. I managed to get the passkey right. There was no saved previous messages, all might’ve been erased but that “Dom” had messaged her “hey there Ms. Sasha, let me know what else you need moved in your office”. My wife has her own office she works in. Some days she’ll go to work with her sundress that’s really short, wearing really exposing underwear like thongs and lace panties. One day she had wore her short orange dress with her blue thong(she knows that’s my fav outfit she got) she came back home and we hugged at the door, I carried her and saw she didn’t have any underwear on.. Should I bring this up to my wife? What should my next step be?
Wife possibly cheating on me
r/Advice
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Yeah you need to bring it up, pretending not to notice this stuff is only gonna eat you alive. Ask her straight up and watch her reaction, you deserve clarity, not confusion.
That’s a huge red flag and you deserve the truth, not breadcrumbs. Confront her calmly with what you’ve noticed the strange messages, the sore remarks, the missing underwear because silence only fuels betrayal, and if she’s cheating it’s better to walk away than stay in a lie.
just had the thought, could DOM be Dominatrix?
Cheating isn’t actually the main problem in relationships. It’s never the starting point. It’s usually the symptom that shows up after a bunch of other stuff has already gone wrong that maybe you didn’t notice or address.
You mentioned you two have grown distant over the past 6 months. You haven’t been intimate for a month, no sex since May. That distance and disconnection? That’s where the real problem lives. Cheating, if it’s even happening, is just what happens when people feel disconnected from each other and start looking elsewhere for what they’re missing.
Instead of going straight to “are you cheating on me?” – which is going to put her on the defensive and probably blow up whatever chance you have of fixing this – what if you focused on the actual foundation? When’s the last time you two really connected? Had a conversation that went deeper than logistics? Spent time together where you both genuinely enjoyed each other’s company?
Before you worry about what she might be doing with someone else, ask yourself: do YOU even enjoy the time you spend together anymore? Does she seem to enjoy it? If the answer is no, then that’s what needs fixing first.
The detective work and confrontation route usually just accelerates the end of things. But actually reconnecting with your wife, remembering why you got together in the first place, and seeing if there’s still something worth rebuilding? That might actually save what you have.
What’s the last time you two did something together that made both of you laugh?
“Dom” is probably a red herring, sounds like a general maintenance guy in her workplace.
The above notwithstanding, yeah, she’s got someone else. No one takes nudes for their own benefit, the lack of intimacy, the fact she was ‘sore’… sorry, dude, she’s up to no good.
Get to the bottom of this shit NOW. Literally wake her up if she’s sleeping. She’s your WIFE. Ask her who Dom is. Scoop your nuts and go for the hard close; “are you cheating on me?”
Prepare your heart and brace for impact.
Godspeed, brother.
Conversations about infidelity are incredibly dangerous and sometimes necessary. Dangerous because if handled badly it will blow-up the relationship. Sometimes necessary, because some relationships are not worth continuing. My advice is don’t try to solve this on your own. Seek a third party, probably a professional counsellor, to help you navigate the many stages of the conversation you need to have. You won’t get to the truth if your wife is frightened. You won’t make good decisions – either of you – if your emotions distort your thinking and behaviour.
I’m sorry this has happened to you. If she has cheated on you, that might well be the end of it, although in some rare cases, infidelity can trigger a renegotiation of what the relationship is all about. Some people choose an open marriage.
For now, I suggest you want to know the truth about many things; what happened, why and what does this mean about her feeling for you. You’ll be more likely to surface that truth with a trusted third party.
Good luck chief.
Damn
She’s cheating and her comments during sex means it’s gotten physical u don’t have evdince other than the text so she’s probably deleting every text u will need to be sneaky about it drop in to her office with lunch or something try to be spontaneous with your schedule and weekends plans. Drop a hints like a story about a co worker who caught his wife cheating and is filed for divorce and see her reaction.
Don’t confront without concrete evdince she will gaslight u , cool it down and hide it better