I had an amazing wedding experience that was completely ruined by a prank my wife and friends played during the garter removal. AITA for refusing to let it go?
During the reception, we were doing all of the usual wedding games. Eventually, I was told it was time to do the garter removal. As everyone gathered around us in the middle of the dance floor, my wife was sitting in a chair and my friends brought out a blindfold and told me I would be doing the garter removal blindfolded. I should have been suspicious at their grins, but I’d had some drinks, wasn’t suspecting anything, put it on, and tried to be a good sport about it, as everyone seemed like they were having a great time, myself included.
As soon as I was blindfolded, however, my wife slipped out of the chair and was replaced by one of my groomsmen. He’s a friend of the family I’ve grown up with. But I would not say we’re close. Now, I literally cannot stand him, although he’s not a bad guy other than my anger at this prank.
Sitting in the chair in place of my wife, my groomsman was in shorts with the garter around his thigh. My wife stood behind him and was talking to me as they walked me over, to keep me fooled into thinking it was her. On their instructions, I got down on my knees and began reaching for what I thought were my wife’s legs. Once I found the leg, I found the garter and began pulling it down. But at that moment I heard my wife saying, “With your mouth! With your mouth!”. So I leaned forward and grasped the garter belt in my mouth, to the shrieks and applause of the crowd. With the garter in my teeth, I pulled it down his leg, and then my wife actually came around to help me get it over his shoe because it got stuck,
Once I had the garter, they told me to stand up and take off my blindfold. When I did, I was smiling, because I thought I’d been a good sport and everyone was laughing so hard it seemed like everyone was having a great time. But when I took off the blindfold, everyone burst into even louder laughter. For a moment, the entire energy of everyone at the wedding was focused on nothing besides laughing at me, at me being the sole butt of the joke. If felt awful.
I was furious. I wanted to say and do a million different things. But I didn’t. For some reason, I just felt that pretending it wasn’t a big deal was the best defense, that showing anger would be confirming how badly I’d just been humiliated for their delight, and that would have made my humiliation all the worse. So I sucked it up, slept walked through the rest of the wedding while doing my best to keep a smile on my face. My wife could tell I was stunned, but she kept on going too. She definitely had no idea how badly I was taking it. Everyone was standing around us and we couldn’t talk openly about how I felt, at least not without ruining everything, and I didn’t know whether I wanted to go there after all the effort and money put into the wedding.
And I kept sucking it up the next day at the brunch and for most of the next week through most of our honeymoon. At some point, I told myself that my wife didn’t mean to hurt me and there was no reason to ruin her wedding memories by telling her that my experience had been ruined.
But then at the end of our honeymoon I had had a few drinks, and I just couldn’t help it. And once I started talking to her about it, I just went off. I told her it was trashy, that it hurt if not destroyed my trust and sense of intimacy towards her. I was harsh and got carried away. After at first apologizing a bit, she got upset and left me sitting out there. I think I just kept going becuase I felt hurt and wanted to maybe make her feel bad as well, to be honest.
Since then, it’s been a difficult subject. I’ve told her I don’t want to hear about the wedding. I don’t want to write thank you notes, look at pictures. If it was tomorrow, I wouldn’t make plans to celebrate our anniversary.
My wife and I have a lot of strengths in our relationship, but I just can’t stop thinking about this and the feeling when I took off that blindfold. I literally cannot stop my mind from replaying it over and over, and I get mad again every time.
And perhaps the worst part of it is that it’s all recorded. We had a professional photographer shooting a video. And in the video I see at least four other people recording it on their phones. Watching the video, I find myself looking at the laughing faces of family and friends in the video, and there’s a part of me — that I’d never act on — that wants nothing more than to punch them all in their faces. The fact I know that these videos are out there makes it feel like it’s constantly happening to me.
My wife says that she’s sorry, that she thought I would take it better and laugh it off, and that I need to move on. I think maybe IATA. No good is coming from obsessing over this. But I literally cannot let it go. I find myself coming up with reasons to be angry. I tell myself sometimes it was assault because I was tricked into putting my mouth on another man’s leg w/o my consent. But I think that’s just rationalizing my anger. I don’t know.
Comments
I would lowkey divorce for that. BTW you’re NTA. She could have asked before have or sm.
NTA Humiliating you on your special day is such an a-hole move. I’m mad at her for you.
NTA -If you smashed cake in her face for the laughs, what would her reaction have been?
