I’m basically just asking, if the question of body count or number of partners were to come up, what’s your strategy for saying no/explaining why you won’t share that information? Without sounding defensive or weird.
A lot of times when I see conversation about this people say “just don’t tell!” But it’s kind of hard to imagine what that looks like in the context of an actual conversation about it.
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I just say more than 1 less than 10. Do what you want with that info.
That’s not something I’m comfortable talking about
I don’t like to talk / think about the past
My husband has never asked me that. I think it’s weird if a guy does because why is that any of his business? However, my husband and I do know surface-level knowledge about our past ex’s that we considered serious. The past is the past.
“I don’t share that information.”
Frankly, it would end my interest of the person anyway. No one that has been worth my time and efforts has ever asked that.
I don’t dodge at all. While I wouldn’t say I have a strict “no tell” rule, I do not entertain questions about “body count” and I’m clear about that, but if they come up I’ll ask why it matters, which usually tells me all i need to know about their intentions
If they ask I will literally say “I don’t like talking about it and I see no need to be talking about it and I have no interest in hearing how many people you’ve been with either.” I’ve never had any problems with it
My god, are grown, supposedly mature adult men and women still asking that sort of information? How pathetic. Would give me the ick straightaway.
My strategy would be to just say – we’re adults. And leave it at that. There’s no reason for grown people to ask or care about their partner’s “number”. It’s pathetic honestly. If an adult man ever asked me that it would be the biggest ick.
How about: “what would it mean to you if I said I’ve been with 50 people? Would that make you want to end things with me?”
I don’t think I’ve ever specifically been asked about body count, but I’ve been open about past experiences with my husband. I wasn’t a jealous person initially, and even now, I like that we can talk about things without feeling weird ! Never anything tasteless but just matter of fact stuff.
I would just do the answer by asking another question. Like, “Why do you ask that?” Asking about past body count is a question of judgement.
It’s the kind of information you either feel comfortable freely sharing without being asked. If he asks you that it’s not coming from an honest place and that’s why it would make us uncomfortable.
I ask why that information is important to them and go from there. It’s an orange flag to me.
I think sometimes you can come across a certain way to people if you just solemnly shut down with “I am not comfortable with sharing that.”
Often times Reddit, when people ask questions like this, the commentators have a heyday with scripts for establishing firm boundaries.
Like “ poor planning on your and it doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine.” that’s a fan favorite here, but it does not take into account the natural flow of kind human interaction. Like, launching into a diatribe about boundaries absolutely wreck rapport and make you seem very cold— it can be very off-putting.
I’m not saying you owe anyone an answer, I’m saying there’s a kind way to go about things like this while not bringing the conversation to a screeching halt.
Unless someone doesn’t let it go, you should be able to lightheartedly deflect. Just a “ohh that’s a big ole’ nunya (business)” then smiling, change the subject. Or whatever silly little response that shows you don’t wanna talk about it without dwelling on it
Half decent men don’t ask that question. If you get asked, walk away because it’s a massive red flag.
Who cares how it sounds. Be blunt, I don’t discuss body count, either yours or mine.
I’d start by asking if they want to know previous romantic experience, otherwise saying I don’t like to discuss previous sexual experiences and focus on my current partner.
Then I’d redirect to ask why they’re curious and if they want to truly talk about previous sexual partners. Perhaps they’re asking from a perspective of understanding sexual experience then you can chat about likes, dislikes, kinks, triggers etc without framing it with another person. Are they worried you don’t have experience in something?
Most commonly partners who ask have a bias of some kind where they want to know how to “value” you and honestly I’d avoid that person. You can make up a number like 4 and then know how to act with them in the future.
I rarely get that question from people who truly want to be with me long term outside of just sexually.
I would reply with another question: “Why do you need to know? Why would it matter?”.
I’m in a 17 year relationship and neither of us felt the need to ask such a question to the other.
I’d have 0 issue telling, though more likely I’d be telling them it’s none of their business and I’d move on from the person swiftly … are they like 15yrs old or what?! People who ask that have a lot of growing up to do; seriously immature.
I’ve not been asked. But honestly? He benefits (bigly) from every past experience I’ve ever had. So maybe I’d say.. “enough. And you’re very welcome”
If such stuff is that important to someone, they should be asking that during the dating stage. Not when they’re already in a relationship.
I wasn’t asked about body count, but I have been asked if my past was bigger or how if I have had bigger dick before. And in my mind, I’m like… Why..? What would you do with the information if it was bigger?? 💀
Either “that’s none of your business” or “five hundred million.”
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I generally ask “why do you want to know”
I say I don’t want to know about theirs and I don’t really want to think about any man from my past, especially with them.
That usually reminds them they’d be making me think about other dicks and they’re happy to move on.
“I’m not going to answer that, not because I have any negative feelings around the answer – but it’s an ugly question.”
If they carry on pushing, I take it as a red flag. Simply put, it’s a way to determine my worth and standing in his eyes, based purely on an arbitrary but entirely subjective number. A number which has everything to do with him, and nothing to do with me.
“This really isn’t any of your business, but the limit does not exist. Here’s my latest STD test. As you can see on these charts and figures, I lack STDs.”
It is less then 10 but I don’t care for people who ask and I refuse to take part in purity tests. They can ask about STDs. That’s normal and completely respectable.
I give a “politician’s answer” because I’m a bit evil and like to enjoy watching someone get excited with anticipation with information they think leads somewhere only for it to not answer anything (I love to hear myself speaking lmao)
My boyfriends never asked so I’ve never said 🤷♀️ when we were talking prior to dating he mentioned his count a conversation then apologized for it even though I didn’t mind
It’s super weird to ask???
I would get the ick if a guy asked me early in dating.
If it’s been more than say 6 months I would give a general answer. “I only sleep with people I was been in serious relationships with” or “I had fun when I was a dating around” or whatever general statement applies.
My fiancé has never asked. I have never asked him.
I don’t like the term body count. If they ask I will answer but if there’s a problem with the number or they make a big deal out of it then I’m thank you next. Anyone making a big deal out of it isn’t meant for me.
I never get asked this anymore I think you just have to date more mature men lol. Maybe it’s an age thing and I’m just old now.
I would say “I really would rather not talk about my previous relationships. Is that okay with you?” If they protest in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you can break up with them. Simple as that. Like “I need a partner who is okay with leaving the past in the past. I will not be a good partner for you since you need to know that info, which is completely valid. I just don’t want to talk about it.”