A little background: My ex and I were together for almost 10 years and have two children together, ages 8 and 6. We separated in late 2023, but our divorce wasn’t finalized until October 2024.
The was a lot that led to our divorce…his alcoholism, anger issues, infidelity, poor financial habits, gambling addiction, and lack of parenting. But the final straw was his physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. After he choked me for the last time, I filed a restraining order. He already had charges of abuse towards me against him, and his lawyer helped him get into rehab instead of jail.
While in rehab, he started a relationship with a nurse there—which ultimately got her fired. They both blame me for her termination and claim I’m bitter and petty. (feel free to read my previous post about this)
At the time of our divorce, he still lived in the same town. Since then, he’s moved to his girlfriend’s town, about 100 miles away.
I’ve never formally met his girlfriend. I’ve only seen her in person a couple of times, and both times she just made faces at me without speaking. The first time she contacted me directly was through social media. At the time, my ex and I were still married. She messaged me saying he wasn’t abusive and that I had ruined her family. Her claim stemmed from when her own husband (whom she had only married three months before starting the affair with my ex) reached out to me. I told him the truth about the abuse. I simply replied to her that my ex was abusive and asked that any further contact go through my lawyer. Then I blocked her.
All further communication from her has been through my ex’s phone, where she has called me evil, a horrible mother, and claims I “ruined” my ex. She also accuses me of stalking her, despite me having her blocked. I also have repeatedly told her that co-parenting should be between my ex and me only.
My ex never calls the kids, never shows up to the kids’ activities or events, and blames me for his lack of relationship with them—outside of the visitations he randomly cancels. He also owes me over $30,000 in back child support, plus his half of medical bills and extracurricular expenses.
When we were together, he had a high-paying job, but he lost it after punching a coworker. He briefly worked again before moving to his girlfriend’s town, and our custody schedule and child support agreement were based on that job. Since then, he’s quit that job and insists his employment status is none of my business, even though he owes significant money. They both label me a “bitter baby mama” who only cares about money and ruining their lives.
The truth? I’m a single mom trying to do everything on my own while dealing with the trauma left behind by an abusive relationship and the chaos his girlfriend loves to stir up. I’m focused on helping my kids heal from what they’ve seen and felt. I’m in therapy, and my kids are in therapy. I don’t think about them beyond concerns over child support and the children’s safety…especially considering reports from their counselor. One of those reports led to a DFS report, but nothing came of that one but he had previously lost custody when the kids witnessed him choking me.
Since our settlement last October, I’ve been asking him to retrieve the property he was awarded in the divorce. Last week—after skipping a scheduled visit due to “not having gas money”.. he finally agreed to come on Sunday morning with movers. He had previously made it seem like it would just be him and the movers.
Packing up his belongings was incredibly emotional. Most items were already boxed and in storage, but going through everything again brought back painful memories of the abuse I endured—and my children witnessed. I was emotionally drained and anxious.
That morning, he messaged to say they were “we are on our way to meet the movers at the house.” I replied that his girlfriend was not allowed on my property. If she came, she needed to stay off. I also told him he was only allowed in the garage to help direct the movers. Per our divorce decree, I was awarded the house until it’s sold, which will be very soon.
Given her history of starting drama, I wanted to avoid any confrontation. I had my mom pick up the kids, and my boyfriend—who has lived with me for a few months now as we prepare to move in together—stayed at the house for support and safety.
As soon as I told him these boundaries, my ex called the police. When the officer called me, he told me that my ex and his girlfriend were insisting they both be allowed inside the house to “make sure I wasn’t stealing anything.” After reviewing the divorce decree, the officer told them I was within my legal rights to deny her access to the property and limit my ex to the garage.
My ex ended up canceling the move and requesting I reimburse him for the $1600 he paid the movers or they will sue me.
Later, while venting to a coworker about the situation, my boss overheard. He said I was in the wrong. Claiming that as a man, he understood why my ex would want emotional support and that I should’ve had my boyfriend leave to keep things “fair.” Or I should be mentally prepared for her always starting stuff and I need to get over it.
Now I’m second-guessing myself. I wasn’t trying to come off as petty or be a hypocrite. I asked nicely and just was thinking of my own mental health and physical safety. Should I have just let her come in despite her history of stirring the pot? Should I have asked my boyfriend to leave, even though he was there for my emotional support and safety?
So, Reddit… was I the asshole for saying his girlfriend couldn’t come and limiting my ex to the garage—while my boyfriend stayed in the house?
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Backup of the post’s body: A little background: My ex and I were together for almost 10 years and have two children together, ages 8 and 6. We separated in late 2023, but our divorce wasn’t finalized until October 2024.
