He wouldn’t try any thing I liked to make it good for me. And when I tried to talk to him about it he would get really defensive and try to turn it around on me. Came out towards the end of our relationship that he only cared about having sex if it was with the goal of children, which something I was clear from day one that I didn’t want. He thought I would change my mind.
Because he’s asexual and didn’t desire me in that way (and has never sexually desired anyone else either, of any gender) and my romantic and sexual feelings for him faded. Having sex with someone who feels like a friend and family member is just weird and deeply uncomfortable. Happily remarried now (and also still friends with my ex).
I felt emotionally neglected, doing all the housework and prioritising ‘us’ while feeling deprioritised compared to his work, friends, hobbies etc. also lack of non-sexual intimacy. Hugs and kisses stopped except as part of foreplay so when he did try to give me a cuddle I’d tense up expecting an erection in my back.
Because outside the bedroom, his negativity sucked the air out of the room, I was emotionally drained and after all that his complaints of not enough sex made it feel like another chore. Same position, same progression to intercourse. There was no playfulness or fun and flirting with each other. He expected me to be aroused as soon as he touched my bum – not that erogenous for me. He expected me to get “into it “ – I just couldn’t. He was another chore, just like cleaning up after my child.
I had multiple partners where I stopped wanting sex and the relationship/situationship didn’t last after I lost interest.
they didn’t want to commit but had no issue keeping me around for sex despite me saying I wanted more.
they only cared about themselves during sex and I was left unsatisfied (I’m fine with not having an orgasm everytime, I’m not okay if they never even tried)
they stopped taking care of themselves (stopped hygiene, gaining a lot of weight, didn’t do anything anymore, etc)
they treated me like an object they could put on a shelf and take down whenever they wanted some entertainment
they emotionally manipulated and abused me and made me constantly feel like a villain and guilty of everything
they made me feel terrible about myself (constantly commenting on my appearance, clothes, hair, anything)
These were the mean reasons my libido plummeted into hell and didn’t recover for these people anymore. This is btw not just a thing that happend with men. I’m bi and had these experiences with women too. My libido is very subjected to how I am treated inside a relationship/situationship.
He stopped kissing me and caressing me. Suddenly thought foreplay was just oral, nothing else. Would grope and be degrading without ever reading the room to see if I was even interested. And started doing it when I explicitly said I wasnt interested, “to be playful” or “turn my no into a yes.” Dried up like the Sahara, my dude.
He was emotionally unavailable and it turned me off. He was much less patient and not very compassionate. An overall drag to be around. Sex wasn’t as satisfying and felt more like a chore.
At that point, though, im usually ready to break up. I was more willing to put in effort for emotional intimacy, romance, trust, than he was.
When my boyfriend started disappointing me in many everyday little things (during our life together), I noticed that I was gradually losing attraction to him. But I didn’t hold a grudge against him, he just stopped attracting me.
My ex was emotionally distant and held resentment towards me for my past behaviour in our relationship. When my ex brought up our sex life (or lack thereof) as an issue, I dove head first into trying to fix it. I read multiple books, I suggested so many things, it did help, but my ex never felt fully satisfied with it. I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough or valued for what I brought to the relationship and stopped trying so hard. I didn’t really get the ick but I just didn’t care anymore because my heart had shut down from the lack of emotionally intimacy and connection between us.
Because he disgusted me. Hear me out. He ended up either not wiping his ass at all or didn’t do it well. He stopped brushing his teeth. He Lied to me about every time he spoke to me. I couldn’t trust him. When I was having an anxiety attack, he was yelling at me instead of helping me. Therefore, he was not my safe space. Once I realized that, I asked for a divorce.
From a previous relationship. He was incredibly cruel to me, and treated me like his mother. Sex started feeling very unsafe for various reasons. He would share very uncomfortable details with all his weird friends so they could make fun of me. Sometimes would take pictures and videos and share them with those same weird friends.
