Was there a specific moment were you realized or situations? Did you always know? I would love to hear people’s experience navigating this. Thank you!
Women who are childfree by choice – when did you realize that’s what you wanted in life?
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I got pregnant, read the Baby Decision book, had an abortion.
Since I was a kid. I definitely knew for sure by 12/13
I was 12. We all try to picture what we want our futures to look like and mine NEVER had kids in it. I’m 30 now and still very much childfree. I was sterilized in 2023 and I cried tears of joy.
I pretty much always knew. I had a brief desire to have them when I was 31, but it went away quickly. I don’t want to bring kids into this mess of a world
Right now as a single 30F I could not imagine having a child. I just bought a condo that is VERY not child friendly in a hilly area on the third floor. I also don’t have a car and live in a HCOL area. So, my lifestyle would have to change drastically.
Current dating market is terrible. I’m also a child of divorce and am super selective nowadays. So finding someone to marry is one thing, but having kids with is another.
I’m very used to a social and simple life and I like being selfish. I love to travel alone, am very active. There’s a lot of sacrifices to my peace and current life I would have to make for a child. I could not afford to live in my city with kids. Working full-time means daycare, which is another expense.
I’m at the point of dating where having kids is something I would have to do on my own, and that sounds terrible. Props to any women who can do that, but realistically I’m just not cut out for it.
Could this change over time? Maybe? But for the time being, I like my life the way it is. And I think women are becoming more selective with partners and not wanting the traditional child bearing role. My sister is 32F and won’t have kids, my cousin has a daughter but won’t have more because he can’t afford it, and most of my friends won’t.
I never saw myself practicing motherhood. I closely followed my cousins’ upbringing and it’s not for me. I like my lifestyle without kids. I would never have the quality of life that I have as a mother. I love children, I play with them and have fun, they started crying and I gave them to my mother, lol.
I just always known since I was a small kid that I didn’t want kids myself or have a life centered on or effected by children. It’s just something I’ve never been able to picture and nothing about it sounds appealing at all to me like for sure back then but as I matured into an adult and learned more things about life and especially about pregnancy and motherhood and various other things, it only confirmed my thought process on it has always been the right choice for me.
When I was a teenager. Never changed my mind and no regrets.
As a child, ppl expected me to play with dolls. Noped out of it right then and there
I knew when I was 12 that I had zero desire to have kids. My childhood was not great and I was terrified that I would end up like my parents with kids they didn’t seem to want or afford. I also realized I just really dislike children in general.
I’m really avoidant in my relationships with everyone and I’m very selfish with my needs like food and money and do not like to share living spaces 24 hours 7 days a week with anyone not even a man so I can not have kids it will drive me insane but I do think they’re cute etc I just can’t be stuck with the care of them forever. I realized this in my early 20s I’m in my 30s now
I think I always knew. Never felt the need to have kids, be responsible for someone’s full life, etc. I never played house growing up and wasn’t really into baby dolls.
I love kids and I think mothers are amazing. But it’s not for me. I will hang out with my nieces and nephews and do anything I can for them. But I have no desire to have my own kid.. I’m 30 F and my husband is 35 and we both have always felt the same way our whole lives
it’s by choice in the sense that i am not in a place where id want to have a kid and i may have missed my window. i’m sad about probably never having a family but it was also never something i for sure wanted since i was a kid. im ok being a wacky childless lady
During COVID for me. Saw so many parents miserable dealing with homeschooling and childcare during lockdowns. I was early/ mid 20s and always thought I wanted kids before that but just realized I never truly wanted them it’s just what society has shoved down our throats. Plus with the state of the world now (I’m in the states) and climate change and everything I wouldn’t even feel right bringing a kid into this world
I always knew it. I remember when we where kids how all my cousins would get excited whenever a new baby arrived in the family and they just wanted to hold it, and I… couldn’t have been less interested. I’ve never in my life held a baby or child in my arms, and I have three nieces and nephews.
All my life.
Even as a child I never played ‘mom’ (or bride, or wife for that matter). The dolls I was given (and didn’t really ask to receive as gifts) were my sorceress’ apprentices, or androids I was putting in their charging stations like the Borg, or they were separated from their parents and I was getting them back to their parents early on in the plots of my make-believe.
When I imagined my future, it was without kids.
It was already at max confidence and 100% childfree from a young age but it only cured and hardened more the closer to adulthood I got. I’ve been an adult for years now and my resolve is firm.
Oh I love telling this story. Apparently when I was like 4ish, my mom was changing my cousins diaper and I asked her where babies come from. My mother, bless her heart, never shied away from telling me honest truths.. So she told me. I looked at her, looked at my cousin then back to her, said ” I’m never having kids” and just walked away. I haven’t changed my mind since. When I was younger I’d say I would compromise by adopting or I would sometimes date someone that had kids but the older I get the more I don’t want to deal with either of those situations anymore.
I have always, always, always detested the idea of having kids- there was never a phase and it always felt like something I recoiled from. I have never felt a maternal instinct and the idea of carrying a child makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. I think it really solidified for me when I was 17 and told my homeroom teacher (a man with children of his own) that I didn’t think kids were in my future. He laughed in my face and said “you’ll have 12”. I remember feeling so disgusted and wrong in that moment and never looked back lol. I’m almost 29 now and I want kids less than ever- it’s one of the first things I ask my romantic interests and I’ve established it as a strong dealbreaker. Moving across the country to the PNW reinforced my trajectory even further because I’ve built such a full, dynamic, adventurous life here, and the idea of doing this for the rest of my life and hiking and biking and traveling independently really appeals to me.
Honestly I had a backwards one. I used to want 2 children for quite awhile up until about 3-4ish years ago (27 now). It really came from loving being the cool aunt but then being around people with kids and seeing how parenting takes its toll just seems like such an incredible inconvenience that me and my husband don’t want. We aren’t envisioning our lives being completely changed for the sake of procreation.
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It wasn’t a specific, discrete moment. Just somewhere around my mid-30s, I realized I almost had a panic attacking thought about having kids too much and I started to plan my life to not having kids.
After my first abortion, I was around 21.
No regrets.
I think I’ve kind of always known. I even went through fertility treatment at one point because my partner wanted it more than I did so I figured sure let’s do that and I’m really glad now even after it was very expensive and grueling process I’m happy I miscarried and have no children. They are too expensive, they consume your life and completely change who you are. No thanks.
