It was not in public. Just two of us and I just explained we’re too young and I’m not ready to commit to marriage. Five years later I committed to the same man. Twenty years later we’re still married.
To me marriage is a massive commitment and done only once. When I was ready I’ve never looked back or reconsidered. If it was tough we were working on it we liked it or not. I was changing part of my identity (name) I had to be sure.
I did it in the worst way. I said, “that will never happen”. To be fair, we were not in love, he was my boss and he told me he had a list of things he looked for in a woman and I checked off the boxes.
I broke up with my ex on the day we were supposed to go ring shopping. He tearfully told me how he had inherited enough money from his great aunt to buy the ring of my dreams and I told him it didn’t matter, that our relationship wasn’t meant to be.
Not an actual proposal but the closest I got to marriage before I met my now-husband
It was not in public and it was not done politely. There was a lot that happened between us and mostly not good. I may have laughed and told him that he’s lost his mind and maybe he should ask one of his side pieces (he didn’t know I knew that). I knew he was never going to be the person I married. He was toxic and he turned me into the worst version of myself and I was finally starting to see it. He just didn’t realize the same thing.
Had one in public but it wasn’t a grand gesture. We were eating out and he quietly asked. I told him I wasn’t ready (we had been having problems beforehand). The problems got worse and we finally broke up. Funny (not) that he’s been living with someone else for longer than he and I were together for and they aren’t married
I was proposed to three times before I met the man i eventually married. In those days, a proposal was considered to be a private moment between two people, not a public performance. In each case, I told them that, while I cared for them, and was honored that they cared enough for me to want to marry me, I did not think we had the foundation for a compatible and happy marriage. In all three cases, they were not surprised that I said “no”. They were just hopeful that ,if i saw how serious they were, I might be more willing to compromise on what I wanted for my future.
The guy I was dating just kind of assumed we’d be getting married and I’d follow him to his next job. To be fair, I was kind of up in the air, but planning to go to grad school, I just hadn’t shared that with him. When he asked me when, not if, I wanted to get married, I kind of flippantly said, I’m not marrying you. He was shocked. We were not on the same page at all!
I’m a phone sex operator. One dude mistook my kindness for real affection and left his girlfriend “for me” and proposed to me. He was also on a lot of meth. I told him no, that this was all fantasy and then blocked him from my line.
Technically it wasn’t a proposal, he was proposing a proposal to gauge my reaction if he actually went through with getting the ring and I said I’d rather he and I travel together instead of putting all of our money into a wedding. He was fine with that. Then a few months later I had a change of heart and we got married a year later.
Not really a proposal but my ex kind of hinted that we should maybe get married. I shut it down by saying there was no need – I knew at that point that he would be an ex as soon as I worked up the courage to go through with it.
Had one where he was drunk as fuck. He was abusive, so I knew i didn’t want that. I just said we’re too young, he claimed he’d kill himself if I said no. So i let’s talk in the morning hoping he would be too drunk to remember. He never mentioned it so I assume he did.
Next one said we could get back together and get married, then handed me a ring. Said I wasn’t getting back together. Honestly was hard not to laugh.
It wasn’t pleasant. I walked him further down the beach and told him all the reasons why the proposal failed. They were things we agreed upon or so I thought.
we wanted and agreed on a private moment, but he invited everybody
we wanted something very quiet, but he had a whole band playing and photographers
I wanted a simple lowkey necklace, maybe something simple with moonstone, mother of pearl, or opal which he seemed excited about. But he gave me a very expensive amber chunky ring with a dead bug in it. Only our entomology friend liked the ring, everyone else was very confused or grossed out.
Then I asked him to try again. He took it well until he saw our friends. Then he sobbed loudly and complained to everybody how I rejected him.
We were engaged for like 8 years, he never tried again btw
When I was online dating, I matched with one particular guy who seemed interesting in chat. I agreed to meet him in person at a coffee shop that I visit frequently (so the staff knew me in case there were safety issues.)
When I got there, I started looking around for him. But he wasn’t there. In his place, I was approached by his mother and his aunt, who brought a ring sizer and a bridal magazine.
Not a true proposal, but while he was telling me how he finally got his dream job he basically said that meant it was time for me to quit my job and marry him and have his babies. Even though I told him point blank from the very start that I was childfree and didn’t see the point if marriage. I told him that was an immediate dealbreaker and broke up with him. And I told him that it felt like he was lying for the entirety of our relationship if he could agree with me when I talked about being childfree and marriage free and then turn around and pull this. It felt like he was never really dating me, but this idea of a girlfriend that he just slotted me into.