The was a lot that led to our divorce…his alcoholism, anger issues, infidelity, poor financial habits, gambling addiction, and lack of parenting. But the final straw was his physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. After he choked me for the last time, I filed a restraining order. He already had charges of abuse towards me against him, and his lawyer helped him get into rehab instead of jail.
While in rehab, he started a relationship with a nurse there—which ultimately got her fired. They both blame me for her termination and claim I’m bitter and petty. (feel free to read my previous post about this)
At the time of our divorce, he still lived in the same town. Since then, he’s moved to his girlfriend’s town, about 100 miles away.
I’ve never formally met his girlfriend. I’ve only seen her in person a couple of times, and both times she just made faces at me without speaking. The first time she contacted me directly was through social media. At the time, my ex and I were still married. She messaged me saying he wasn’t abusive and that I had ruined her family. Her claim stemmed from when her own husband (whom she had only married three months before starting the affair with my ex) reached out to me. I told him the truth about the abuse. I simply replied to her that my ex was abusive and asked that any further contact go through my lawyer. Then I blocked her.
All further communication from her has been through my ex’s phone, where she has called me evil, a horrible mother, and claims I “ruined” my ex. She also accuses me of stalking her, despite me having her blocked. I also have repeatedly told her that co-parenting should be between my ex and me only.
My ex never calls the kids, never shows up to the kids’ activities or events, and blames me for his lack of relationship with them—outside of the visitations he randomly cancels. He also owes me over $30,000 in back child support, plus his half of medical bills and extracurricular expenses.
When we were together, he had a high-paying job, but he lost it after punching a coworker. He briefly worked again before moving to his girlfriend’s town, and our custody schedule and child support agreement were based on that job. Since then, he’s quit that job and insists his employment status is none of my business, even though he owes significant money. They both label me a “bitter baby mama” who only cares about money and ruining their lives.
The truth? I’m a single mom trying to do everything on my own while dealing with the trauma left behind by an abusive relationship and the chaos his girlfriend loves to stir up. I’m focused on helping my kids heal from what they’ve seen and felt. I’m in therapy, and my kids are in therapy. I don’t think about them beyond concerns over child support and the children’s safety…especially considering reports from their counselor. One of those reports led to a DFS report, but nothing came of that one but he had previously lost custody when the kids witnessed him choking me.
Since our settlement last October, I’ve been asking him to retrieve the property he was awarded in the divorce. Last week—after skipping a scheduled visit due to “not having gas money”.. he finally agreed to come on Sunday morning with movers. He had previously made it seem like it would just be him and the movers.
Packing up his belongings was incredibly emotional. Most items were already boxed and in storage, but going through everything again brought back painful memories of the abuse I endured—and my children witnessed. I was emotionally drained and anxious.
That morning, he messaged to say they were “we are on our way to meet the movers at the house.” I replied that his girlfriend was not allowed on my property. If she came, she needed to stay off. I also told him he was only allowed in the garage to help direct the movers. Per our divorce decree, I was awarded the house until it’s sold, which will be very soon.
Given her history of starting drama, I wanted to avoid any confrontation. I had my mom pick up the kids, and my boyfriend—who has lived with me for a few months now as we prepare to move in together—stayed at the house for support and safety.
As soon as I told him these boundaries, my ex called the police. When the officer called me, he told me that my ex and his girlfriend were insisting they both be allowed inside the house to “make sure I wasn’t stealing anything.” After reviewing the divorce decree, the officer told them I was within my legal rights to deny her access to the property and limit my ex to the garage.
My ex ended up canceling the move and requesting I reimburse him for the $1600 he paid the movers or they will sue me.
Later, while venting to a coworker about the situation, my boss overheard. He said I was in the wrong. Claiming that as a man, he understood why my ex would want emotional support and that I should’ve had my boyfriend leave to keep things “fair.” Or I should be mentally prepared for her always starting stuff and I need to get over it.
Now I’m second-guessing myself. I wasn’t trying to come off as petty or be a hypocrite. I asked nicely and just was thinking of my own mental health and physical safety. Should I have just let her come in despite her history of stirring the pot? Should I have asked my boyfriend to leave, even though he was there for my emotional support and safety?
So, Reddit… was I the asshole for saying his girlfriend couldn’t come and limiting my ex to the garage—while my boyfriend stayed in the house?
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No
why would your boss think it was appropriate to share his opinion BAFFLES me lol
NTA- tell your boss to stop given you advise on something that is NONE of his business, stop being an AH and basically tell you that the abuse your suffered is nothing compared to your ex husband inconvenience.
lol please tell me you are joking??? Your boss needs to mind his business. I’m glad you are not taking your ex’s shit anymore. Divas up
Nope. Your boss is hecka wrong.
Your ex has physically abused you. Does he not know that is the main way most women are killed in abusive relationships?
You should or the ex should have had the police there to watch over this move out. They do that.