I love kids, but I never saw myself as a mother. I like to do whatever I want, when I want. If I couldn’t live the way I currently live anymore, I’d become resentful and stressed.
Edit: I’m 32F
I wanted them, thought i would have them, but the more time I spent with my nibblings, I realize that I’m a wonderful aunt and thats the best role for me.
Giving kids back to their parents is great 👍🏽
Never wanted to be a Mum. Knew from around 10 years old. Didn’t want to be tied down with the responsibility. Just had zero interest. I don’t regret my decision.
I always knew more or less. There were moments of doubt after college but growing up, I would usually find myself picturing my future centered around a career and travel, not really a family.
There was no specific ah-ha moment for me. I did want kids for a while especially since I got married pretty young. But over time, I realized that I really liked my life, my money, my freedom, and my sleep. I didn’t feel anything was missing by not having kids so that’s when I decided that I would keep going as I was and I’m very happy.
I was just always baffled by the fact others stated they wanted children, everything about it always sounded awful to me, by the age of 15 I said I absolutely did not want them, im 44 now
I was very careless in my younger years(20-25) and was very sexual and got pregnant a few times and just didn’t think twice about abortion, it was something available and I did it.
I remember other kids irritating me by being too loud and in my space when I was 3. Apparently I started telling people I didn’t want them when I was 5. I remember making a conscious decision about it when I was 6. I’m 40 now. No children and no regrets.
I’m 32 now and my lifestyle hasn’t really allowed for me to meet someone to settle down with, I move around a lot and dating hasn’t been a priority of mine for a long time.
When I was mid-twenties, having a husband and a child was ‘the goal’ but I was also making my own money and had a lot of independence in my life which I enjoyed a lot. Reaching 30 and not having any of the things I thought I needed was a bit of a panic but then after turning 30, I realised “Hey, the world didn’t end…” so I just followed what I enjoyed and my life just hasn’t gone in that direction.
Now, I feel I could give or take, the world is only becoming harder to live in and I’m able to live a much better quality of life without kids BUT I also know I’d be a great mum and I definitely have maternal instincts, I’m just not going to be unhappy so forcing a relationship to have a child is not on the cards for me.
I think by the time I was 14 or so? Like after sex ed. I tried to picture going through pregnancy, and that was a fuck no. Every few years or so until adulthood, I would check in on that idea and it was always still a fuck no.
Then when I was 19, I actually did get pregnant. The first thing I did? Smoked a cigarette and called the clinic first thing in the morning.
I just never wanted children. Never had that urge. And when I think about it, I know it’s not for me. I cannot provide the childhood a child should have besides that.
Plus. My younger sister was born when I was 20. I lived with her through her toddler years and helped a lot. That’s just not fulfilling to me. I love her immensely and would do anything for her but to me, being a mom isn’t a goal I identify with.
I always had a feeling but when I was 29 I decided to get a tubal ligation. And now I am 38 and I am still happy with my decision.
It was in my teens that I realised that I didn’t have this urge to reproduce that other people did have, that was an “Aha” moment for me.
After I learned about generational trauma and started working on unpacking mine, that’s when there was no doubt left in my mind that my bloodline ends with me.
First time I voiced it, I was 5 or 6. My mom always donated my clothes to other families or to the thrift store; when I finished Daisy scouts in kindergarten, my mom had me help her pack my vest into a garbage bag on a hanger and put it in my closet. I asked her why we were keeping the vest when we normally donated my clothes when I didn’t need them anymore. She said “we’re keeping this so that one day you can show your daughter that you did the same things that she’ll be doing one day.” I immediately responded “but I’m not having any kids” and my mom went APESHIT and started yelling at me about how EVERYONE has kids when they get older. It was one of three times my mom ever yelled at me. I didn’t bring up me never having kids again until I was well into adulthood.
I met my partner when I was 26 and on our second date he said, “So I don’t want to have kids. That’s never going to be part of my plan. If that’s something you want then we probably shouldn’t keep seeing each other.” I didn’t really think about it being an option to not have kids before he came along. I also never felt the pull to become a mother either. So when he said that it was kind of like an epiphany moment for me! I thought about it and ultimately decided I never want to be a mom. We’ve been together 8 years and I just got my tubes removed a few weeks ago!
I always knew. I became aware of it when I was probably around 7. I just knew that I would never be a mother.
I’m 42 now. Absolutely zero regrets. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
I always wanted kids. It was something I looked forward to one day. Then I went to college for elementary education. I started to question myself. When I was 20 I got pregnant, despite taking my birth control religiously. I was scared shitless. I had a miscarriage and came to the realization that I came way too close to screwing up not only my life but the life of a child.
My family and my husbands family both have crazy amounts of physical and mental health problems. None of it should ever be passed on.
That was 17 years ago and since then him and I have both been sterilized.
My whole life, but understood exactly what that meant when I was around 12. I’m 37 now
After my husband and I were married and we realized that being dual income, no kids, and hella pets was a lot of fun and “one day” officially changed to “no way”
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Since I was v young. Having both seen and experienced childhood abuse and neglect, I knew that I would never be the reason another being would experience such cruelty.
When I started working with kids full time lol
I’ve always known it. When I was a kid, I didn’t play with baby dolls, and when I had Barbies, I always kept their hair and clothes in tact (I don’tlike things messy!), and I always imagined them as career women.
When I was 12, my older sister had a baby, and another less than two years later. I never gushed over them, yet always had to babysit. The experience of dealing with two babies before I was 15 solidified that I never wanted my own.
I think I was in third grade, I’m 37 now.
I thought I wanted kids when I was younger (like 7-10.) When I hit my teenage years, I realized how much of my childhood was spent parenting my younger brother because our mom was abusive.
By the time I hit my early 20’s, I felt like my patience was spent all on him. I don’t have anything left in me to want to parent my own children. I don’t regret taking him under my wing, he turned out to be a good person who didn’t end up like our mom, which was my goal. If anything, I put some of the blame on our mom for not wanting to have kids.
I’m turning 30 this year, I still don’t want children.
Sometime when I was a young kid. I always had big goals for myself and a man and some kids would hold me back. I didn’t even want to get married. lol I’m married now but I had a bisalp to make sure I don’t have kids.