I said “I don’t think that’s going to happen”. I wasn’t dating this guy, it was an older coworker (at least 15 year age difference) that I’ve known for years. He just walked into my office and popped the question when he found out I was newly single.
I was shocked how sincere he was. It was a strangely brave move but I can’t imagine he ever really expected me to accept
My ex gave me a ring that he picked up from his mom’s house as she was going through her jewelry and getting rid of some stuff. The ring itself was the same engagement ring she had received from my ex’s dad when they first got married, but then they divorced years later because he cheated on her with his secretary (whom he then married).
So the ring itself was already haunted with a terrible origin story, and it was also missing several stones and way too big for my finger. My ex gave it to me and said he wanted to “fix it up” for me. We had only been together for about 6 months and I had to tell him I didn’t want to get married to him, and also the ring was not one I’d ever wear. It wasn’t a public conversation but it was still one I didn’t want to be a part of.
I smiled, held his hand, and said no. It was high school, he was a year above me, and we were on a school group spring break. I explained that we’re way too young to even consider it. He pressed and tried to give me the ring as a promise ring, and I still shook my head and told him to get a refund for the ring and use it towards food (how family wasn’t doing well.
The second one I struggled with. He did it privately in a hotel room and I didn’t feel anything. I realized right there that I cared about him but wasn’t in love. He tried for two weeks and I politely told him I wasn’t ready, but he didn’t seem to want that. (Now I know he was afraid of me leaving him so was trying to tie me down.)
Third person was nice but I simply reminded him I wasn’t interested in marriage. We dated for another year before we split.
Laughed and said no thank you. I’ve been spontaneously proposed to by old men a lot. Not so much now that I’m in my 30s, but as a young 20 something, had to beat them off with a stick
I was brutally honest. 3 times I was brutally honest. It hurts them, hurts you, but it’s better than a bad marriage. Neither of you are bad people just not good with each other. My mum always told me; “you never go back. You broke up for a reason. ” She was very correct.
You have to find that person who wants to understand you, you want to understand them, and NOTHING stops you loving them because life is tough and they’re your apocalypse survival partner!
I turned down a green card proposal from my brother’s friend in a public cafe. We had become friends and I thought we were hitting it off, and he was super cute. When he asked me on what sounded like a date (a walk around a lake and lunch at a cafe in a cute part of town) because he wanted to talk about something, I thought he was going to ask me out. Then he explained how the process would work, how long I’d be on the hook, how much money his family was prepared to offer me, how he liked me and thought that would make it easier and more believable. I wanted to marry for love and naively thought I’d definitely be married in the next few years and would hate to miss my chance with “the one.” i just told him I wished I could help him but i believed in marriage for love and if I met someone I loved I wouldn’t want to be tied up in a front. He understood, had few expectations otherwise, and eventually found another girl a few years later. But it tanked our friendship. I felt used and deceived.
My ex proposed AFTER I had broken up with him and moved out. I had found out he was hiring escorts. I had gone to the house to pick up some things, and he got down on one knee and held out a ring. I rolled my eyes and told him to f-off.
In a restaurant, a violinist appeared. A box was produced containing a ring. We were in a relationship, and had been for about a year and a half. He was a sweet guy, but nine years younger than I. I said no and explained that we weren’t there yet. He was sad.
Within a year, he was showing signs of a nervous breakdown. I had no idea what was happening. He became incredibly paranoid, and his behaviour became very strange.
Turns out he had a crack problem. I had never taken drugs other than trying weed as a teen, so I wasn’t able to read the signs correctly. He was doing it at night when I went to bed.
If it’s in public, I say go for a tight hug. Whisper in his ear, can we get out of here? And then you let him down in private.
But honestly, if somebody is cocky enough to propose in a public place, they have to accept the possibility of being turned down in front of everyone. To each their own, but I think proposals should be private. (Mine happened on a ferry, but it was very quiet and inconspicuous.)