It stopped benefiting me. No foreplay. It was about him only. And yes I brought up concerns multiple times. Things would change for a bit, then it would be back to the same
He pressured and guilt tripped me into sex regularly, and got distant and moody if I didn’t say yes and act excited about it. As my desire went down, he insisted that I was abnormal for not wanting sex 7 times a week (we had two young children also).
I told him that I wanted some affection that wasn’t sex-prepping. Even just hugs that weren’t expected to lead to sex. A few weeks later we had the same discussion, and he said that he tried giving me affection that wasn’t sex-prepping, and “it didn’t work,” like he didn’t actually care how I felt as long as I gave him sex. One time he wanted sex and I gave in but cried the whole time and he pretended not to notice.
I still didn’t really understand how wrong it was. I knew it felt awful, but everybody kept telling me that I was the problem. “Why not just do it to make him happy?”
It’s only now after being single for nearly a decade, and reading Reddit threads about similar situations that I can see it as abuse.
With my previous partner, I stopped wanting it due to the abuse, toxicity and it felt like that’s all he had me around for. Then I broke up with him, and started dating my current boyfriend (after taking time to myself obviously. And I knew my current boyfriend since freshman year of HS!!) but he showed me what a healthy relationship looks like that involves sex as an enjoyment not as a daily routine. Every once in awhile it’s nice but we definitely don’t allow it to run the whole show.
I remember the only time i stop when started seeing different girls he likes on social media not supporting my emotional needs doesn’t care about me at all.. it’s makes me turned off i feel he got diseases
He was really mean all the time. If someone is going to berate, belittle, and just be an ass all day, but then expect me to want to have sex, they need their brain examined
Depression, stress, when it’s far too hot, but especially when he’s not being kind to me.
The other day I was recapping an episode of tv (something that I’m rewatching and he “isn’t into” but he ends up watching several episodes with me if it’s on), and he just looked at me with love in his eyes. That makes me want him. If he looks annoyed, or dismisses my happiness in these times, I don’t feel desirable or wanted, and so don’t want to be intimate.
There was a guy who responded to another video about a dudebro trying to teach men how to seduce women. His response was to just be nice to them. And he’s right!
Cause my husband was an asshole and make feel bad everyday of my life with him. But then he wanted sex .
I’m a happy lesbian now, I never ever stop wanting sex with my partners now
His issues with lust and having a wandering eye. His porn addiction and the violent stuff he watches looks nothing like me. I don’t even think I’m his type
I was growing to hate them because they behaved like a child and argued with me about stupid shit (like please make the bed, please trim your nails, please clean up after yourself).
It was bigger than just sex though. I was done with the relationship because they sucked. So it would make sense I wouldn’t want to have sex with somebody I was beginning to hate and wanted out of my life.
With my ex, bc he was a horrible person. He would use it against me, be violent during, tell me he should think of others when being intimate w/me bc that’s that I deserved. He also thought he had access to my body when I said no. It destroyed my self esteem.
Husband is a gem but we had a difficult fertility journey and IVF killed all the emotions that i had inside me.. plus the monthly surgeries on the uterus, we were not allowed to have sex just to heal the uterus
Comments
Didn’t feel like my emotional needs were being taken care of
He cums too fast or has a hard time keeping an erection. It causes more frustration than good.
He wouldn’t try any thing I liked to make it good for me. And when I tried to talk to him about it he would get really defensive and try to turn it around on me. Came out towards the end of our relationship that he only cared about having sex if it was with the goal of children, which something I was clear from day one that I didn’t want. He thought I would change my mind.
I have only not wanted sex when I was done with the relationship. I was sick of his behavior and was ready to break up.
When I realized he didn’t care about how I felt during it. It was all for him.