A part of me always knew. I didn’t have a good childhood and had selfish parents. I didn’t want to risk continuing the cycle.
Probably when I was 17 and had to do that whole “take home the electronic baby” exercise in highschool. That damned thing went off every hour of the night and after a weekend I was a wired, overstimulated, sleep-deprived mess. I had already thought about skipping future motherhood long before this, but this really drove the idea home.
I confirmed that choice a month ago when I got my tubes removed.
I think when I realized that just not having children was an option. As a young kid I remember people would ask me about a future family and kids and while it was fun to think about, once I learned that I didn’t actually need to do that I was like “oh okay, that’s good” lol
I told this story on another sub the other day:
When I was a kid, for some reason, I always thought that it was illegal to NOT have kids as an adult. I was always confused because my dad has two older sisters that were childless. I have a vivid memory of finally asking my parents, “How come Aunt X and Aunt Y aren’t in jail for not having kids?” That’s when I learned that you, in fact, do NOT have to have kids, that it is a personal choice. I was maybe 8-10 y/o when I asked that. Oddly enough, I remember feeling relief, and from that point forward I stopped playing “mommy” with my dolls, because I realized I didn’t have to. Ever since then, I’ve never wanted kids.
Ended up in a relationship with a man who desperately wanted children. We were together for 7 years. I planned to force myself to have children, just so I could be with him. Eventually had a wake up call and realized… No, I can’t do it. We ended our relationship and I later got sterilized.
Oddly, for me, it happened after years of infertility despite having wanted kids my whole life. I got diagnosed with C-PTSD while going to therapy for past childhood stuff and infertility stuff and it opened the door to realizing I wanted a quieter, calmer life.
I was pretty sure, and then I was faced with having to having a total hysterectomy at 38. I did a sincere soul-search, and was completely at peace with it. At this point, I am eternally happy that I never had kids, couldn’t handle it for various reasons.
I think I’ve always known. For me, being childfree is my default state. I toyed with the idea in my twenties because I was worried I might regret not having children, then I realised it would be worse to have them and regret it
When I lost a huge part of my life due to my parents own trauma causing all types of abuse in my life. & now I’m supposed to give it up for someone else ?
I think once I finally starting making money to do the things I love. Because now that I love my life, I realize having a kid would take that all away. The money and time commitment for kids wouldn’t allow me to have a life I enjoy. Maybe if we had better pay, childcare, and a shorter work week, I wouldn’t feel this way. But I really don’t have time for anyone else.
When I realized it’s an option and that the idea of just not becoming a parent felt like a weight lifted off me! Growing up religious and with few CF role models, it took me a while to realize I actually didn’t want to have kids. I kind of just saw it as a box to check in life but it wasn’t something I was looking forward to.
I encourage everyone to spend time with kids and see the reality of how much time and attention them need. Someone might still feel up for the task and some might want to reconsider. I had to make the distinction that yes, I’d love my hypothetical kids, but I didn’t want the day-to-day reality of being a parent.
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I was never thrilled by the idea of having kids at a young age but thought it was just “what you do.” As a teen, the idea became less and less appealing as I babysat kids. At 18, something clicked, and the realization that kids are a choice happened. At 22 I knew for sure I didn’t want any. Now at 35, still childfree, and my husband just had his vasectomy on Monday!
Like when I was a kid, 9-10 years. Alcoholic mom so I had to look out for my little sister. I’m not saying I alone raised her, we had other family to take care of us too but when we were home, it was too often me who made sure we had something to eat and clean clothes. I remember at some point I thought I’m never having kids because what if I end up being like my mom. The older I got the more I realized I’m never going to be my mom, but still don’t want kids. I enjoy my freedom too much. I kinda like kids though, my sister has two and most of my friends have kids that are nice, but I don’t like them that much that I would want my own.
You know how little girls will daydream with their best friend about what their lives will look like when they’re grown ups? My BFF and I talked about how we’d live next door to each other and our husbands would be best friends, too. She’d talk about kids – and I wouldn’t. So even as young as 10-11 kids weren’t something I was interested in .
Now, BFF and I are about to turn 60. We’re still BFFs, and up until recently never lived more than 5 miles from each other. Our husbands are friendly, but will never be best friends. I love her 2 kids, and even though they’re grown they still call me Aunt HazardousIncident. And I’ve never regretted being child-free.
I knew it when I was 23, I was still in a relationship then. I had this notion that my life will stop at 28 because that time, that was the age I wanted to get married then wait for two years to have children but after that — NOTHING ELSE. And I was filled with so much dread that I lost sleep thinking about it. My relationship then continued for two more years and within those years my career blossomed. After the breakup, I pursued my career and learned more about myself. Single for 8 years now and currently not looking for anyone (not doing anything about it as well) but I’m open to relationships but no children.
When I was a kid, I always said I wanted to be a mom. I even used to say I’d be a single mom, just because I really wanted to have a kid. But as time went by, I realized I don’t actually want to be a mom—I just really love kids.
Growing up and dealing with my mental health issues, I started to see that I couldn’t promise I’d be a good mom. With depression and anxiety in the mix, there’s no way to be 100% sure it wouldn’t affect the kid somehow. No matter how much I wanted to be different from my parents (who, let’s say, weren’t the greatest), I had to be honest with myself: motherhood just isn’t for me.
I love being around kids—playing with them, going out, doing fun stuff, buying them things. But I don’t want the full-time responsibility of raising a human being. I don’t want to be the one shaping someone’s personality, even though I do help a bit with the kids I already have in my life. I just don’t want to be the one—the main person, the core of their world during those early years.
So now I just enjoy the time I have with the little ones in my family. We play games, go places, I spoil them a little—and at the end of the day, my heart is full. It took me a while to realize it, but this is enough for me.
People really need to ask themselves: do you love kids and want to be a parent? Or do you just love having kids around?
PS: When I was little, I used to think about having a baby—like, actually growing one inside me. But as I got older, I realized how wild that actually is. A whole human being growing in your belly? For nine months?? I could never. Just knowing there’s a person in there would send my anxiety through the roof lol.
I’ve kind of always had an inkling. At least since late high school, the idea just vaguely turned me off.
Then, my sister had a baby when I was 24ish, and while I love him dearly, that just locked in it for me. Nothing about life with a child seems compatible with what i want for my life.