I wouldn’t personally be upset by this, but you are and that’s valid.
The issue to me is your wife blowing you off. I think she has a decent defense that she thought you’d laugh too, but pranks are risky that way and this was certainly a risky time to try one. Given that she made this decision she needs to do some work to help you get over it. Although you’ll need to do some yourself.
This anger isn’t protecting you, it isn’t undoing what happened, it isn’t improving your relationship, and it isn’t improving your reputation, it’s just hurting you. Assuming no one was intending to hurt you forgiveness is your only viable part forward.
NTA. Not only did she help ruin a special occasion for you, she is also dismissing your feelings after the fact.
I’d want to know the nature of the relationship between your wife and the guy who agreed to sit in the chair for the prank. I can’t help but wonder if this is a weird humiliation kink thing for her. Apologies to even bring it up, and I hope I’m wrong.
NTA
I get it. Time to make your wife go to marriage counseling with you. She needs to understand the impact and you are going to need some professional help moving beyond this. Don’t leave it to her to pick the professional you vet them and find one you can talk to about this.
Humiliating you if front of everyone. She sounds like a keeper. Congrats on a lifetime of absolutely no respect from your partner.
Divorce right now that’s actually disgusting
Yeah. Try blindfolding her, have her do something intimate to “you”, then have her take off the blindfold to show her that it’s not. See how she takes it. I’m guessing poorly. Annulment.
Get an annulment asap.
If I ever did this to my boyfriend I’d hope he breaks up with me. Doing this on your wedding is insane
NTA pranks at weddings are cruel and rude. I do think you should have talked sooner to her about it instead of letting it fester like you did and then blowing up at her.
NTA. This would be humiliating and forever recorded on numerous guests phones. Has your wife got a history of these sorts of ‘pranks’?
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Pranks are only funny if everyone involved finds them funny. Otherwise, it’s just bullying. Doubt, she did it out of malice, but she obviously doesn’t know you as well as she thought she did.
NTA – You picked the wrong one. Sooner you accept it, the better.
NTA because the mouth was over the line. If it was just pulling it off with hands I think that isn’t as big a deal. Personally, I take seriously what’s in/on/around my mouth and I’m pretty protective of that, maybe a weird ocd thing, but it’s very boundary pushing to trick anyone to put anything in their mouth they don’t consent to. That said, I don’t agree with the divorce comments I see, I think it’s a chance to really understand each other more and only consider it a deal breaker if she ever pushes your boundaries that way again. People are idiot animals but people can feel bad and learn more about their own behavior and how to be a good partner over time as well, wish you luck.
Now ask her if she would feel humiliated, if you absolutely shoved a handful of cake into her face and ruining her makeup in her hair on y’all’s wedding day? And if she says yes, that’s how you know you are justified in your feelings.
humiliation like that is grounds for divorce.
NTA, you’re better than me cause I would’ve been on the news that day.
You’re NTA. You were humiliated on your wedding day and it was recorded. She needs to take some accountability for this. Not just saying she’s sorry.
Your wife is the AH. Instead of celebrating your union, your wife chose to make a mockery of you. Your wedding will forever be tainted, and your anniversary will just be a persistent reminder.
Try couples counseling to see if you can move forward. This stunt makes it seem like your wife doesn’t know you at all or doesn’t care about your feelings. NTA
NTA It’s an obnoxious prank on an important day for you. I’m angry for you.
I think you’re overreacting. I’m going to be an odd one out here but that’s a hilarious, harmless prank. No one was harmed, other than your ego. You’re embarrassed. If your wife thought you would think it was funny, and you didn’t say otherwise for almost a week I’m sure she was absolutely blindsided by you freaking out about it on your honeymoon. Letting that completely color your memory of your wedding is also ridiculous. As you said, otherwise your wedding was great! Focus on that and the fact that your wife did not have ill intentions, she was trying to be funny. In my opinion, yes YTA because you should have said something sooner, in a calm manner, to explain to your wife why it made you upset. Waiting until under the influence to blow up on her is not cool.
NTA your wife sucks and super ghetto. All your friends as well that laughed at this sort of crap. Post got me pissed off for you as well. Some hillbilly alabama shitt
NTA. That was an awful thing for your wife and “friends” to do to you. How long have you been married? I am trying to understand how long this wound has been festering.
NTA. I would be furious, and not sure that I’d ever completely forgive her for that.