And in fact you should tell your ex that by X date this stuff needs to be gone or it will be considered abandoned and at that time there will be a police officer to watch over the proceedings so both of you feel safe and secure.
You need to find out what that abandoned property time frame is and follow it to the letter. Send due notice return receipt/email. Stop by your local police station and chat with them about having an officer on standby. As your ex is a known abuser of both you and the children (watching you be attacked is abuse) you’d feel safest with an officer nearby.
Then he can come grab the stuff or if yr doesn’t you can sell or have somebody pick it up as a donation. Or dump it all.
Tbh if he threatens to sue you, let him. No judge would let him win. The dude owes you money so at the worst case they’d knock off what you’d owe of that.
As if.
Man, if he sues, ask to go on a judge show like judge Judy or hot bench.
Nope. You have done what you are supposed to do, while protecting your mental health, safe space and peace. Your boss is out of line. It was an A-B conversation that he had no business poking his nose in. Why would any woman want to allow their abuser and his new toy into their home?? Just NO!!! It was smart of you to keep your boyfriend there.
Excuse me your boss what?!
No you’re not in the wrong. Your boss needs to mind his own business. Don’t take advice or criticism from people who have no idea or insight into your life. Given the history of physical abuse your BF should absolutely be there, if not an actual police officer. Your ex has proved himself to be extremely unstable and your safety comes first. Same goes for his insane gf. She should absolutely not come into your personal space.
Your boss is an idiot and I would’ve kicked him in the nuts. 💁🏻♀️
Don’t doubt yourself! You’re surviving and healing ❤️🩹 how is that in any shape or form petty? If you heard a close friend go through the same thing and she/he was telling you this story how would you respond? That she/he should allow an ex’s spouse on their property after undergoing abuse from them? How does that make any sense? Nope no.
You just continue like you have and keep yourself and your children safe! So proud of you for getting out of that abusive relationship!!! Please keep your bar much much higher! I hope and I’m sure your current BF is much much better. ❤️
Girllll
No you’re not wrong and your boss should mind his own business.
NTA
You cannot be replaced and your ex has already tried to kill you once by choking you. Your boss has no idea what they are talking about. As for the cost of the movers, you did not deny your ex access, so the cancellation and fees are on him. She could have stated in the car across the street. Find out how much notice you have to give him before throwing away his things, then properly give that notice and toss his belongings if he doesn’t come get them.
NTA – Tell boss, they are wrong, you do not need to let anyone on your property without your permission. He didn’t have your permission to bring her, he can just pick up his things from the curb, if he wants anything.
Your boss needs to stay out of your business, a you need to keep your personal business out of the work place! I don’t care if the person you told is a friend, keep it all away from work!
The less people know, the better!
NO you were NOT wrong! Your ex and his GF don’t need to be in your home!
Let the moron try to sue you, see how far that gets him!
I’d be reporting the boss to HR myself, what he said was disgusting. He has no idea of the whole situation and it’s not his business.
Of course you weren’t wrong, your ex and his gf are crazy and dangerous. You shouldn’t have to be in the same space as either of them, ever!!
So your boss thinks you should be alone with a man who has tried to kill you. Thats an awful boss. NTA.
I wish you could report your boss. He is so in the wrong it’s ridiculous. Your ex is abusive, he doesn’t deserve shit. You needed your bf there to watch out for you. Scummy men behave better around other men. Ask a lawyer but if he sues you, I’d imagine you’d win. He was the one that canceled for no good reason
NTA. Your boss is a good ol’ boy. What a putz.
Random thought – can you “Garnish” the proceeds of the sale of the house to recover what he owes you?
NTA.
I would tell your boss that there are three places he can ALWAYS stay for free:
If your ex was so worried about his “emotional support” then he should get a dog and not some stray bitch he found in rehab.
Boss has divorced dad energy.
Ignore him.
I went through a similar abusive marriage/divorce/after divorce nightmares/no child support with my first husband. I didn’t experience the gf issues. His mistress was pregnant when the divorce was originally granted. My ex terminated parental rights to avoid child support after a year of drama like yours and then some. My ex threatened me wih a loaded rifle to my face in front of our extremely young children, both under 4.
Take everything you have to your attorney. See if the decree can ne modified to using a court coparenting app and where he gets supervised visitation only. He has and still is showing signs of extreme instability. He failed rehab by starting a relationship. Take all of the therapists concerns and revelations along with all of the texts and see if a judge will help you protect your children.
NTA
NTA
Frankly your boss is talking out of his ass. He has no idea what he’s taking about, and thinks he knows more than what the law is regarding your own divorce decree, or what you have personally gone through with this girlfriend’s harassment. Never let that woman on your property.
NTA. he has been physically abusive towards you. Having your boyfriend over for support and protection was appropriate.
