My wife’s friend told her she is cheating on her husband and has been throughout their relationship including before they were married. My wife is also friends with her husband, she was friends with both of them long before they got married. I do not consider myself friends with either one of them. My wife shared this information with me and decided to keep the secret and not tell him. Although I’m not friends with him, I still think he has a right to know so I want to reach out and tell him myself. However, my wife told me not to say anything to him because it’s not my place, it would destroy him, and it would likely cause her to lose both friends which in turn will likely cause my wife to resent me and hurt our relationship.
She is a shitty person for putting my wife in this uncomfortable situation by telling her this knowing she is also friends with her husband, and an even shittier person for being a serial cheater.
So Reddit, should I tell him and suffer the consequences or stay out of it?
Comments
it’s always best to not tell, as you could be blamed for screwing the relationship up. your wife said telling him could destroy him. he might already know
No, you shouldn’t say anything.
You don’t really have any trustworthy evidence. And the only relationship you actuallt care about here would be damaged by it.
Lose/lose/lose
Just forget about it. Maybe she was lying as a shitty test.
Why is your wife ok with her friend cheating. Why does she want to keep it a secret. Is your wife cheating on you. Do the right thing and tell the guy. He deserves to know what kind of person he is married to
At the end of the day you dont know these people. Do not blow up your own marriage over something so stupid. Listen to your wife! The fact that you have to ask reddit means you’re already a dumb ass 🤦♀️
Ask yourself this. Would you want to know if your wife was cheating on you.
your focus is your relationship with your wife. she shared something in confidence to you and it could cause problems between the two of you if you share. I would stay out of it if you are not friends with the guy. The situation sucks, that guys wife is a shitty human being but we cant save everyone and your focus should be at home.
Do NOT say a word.
I know you would want to know if it happened to you.
I believe the husband will find out eventually. I wouldn’t want to get involved and cause a rift between your own relationship.
Dude shut up you are SO annoying.
Dont say anything – live your own life.
Likely, she loves both of them. Let it lie.
Send an anonymous tip
Your wife being OK with her friend cheating is a red flag.
The only person you owe any loyalty to here is your wife. I’d just keep it to myself. Live in the grey, not everything is black and white.
Maybe the wife of secound man is having affair with him so she doesn’t want to stir the pot in fear of getting caught herself
I would be more concerned with your wife being ok with keeping this secret if i were you.
If your wife doesn’t tell the husband about his misses cheating on him. That says a lot about your wife, not only as a person, but her character as well. If she’s friend with the husband, it’s her obligation as a friend to tell him. Cheating is absolutely horrible and what it can do to people is non-forgiving. You are now apart of this mess cause your wife told you. If you tell him, you can save him a lot by telling him (or even send a note/message from another device to give him a heads up). I will say that you must do what you think is right. No matter what happens people will get hurt. And your wife (may lose both her friends) she already lost 1 the husband. If he does find out somehow (he figures out on his own) she still may lose he both of them as friends. But she could still have him as a friend if she tells him. Sure she may lose a “friend” but so far she’s already lost one.
Mind your own business. You don’t know these people and you don’t know anything about their relationship.
For christ’s sake, tell him before he haș kids with her. She will eventually be found out but the family situation could be more complicated by then.
What makes you the judge and jury?
It’s their issue you have no right getting involved
She will lose at least one friend eventually already, two if she doesn’t show that she cares or has morals at all.
Tell him
I have an idea, why not talk to your wife’s gf and make up a story about seeing her with her affair partner somewhere.
Tell her you won’t tell her husband all you ask is for her to be honest and ask if your wife is cheating on you.
Chances are your wife is doing the same thing, birds of feather kind of thing.
Wife being is ok with this is a massive red flag, she’s meant to be friends with both of them.
Some friend.
Your wife needs to take a stand. She was burdened with this knowledge. It’s unfair not to expect her to inform the victim.