She planned it, thought it was funny then humiliated you and laughed at you with everyone else. A number one rule of being married is always sticking up for one another in public, taking your spouse’s side, any disagreement is done in private. She violated your trust. The fact that she did not see anything wrong with doing that to you means it’s a big problem and I don’t know if there’s a way through that. It was cruel what she did.
I would be beyond fuming at that. My husband loves me so much it makes me cry when I think about it but I know he would have left me if I purposely humiliated him in a room full of family and friends! NTA
NTA- this is first of all violation of consent, second of all just plain public humiliation from someone you love and trust. It’s reasonable to be upset. But I do seriously suggest therapy (individual and couple) to work it out because internalizing it without communicating or processing it out with a neutral professional (especially since she’s dismissing your feelings and attempt to communicate) will be detrimental to the health of your relationship not just with your wife but friends and family involved. Conveying how it made you feel. How it violated your trust. How you need time to heal and have her understand that, own that, learn from it, and earn that trust back will help you heal.
NTA.
I am so sorry that such a happy and amazing day was ruined by a thoughtless prank. It must be even worse that your wife doesn’t seem to completely understand and would want to take serious steps forward to make amends.
What they did was plain mean and no one should feel humiliated like that on their wedding day.
I really don’t understand people who get joy from humiliating their partners, to me a wedding is not a joke… the relationship is not a joke…. I’m not saying be serious all the time and it’s not a fun occasion, but to use such a monumental day to get a cheap laugh out of your partner… I don’t get it.
I think you have every right to be upset tbh, unless you guys are that kind of couple where pranks like that are common and well received by both parties I don’t understand her thought process.
It would be a shame to ruin the entire relationship over one moment though, unfortunately in marriage there will be many moments where you both disappoint and let each other down – the test is how you both overcome it, that to me is the difference between marriage and a relationship. I think as long as she is showing genuine remorse and understanding and learns from it then I would hope there was enough of a solid foundation to rebuild the trust….. but ultimately only you know your boundaries.
Ya that’s one of those “popular pranks” people are doing at weddings now days. It’s interesting though because in the videos the groom laughs and everyone thinks it was this great joke. I never suspected that they might actually feel humiliated.
I don’t think those jokes are a total pun against the groom it’s just the “popular prank” of choice. Something funny that makes the reception feel like a party and everyone has a good time.
Forgive your wife. She didn’t know you would take it like that especially if yall didn’t discuss the possibility of future pranks. It’s not for you now she knows.
It’s kind of like the cake “prank” where the groom smears cake in the brides face. How many brides i’ve seen that have had to go through with that. Humiliating too.
Forgive her, she didn’t know. Had she of known you would have felt this strongly i guarantee she would have called the whole thing off.
Unless in some weird scenario you insisted on having a garter removal and your wife was against it, this is just creepy.
Even if you insisted on doing it, this wouldn’t be appropriate… bc you and your wife should’ve been able to resolve the issue without having this happen.
Wow these comments are going a different way than I expected
Updateme
It’s sounds like you are working through some trauma from this -understandably so. Whatever happens I hope you let yourself get some support in the form of counseling, so it stops replaying in your mind and you can make your next decisions from there.
INFO: have you and your wife pranked each other a lot or was this the first time? Whose idea was it?
How is annulment spelled?
NTA. Go to counseling with her and if she persists, then she is not the one
NTA
Depending how long it has been, you could possibly get an annulment.
I’m sorry your wife is an asshole without any consideration for your feelings.
I’d have walked out and immediately filed for an annulment.
Who can stay married to a woman who finds pleasure in publicly humiliating her new husband.
I could never stay.
Good luck.
I dont even need to read the rest of that, divorce, divorce, divorce. NTA
This was a HUGE breach of trust. Not something to start a marriage on.
Her discounting your feelings makes it evident she really doesn’t care that a) she humiliated her husband on his wedding day and b) breached a very basic level of trust.
You need to ask yourself the question now, will you ever truly and completely trust her again and will you forgive her.
If either of these are no, or probably not, start returning the gifts instead of bothering with thank you notes.
I am so sorry your bride did not put your feelings into her mind over that of a crass joke on what should have been a wonderful milestone day.
NTA.
NTA- she ruined your memory if the wedding: then the punishment should be no mention of the wedding, or pictures, or aniversarios etc
Actions MUST have consequences
I think the first thing you and your wife might want to consider is couples therapy. You both need to work through the emotions. You may both learn something, you may build a stronger relationship, or you may decide that you can not regain the trust and therefore need to dissolve the marriage.