I always knew. I never dreamed of being a mother or raising a child. I’ve always aspired for career or personal goals (like traveling) but have never thought about caring for someone like that, let alone a baby.
I realized by the time I was 24. I really wanted kids as a youngster, but realized during therapy I just wanted someone to love and love me.
I was also making bad decisions one after another because I was released into the world all on my own at 17. I could barely feed myself, I’m not doing that to a kid.
I also can get destructive when angry and I am NOT continuing a cycle of abuse.
I always knew I didn’t want to give birth or breastfeed or carry a child. So I was only ever considering adoption/fostering. And then I never really wanted a baby or miss having a kid at home so I guess that’s where I’m at still.
In my 30’s I had an operation and my doctor ordered me to wait at least 2 years afterwards before getting pregnant.
My reaction was a relief that I could postpone it for a few more years. And then it struck me – I could actually postpone it indefinitely. I know I sound naive and oblivious but I really had no childfree role model in my life.
That’s why I make sure I’m vocal about me being CF. Not obnixious or preachy, but public.
The signs were always there. I always, and to this day, HATED baby dolls. Just never felt maternal. I am a teacher, though. I really love the concept of being a positive force in the life of other people’s children, because I had some really good ones of those myself. I am repulsed by the idea of pregnancy, and of myself as a mother. It’s just not for me. I knew for absolutely sure around age 22 or so. Since then, I have only dated people who were exactly on the same page as me. I also got my tubes removed so there is no chance of any accidents.
I knew i never wanted kids when I was a young child. Probably around 2nd grade. Never was a big fan of kids.
I remember being about 10ish and telling my brothers I would be the old maid aunt to their kids.
I was also adamant from a very young age that I would never get married.
I think by age 12. I’m 47 now. No kids and quite happy that way.
I’m in my mid-30s now but have always known I wanted to be childfree since I was a teenager. I’m not great with kids and have no desire to have them myself. All the people who told me I’d change my mind can suck it.
my mom has a book from when i was kid. probably early elementary? in the section where it asks “what do i want to be when i grow up?” i put “a cat lady” or something to that effect. so yeah, i knew young and let me tell you, it rules.
There wasn’t a specific moment, it was more like just gathering data throughout my life which was sorted into the “I want kids” or “I don’t want kids” column, and ultimately the latter has way more items on it.
Early teens, while babysitting.
Want your kid’s birth control to pay for itself? Have them babysit, a lot. Especially siblings.
When I worked as a nanny
I was obsessed with having kids since Im a teenager. I realised later it was a want stemming from emotional neglect and abuse and feeling total emptiness in the department of love. Ive done a lot of healing since Im 22, Im now 30 and an aunty to a 8yo and a 3yo. And I don’t think I want children anymore. I see my sister scrambling for a sitter all the time, her constant state of burn out, her kids not having all their needs met for attention. Even when I babysit them (rarely) I need to take a break at some point. Nothing more draining than a 3 years old. 24h of attention soliciting sticky fingers and needs you barely comprehend through their speech impaired by their pacifier. I Love them. But I don’t see myself being hostage to that lifestyle. So for selfish reasons I wouldn’t want to be a mom, and for altruistic reasons I wouldn’t want my child to feel unimportant just because I need to rest in a different and have them to shut up.
I don’t believe in nuclear families I don’t believe in single parent family I don’t believe in grandma living with the family to take care of them cause that’s so exhausting on the elder.
I still wanna bite chunky arms and cheek and totally melt each time I see a baby or a toddler! I get along with babies, preteens and teens. But i doubt more and more that I can offer all the structure and care a kid needs. If I ever come back on this, it will be because not only I’ll find the 1% man that is devoted patient compassionate and solid enough to be a good dad, but a whole ecosystem/community to let our kids roam free together without too much stress dysfunction and anxiety
Towards the end of high school when I realized a breeding fetish and wanting to have kids don’t have to go hand in hand
At 9, I’m 28 now. My bf is trans so I don’t suffer from any pregnancy fears yippieee!! If by luck of fate we are tasked to take care of a child, we will, but we won’t be having one by choice.
As a female – I love this question and just like to hear other women say their choice out loud and reasons why. I think too many people have kids because they feel that is what they are supposed to do- not what is in their best interest
When I was very little. My Ma told me someone had given me a doll at some get together for some reason or another.
A distinguished aged person said “oh she’s so pretty, what is your baby’s name?” I said something to the extent of “not my baby”, and I wouldn’t have a thing to do with it after that. It was in great enough new condition that it was gifted to one of my cousins.
It would have been a stranger idea for me to consider having kids for me, even from a young age.
I’ve felt this way as long as I can remember. I’ve never had a desire to have kids.
Working as a teacher in junior high – no further explanation needed
I’m a 23f. My siblings have kids that I adore and get to spoil when I can. We were raised by a single mother and a lot of chaotic/abusive stuff happened through the years. Many examples of what not to do and basically raised myself. My younger siblings often talk about how they feel like I’ve raised them more than our parents(they got back together in 2015).
My ex fiance and I had talked about kids but agreed to be stable financially and mentally before entertaining the idea. That is increasingly hard to accomplish for numerous reasons.
I knew from a young age that I didnt want kids. At times I get “baby fever” but nothing worth making a life long commitment over. I can always go spend time with family in those cases.
I kinda always knew that I wouldn’t get the whole white picket fence thing, but it wasn’t till I was 23 that I for sure knew that I didn’t want kids.
Jokes on everyone else who told me I’d change my mind. I couldn’t have kids if I had wanted to 🤷🏻♀️ didn’t find out till my late 30s 🤷🏻♀️
Not any single moment, but I was never a kid that aspired to be a mother or liked doing things related to childcare. I never fantasized about having babies or being a mom, and by the time I was a teenager I was pretty sure I’d never have my own kids. Becoming very chronically ill at 19 only cemented that decision, since I was too sick to take care of a kid and also too sick to safely carry a pregnancy. I also wouldn’t want to risk the baby’s long-term health.
I like kids, and have many nieces and nephews (sisters have 9 kids and 4 grandkids between them) that I spend quite a bit of time with. I just prefer to be able to send them home at the end of the day. I value my privacy, autonomy, and financial stability more than I want to bring a kid into the mix. Besides, I’m in my 40’s now, hubs is in his 50’s. We would not want to be geriatric parents. We will be the “village” helping to raise the others.