You seriously need to report your boss to HR. His putting his 2 cents (and I’m seriously over estimating the value of his thoughts) was way out of line.
As far as your ex goes, let him sue you. He’ll look like an idiot in court and you can call the police officer as a witness. You followed your divorce decree and the law to the letter or that officer would have told you otherwise.
NTA!!
Your boss has no business getting involved. If a police officer looked at your divorce decree and agreed with you then your boss needs to keep their trap shut.
NTA. The idiot would rather pay $1600 to cancel than have her wait at a restaurant or in a park? I think he’s lying about the money. Your boss is also an idiot if he thinks a grown man needs emotional support to pack his shit.
First, please don’t discuss your personal business at work. If you have a friend at work that’s a friend do it when you all are away from work. Second your boss is clueless. Why would you be in a presence of your ex-husband who has choke you and physically abused you? And why in the world would you let this woman who doesn’t know boundaries onto your property? Your boss is unprofessional.
No you tell your boss you’re bf there to make sure you are not attacked again and his gf does is starts drama
I feel like I’ve heard or read this story before. 🤔
Anyway: YNW and NTA.
Follow the letter of the divorce decree. Tell your boss in as politically correct a manner as you can that he should mind his own business.
And – if you can afford the house by yourself… Any chance you’d accept him signing over the house fully to you in exchange for you forgiving the current outstanding child support debt? Would not get him off the hook for future CS payments, of course. Might be something to discuss with your lawyer.
I wonder if your boss would say to the judge & law enforcement officer’s face that they are wrong
Absolutely not she could have stayed in the car on the street ex could have directed the movers you did nothing wrong
Why dint you tie your tube’s???
The ONLY thing you did wrong was discussing this at work. You should start looking for a new job if it’s at all feasible because the clock is probably ticking on your tenure there.
Everything else you did was absolutely correct. You did the right thing getting away from him, for you and for your kids. You did the right thing not allowing her on the property.
You are absolutely 100% in the right here. And your boss is a complete jerk. I hate to say this but get your attorney evolved again with your ex and ignore his request for money. This is all on him.
Your boss is definitely an AH. Your ex abused you, so he does not get to pull the “victim needs emotional support” card becsuse that is YOURS to use as the actual VICTIM.
Your boss can suck eggs or pound sand. Whichever fulfills him more.
NTA, OP.
Your boss can EAD
You were absolutely NTA. You have the right to feel safe in your own home. There is zero reason for you to feel badly about wanting your BF in your home and not letting his GF into your home. The police even backed you up. Your Ex’s feelings are no longer your problem. And let him sue you for the $1600, you can bring your own documentation showing the amount of money he does in fact owe you, which will trump any amount of money he “thinks” he is owed just because he threw a tantrum and canceled the movers.
And your boss can stuff it. His comments are completely unprofessional in general and even more so when there is a power imbalance since he is your boss. I’m so sorry you had to experience his lack of boundaries.
NTA. This is absolutely none of your bosses business. You did what you had to do.
As an aside, as a former nurse, please report her to your states board of nursing for unprofessional conduct! Nurses have a set of ethics that they must abide by at all times and she’s not.
[removed]
> They both blame me for her termination
How can they honestly believe that when those 2 love birds would never have met if it weren’t for you? Seriously, how does a nurse think the place to find love is in a rehab center?
Your boss is being hugely inappropriate. You have every right to have the say so over who you allow on your property and it’s none of his business.
At this point I would pack up all of the Ex’s belongings with an inventory list and ship them to him (recording the entire process including boxing and putting the packages in your car and taking to Fed Ex or wherever- this way he can’t claim anything is missing). Send him the recording of the process so he understands there’s also no space to claim you damaged his property and then he can review the inventory and if anything is missing he can submit a request. And let him take you to court over the movers if he’s so inclined. He made that decision, not you.
You offered him access already and he declined and your divorce should outline the timeline in which he has to access the home to retrieve his items which is typically not 7 months- more like 30 days. If that’s come and gone your obligation to allow him access is nothing.
No. Your ex could have asked for a police escort if he was afraid to come alone. It is one of the common tasks cops do. It will be extremely dumb to let a person who harassed you and a person who strangled you in your house. Do you have a lawyer? Talk to them about how it should be done to maximize your safety and minimize your stress. I assume the best will be sending him a legal notice of some kind, that he needs to pick up his things by… Otherwise, they will be reported abandoned, go to trash, and go to donations.
When he sets time to pick it up, you need to have more people there. Not just your boyfriend. I’d have at least two in the garage with him. Preferably, all of the pickup communications should go through your lawyer as well. Also, if it makes sense, you can rent a storage unit for a month, move his boxes there, and let him handle the rest: puck up whenever, continue paying, etc.