If I were him I’d want to know and I’d thank you for telling me. And the fact that your wife is ok keeping it a secret is a whole other conversation that needs to happen.
If you were in the same position and wanted someone to stand out and tell you the truth that your wife were cheating on you, then yes, just tell him.
Be a true hero! Tell this guy immediately, he deserves the truth of his life.
He is probably making long term plans with a snake in his bed. Heck he might even end up raising someone else’s kid.
Like a hero – damn the consequences do the right thing Then have a serious talk with your wife. (You are the friends you keep).
This is not your business. Stay out of it.
Tell him and own that shit, I say.
You don’t owe it to anyone to lower yourself morally and become one of their enablers.
Terrible people SHOULD be outed for the horrible things they’re perfectly fine doing to other people just so long as all the non sociopathic people in their lives aren’t there to see it and start questioning their actions. .
She’s protecting a cheater
I wouldn’t protect a cheater if they were my sibling
So there’s something there
absolutely do not hi to the husband and tell him, nine if your business. Gossip. Stay away from this situation!!’
Ask your wife if she’s OK that her friend is cheating on her husband who is also a friend of hers. How can your wife condone such actions?
Tell the man in my opinion. He has a right to know instead of being lied to that all is well in his family.
Tough one. I know it’s hard sometimes to mind our own business. Just forget about it.
Tell the poor guy. He doesn’t deserve this betrayal.
Mind your business
Fuck your wife’s friend and then show your wife that you did and explain to her this is how it feels to be cheated on by your spouse and ask her if she thinks her friends husband should know the truth now.
Go to the husband, but only with concrete evidence. Otherwise, this could blowback in your face as a “he said, she said”. The wife is comfortable and adept at deception.
You can’t argue with photos, screenshots, hotel receipts, message threads, burner phones, used condoms from under the car seat (😳) and the like.
Not saying shit is being an accomplice because you are helping them get away with it, if your wife is ok with her friend being like that is she like that too? Wouldn’t you want to know in that situation? Are you really so lost for integrity this is actually a question?
Sounds like you should stay the fuck out of it. You’ve stated clearly, twice, you don’t consider him a friend.
Find him on social media and send him a message from a fake account. Leave it any details that would make it look like it came from your wife.
Neither your wife nor you know the intimate details of this other couple’s relationship. All you know is what your wife heard from her friend. Did you ever play the telephone game when you were a kid? You whisper a secret in one person’s ear, and they whisper to the next & so on throughout the group. The end results were never what the initial secret was.
Mind your business, stay in your lane. And decide which relationship is your priority – the one between you & your wife, or the one her friends are in.
You should be looking at your wife sideways.
Birds of a feather flock together.
Tell him. And cook your wife for protecting that lying, cheating, scumbags honour
She is friends with the wife. Not the husband. And she has a poor choice in friends. And putting her husband in the predicament now is even more crappy. OP, ask her if she would be cool with it if the role is reversed.
Your wife shared something with you in confidence. Don’t fuck that up. You’re not even friends with him, as you’ve clearly stated.
Your wife is a shitty person for trying to keep it a secret and her being ready to blame you for the consequences for her friends actions is nothing more than the reflection of an immoral illogical being that may or may not be playing the same game as her friend
Put it this way, if he finds out eventually and then finds out you knew and never said anything…….. he’s gonna cut you off, your wife off and the cheater you know why coz you knew and said nothing. Some friends you guys are. Also, I think your wife is a red flag
Yes, telling him will probably destroy him, but he will at least have the possibility to heal, recover, and build a nice couple life with someone else. Not telling him will let him live with the fake thought that his partner is a great person. Anyway, he will probably find out one day. And that day, you may feel guilty for not having told him before, which would have avoided him to waste many years of his life with someone not worth it.
Basically, just treat him as you would like to be treated if you were in his shoes.
Stay out of it, unless you want your wife to never again trust you enough to confide in you.