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I’m 30, I realized it at 19 after working with children and I just knew it’s not something I wanted. I feel as though I’m too selfish to have kids and not willing to change that. I want to sleep, do whatever I want when I want.
I had depression and anxiety from an early age, I knew around age 11
I was 12 years old, looking after a couple of cousins, when it hit my like a clap of thunder. My reasoning has changed over the years but one thing has never changed: I have zero maternal instinct and find kids awful to be around.
I never had a desire for it when I was a kid, in teenagehood I had no young family members so I felt I wasn’t good with kids, and when I was 21 I found out I had a deformed uterus+pcos and was told I’d have complications conceiving and at birth. So physically and mentally I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it
I’m one of the oldest in a HUGE family, and most of us have some form of mental illness. Anyway, we grew up raising the younger kids and when I was in middle/high school/college I worked as a nanny. By the time I was ready to start thinking about kids, the idea was exhausting. I raised kids my entire life and realized I was done. I also had no desire to have kids of my own, considering the amount of mental illness and genetic disorders we have. Being child free is extremely liberating!
I spent my whole life thinking I wanted to be a mother. The first time I got pregnant, I spent the first few weeks in a state of absolute panic thinking (and overthinking) everything. I thought long and hard about the freedoms I have and came to the conclusion that I can’t let them go. Before I was able to schedule an abortion, I miscarried. I mourn the loss but I would/will never change my decision.
I always wanted them but never wanted to be a single mom and never met anyone that I wanted to have kids with.
Since childhood. The thought grossed me out then and as I got older I realized that despite social expectations I didn’t need to do anything with my body that I wasn’t okay with. So it remains that way. Child free and no regrets.
i knew very early on, id say probably by 14 i knew i didnt want kids. 27 now and still dont want them
I knew by high school that I didn’t want kids. By the time I was 25, I was firm in my decision to be childfree. At 47, I am so glad I do not have any children.
I know people who had babies too young, and people who waited until they were older and more stable, and everything in between. They all struggle. No matter how much money they have, they struggle.
It is truly only a minority of parents who say it’s the most rewarding experience, and most of them are full of shit.
I knew from the time I was in 1st grade and the desire to not procreate only got stronger into my teens.
As a little kid I just assumed everyone had kids.
Probably around late elementary / middle school age I realized I didn’t particularly care about having my own children either way. One of my favorite relatives was my aunt who didn’t have kids until I was 11 years old and she was a big influence on me.
Through college and grad school I was a fencesitter. I think all the guys I dated did want kids at some point in their future. I liked the idea of the experience of raising and teaching a child, but not pregnancy, childbirth, and young baby stuff.
My late-college boyfriend (who I ended up marrying) told me he wanted to be a dad by age 40 (so like a decade to decide). Since I wasn’t sure about my own position, that was fine with me.
As more time passed I just got less and less interested in the loss of identity, physical requirements, social costs, and more that come with being a mom. I liked to joke that I would be a parent in a heartbeat if I could be a dad.
After we got married, I began to be scared that my husband would choose this hypothetical baby over me and our relationship. After months of agonizing about it, I finally brought it up with my husband.
He had already changed his mind and decided he didn’t really want kids anymore either and just not told me. 🤦♀️😅 We had adopted a dog so we had a little creature to love on. Plus he realized that he liked being able to do whatever on a whim and sleep in on weekends. To say I was relieved would be an understatement.
Around that time we found out my semi-estranged half-sister’s 2nd child was being kicked out of her grandmother’s house. We decided to take her in for a few years and help her attend community college.
My niece lived with us for 2 years. It was stressful and hard on our relationship because she had been through a lot of trauma and has a lot of mental health issues, but we enjoyed the chance to help someone experience a better living situation and teach her new things. Since her parents are shitty people, my husband and I are still the closest parental figures she has, although we don’t hear from her much these days.
My full-sister had a baby this past year and that definitely threw the deadbolt on the “having a child” decision for me. I LOVE getting to see her grow though, and hope to be for her like my aunt was for me.
For the future, my husband and I might one day do foster respite or maybe be exchange student host parents, but for now we’re busy enough with what we’re doing.
When I realized that the older I got, the less I wanted them. I would see people my age with a great career, or a house, or a dog, and I would feel sad that I didn’t have those things. I would look at people with children and wonder who the hell was paying for that.
When I was in the hospital having my third and last miscarriage at age 25. Had my tubes tied while I was in.
In 4th grade when they explained puberty and childbirth and showed us that video. That’s when I decided I never ever wanted to experience that.
It wasn’t a decision. It was built-in. This is the way I’m constructed.
I ALWAYS knew that I wasn’t going to have kids OR be a mother #bornthatway
And I fucking love it ❤️👌
Growing up, I didn’t understand the point of playing house and baby dolls were never interesting. I felt they were kinda odd really, even when I was very young.
In my early teens, I started thinking more about this and it seemed like the normal thing to do, so I started to think about things like names or if I’d rather have a boy or a girl, but I never had thought about having kids as the serious, life-changing decision that it is, but rather like a game, like creating a family on The Sims.
That fully changed when I was 15 and got my first period. After realizing I could actually get pregnant, I really started to think more seriously about this. It didn’t take long for me to decide that I don’t want to have children. I’m almost 28 now and I still haven’t changed my mind.
By age13 I always looked up to my aunt who had no kids and just traveled the world with my uncle. I also knew when I watched videos on birth in school that I didn’t want that. As an adult my decision is solidified when I hear a baby/child cry or scream in public.
I grew up in extremely pro natal country, I didn’t even knew people can also choose not to have kids, noone to look upto till I was older.
A part of me I fantasised liking it to fit in, I thought maybe those maternal instincts would kick in – late 20s, early 30s, mid 30s they just didn’t.
I don’t enjoy kids parties, I get overwhelmed at smallest things & suck at multitasking, I also like laid back lifestyle & honestly I don’t feel too certain about the world.
My partner and I discussed in depth , he is lot better with kids but he realizes the work and difference between liking kid and raising one.
So yeah became cf couple !
I think as a teenager, when I babysat and realized just how much work kids are, and how it’s constant. Then realized my parents were still putting up with shit, so it never ends.
I always knew from quite a young age I didn’t want children and have felt the same all the way into adulthood and will never change my mind. I’m not interested in being anyone’s cool Aunt either.