Meds, took away my sex drive and due to trauma I couldn’t force it. Thank fuck that’s over and done with
He was mean to me daily, he wasn’t even hugging me outside the bedroom
Because he’s asexual and didn’t desire me in that way (and has never sexually desired anyone else either, of any gender) and my romantic and sexual feelings for him faded. Having sex with someone who feels like a friend and family member is just weird and deeply uncomfortable. Happily remarried now (and also still friends with my ex).
Because I felt like a parent rather than a partner.
I didn’t. I still want him all the time. It’s great to have someone I actually genuinely desire and who is competent sexually.
Edit: the fact I’m getting downvoted for saying something positive about my partner is wild. Who hurt y’all
Personality change and actions were a turn off to the whole person.
I felt emotionally neglected, doing all the housework and prioritising ‘us’ while feeling deprioritised compared to his work, friends, hobbies etc. also lack of non-sexual intimacy. Hugs and kisses stopped except as part of foreplay so when he did try to give me a cuddle I’d tense up expecting an erection in my back.
Because outside the bedroom, his negativity sucked the air out of the room, I was emotionally drained and after all that his complaints of not enough sex made it feel like another chore. Same position, same progression to intercourse. There was no playfulness or fun and flirting with each other. He expected me to be aroused as soon as he touched my bum – not that erogenous for me. He expected me to get “into it “ – I just couldn’t. He was another chore, just like cleaning up after my child.
My birth control made my libido plummet, and made me feel suicidal. Getting off it was great for me!
Psychology abuse
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Resentment and feeling emotionally unsafe.
He cheated. After that, I was grossed out at the thought of touching him.
Because they did the same thing every time, which made it extremely mundane and chore like.
By the end I truthfully rathered masturbating than going through all the steps that I knew would just lead me to some really boring sex.
And yes, for anyone who might ask, it was raised and attempted to be spiced multiple times.
End of pregnancy and postpartum 4 months bc so tired and traumatized
I had multiple partners where I stopped wanting sex and the relationship/situationship didn’t last after I lost interest.
These were the mean reasons my libido plummeted into hell and didn’t recover for these people anymore. This is btw not just a thing that happend with men. I’m bi and had these experiences with women too. My libido is very subjected to how I am treated inside a relationship/situationship.
He stopped kissing me and caressing me. Suddenly thought foreplay was just oral, nothing else. Would grope and be degrading without ever reading the room to see if I was even interested. And started doing it when I explicitly said I wasnt interested, “to be playful” or “turn my no into a yes.” Dried up like the Sahara, my dude.
My chronic fatigue causing boredom in the bedroom
He was emotionally unavailable and it turned me off. He was much less patient and not very compassionate. An overall drag to be around. Sex wasn’t as satisfying and felt more like a chore.
At that point, though, im usually ready to break up. I was more willing to put in effort for emotional intimacy, romance, trust, than he was.
When it’s not orgasmic
When my boyfriend started disappointing me in many everyday little things (during our life together), I noticed that I was gradually losing attraction to him. But I didn’t hold a grudge against him, he just stopped attracting me.
My ex was emotionally distant and held resentment towards me for my past behaviour in our relationship. When my ex brought up our sex life (or lack thereof) as an issue, I dove head first into trying to fix it. I read multiple books, I suggested so many things, it did help, but my ex never felt fully satisfied with it. I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough or valued for what I brought to the relationship and stopped trying so hard. I didn’t really get the ick but I just didn’t care anymore because my heart had shut down from the lack of emotionally intimacy and connection between us.
Because he disgusted me. Hear me out. He ended up either not wiping his ass at all or didn’t do it well. He stopped brushing his teeth. He Lied to me about every time he spoke to me. I couldn’t trust him. When I was having an anxiety attack, he was yelling at me instead of helping me. Therefore, he was not my safe space. Once I realized that, I asked for a divorce.
He cheated on me.
My birth control killed my sex drive and also self-shame around my hyper sexual past 🙁
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Because of hormones after childbirth. Worked on it for few months and got it all back to normal.