NTA. She broke your trust.
Garter removals are trashy to begin with IMO but she and your friends humiliated you.
In the future if you find yourself in this position don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and say what just happened made you uncomfortable and you need a moment to get get yourself.
Nta. I would be furious. Let her read these comments. She has no respect for you. If she did, she would have never humiliated you. She took it too far. Is she normally a prankster like this?
This is so sad. I’m so sorry that your wife and her friends thought it was be funny to humiliate you. I’m really sorry that your wedding day was ruined for you and your wife is so inconsiderate and stupid to have done this. Honestly I don’t find humiliation funny, people humiliate you and find it hilarious and then you always have to play it off like it’s no big deal but really it’s horrible to have people laughing at you. It hurts me so bad that you’re a stranger to me and to even think of you hurting this way hurts me. I just don’t know what was going through her mind and I really hope she sincerely apologises to you and you’ll heal.
I’m so fucking sorry and I’m sending you love and good energy your way and I hope you heal soon. NTA
I would literally ask her what if you had done the equivalent to her?
Should she just get over it
She humiliated you. Humiliated. I’d literally get an annulment. On fucking purpose, she humiliated you. I would never be intimate with someone like that
NTA
That wasn’t just a prank. By insisting you use your mouth, she tricked you into performing an intimate act with someone else, without your consent, in front of others. Of course that would wreck your trust in her. She would have harmed your trust less if she had cheated.
Get an annulment. It’s not too late
I’m so sorry your trust was betrayed and that she thought it would be funny all at your expense. Couple counseling might help explore why you are so angry with what happened and why she thought this was okay to do. Weddings should be happy memories for BOTH of you.
Wow, I’m so sorry she did this to you on a day that was supposed to celebrate your love for each other.
Your response is called freeze/fawn, and it’s a valid response to trauma. Make no mistake, public humiliation is absolutely trauma.
This is right up there with shoving cake in your partner’s face when they said not to.
This would make me research how to annul my marriage.
You’re right the trust was shattered and you were the butt of the joke. They weren’t laughing with you, they were laughing at you. She knew this hurt because she wouldn’t like it if the roles were reversed.
You have every reason to be angry. This might be a deal breaker for you and that’s okay.
Maybe find a therapist to talk to and work out if you are even capable of forgiving her. If not, the marriage is over.
You are right, they did not have your consent and I’m sorry you were violated and humiliated.
NTA
You didn’t notice his leg was hairy? Or that the shoe’s were probably bigger and didn’t have heels? Am I the only one who thinks this is fake?
I generally hate pranks. They are usually making a laugh at someone’s expense which I always hate no matter who the someone is.
I think though that most people would’ve taken this one in the chin and laughed about it . I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, but I think all of the people around you would have probably taken the prank with a grain of salt themselves and not been so upset about it so would’ve made the assumption you would be the same.
Intent doesn’t change the experience but it can help you process it and let go.
Maybe for you, it’s worth pulling apart if you’ve ever felt similar in your life and what that experience might be connected to emotionally.
When something hurts that much that other people might not have experienced the same way, and didn’t expect you to, there’s so often some underlying experience it’s tied to emotionally for you.
Well, you are married to a person who sees nothing wrong with making you a punch line. Hear me out: betrayal of trust like this never disappears. Never. You will always remember – and maybe always hurt. Get therapy for yourself asap to process your emotions,they are too big to just suppress as she wants you to do. Because well, for her it’s convenient to make you the problem. After personal therapy you need to think what you want: marriage counseling or divorce. NTA
I’m mad at her too op. Fuck that, they think it’s ok to humiliate others?? What the actual fuck
ESH-
Yall got some shit you need to work out. Both of you. Intentionally hurting her so she would feel what you felt is a classic narcissist move. You both need a reality check.
If the tables were turned you and you did that to her, you would undoubtably be looked at as an asshole so you are fully justified to be upset
I don’t know if I could have sucked it up and put on a smile after that humiliation. You are definitely NTA. I don’t think I could have stayed for the rest of the wedding. And as a woman I cannot even fathom ever doing that to someone I loved.
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Your wife is the ahole. And I’m guessing she hasn’t acknowledged your hurt because you’re still obsessed about it. If she truly is remorseful she’d shown you by now
I hate pranksters. Period. It’s over. This will never be a treasured memory for you.