Drop a letter in the mail addressed to the guy that simply says “Yer wife is fuckin another bloke! Yer a bloody cuck!”
I had a situation where I was with some old college friends, and they were all bragging about cheating on their partners, and one of them was bragging that she let her husband fuck one of her friends who is married because she had always wanted to when they took mushrooms. I did not ask to be a part of this conversation. I found the guy online and told him.The cheater was pregnant with their first kid. I don’t know what happened, but I’m glad I told him.
Why did your wife put YOU in this position? Curious why you didn’t ask or mention that? She could have kept it to herself if she didn’t want the other husband to know and keep this vile secret. I hate a world we live in that cheating is becoming more and more an acceptable thing despite it being a huge violation of the very trust of another person you are in a relationship with not to mention all the other things that go with it.. such as lying, hiding things, possibly giving your spouse an STD, getting pregnant with another man’s child and then making your husband think it’s his and raise them and pay for them, and the biggy the breaking of a moral code and being okay with it by justifying your actions (my husband doesn’t give me enough attention, I wanted to try other people, my husband works all the time because he has to pay for everything and our kids and if he doesn’t give me enough money for myself he should just kill himself (yea I heard this one) or if he is working hard and earning tons then he never spends any time with me! (Also heard this personally).
You should tell your wife if she doesn’t tell the husband then you will because you didn’t ask to be told any of these secrets in the first place and put you in a horrible place. She must assume you have low moral standards like she does to keep quiet about it. The friend’s husband deserves to know. Period. Why is the cheater protected and the innocent punished? If she loses the wife’s friendship so be it but at least the husband was also her friend for just as long and still would be. Give your wife a short timeline or you will go to him and then question her on how she finds this acceptable and then open your eyes and ears as her morals are showing their level of low and it could be or could have already happened to you, or might in the future.
Your wife has a shitty friend and your wife needs to dump her POS friend and tell the husband…f*ck her friends feelings. She’s a cheating skank.
I’d be more concerned about your wife wanting to keep her friends secret than anything else. I mean does this woman know any secrets about your wife? This would be my thoughts. I’d not want to be around someone that enables this behaviour
A friend of mine whose girlfriend was also a friend before they met. Came over one night with some ladies he met from the bar. They were kissing on each other hung out at my place for an hour or two and left together and so who knows what happened afterward. I thought the right thing to do was tell his girlfriend since she was a friend of mine as well. All it did was end up being bad for me. The girlfriend thought I was lying cuz he said I was full of it. And then he came to me like what the hell dude why would you tell on me and acted like he wasnt doing anything wrong. Ended up just kind of ruining my friendship with both of them. So it doesn’t always end up great doing what you think is the right thing. Made me want to not get into people’s love business in the future. I was more pissed off at him for putting me in that situation similar to how this woman has done the same to your wife. Either way there will be consequences and you need to figure out if the juice is worth the squeeze before doing anything.
If you don’t want to be known, make an obvious fake account on facebook/insta… and message the dude that way
Ask yourself this: “Is it any of my fucking business? (No.). Is telling the guy worth ruining my wifes relationship with her friend? (Also no.)”
Stay out of it. If there’s a good guy in any of this, it sure as HELL won’t be you.
Don’t listen to anyone saying to stay out of it.
It’s a common deflection strategy by women in general.
Your wife is an AH to her ‘friend’ the husband.
She’s clearly chosen to side with a cheater because it’s a woman.
Adults should know to break up instead of cheat.
Use your fucking words.
Anyways, give your wife and ultimatum to tell him.
If she doesn’t do it anonymously.
Plenty of women reach out to expose cheating bfs/husbands.
Because it’s the right thing to do, to expose them.
Buddy, I hate to break it to you but your wife is also a shitty friend. Anyone that will cover for that bullshit is not a good friend and honestly if it were my wife she would have 2 choices, either she tells him or I do and if I have to are relationship is over. I’ve lost a few long term “friends” behind shit like this. These people cannot be trusted