Also, talk to your lawyer about his new gf harrowing you through his phone. “Cease and desist” letter should help her.
Absolutely not. Your ex has been violent before, having someone there to ensure your safety was a smart move. Neither of them belong in the house, he’s there to pick up his stuff, which is all in the garage, and you have the absolute right to deny her access to your belongings.
Keep all the communication, so if they DO try to sue for what they spent on the movers, you can testify with proof that he and the movers absolutely would have been able to get his shit, but HE changed his mind. Countersue for storage fees and permission to either keep or dispose of the stuff if he doesn’t retrieve it, WITHOUT her and WITH a police escort, by a date certain.
If he wants emotional support he can bring a friend not her. She is just gonna cause problems. Your boyfriend lives their so it is reasonable for him to be there also to feel safer since ex has been abusive.
Why would you willingly put yourself in a position where you’d be interacting with a very abusive ex and his extremely unhinged gf, without someone there to support you if anything happened. Ignore your boss, he’s talking through his ass. You have documentation to prove your request is legitimate. The police officer verified that and reinforced your request. Ex is pissed he couldn’t walk all over you. If he wants his crap, he can fetch it from the gutter next time
Absolutely not and don’t you dare even think about reimbursing his dumbass
Your boss is a nosy asshole and needs to learn to shut the fuck up. But if you wanted to put him in this place, you should of just turned around and said, “.Yeah , well, the last time my kids saw their father and I together, he was trying to choke me to death , so yeah , i’m not letting him or his nasty ass gf in my house.”
NTA. What if one or both of them tried to physically assault you? Your boyfriend being there might have dissuaded that. He might not have been able to stop anything, but he could testify as a witness if anything did happen. Plus, who you have at your house is your business. Your boss is an idiot. Also, if it’s clearly stated in your divorce decree than too bad for your ex and his gf.
NTA. She could have still come and sat in thr truck on the street. been there for support without coming on your property.
Tell him to sue you . lol Then you’ll get his bank details to give to the courts to support child support payments.
Updateme
F your boss. Tell him to MYOFB. You did nothing wrong.
Your boss sucks
You are not wrong. Also, you should probably look into what your options are as far as “storing” your ex’s stuff. Because the law recognizes that you are not a storage facility and you cannot be expected to store someone’s property indefinitely. So ask your lawyer how long you have to hold onto his stuff before you can simply just toss it. That way you can let him know “if you dont come and get your crap by this date it’s going in the trash”. That would certainly light a fire under his ass.
Also, might I suggest you refrain from talking your personal business all over the office. You don’t need your boss weighing in and giving unsolicited advice nor do you need him drawing wrong conclusions about you based on decisions you make in your personal life that he does not agree with. It would not be fair of him but it can certainly happen. If you want to speak to your co worker about your business, either do it privately out of earshot of anyone else or just call her on the phone when you’re at home.. Because again, you do not need the whole office knowing your personal business. NTA
You are low key TA for venting at work where anyone could hear, but also for even for a second taking your bosses’ opinion seriously. It sounded completely stupid just reading it in Reddit and I imagine it was even more inane when he spoke it aloud.
I think your ex doesn’t deserve anything beyond basic courtesy. And the thought that he couldn’t move his stuff without his girlfriend by his side is ludicrous.
Absolutely NOT. Your boss is wrong on so many levels. The thought that you should be alone with your abuser or allow him and your other abuser into your home is insane.
“As a man” your boss can stfu about a situation he obviously doesn’t understand.
Have your ex’s stuff delivered to his house, and be done with them forever. Should you have to do that? Hell no. But you shouldn’t have to go through any of this. Take the one-time bill and then cut all ties except through lawyers and a parenting app. Don’t entertain calls, emails, or texts. Get the parenting app, and only allow him on it. Any communication that doesn’t go through that, can go through your lawyers. Keep receipts of all other attempts to contact/harass you, and give them to your lawyer, but do not respond to anything outside of the app.
Nta. Your boss needs to stay in his own lane. It’s disgusting the way some men always take up for each other.
Your boss is a jerk. My ex also choked me – my young daughter distracted him by kicking him when he was choking me or I might not be here. Any man who tries to kill you, deserves nothing.
Guess your boss has never been choked!
NTA. You’ve done nothing wrong, but your boss needs to stay in his own lane. If he brings it up again, just say you’d rather keep your personal life separate from work. And don’t share information at the office, it just invites busybodies. I’m sorry you’re going through this, sounds rough.
Why didn’t the ex just come get his stuff and leave the gf at a coffee house nearby? He just screwed himself.
Your boss told you the dude that tried to blank you multiple times needed to be alone with you and his girlfriend that harasses you and some total strangers. If I was a man, I would be insulted someone thinks I am that delicate. NTA.
