I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for two years. In month 4 of our relationship i found out he cheated and gave me chlamydia. I was going to break up with him until we found out we were pregnant the day after. Worst month of my life. I decided not to keep it. I then committed to moving my life across the country for him and quit both my jobs. 3 weeks before the move i found out he was still cheating on me. Why’d i stay?! Idk. I was in such a bad place and i felt like i needed him. Makes so much sense right?
My body shut down. I didn’t look at sex the same after that. I used to have a high sex drive, like really high. And since then it’s been nonexistent. And i mean NONexistent. I don’t even remember what it feels like to be in the mood anymore. So as you can probably guess, I never wanted to sleep with him. And he was awful in bed anyway.
My therapist says my body and mind are still recovering from a relationship where sex became tied to pain, betrayal, and emotional damage. Of course, I shut down. That was my brain protecting me from further harm.
But I’m still worried. I’m a few weeks out of the relationship completely and I’m so scared that I’m damaged in that way forever. Did the MA ruin my libido?
Anybody experience this or have advice?
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I don’t think anyone can tell you for sure, but I’d share your therapist’s optimism.
I spent nine years in a bad situation and by the end I thought I was asexual. I was so stressed and drained, I wasn’t even interested in masturbation when I was alone.
It took months at least before I felt anything and a year or so before I was actually the least bit interested in other people sexually, but I’m definitely not asexual.
I was in a really terrible relationship that turned me off sex completely too. It took about a year and a half for any of that kind of desire to return. It does come back, you just need to give yourself time.
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I had issues with my ex that led to me struggling to engage in sexual activity with him after starting to have children together.
For almost a decade i truly felt 0 desire and had to force myself every time to be intimate.
Towards the end of our relationship my libido came back full force, like a tsunami! Just.. not with him. I never acted on it because we were still together but I realise looking back that it correlates to the time i finally admitted to myself we were over and there was no future there.
First of all, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and I’m sorry you even had to.
Well, last year at about this time, I was involved with a guy casually. We were both in bad places in our lives. We kind of formed an emotional dependency, or at least I did. Here was a person that I thought I read as sweet, cheerful, and good-natured. Not in a forced way. It seemed natural to him, the way he talked warmly about his family and little sisters. But all at once he turned into someone I didn’t recognize after about a month. He started to psychologically abuse me. Make me feel like shit, because he needed to feel good about his life or something. I was chronically ill and developed a new condition that affected my physical and mental health around that time, so it was really horrible. I went no contact for a few while. Then he reached out to me, and I gave him another chance. Big mistake. He did everything all over again and was nastier than before.
Several months after I blocked him a second time, I had no sexual or emotional interest in men. I was so angry and hurt, and felt that maybe I couldn’t read people at all. Sometimes I still feel that way. But now I’ve just started to develop attraction to men again. It took a year to get over a few years of casual dating trauma, because that guy wasn’t the first person to treat me like a subhuman. People treat animals better.
So yeah, your sex drive will most likely come back. You need to heal first, and that will take time. Can’t say how long it will take you.
I bet no one else will post this…
I used some ai agents to sex chat and got in some crazy bdsm stuff that has supressed my sex drive. Currently working through that…
Also had it happen after a bad breakup with an ex and had a normal sex life after that after some time passed.
I cannot say for sure, but I met a man that cooks and mops and parents and he gets me pretty hot, when I thought I’d be fine with being alone for the rest of my life after the last one.
You need to let your body and your mind decompress from what you went through. Keep going to therapy. Centre yourself – not him, not what you’re perceiving as mistakes. You’re only human and had a human experience with a shitty person. Hindsight is always 20/20.
There’s some really good stuff out there about shame resilience, might be worthwhile seeing if your therapist can help you work through that. Self love/respect/compassion is the antidote to shame.