I knew he was planning to propose because I overheard him talking to his mother about redesigning family heirloom rings 😨. I wasn’t sure how much I even liked him let alone commit to marrying him! I tried to talk to him about how good is was to take things slowly etc but a week later, the proposal came regardless. I said how I felt honoured by the rings but couldn’t accept them because it felt too soon for me & gave them back. He became very pushy saying things like I was just overwhelmed & of course I wanted to be with him forever. I said I wasn’t overwhelmed, I just didn’t think he was “the one” as it was all too sudden & we hadn’t even discussed our core beliefs. He said I’d “never get anyone better than him” & he’d give me a week to think about it 😳. I had a lot of my possessions at his house but packed everything up & left when he went to work. He was furious so I stopped taking his calls. I spent the next decade dating, loving & losing then found a guy I knew I had a good future with. We’ve been married 28 years & he is MUCH “better than him” who, interestingly, never ended up getting married…….
Proposals shouldn’t be a surprise. The relationship is either at the point where you’re seriously talking about a life together or it isn’t. It’s weird to me that so many people think it’s normal to ask this question in public.
We’d been broken up about a year, bad breakup – his choice. I’d moved back home for a part of the time (another state, 2000 miles away) and he worked hard to get me to move back to where we’d met and lived. Within five minutes of picking me up he proposed in the car while driving. In all seriousness. I said I wasn’t ready to talk about that. Apart from the whole break up/get back thing I was 23 and am not keen on marriage in general.
It never came up again, we broke up for good about a year later – which made sense to both of us. He had a big impact on my life but no regrets. He’s married and divorced a couple of times since. I had a partner for 20 years, neither of us were in to marriage.
All of mine were private – it would have been hugely disqualifying for it to be public and they knew that. Anyhow, I basically said that I don’t think we know each other well enough yet (3 cases) or that I don’t see us both being having the same level of commitment.
If any had been public, I would have had to have [very gently] said “not yet” and later broken up.
I had just spent a few weeks at his place and fgured that I did not like what I got to know.
Came back home and told him a few days later, that this will not work out anymore.
We were long distance (ca. 2000 km). We met each other a couple of times.
He proposed to not lose me but I was done with this relationship.
I was being polite on that Skype call. We had been together for 1.5 years and it even though I was done with this, it wasn’t easy for me too.
that’s it. that’s all i said. but i’ve never been the type of person to say yes to anything out of politeness.
granted, this proposal happened over the phone and in private, but i have no problem embarrassing someone by saying no to a public proposal. we had dated for five years, so he was well aware that i was never going to accept if he proposed in public. the reason i said no was because he assumed the answer would be yes. the relationship had a lot of problems and he refused to acknowledge any of them, so i was already mentally preparing to breakup.
I turned down a proposal once because I realized I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment, even though things seemed great on the surface. It’s tough to say no in that moment, especially when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but looking back, it was the right call for me. I think being honest about your feelings and timing is important, rushing into something because you feel pressured doesn’t help anyone in the long run. I found that taking that step back actually helped both of us figure out what we really wanted.
I’ve turned down a few. At the times just everything inside me screamed this is not good.
You just say I’m sorry but I can’t. It will normally end the relationship but I’m a firm believer in “if they knew me well enough to marry me, then they wouldn’t have asked.”
It really depends on the context of how they ask. If it’s in public. I would probably just ask them if we can discuss this in private.
I looked at the sweet 7 year old student with a gorgeous plastic blue ring (no shade), and gently told her that she was too young for me. She seemed bummed but understood.
For context, I’m a 33 year old substitute teacher. I had just walked into the lunchroom two minutes prior to the surprise proposal. I was getting my bearings because the whole grade was in the lunchroom because the NYSESLAT testing was still going on. Those kids needed more room and accommodations so the other kids had to go to the cafeteria to continue with their work. I shared this story because it’s too cute not to and it’s a sweet memory.
It was not in public. We were broken up for about 6 weeks. He slept in his car outside my house all night, and when I woke up in the morning to get ready for work, I realized he was there. I went to talk to him & he immediately tried to get down on one knee and had a ring box in his hand. I told him to stand tf up and we weren’t doing that right now.
That was 12 years ago now. We tried making the relationship work then, and tried again a few years later. Twin flames for sure; loved each other fiercely but we never worked bc we never wanted the same things. I knew potentially marrying him then would have been a mistake, just like I know now that my life has worked out as it was intended; without him.
I had someone drunkenly propose to me in college, at the time I was dating someone else which was pretty much what I told him. Me and the guy I had been dating broke up and, although alcohol is always an issue, this is one of the only proposals I’ve ever regretted not saying yes to. With the grace that my younger self clearly couldn’t see the future!
