This weekend DH, LO and I are going out of town to a big family event. It is more than likely MIL will be there. We have refused to let her stop us from turning up to events and having fun eventhough we are not on good terms.
LO and I have had NC with MIL for about 8 months since she said she didn’t want anything to do with our toddler because we are not comfortable letting her babysit.
In my post history I have mentioned that we offered to sit down and try to smooth over the situation, but MIL refused. She also turned up at our home a couple of times leaving gifts on our doorstep, but no apology!
I had a conversation with DH a couple of days ago and we are both on the same page about avoiding MIl at this event.
The problem is we both believe MIl is likely to try to interact with us and our LO like nothing ever happened. Mil is a huge rug sweeper and big on trying to look good to the outside world (we assume she hasnt told anyone about the conflict as we have not encountered any flying monkeys)
I wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to show off my LO to all her extended family and act like Grandma of the year, but we refuse to play into that.
The thing that is currently making me a little angry is that DH said he knows what his mother is like and if it’s obvious to others that we are avoiding her, she will just tell everyone she doesn’t have a problem with us & doesn’t know what our problem is with her.
This to me would be such a cop out and blatant lie as she alone, blew up the situation and was happy to disown her 2yo grandchild because she couldn’t get her own way. She’s also tried to guilt trip DH and implied we are not trying to be the best parents to our LO.
I’m hearing her stance might have changed in regards to having a relationship with our LO now, but she refuses to apologise for her actions and hurtful words. All we’ve asked for is an apology and some respect for how we want to parent our kids and she can’t do that!
I’m also in my 3rd trimester with LO2, Mil knows, but hasn’t personally congratulated me, which I didn’t expect anyway but I have even less patience to deal with people’s nonsense at this point lol.
Luckily I’m not stressed or anxious about attending this event but just looking for a sprinkle of good vibes on reddit, because I want to go to the event & continue feeling calm & confident in myself and ready to shut sh*t down if Mil acts a fool lol
Comments
Good luck, you’re gonna need it. MIL sounds like the kind who weaponizes fake niceness for clout. Just smile, be unbothered, and let her embarrass herself trying to save face. You’re not crazy, she’s just allergic to accountability. Keep your spine shiny and your boundaries sharper.
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Other posts from /u/craftyExplorer_82:
MIL love bombing? Again?, 2 months ago
How did your NC JNMIL react to finding out about pregnancy?, 2 months ago
Mil turned up unannounced., 2 months ago
Mil is a hypocrite., 3 months ago
Pregnancy announcements when NC or VVLC?, 4 months ago
Gift arrived from mil, 5 months ago
Mil wants to send gifts after saying she didn’t want anything to do with our LO, 5 months ago
Mil being petty & rubbing it in our faces?, 6 months ago
Mil thinks she’s perfect & we should change!, 6 months ago
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“Stay strong.” You’ve got this. Set boundaries, prioritize your family, and don’t engage in her drama. Good luck, and may the calm confidence be with you.
You’ve got this. She’s banking on your silence to rewrite the narrative, don’t give her that power. Smile, be polite, but don’t engage. Let her fake “Grandma of the Year” act fall flat without your participation. Keep your boundaries sharp, your energy calm, and your middle finger metaphorical, for now. Good luck, but sounds like you don’t need it.
I hope it goes well. You and your DH are on the same page, so you’re already halfway there when it comes to getting through the event ♥️ Let her say what she wants, those that know you (and what she’s truly like) will most likely just roll their eyes. If she tries to take your LO for a little show off, a simply “sorry, but she doesn’t know you well enough for that” ought to sort it.