Updateme
I dont know… I guess maybe it’s just me, but I have been to several wedding and have seen this exact stunt pulled multiple times…. I thought this kinda wedding gag was sorta normal now?
One of your groomsmen… and you cannot stand him…
Ok.
Maybe if she acknowledged that you were humiliated, you’d feel different. It sounds like she just wants to rug sweep and go on.
For your own mental health, OP, find a therapist, or someone else, to talk to about this. I hope you can stop tormenting you about this.
NTA
You may of shared a wedding but you have both different experiences of it
It’s a pity she thought about getting the laugh over what her and her husband could share
It’s easy for a bunch of strangers online to tell you to divorce, but that’s ridiculous advice. Truth is, she clearly didn’t expect it to destroy you like this. Your feelings are 100% valid – you were humiliated. Only time will calm you down from this. Time and counselling. For both of you. She needs to keep at that “sorry” notion until your heart finally forgives her willingly. Try not to let your anger over it rise so often that you end up ruining your marriage. Let her communicate to your close family and friends that the joke didn’t land well with you, and have them never bring it up or ‘tease’ you with it in the future.
Honestly I think I would be questioning everything. How well does she know you if she thought you would react any other way than you have? It’s a complete disrespect to you and the fact she’s not even really validating how you feel is a big red flag. 🚩 NTA and I think you either need therapy to work through your emotions or a lawyer to start divorce proceedings
NTA. She thought humiliating you would be funny.
Could you at least have the professional photos deleted/destroyed. And make sure the videographer deletes the footage?
Lol let it go,bro it’s super normal and happens at a lot of weddings…not like they tricked you into eating your buddies butt or anything. Just let it go and move on. Last thing you want is to be known as the homophobic guy that gets mad over wedding pranks
Even blindfolded, you couldn’t tell a man’s hairy, large legs from a woman’s?
I’m suspicious of this story.
Question- if you can’t stand the guy, why was he a groomsman? Not judgement or anything, just wondering
NTA. Why are people so childish??
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NTA. Jokes that humiliate other people are not funny.
NTA. I think this is terrible and talk about wrong place/time. Has she been apologetic since then? Does she get how wrong it was for literally everyone to laugh at your expense? Ugh, I am so sorry that happened to you.
NTA – she doesn’t respect you enough. Wish you addressed it sooner rather than getting drunk and going off on her. I say you divorce her ass point blank period.
IDK if therapy will even fix this. I would’ve called quits right after. You’re better than me.
That’s a common prank and it’s been done many times at weddings. Unfortunately, it sounds like you don’t like pranks and it was not well received. It sounds like you personalized it as humiliation when it was not meant to be that at all. Hopefully, your wife learns from this and doesn’t ever prank you again.
Sorry but maybe a bit of TA by not letting it go.
To be fair – I love pranks, surprises, and laughs. Love. Love. Love. Big sense of humor. This 100% sounds like something I would laugh about forever – either on the receiving of the prank or doing. As would most of my family and friends and hubby. But I’m not weirded out by physical closeness or physical comedy and my hubby and have that kind of relationship and mutual understanding. Have I taken things too far on occasion – you bet. Have I apologized and eaten crow – absolutely. On both sides it requires setting aside the ego, pride, and allowing vulnerability. Pranks and jokes are big risks – and require humility on both parties. When it goes wrong, I have to be gentle with my partner and apologize sincerely. And my partner is capable of forgiveness – hugely important for a long term stable and mature relationship / marriage.
But generally speaking, my partner matches my energy and sense of humor – it’s how we have worked together, laughed together, cried together, and recovered from huge life situations with a marriage and relationship in tact for nearly 25 years.
If you are incapable of forgiveness, that might not be your wife’s fault and probably isn’t the prank, but something deeper – that’s where you may be TA. That signals something that may need to heal in you. Because trust me – if a wedding night garter belt prank is the worst thing that has happened in your relationship so far, hold on to your butts – life can hit hard and it’s important to find some resilience and forgiveness at the small stuff so you can weather the big stuff when it comes.
NTA. Frankly, she deserved to have her wedding memories tarnished, too. At least it will be easy to go no-contact with that douchebag groomsman.
Omg these comments are unreal. They weren’t trying to humiliate you, it was a joke. You should have told your wife sooner how upset you were, to go off on her on your honeymoon out of the blue, after hiding your true feelings. You feel she ruined the wedding for you so you ruined the honeymoon. Then carrying on at home about thank you cards! Sort yourself out. Major YTA
NTA.