One time I was taking my recycling (in my 30s) and an octogenarian who I met in the parking lot insisted he was a good Christian man looking for a young wife to essentially be his in-home caregiver (& I don’t even want to think about it). Not only did he propose to me but he kind of left something of an open invite if I like “knew anyone” who wanted to marry a rich old guy who would financially take care of them while he literally needed them to take care of him….
I’m disabled to an extent that it was easy to explain why this wasn’t going to work.
I like to think maybe someday after being with someone for like 10 years maybe I’ll get asked again lol but it would sure be nice to be actually dating the guy for once 😂
When it happened in private, I stayed quiet… pretended I didn’t hear it. Not out of cruelty, but because I didn’t want to hurt him not even gently with words I wasn’t ready to say.
But the one time it was real and in public I felt my heart ache. I knew I couldn’t say yes, but I also couldn’t let him carry that rejection in front of a crowd. So I kissed his forehead, held his hand, and softly asked if we could talk in private.
I was 18 and in a psych unit, obviously not doing well or feeling like myself. Some older man, 45 at least, also not himself or feeling well asked me to marry him with his own wedding ring he took off his finger. Easy no thank you.
My partner at the time had gotten a Fulbright scholarship overseas, and wanted me to join him for a full year. However, in order to legally stay there for the year, I needed a visa and the easiest way to get one was to be married.
He proposed the idea of getting married just for the visa and when he asked the idea of marrying him just made me feel sick to my stomach for some reason. So, I said no I don’t want to do that for a visa.
I ended up going with him anyway, just on a tourist visa and illegally overstaying (I just had to pay a fine when I left). We broke up shortly after leaving.
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It was not in public. Just two of us and I just explained we’re too young and I’m not ready to commit to marriage. Five years later I committed to the same man. Twenty years later we’re still married.
To me marriage is a massive commitment and done only once. When I was ready I’ve never looked back or reconsidered. If it was tough we were working on it we liked it or not. I was changing part of my identity (name) I had to be sure.
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I did it in the worst way. I said, “that will never happen”. To be fair, we were not in love, he was my boss and he told me he had a list of things he looked for in a woman and I checked off the boxes.
I broke up with my ex on the day we were supposed to go ring shopping. He tearfully told me how he had inherited enough money from his great aunt to buy the ring of my dreams and I told him it didn’t matter, that our relationship wasn’t meant to be.
Not an actual proposal but the closest I got to marriage before I met my now-husband
It was not in public and it was not done politely. There was a lot that happened between us and mostly not good. I may have laughed and told him that he’s lost his mind and maybe he should ask one of his side pieces (he didn’t know I knew that). I knew he was never going to be the person I married. He was toxic and he turned me into the worst version of myself and I was finally starting to see it. He just didn’t realize the same thing.
I just told him no. It would compromise my quality of life.
Had one in public but it wasn’t a grand gesture. We were eating out and he quietly asked. I told him I wasn’t ready (we had been having problems beforehand). The problems got worse and we finally broke up. Funny (not) that he’s been living with someone else for longer than he and I were together for and they aren’t married
I was proposed to three times before I met the man i eventually married. In those days, a proposal was considered to be a private moment between two people, not a public performance. In each case, I told them that, while I cared for them, and was honored that they cared enough for me to want to marry me, I did not think we had the foundation for a compatible and happy marriage. In all three cases, they were not surprised that I said “no”. They were just hopeful that ,if i saw how serious they were, I might be more willing to compromise on what I wanted for my future.
The guy I was dating just kind of assumed we’d be getting married and I’d follow him to his next job. To be fair, I was kind of up in the air, but planning to go to grad school, I just hadn’t shared that with him. When he asked me when, not if, I wanted to get married, I kind of flippantly said, I’m not marrying you. He was shocked. We were not on the same page at all!
I’m a phone sex operator. One dude mistook my kindness for real affection and left his girlfriend “for me” and proposed to me. He was also on a lot of meth. I told him no, that this was all fantasy and then blocked him from my line.
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Technically it wasn’t a proposal, he was proposing a proposal to gauge my reaction if he actually went through with getting the ring and I said I’d rather he and I travel together instead of putting all of our money into a wedding. He was fine with that. Then a few months later I had a change of heart and we got married a year later.
Not really a proposal but my ex kind of hinted that we should maybe get married. I shut it down by saying there was no need – I knew at that point that he would be an ex as soon as I worked up the courage to go through with it.