From a previous relationship. He was incredibly cruel to me, and treated me like his mother. Sex started feeling very unsafe for various reasons. He would share very uncomfortable details with all his weird friends so they could make fun of me. Sometimes would take pictures and videos and share them with those same weird friends.
It stopped benefiting me. No foreplay. It was about him only. And yes I brought up concerns multiple times. Things would change for a bit, then it would be back to the same
He was super controlling and condescending so my body knew he sucked before my brain did lol
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He pressured and guilt tripped me into sex regularly, and got distant and moody if I didn’t say yes and act excited about it. As my desire went down, he insisted that I was abnormal for not wanting sex 7 times a week (we had two young children also).
I told him that I wanted some affection that wasn’t sex-prepping. Even just hugs that weren’t expected to lead to sex. A few weeks later we had the same discussion, and he said that he tried giving me affection that wasn’t sex-prepping, and “it didn’t work,” like he didn’t actually care how I felt as long as I gave him sex. One time he wanted sex and I gave in but cried the whole time and he pretended not to notice.
I still didn’t really understand how wrong it was. I knew it felt awful, but everybody kept telling me that I was the problem. “Why not just do it to make him happy?”
It’s only now after being single for nearly a decade, and reading Reddit threads about similar situations that I can see it as abuse.
With my previous partner, I stopped wanting it due to the abuse, toxicity and it felt like that’s all he had me around for. Then I broke up with him, and started dating my current boyfriend (after taking time to myself obviously. And I knew my current boyfriend since freshman year of HS!!) but he showed me what a healthy relationship looks like that involves sex as an enjoyment not as a daily routine. Every once in awhile it’s nice but we definitely don’t allow it to run the whole show.
I never got any enjoyment out of it. I also lost my libido after some medical issues and I’m not particularly interested in getting it back
He didn’t want to kiss me and everything just withered from there
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I remember the only time i stop when started seeing different girls he likes on social media not supporting my emotional needs doesn’t care about me at all.. it’s makes me turned off i feel he got diseases
He was really mean all the time. If someone is going to berate, belittle, and just be an ass all day, but then expect me to want to have sex, they need their brain examined
The moment I recognised a pattern where if I was too tired or not on the mood, he’d give me the silent treatment or try to guilt me into it.
It made sex feel like something I did just so that he wouldn’t be in a pissy mood. It made it feel like a chore.
Depression, stress, when it’s far too hot, but especially when he’s not being kind to me.
The other day I was recapping an episode of tv (something that I’m rewatching and he “isn’t into” but he ends up watching several episodes with me if it’s on), and he just looked at me with love in his eyes. That makes me want him. If he looks annoyed, or dismisses my happiness in these times, I don’t feel desirable or wanted, and so don’t want to be intimate.
There was a guy who responded to another video about a dudebro trying to teach men how to seduce women. His response was to just be nice to them. And he’s right!
Cause my husband was an asshole and make feel bad everyday of my life with him. But then he wanted sex .
I’m a happy lesbian now, I never ever stop wanting sex with my partners now
His issues with lust and having a wandering eye. His porn addiction and the violent stuff he watches looks nothing like me. I don’t even think I’m his type
He shamed me when I said no, my needs were a burden.
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I was growing to hate them because they behaved like a child and argued with me about stupid shit (like please make the bed, please trim your nails, please clean up after yourself).
It was bigger than just sex though. I was done with the relationship because they sucked. So it would make sense I wouldn’t want to have sex with somebody I was beginning to hate and wanted out of my life.
With my ex, bc he was a horrible person. He would use it against me, be violent during, tell me he should think of others when being intimate w/me bc that’s that I deserved. He also thought he had access to my body when I said no. It destroyed my self esteem.
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Husband is a gem but we had a difficult fertility journey and IVF killed all the emotions that i had inside me.. plus the monthly surgeries on the uterus, we were not allowed to have sex just to heal the uterus