You don’t do pranks on your wedding day – period.
I’d say she’s the asshole for having a garter belt sequence in the first place because it’s trashy af even without being pranked. Gross.
Honestly I would be reconsidering the marriage. To humiliate you on your special day (it’s not just hers) in front of all your loved ones and then give a half assed apology when you express your feelings afterwards is a glaring red flag for me.
Nta
NTA. My heart hurts reading that, that was your special day too, the day you both proclaimed your love not cruel jokes.
NTA….
This is something you’re always going to remember about your wedding day… whether you decide to look at pictures or a video of the day prior to this, the humiliation not the joyous part of it, which is very sad….
You were humiliated by the person you just pledged to hold on the highest regard for the rest of your life. I think you are entitled to process this in your way and time.
NTA. I’m really sorry this is your wedding memory. Therapy my dude
When I got married (wife here) I specifically avoided those types of “games” because I find them all distasteful. This is just another example of why I was correct! NTA. That was just careless of all involved. Unless pranking is one of your love languages —as a couple— a wedding is no place for a prank like this. So sorry this happened. I hope you and your wife are able to recover from this.
You are always entitled to your own feelings.
NTA. She deserved a cake smash.
Why would your wife think that you would have been okay with this?
How the hell did you mistake a man’s leg for your wife’s?
Are you white? Because i just assume that’s going to happen, it’s happened at every white persons wedding I’ve gone to lol
NTA
This is one of those “imagine it in reverse” scenarios. Imagine you had secretly planned to have her commit a lesbian act on camera, in front of at least dozens of people, with no reason whatsoever to believe she’d be into it. Would it be okay to tell her to just move on? Hardly.
You’re not the asshole and in fact you’ve been quite graceful, she should be ashamed of herself not only for setting up a man who is supposed to be able to trust her, but then dismissing your discomfort with a hand waive apology.
I don’t know if this is immediate grounds for a divorce but it’s a serious red flag I would keep in my back pocket. Pay very close attention to how she respects your boundaries and comfort going forward.
NTA you were humiliated in front of all your loved ones on an important (and normally positive) day that you’ll remember for your whole live. It sucks.
On top of that it was recorded and shared…
Honestly the thing that would upset me more than the actual prank is her reaction to it. You need to just let it go to make her life easier? Fuck that and fuck her. I don’t think I would be able to let this go.
Info: how did you not feel that it was a dude’s leg? Did he shave?
NTA at all but I’m curious about this.
NTA.
This is sad and mean. Your wife felt power and manipulation you got her off. This will not end well for both of you. Sorry OP.
NTA, but this is a bit of an overreaction. I suggest exploring it in therapy and finding ways to help you process and move on from this.
How the hell was he your groomsman if you two are not even close??
Honestly, if you don’t go for marriage counseling, you won’t make it too your first anniversary
She says she’s sorry but then dismisses your feelings in the same breath.
NTA
I’m going to go in a different direction from other comments and just mention that the entire “garter” removal is already humiliating to women, who have to sit there while someone reaches up her dress in front of an audience and removes a piece of her clothing, as symbolism for her being sexually conquered.
Do you think your wife might have felt humiliated having to do that? So decided on this prank instead?
Pranks are usually not a good idea, just wanted to add this perspective as food for thought.
I could see this being hilarious but it would come down to personality type. Did she not realize you weren’t the kind to like this sort of thing? Nta
NTA, but I think you should have told her about it before a week passed.
I think it’s also weird that they used the groomsman you don’t really have a relationship with. This prank would make more sense with the best man (I’m assuming you’re way closer with him.) Makes you wonder if the people who knew you better didn’t want to do the prank because they knew it would upset you.
NTA
Your wife actively made you a joke during your wedding.
Not only was she not being a good person, but frankly a horrible wife/partner.
This was straight up garbage. Your wedding day is supposed to be both of your day. She used it to knock you down.
UpdateMe
NTA
Ugh, I couldn’t have continued at that point. My mouth being tricked onto someone else’s body while I’m vulnerable? That’s a prank to the person I wanted to spend my life with? Fucking hell naw.
Tell her to get over herself, she fuckin sucks, and she best learn to cope with the fact she kicked her own marriage in the dick.
This would have me genuinely rethinking things, the worst part is that it doesn’t seem she even takes it seriously or understands, if she were actually sorry it would be a different thing and there would be light at the end of the tunnel, but as it is ? Uff idk I’m sorry oop you’re definitely nta
Fuck this. Wow. I would say counseling is in order as a couple. That’s fucked up dude.