I was 12. My friends were always planning their futures and baby names. I was planning on how many dogs I would have
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I’ve refused to have children since I was about 10 once I realised all of my health issues can be passed down
I knew having kids wasn’t my jam when I was a teenager, about 16-17 years old. Even back then I found most little kids, especially babies, gross and annoying. Growing up I watched, one by one, my friends and family have kids and how stressful, expensive, mundane and tiring being a parent was. All of the parents I know are so unhappy and yet they tell my husband and I to have just one kid. No thanks. Misery loves company. Nothing about being a parent looked fun, exciting or fulfilling when I was a teenager and I feel the same way about it now. There’s too many cons and not enough pros. I’ve always seen being a parent, especially a mom, as an overrated and miserable existence. I have no desire to wreck my fit body and my fun and relaxing life. I’m 42 now and I don’t regret choosing to be childfree. I’m blissfully happy with my sexy husband and our adorable cat. You couldn’t pay me to have kids.
It originally wasn’t by choice, because I didn’t know that I had one. I was raised to believe that my sole purpose as a woman was to reproduce. If I didn’t, then I was worthless. My mom had 12, and my siblings all have around 5 or 6 each.
I babysat when growing up, as I was expected to, but I hated it. I didn’t understand children or how to speak to them. I was uncomfortable around them, and refused to hold babies (literally sucked my arms into my body so no one could hand them to me.)
I got pregnant when I was 18 but had an ectopic. Then I kept putting off trying. At 28, I got pregnant for a second time and had another ectopic. When the surgeon told me he could try to save my second tube, I realised I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be be pregnant. I didn’t ever want children. I had never actually considered that I had never wanted them. My ex started pushing for IVF and I had to leave.
I feel lucky that I had difficulty having children, but I also feel bad for feeling relieved. The losses were painful, but I would absolutely hate my life if I had children.
When I was in my late 20s a teacher had asked me why I want kids and I told her well that was what you were meant to do with your life and she said no, that’s not why you have kids. I’d never even thought it was optional. Really made me think. She’d taught at schools for years and could tell some horror stories about kids whose parents had them because it was “what you’re meant to do” not because they wanted to be parents and do the hard work required.
Throughout my 30s I ummed and ahhed, I like kids, but I liked my life as it was so fell on the side of being more childfree than having kids.
My now husband wanted kids when we met 10 years ago, so I gave him the option, if he truly wanted kids I’ll have them, as I do think we’d be great at it and enjoy it but I want us to be close to family, which meant moving overseas, we’d be 50/50 parents, meaning he would need to do all the things that a parent does (we both had similar careers so both wanted to keep working). It turned out that’s not the type of parent he wanted to be and he didn’t want to move to be close to a support networkand he’d want to take on the secondary parent role where his life didn’t have to change too much and I’d be taking care of all that. I didn’t want that kind of partnership, so I gave him the out to leave and find a partner to do that with. He thought about it, and stayed. And that was it. Decision made.
We’re both in our mid 40s now. We travel. We have a large group of friends (a lot of childfree people) and we make new friends regularly, we have hobbies, we do sports, we have money to buy property, we don’t stress about a lot really. Sometimes I do wonder, but it’s fleeting. Life is pretty good. Would option B worked out better? I don’t reckon it would have because if we truly wanted to be parents, we would be. But I’ll never know what that life would have looked like. And that’s ok.
By 15. I knew I wanted to keep my life simple and uncomplicated. Raising children is the absolute opposite of simple and uncomplicated. I’m in my 40s and haven’t regretted it even once.
age 10 or 11. I knew by then that I didn’t want to bring any other kids into this life to suffer like I had, and I wasn’t sure I would be any good at raising them. I do think now that I would have been a good mother, but I never wavered from my first thought.
I’ve always known. I’ve never even liked kids.
When I was a teen I liked the idea of being pregnant for some reason but as an adult, I don’t really have an affinity for children. I also have a chronic illness which has little chance of progression through pregnancy but post partum, the chance of progression goes up by about 75% which means there’s a high chance I would be permanently physically disabled by having a child. I know myself and would definitely struggle with resentment if that were to happen and I could never put that on a child.
The first time I babysat
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I was 8 years old. Looked at other kids with disgust, and had the children’s version of a “fuck THAT” moment.
Turned to Mum and said I’ll never be a mother because I don’t want to raise one of them LOL
I can’t remember when I knew, but I started saying it when I was 8 years old. Never gonna marry, never having kids. And even though I was a pretty easy-going, (almost timid, tbh) kid, it was the one statement I always pushed back on when I was constantly told I would change my mind.
Now I’m 50. Never married (though in a happy 20 year relationship with an amazing child-free man). Never a second thought about wanting kids of my own, though we have niblings I would die for if needed.
I’ve always known. As a kid my dolls were never my babies.
I liked the idea of children because I love baby names.
It wasn’t until I was around 12 (?) when I found out my aunty didn’t have any children by choice and not because unfortunately circumstances, that I realised women didn’t need to have children if they didn’t want too. Like it wasn’t something I ever really thought about, I just kind of assumed you grew up and got married and had kids. That revelation was mind blowing to me. I knew then I would not have children.
I’ve been saying since I was around 16 that I will not have children. I’m 27 now and my mum still says I’ll probably change my mind.
The older I get the less I want children. My best friends baby is who I give all my ‘maternal’ love to, as will my siblings children (if or when they have them).
Honestly, my biggest issue is being pregnant. If I was to happen across a baby, I wouldn’t be against raising it. I really want to foster in the future, but I don’t care enough about having children to put myself through pregnancy.
I was babysitting in my teens and early 20s. I realized that I just did not want my own at all.
I love kids, but I was a late bloomer and didn’t really feel like I was living life until my late 20s. I want to be me.
I was also a parentified child and no longer have a relationship with my mom. I’m very sensitive and it would break my heart if my child ever hated me, even if it’s dumb “ I don’t like you today mommy” shit. I couldn’t handle it emotionally, and would probably resent my child for having a better mom than I did and not appreciating it.
It’s complicated.
I was born this way. Never wanted them, never will. As far back as I remember, I had zero interest in motherhood.
