*less accomplished in all ways: does not have a career, has never worked, has not savings, doesn’t have goals or a plan, etc.
women that married less accomplished partners, how do you feel after years of taking that decision?
r/AskWomen
*less accomplished in all ways: does not have a career, has never worked, has not savings, doesn’t have goals or a plan, etc.
Comments
Hmmmmm I guess by society at large’s standards, my husband is “less accomplished” than me– he has a high school diploma while I just finished a Masters, he works an hourly job at a restaurant while I have a salaried “career” with benefits, I have countless professional aspirations while he only works the bare minimum because we need the money.
All that being said, he is an absolutely wonderful partner. He supports every dream I have. He is an amazing dad (and does way more than his fair share of the childcare). He cooks dinner for us every night. He pretty much runs the household. He’s way better with money than I am.
So, I feel pretty great about my decision.
Accomplishment looks different in different situations. I’m very happy with my partner. I (26F) have a degree, while he (26M) works a job that pays more than mine. We balance each other out and I think that’s important in any relationship. It’s also important to note that I’ve always had a “plan” and laid it out early enough for him to bail. We’re starting a family now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I notice my husband’s family and the culture around him promoted this. It was a rural area with not a lot of educational or career opportunities. There was this “boss babe” culture where the woman always had to make more than the man. If she didn’t, she was using their son. Stay at home moms were stigmatized because of jealousy from other moms who didn’t have a partner who could support them being a SAHM. If the SAHM had a college degree or worked before, she was stigmatized for not working or contributing. According to the moms and grandmas of this culture, if you don’t make more than their son while simultaneously doing all of the housework and childcare you are mooching. The women who promoted this were relatively low/working class, sometimes unemployed, fell for MLMs or were always trying to start get rich quick schemes or small businesses without the education or money to do so.
Funny thing is, the women who promoted this culture were not actual boss babes. They went for men who barely contributed to the house or financially. This made the women feel superior because she was taking care of the man. Yet the woman herself didn’t actually make enough to support a whole family. They were often struggling with a man who was in and out of work or spent recklessly. They barely did any housework or childcare, they weren’t very good fathers or stepfathers. The relationships weren’t healthy but they pushed it because they didn’t want to be alone or didn’t have enough to live on their own. On Facebook they pretend to be the perfect family but they aren’t actually happy.
There is nothing wrong with women being the primary breadwinner or men being stay at home dads. But I noticed in this culture the women would promote being a breadwinner while not being in the position to be a breadwinner. The men who were in and out of work weren’t good fathers or stepfathers.
A lot of these women are still starting MLM after MLM, random side hustles, or working low wage jobs to support the men who do not support them. Support isn’t always financial but they don’t get the support at home or with the kids.
So while there is nothing wrong with making more than your spouse, it is important that both spouses make enough. If a SAHM/SAHD doesn’t contribute financially, they can contribute in other ways.
The same as I felt when I made the decision.