I’ve seen that prank before but it was done to grooms that thought it was all in fun. Your bride should have known that you wouldn’t find it funny. Not everyone has the same sense of humour
The prank is not the problem. The main problems are that she is blowing off your emotions and she doesn’t know you as well as expected.
My fiance would find a prank like this hilarious, but I would absolutely hate any kind of prank on such a special day. We know this about each other.
I would ask her why she would think you would find a prank like this funny. If her reasoning does not make sense, then you can decide if this is a dealbreaker for you.
She and your friends publicly humiliated you on your wedding day! I don’t know they come back from that. That will always be the memory you have of that day, and now your wife is dismissing your feelings. She clearly thinks your humiliation is hilarious. NTA, sorry but she sounds awful.
NTA. Does she do this sort of thing a lot? Does she often blow off you feeling humiliated when she makes you the butt of the jokes? If no, then hopefully this is something you can work through but she has to be willing to acknowledge that she hurt you and take responsibility. If this isn’t a new thing for her, then tbh I don’t see her magically becoming a different person now that you’re married. But maybe it’s not too late for an annulment.
I’m not sure when this prank became a thing but I don’t think your wife was being malicious. I’ve seen a ton of videos of this exact scenario, it’s nothing new at all.
Divorce over this I think is beyond drastic. I do wish she would have given a more sincere apology.
You’re not the asshole at all, just hurt and embarrassed (justifiably) and the prank didn’t go over well.
NTA,
Ask her how would she feel if you humiliate her in front of all of her friends.
updateme!
NTA but get some damn therapy
ESH. Obviously, if they knew this was how you were gonna feel about it, it’s HIGHLY LIKELY they wouldn’t have done it.
I’m trying to think of my husband and his guy friends and this is something I’m 99% certain we could’ve done to him and he wouldn’t have acted like a child about it.
Go to therapy dude.
NTA. Not even close.
This was deeply, deeply cruel. It feels like some movie frat house BS.
Your feelings are valid. I’m so sorry.
TA, 100%
I mean: Wtf, lol. Grow a pair.
You are overreacting.
That is indeed assault. You did not consent to that. I won’t tell you to divorce, but I do think you need to speak to someone about this and decide if this is something you can forgive her for and let go of, or not. If not, then end the marriage. If you can let it go, tell her what she needs to do for you to forgive her. Deleting the professional footage is a start. And having her reach out to anyone that took video in their phones and getting them to delete their videos. Plus a sincere apology and acknowledgement of how messed up with was. Right now it sounds like she apologized but she doesn’t really understand why it was wrong
NTA. I feel like these kind of pranks CAN be funny, but that’s only a big “if” that comes with lots of caveats. If that’s your normal relationship, if you know your partner likes that sort of thing and thinks it’s funny, if it’s including someone they are close with that they know would only care about their wellbeing and not humiliating them, etc… that is obviously not the case here and you are not someone who appreciates that.
It is terrible that you were humiliated at your wedding, but it’s also terrible that your wife obviously doesn’t know you well enough or doesn’t care enough that you wouldn’t appreciate that. You’d think your wife should know you well enough to know it wouldn’t go over well!
I mean the whole garter removal IS trashy anyway, regardless of the “prank”, so 🤷🏼♀️
NTA, you were humiliated, this was not a joke and your wife went too far. I’m sorry, because in my opinion you won’t get over this episode and your marriage, for you, was marked by your humiliation
NTA. How is your wife making this up for you? She humiliated you along with a groomsman. You have to live with that. You are in an unbalanced relationship. Has she sent an apology to all the guests? Has she eaten humble pie in any way at all?
The lack of respect she showed to you and your wedding day is disgusting. If she doesn’t see the harm she has caused and is prepared to make a dramatic effort to make this right then I would suggest you totally blindside her and serve her with divorce papers. Maybe that will wake her up. You can always cancel it if needed.
And I hope you’ve also told the groomsman that he is as shitty as she is.
Good job, ChatGPT.
I’m surprised the OP was humiliated. This would have had me laughing my ass off, and I just got married. It sounds like she hit a “sore spot.” IDK if you’ve felt humiliated or bullied before, is there a chance you are overreacting? Did you hold something in and let it grow? Aren’t you the least bit ashamed of ruining her memory of the event as well?