Your boss is a buttinski who should have kept his opinion exactly where he was asked for it. (Nowhere near you)
The man physically attacked you. You should have the bf AND police there.
You are NTAH. His girlfriend had no right to be there. How would she even know if anything of his was missing? I would’ve had the police standby while they move things and went by your court agreement for sure. Stay strong and don’t let either one of them walk over you.
Of course your boss is a bitter ass. No question that he overstepped. My question is why did ex cancel the move/pickup? Cutting off his nose to spite his face? He didn’t get his stuff and knows that you won’t pay him a cent considering that he owes your children $30,000. I’m at a loss as to why he did that. Pickled brain?
NTA He has a history of abuse so you needed someone there as both protection and witness. Limiting his access to the garage was also for your protection.
The only reason his affair partner was there was to stir up fecal matter. You have a right to decide who comes into your home.
Don’t share personal details with people you work with. It is nearly always best to keep your work life separate from your personal life and opinions. That usually doesn’t end well.
Your boss inappropriately stuck his nose into your business then told you to limit how you protect yourself from your abuser and your stalker. I wouldn’t worry much about his opinion and i would definitely keep your private life far away from him. NTA
Your boss is an idiot and should have kept his mouth shut. He doesn’t get an opinion on this.
Your boss needs to keep his opinions to himself. You did nothing wrong. You went by what your divorce decree said. They’re pissed because they thought they could get around it. Stand strong, focus on yourself and your kids. Ignore the two of them. They’re just bitter that THEY ruined their lives.
Tell him you’ll reimburse the lost money just as soon as he’s paid the child support and whatever else that he owes.
Your boss thinks you should have let your abuser into your home with his sympathizer? Girl no. Your boss needs to mind his toxic business. You had your bf there bc the ex has a history of abuse. Ytf does his gf need to be there? She doesn’t.
Feel free to share with your boss the mental, emotional, and physical abuse. Thank him for sharing his opinions and for opening up to you, now you get to “open” up to him. Be extra sickly sweet about it, make sure you make his stomach turn, then thank him earnestly “for being one of the good guys who would never put their hands on a women and leave their small kids without support”
Your boss aint right but i would stop venting about this at work. Coworkers also debatable: off the clock and off site only.
Nah. Your ex is a idiot. You owe him no reimbursement.
You owe her a compliant to the state board of nursing for having a relationship with a vulnerable patients
Take his ass to court for the support owed.
Let him know his stuff is going into the garage and he has 24 hours to get it. Put his stuff on the garage and what’s left after 24 hours donate.
NTA
Your ex, his girlfriend, and your boss all are.
Girlfriend can emotionally support from the car.
Your boyfriend was there for PROTECTION from the man who previously choked you. It’s your property. You decide who can be on it.
Your boss is absolutely out of his lane.
LMFAO your boss
“The man who choked me out needs emotional SUPPORT?!? Did I hear that right?”
Tell him he can sue you for the $1600 and you will countersue for the $30k in back child support. Should shut him up.
Your boss is a moron, your ex is a literal walking red flag, proven to be dangerous, and you have this maniac who’s willing to associate with someone like that stalking you. Keep them far far away, you did the right thing. Almost every ultimately sad story about domestic violence has a phase like what you’ve experienced.
Your boss is a jerk. Keep your guard up. The woman inserting herself in something that doesn’t concern her.She has no respect for boundaries.
So according to your boss, you should’ve been left alone with your abusive ex?!
Yeahhhh no!
Boss needs to get a clue or “get over” whatever grudge they are holding on to from an ex.
NTA you have a court order. Ex and his trash can sue all they want… I don’t think it will end well when he owes you a lot of child support.
NTA. If your boss knew nothing about the context of your ex’s previous behavior, maybe I could understand because from am aerial view, saying your ex’s gf isn’t allowed over but your bf is, could sound hypocritical. However, given the amount of pain and grief both your ex and his gf have given all of you, it makes sense why she’s to stay away. Maybe if your ex and his gf were cool people, it be a different story. Also, the fact that his gf was married not that long before getting with your ex who was a patient of hers is very telling of her character as well.
Dude your boss is a dick, who the fuck does he think he is?
Nta.
I think you need to speak to hr about your bosses unneeded and unwanted comments.
NTA. First off, you needed your boyfriend for PROTECTION from your abusive ex.
Second, it’s your home. Only you get to decide who steps foot your property.
Third, why are you not sending all these harassing messages to your lawyer? Have your attorney handle it.
Your boss was out of line. You did nothing other than protect yourself from your abuser. Why would you be alone with a man that had choked you?
Sounds like you need to find another job.
u/
needingadvice30228 IDK where you work but if you have HR you should report his inappropriate comment. You can ask that it just be documented in case it occurs again if you don’t feel comfortable having them address it with him directly.