I have a memory from around age 5-6. I had been given four baby dolls before I was old enough to form any memories. I kept them in a box under my bed because I didn’t want to play with them. I had only named one of them because apparently I was told to name it when it was handed to me. I just threw out the first name I could think of which was another girl in the neighborhood. She of course wanted to play with her name doll. I remember her sitting on my bed with that doll. I was sitting in a chair across the room, watching her and wondering what on earth she found so funny about playing a mother. I didn’t get it back then, and I still don’t get it four decades later. It’s just not something I want to do.
I’ve never had any maternal instinct (unless you count cats) and I’ve always found children to be a sensory nightmare, even when I myself was a child. As I got older and reached the age where I should have started wanting children, that desire just never kicked in. I never reached a moment in my life where I went “yeah, kids is the change I want right now.” I’m 36 and I have never had a moment where I thought children would make my life better or more complete, and I’ve never reached a moment where I would be willing to sacrifice the lifestyle and freedom that I have for one. I figure that’s enough to merit not having them.
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Age 14 when I was forced to take a parenting class was when I realized officially, but I never liked baby dolls or playing mom as a kid, either. I’m 36 now and have never had the desire. I work with kids and love it but could name dozens of reasons why I don’t want my own. I am an avid furmom, though
Watching my smart, funny, cool sister-in-law instantly drop all of her hobbies and interests to become a full-time Mommy really frightened me. Of all people, I figured she’d be the one who just brought the kid(s) with her wherever she went and they would grow up to be smart, funny, cool humans who liked hiking and beach volleyball. Her personality completely changed instead. I hadn’t realized anybody could become an obsessive parent who had no conversation if it wasn’t about her kids. I didn’t want to lose myself.
I first really started considering it in my late teens. I think what contributed to me not wanting kids, at least subconsciously, was essentially helping raise my brother who’s 10 yrs younger than me. My sister (she’s 2 yrs older than me) and I would feed him and change his diapers all the time. He was a great kid and is a great guy now, but I think I was just like “yup did my time raising a kid, not gonna do it again”. I have nieces and a nephew and I’m a high school teacher. So I don’t dislike kids. I just find that I don’t want to be wholly responsible for another person.
I didn’t ever think I was “child free”. I just never noticed myself wanting/planning for kids. Finally when I was like 28 I was like “Wow. I don’t have to have them if I don’t want!” and sorta never looked back I guess
(I’m 39 now and still don’t want them. I have a random moment here and there where I want one, but I just want a baby for a sec; not the life commitment or teenage years etc etc)
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I’ve never had any desire to have kids; those feelings just never happened for me. On top of that, my parents made so many comments over the years about the various ways me and my sibling inconvenienced them/were difficult to deal with/etc., so that really turned me off of the idea of having kids. Now my mom complains about not having grandchildren lmaoo.
After my miscarriage, ironically. It made me really stop and reassess my life. I got myself out of an abusive relationship and figured a lot of things out for myself. I got to know myself better. Not a big fan of children 😆
I’ve never wanted kids and knew this my entire life. I was a toddler telling people that I was never going to have kids. No specific moment. Never assumed I’d have any, either.
When I found out it was a choice you could make. I was about 8, my mom was complaining about my great aunt being an “old maid” and I inquired what that was. She lived with cats and scores of books so I decided I wanted to be an old maid, too.
when i was 8!! my mom had me watch the birth of my brother… didn’t exactly encourage me. overall though, i do love kids but having a younger brother and being so much older made it feel like i already saw parenthood and im all set. i’ll take kids for a day but i love getting to give them back to the parents and we all go to separate homes.
Around 14 or 15. As soon as I learned that being childfree was a thing and that kids didn’t have to just happen, something clicked, and I was pretty much like, “Yeah, that sounds like me.”
I always knew. Even as a small child.
I pretty much knew by my early 20s. I’m 45 now and don’t regret my choice
I knew for sure at 15. I was the eldest child, always surrounded by kids (I love my siblings btw), dealt with a lot of bullshit in school, was undergoing therapy, and I didn’t want to end up with a kid like me. I wanted a life of my own, more than anything else.
Sterilized at 30. Finally diagnosed with ADHD at 34. I have no regrets about my decision.
I got pregnant at 33, I have pcos so it was definitely surprising, I was in a serious long term relationship, partner has his own business etc, and STILL, all I felt when I saw the “pregnant” line on the test was dread. So yeah, guess not for me
I’ve never had the mom itch. Ever. I’ve always had the wanderlust. A rough childhood didn’t help, but I’ve been fortunate enough to not be in deep relationships. This has kept any man from persuading me otherwise and I’m hyper grateful! Not the same story for my sister. She’s been relationship dependent her whole life. Had a really great one, got married and he talked her into having kids she didn’t want. Now she legally can’t talk to them, soooo yea, glad I made the responsible choice and still no desire or partner persuading me otherwise. Super super grateful.
I am 37 my choice to not reproduce. I am a piece of shit. And I would not be able to love anyone more then my self
I’ve known since I was 20 (I’m currently 32).
But before that, my mom always told me, “Don’t have children until you are financially capable of having them.” Well, the US economy hasn’t been great for quite some time, and I have the social awareness to know that kids are not for me.
I was 13, and babysitting regularly. I really loved some of the kids I babysat, but I was very aware that I wasn’t good with kids and I had zero maternal feelings.
I’m 40 this year and…. I still don’t want them. I’ve got a robot baby inside me and my husband is snipped. I love my nieces and nephews, and we’ve got close friends with kids and we’re happy being the weird aunt and uncle.
But we’re very happy with our decision, I still have zero maternal instincts towards human babies. I will get all soft a oozy over a damn tarantula being cute before I melt over a human baby being cute.
When I discovered the reddit page “regretful parents’
I grew ip in a messed up family and essentially raised myself. I genuinely thought I wanted kids but upon reflection as an adult realised I wanted to be that kid or experience the things I didn’t – I essentially wanted to parent myself right. And I couldn’t care for myself and a kid so I got myself on contraception asap
I’ve always known, it was the one thing I was absolutely sure of my entire life. I’m 40 now.
In anatomy class when I was 13/14, learning about the physical process of pregnancy truly repulsed me. A woman’s body is amazing and I have nothing but respect for mothers who endure that but when I conceptualized this sentient creature growing inside me, and specifically that it moves your organs around, made me queasy. I’ve also just never liked loud sounds and the ones babies make is a hard pass. That’s why I have cats lol.
I was 19 and walking through a mall with my dad.