You need to grow up and grow a thicker skin. You’re not exactly the asshole, you’re just a man child.
Pranks like that aren’t funny. They’re trashy.
I’d hold it against her, too.
NTA
I think that was not-uncommon for a time, but that’s been a while.
Unfortunately this only goes two ways. Either you find a way to rebuild trust or you’ll just continue to build resentment and mistrust.
It’s not ideal to start a marriage with a brand new issue to resolve, but that’s the path you’re on. Try to engage your wife as an ally and maybe start counseling if you both can’t come up with ideas.
If she engages in the process of rebuilding trust, she doesn’t have to admit guilt for being bad. It wasn’t necessarily bad. It was a risk. When you surprise someone, you are risking them reacting badly. That’s all that happened here.
Op, how long ago was this and what has been done to try to make amends? I agree with the comments saying see a marriage therapist/counselor. I think a third party mediator can help her understand how this has affected you and what this took away from you. It ruined your day and tainted every memory you have of what should have been one of the most special days of your life.
I would want her to send a txt or letter to everyone in attendance that she regrets her decision to humiliate you. She should ask anyone who videoed the garter removal to please erase it from their phones, and I’d have the photographer cut it from the wedding tape. She and everyone who participated in this was out of line. A public humiliation deserves a public apology.
NTA
I know this would completely murder my mood and tarnish the memory of that wedding for me forever, but I also know quite a few socially awkward people who would never be able to show their faces at family events ever again.
Your wife just proved that she’s not to be trusted and she’s going to take advantage of your trust any opportunity she gets to ruin you
I would be suspicious that all of your grooms men have been doing something inappropriate with her as well
When your wife disrespects you this publicly, that’s when you know there is no relationship
Act quickly to get an annulment. If you wait it won’t be granted. Hire a PI to follow her and photo graph.
It’s less expensive than her taking half your stuff and you finding out the kid isn’t yours.
NTA. I’m sorry you married such a $hitty partner. I don’t understand what was funny about that?! Your humiliation? Is that what your wife found hilarious? I feel sorry for you. I don’t know your relationship but this would be a major issue moving forward, I don’t blame you for your resentment. She owes you a HUGE apology
UpdateMe!
NTA, I would be FURIOUS!!!
So you are right in that obsessing over it isn’t helping and is my making things worse, but that doesn’t make YTA.
She has apologized, but that doesn’t give her the authority to tell you to move on. If you think you won’t be able to, maybe see someone about it, but NTA.
NTA. That said, the decision to move on or not from this traumatic and humiliating experience belongs to you and you alone. I feel sorry for you as this will be immortalized by way of social media.
NTA, but leave it up to the soft and unstable Reddit community to immediately jump to divorce. 🙄
NTA but if you want to get over it, it will take work. It’s an intrusive thought. Whenever you think about it, you probably envision everyone watching and laughing and pointing. Maybe try to turn those around.
Envision people pointing, clapping and smiling at you for being such a good sport. You might have to literally repeat in your head “they were pointing and smiling because I was such an awesome sport. They were proud of me for not getting mad at wife.” And you know what? That’s true!! I’m sure more people thought she was wrong than right and wanted to smile to show you support.
I doubt your wife meant the action to be malicious. If she usually doesn’t behave this way, I wouldn’t be surprised if several groomsmen convinced her to do it. Good luck!
One of your groomsman is someone you describe as “I would not say we’re close”?
You didn’t notice it was a hairy and muscular leg?
You couldn’t tell he was wearing a mans shoes and not whatever nice heels your wife had been wearing all night?
You couldn’t talk to her because everyone was standing around you? I’ve been to at least 200+ weddings between work and attending them personally and have never once been to one where the bride and groom didn’t spend at least some time off on their own or at the very least isolated at their own table where they can have a private talk
YTA, fake
Wow you have got some big issues and absolutely zero sense of humour. Sounds like you are homophobic too . What a massive AO you are. If I was your wife I would tell you that people were laughing WITH you at the event. Now they are laughing at you for your childish tantrum
She told you need to move on. Then tell her you will and then pack a bag and head on out.
Definitely NTA. She should have known better, pranks are to be laughed with not laughed at. I’d get over it, but that doesn’t make you in the wrong. If she doesn’t mind embarrassment I’d be mixing a Nair type substance into her shampoo bottle. Then explain how she should get over it.
NTA they went out of their way to humiliate and laugh AT you. I don’t know if I could get over something like that. It was your wedding, not a comedy show.