You have the decree for a reason. He wanted to violate it. He has no leg to stand on. He is out of the money he wasted. His decision, as there is no reason she needed to be there, none. So, his loss. He just wants to prolong as much hurt he can on you. His loss, again. LOL. Boss move. And, don’t listen to people who have gender biased opinions. You were very smart to have the decree. He, probably being a manly man, wasn’t going to let a woman dictate what he can and can not do. So, he was humiliated again, by a woman, again. That’s on him. He continues to lose to a woman, and he can’t handle it. SAD. The husband could have fought the decree, which he chose not to do, so, do not try and second guess yourself because you are a good person. You know this person, the reason why you had the decree to begin with is because he is confrontational. Do not second guess yourself. And let people who don’t know what is gong on have their opinions. They don’t matter, only you know what could possibly happen. Best of luck with your new normal. Updateme.
This can’t be real. Too stupid to be real.
You stipulated a known verbally abusive person is to not in your presence. He was bringing her to cause drama. There is no reason he needs her while you a victim of his violence very well needed others present for your personal safety.
Does your boss know the whole history of violence and abuse? Does he know about this woman’s harassment of you?
I think you would be wise to obtain a harassment restraining order against both of them. He should have to make arrangements with the sheriff’s department for an officer to be present when he fetches his things from your garage. This is how domestic violence’s cases are handled in my state, anyway.
Time to start looking for a new job in my opinion.
Honestly, I don’t think you were. But at the same time I feel as if I was in the situation. She could’ve waited out in the garage with him that way he would’ve still had the emotional support. But with her commenting and talking to you the way she has thus far you did the right thing for respect for yourself. And how the fuck did he get the house when you have the children? Or did he have the house before y’all got married or something? I don’t know. But was the whole him not calling and her harassing you and all that stuff. You’re not vindictive as far as I could tell in your writing, but I don’t know you, but you’ve been through some stuff with this man that has left you in a state of anxiety. Trauma is real. Especially when you have to deal with what caused the trauma. And while he has to be a cop calling biatch it’s probably a good thing to have not involved per se, but in certain circumstances for the future, if you have to go through this again, which it sounds like with him canceling movers. To be prepared for any scenario like this. I don’t know if I’m explaining this right.
Your. Boss. Needs. To. Mind. His. Own. F’ing. Business. End of story.
NTAH – your bf hasn’t been the one to message vile messages (at least you didn’t say so) or to pull faces. Accuse him of lying about abuse etc. I don’t get why some say “he’s not abusive!” He might not be to you… or YET at least. Doesn’t mean he wasn’t in the past. I don’t always believe once abusive always abusive. People can change with the correct support and therapy. Usually though if it was a one time thing and the relationship ended. If it’s a pattern of abuse, it’s more likely they’ll repeat it in subsequent relationships.
Also, the house is YOURS now. The divorce is finalised. Yes he may get money. But as it stands. The property and gardens are yours. And your bf LIVES with you! So to kick him out of his own home would be weird. If you had been the violent one, I’d get him needing emotional support.
Surely he would have known you wouldn’t have her on your property. So if he still chose to bring her, instead of a mate or family. Thats on him!
I don’t know your history, but fuck them. At this point in a relationship, the law is the law and business is business.
He was allowed to come get his stuff inside boundaries you are legally allowed to set. His opinion about them is irrelevant.
He chose to cancel the movers. You didn’t. Let him sue. He was still able to retrieve his belongings and chose not to. They’re packed up now. Look into the law and see if you can put them on the street or legally force him to remove them or consider them forfeit.
He owes you $30k. Let him take that to court. He isn’t filing jackshit for a lawsuit that will put him within 10 miles of a court.
NTA. There’s a difference between wanting emotional support vs. you wanting someone with you for physical safety reasons. Talk to a lawyer about this.
And while there was nothing wrong with talking about it at work, don’t say anything at work and find a private space like a conference room or a car or go outside so your boss can’t hear it.
I just can’t even with the boss sticking his nose in. “oh, you understand do you? You think he should have ’emotional support’? Well I’d rather have a physical deterant in the form of my boyfriend to prevent my ex from trying to strangle me… Again and try to beat the shit out of me. But I’m glad you “understand” my ex. Thanks for your input.
Your boss doesn’t know the whole story. I sorta see why he would say and think that, but he’s wrong, and doesn’t know the full details – I doubt he’d have said that if he had read this post.
NTA 💯
NTA tell your boss to mind his business plus the courts and police said you were correct and if he has a problem with it he can talk to your lawyer. Send ex a certified letter stating he has 30 days to pick up his stuff after that you will get rid of it. If you still have your lawyer contact them and explain what happened and that you want to send the certified letter giving him a certain time and explain again that his girlfriend is not allowed on your property and he is not allowed in your house
I have a great idea, get a storage locker and move all his shit into it and give him like 1 month to get it, or start charging him a storage fee for keeping his property in your possession because he’s an asshole and is refusing to retrieve it. And file contempt charges on him for not following the court order. If he’s gonna be an ass then he can pay for it.