It must have been Crying Baby Saturday. I thought “never”.
Since I was a teenager. When I was a child, I thought I’d want kids in the future because that’s what I thought you’re supposed to do but once I became older and began really thinking about my future, I realized I didn’t really want to have children. I’m not totally against it. I realized I just didn’t have that desire to be a mother.
Until I was about 20 I didn’t even question if I wanted to have kids or not I just thought it’s something you have to do as a woman. Then I struggled quite a bit in finding a partner which gave me time to actually get to know myself. I really got into feminism and I also worked as a nanny in different families which kind of helped me to experience first hands what it was like to have kids. I realized I’m just not very resilient. My mom wasn’t either so I always remember her being in a bad mood and kind of snappy. I really hated that and I wouldn’t wanna be a mom like that.
When I turned 35 and not in a relationship and realized most of my friends were married with kids, guess it’s okay. Motherhood wasn’t in my cards. Never met the right guy to wanna marry and have kids with. And I never ever saw myself as a Mom even before that. Seeing how my mother struggled to raise 3 kids on her own after divorce on a meagre income showed me it wasn’t easy. I remembered she was always angry and stressed and that there’s always not enough money. I knew then and thought Nope….That’s not going to be Me. I’m not going to struggle like she did.
Got pregnant in my early 30s and knew for sure immediately that it was a no, more specifically that I didn’t want a baby with that person.
Time just passed and then I was like I’m 38 then 39 then 40…now 42 and I love my life and don’t want to fuck it up! The ship has sailed and I happily waved it goodbye.
I never wanted kids. Ever. Avoided them like the plague. In my thirties I considered it off and on. In my forties I finally realised that while I love babies, I don’t actually like kids.
Kids are really hard work. They need, and deserve, a parent who is devoted to raising them to be the best human they can be. I admire the fck out of anyone who takes that on, but it’s not me.
Having to care for my sister from 9 years old, then my very difficult infant half brother from 16 years old. It was an easy decision, life really sucks.
I always thought I’d have kids and be a mom—it just seemed like a given. But in my early twenties, it hit me: wait, I actually have a choice in this? That realization sent me on a journey of figuring out what I really wanted, and over time, I realized that kids weren’t part of the picture for me. It took some unlearning, though, since family and church had pretty much drilled the idea into me from the start!
27 now, happily married, and loving our DINK life.
Since I was about 12. Of course at that age people told me I’d change my mind, and I get that, but my position didn’t change and got stronger over time. I don’t particularly like children; I understand why other people do, and I can enjoy their company in limited doses, and I understand that a lot of what annoys me about children is just how they are. But I never wanted to bear the burden of having them and all that would entail. I got sterilized earlier this year at the age of 26. I feel free.
I’ve always known.
Very young. Younger than I can remember. My mom tells people all the time that I came up to her and my dad at a family gathering when I was about 4 years old and told them I wanted “my tummy taken out.” When they asked me why, I told them “because I don’t want to have any babies.” They told me I didn’t have to have babies if I didn’t want to have babies and that answer apparently was good enough for me. My mom said even when I was a little kid, I never liked babies or wanted to be around them.
I have for as long as I can remember never once changed my mind. I’ve never babysat or even held a baby. I just don’t enjoy being around them, or ever had a desire to be a mom or be pregnant. If that’s what someone else wants, cool, but I stay away from babies/kids as much as possible. I even got myself permanently sterilized years back go prevent it from ever happening to me.
I’m still not sure if it’s what I want, but I feel like the decision was taken out of my hands because I was born into a generation that can barely afford to take care of myself nevermind a kid, and I don’t feel comfortable having kids in this political climate and current state of overall uncertainty. I went from not wanting kids in my 20s to being unsure if it’s what I want but feeling that I don’t have a choice if I can’t afford it and dont feel safe with everything now.
Since I was a kid. I was never into playing Mom and baby with dolls. Never really had a maternal streak. And I’m rather selfish about wanting to sleep in on the weekends lol. 41, no regrets.
With biological kids, I decided no very young. I have a genetic birth defect and however old I was when it clicked that my own child would have the same risk as I did, it immediately became a “nope.”
For a while after that I always thought I’d adopt kids, I had that view that people were just supposed to get married and have kids, it’s what you do. But I never gained those maternal instincts. I don’t like kids, they’re loud, messy, needy, complicated, confusing, and nine times out of ten they don’t like me either. I don’t have anything against children and I do find them cute and endearing when I can just walk away from them, but I have no desire to actually be a mother.
As I got older (I am almost 26 rn) and my mental and physical health continued to deteriorate and I realized that not only did I not like kids, but that if I were to have one either of us surviving past a couple of months would be a miracle, it eventually just became a “not doing this ever,” thing.
There was never a specific moment. There was never a realization. There was never a knowing their was even a choice.
Not wanting kids was a default. I never wanted them.
There was people saying when I was younger “how many kids will you have?” When I got older “How many kids do you have?” There was always “how old are your kids?” It always made me made that there wasn’t a “do you have them?” It was always assumed I I had to have had them because I’m a woman.
It’s never “what do you do for work?” Or “what do you like to do in your time off?” Like every male gets.
I always thought people f’in crazy always asking me about kids.
I’m child free by choice since turning 30. I have mental health issues which I’m not willing to risk to get worse to eventually destroy my life by having a child in my current circumstances right now. And I don’t see it changing in any future imagined.
I was neutral about having children for quite a while. After I married and discussed children and child rearing with my spouse (it was an infrequent conversation), I realised I did not want to have children with him. After we split up, I further realised I did not have any sort of urge to have a child, nor did I want to have children without a partner to help and I was not going to settle just to have a child.
I never had children and am now too old to have a child, but I have no regrets.
When I was 14, 39 CF now.
No there was no moment. I honestly always wanted kids but thought I couldn’t have them, sort of gave up on meeting a guy coz every guy I met wanted kids and in the end found out I could have kids but by then it was too late.
I realise that I enjoy sleeping in, having all my money to myself and I don’t mind spending it on my nieces and nephews. My friends who have kids don’t hate it but some of them say to me “Man, you’re living the life. You just travel and do whatever you want… and being single must be so fun!” I adore kids and I’m good with them. I taught them when I was a teacher years ago but I’m happy with my life. I think taking care of me is hard enough sometimes!