Updateme
You were not wrong. You were well within your rights. As much as it will suck to pay for. Go get a storage unit place it in his name and pay for one month. Put his belongings in the storage unit, place a lock on it, get a copy of the key (to keep for yourself in case he tries saying he never got it and you need to give him another) of the key to the lock, mail him the key via certified mail so it has to be signed for & you get that green slip back proving it was recieved and signed for. I would pay an attorney to write up a letter stating that since he canceled picking up his belongings, they are all nicely packed & in a storage unit in his name. He has 30 days to collect his belongings or do whatever he would like with them but that the unit is only paid for for 30 days. I would also send him a text stating the same so you have 2 types of communication stating what happened to his belongings. Make sure you take pictures of the boxes in the storage unit before you close & lock it so you have proof they were nice, neat & undamaged when placed there. The ball is now in his court & him and his girlfriend will have no need to come to your house. This is assuming child handoffs happen elsewhere.
Why does your boss have such himpathy for the guy who attempted to murder you?
Your ex strangled you. Strangulation is attempted murder. He wanted to kill you, it doesn’t matter why he stopped. Call it by it’s true name. Choking is when you swallow wrong. Strangulation is when someone deliberately cuts off your airway, and it’s the number 1 predictor of murder.
Every time someone says something about him that is at all sympathetic, just say: “Remember, he tried to kill me.”
NTA. You’re allowed to respect your privacy, safety, and sanity. It’s not about being fair. Ignore your boss. It’s wild he even thought to give his two cents anyway. Going forward, I’d keep my home stuff out of work though. His opinions of your actions could affect your professional life. Not that you’re necessarily in the wrong for talking to your coworker, but you don’t need the headache of work issues on top of everything else. I know you didn’t ask for advice really, but I strongly advise you to get a court ordered parenting communion app. It automatically records and archives all communication exchanges and can be accessed by the courts easily. Insist that all contact between you two is only about the children and is done exclusively through the app, except for true emergencies involving the kids. Any other communication should go through your attorney. If your court ordered custody arrangement requires he be able to contact the children via phone, get a cheap prepaid phone to facilitate this contact. It is another monthly expense, but you can a janky android phone for like $30 and monthly service for as low as $15-20. It’s a small price to pay for the peace of not having him calling or texting your phone constantly.
NTA and I’m so sorry you have so many abusers and enablers in your life. He sounds like a narcissist.
NTA but I would have let him bring his stupid B girlfriend and limited both of them to the garage. Your ex doesn’t sound too bright. If necessary I would have requested some kind of police presence. I’d have no further contact with him until your lawyer gets his lawyer to explain to him the details of your situation. Your boss needs to stay in his own lane and you need to stop talking about your personal problems at work.
NTA All you did was correct.
Start looking for a new job, your asshat boss has show his hand. He would probably say you brought on the attacks yourself.
Updateme
My best advice. Accept you are doing this in your own. Don’t expect his help. Never tell your kids he is coming until he shows up. Don’t talk about him, his choices, his person in front of your kids. I was married to the same dude. Kids are now 28,25,22 and only 1 has regular contact with their father. They will hate you for a bit because he will fill their head but on the flip side. It all comes to light. Sadly it sucks while you’re in it but worth it in the long run.
NTA
If he arranges collection again, you should make an agreed time (in writing) and contact the police so they can attend to ensure your safety.
Your boss is easy out of line and obviously has had similar issues to your ex. You are 100% NTA
So your ex wanted his gf to be able to enter your garage? That’s a stupid hill to die on. I’d laugh in his face about threatening to sue to recoup cost of the movers. Contact your divorce attorney & find out how long you have to legally hold onto your ex’s belongings before they are considered abandoned?
still NTA that would be your ex and his girlfriend. Put his stuff in storage and let him go pick it up
Your boss is an AH first class. Find a new job. Also in many places any property not collected within 30 days is considered abandoned and can be disposed of as you see fit.
Contact your lawyer and ask what the statute is where you live and what kind of notice must be served. Also, ask about moving all communication to a family communication app so you can mute them on your own phone.
You might want to mute but unblock so you have lots of evidence. You can also report him for non payment of CS. In many places they will suspend his license and attach any tax refunds he receives.
You might also see about getting a restraining order against them.
UpdateMe
I’d be reporting your boss to HR if you have one.
Your bf was their for your safety. Your exs gf was only there to start shit. Your Boss is a dickbag and shouldn’t have any sort of opinion. Your ex is the AH
Your boss is TA and should mind his own business. You were right to set clear boundaries.