I didn’t. I’m an absolute people pleaser and just said yes to the guys who asked.
Even on my wedding day, that sinking feeling of regret didn’t avert that crisis.
Thankfully, I’ve had therapy now and realised I’m happiest single.
Had one where he was drunk as fuck. He was abusive, so I knew i didn’t want that. I just said we’re too young, he claimed he’d kill himself if I said no. So i let’s talk in the morning hoping he would be too drunk to remember. He never mentioned it so I assume he did.
Next one said we could get back together and get married, then handed me a ring. Said I wasn’t getting back together. Honestly was hard not to laugh.
It wasn’t pleasant. I walked him further down the beach and told him all the reasons why the proposal failed. They were things we agreed upon or so I thought.
Then I asked him to try again. He took it well until he saw our friends. Then he sobbed loudly and complained to everybody how I rejected him.
We were engaged for like 8 years, he never tried again btw
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We were at IHOP. I told him to shut up and eat his pancakes. A couple months later he’s banging my mom.
I had a really REALLY weird case.
When I was online dating, I matched with one particular guy who seemed interesting in chat. I agreed to meet him in person at a coffee shop that I visit frequently (so the staff knew me in case there were safety issues.)
When I got there, I started looking around for him. But he wasn’t there. In his place, I was approached by his mother and his aunt, who brought a ring sizer and a bridal magazine.
I walked out. And blocked him on the dating site.
I never let it get that far.
Not a true proposal, but while he was telling me how he finally got his dream job he basically said that meant it was time for me to quit my job and marry him and have his babies. Even though I told him point blank from the very start that I was childfree and didn’t see the point if marriage. I told him that was an immediate dealbreaker and broke up with him. And I told him that it felt like he was lying for the entirety of our relationship if he could agree with me when I talked about being childfree and marriage free and then turn around and pull this. It felt like he was never really dating me, but this idea of a girlfriend that he just slotted me into.
I said “I don’t think that’s going to happen”. I wasn’t dating this guy, it was an older coworker (at least 15 year age difference) that I’ve known for years. He just walked into my office and popped the question when he found out I was newly single.
I was shocked how sincere he was. It was a strangely brave move but I can’t imagine he ever really expected me to accept
My ex gave me a ring that he picked up from his mom’s house as she was going through her jewelry and getting rid of some stuff. The ring itself was the same engagement ring she had received from my ex’s dad when they first got married, but then they divorced years later because he cheated on her with his secretary (whom he then married).
So the ring itself was already haunted with a terrible origin story, and it was also missing several stones and way too big for my finger. My ex gave it to me and said he wanted to “fix it up” for me. We had only been together for about 6 months and I had to tell him I didn’t want to get married to him, and also the ring was not one I’d ever wear. It wasn’t a public conversation but it was still one I didn’t want to be a part of.
I turned down two from Serbian friends who wanted their green card, lol. “I’m flattered but no, thank you.”
Proof that even if you’re super hot, a sweet guy, and offer me $15k, love is more important.
I smiled, held his hand, and said no. It was high school, he was a year above me, and we were on a school group spring break. I explained that we’re way too young to even consider it. He pressed and tried to give me the ring as a promise ring, and I still shook my head and told him to get a refund for the ring and use it towards food (how family wasn’t doing well.
The second one I struggled with. He did it privately in a hotel room and I didn’t feel anything. I realized right there that I cared about him but wasn’t in love. He tried for two weeks and I politely told him I wasn’t ready, but he didn’t seem to want that. (Now I know he was afraid of me leaving him so was trying to tie me down.)
Third person was nice but I simply reminded him I wasn’t interested in marriage. We dated for another year before we split.
Said no I was a teenager he was in his twenties, he wanted to buy me off my parents for camels. We were in Tunisia.
Laughed and said no thank you. I’ve been spontaneously proposed to by old men a lot. Not so much now that I’m in my 30s, but as a young 20 something, had to beat them off with a stick
I was brutally honest. 3 times I was brutally honest. It hurts them, hurts you, but it’s better than a bad marriage. Neither of you are bad people just not good with each other. My mum always told me; “you never go back. You broke up for a reason. ” She was very correct.
You have to find that person who wants to understand you, you want to understand them, and NOTHING stops you loving them because life is tough and they’re your apocalypse survival partner!
Politely but firmly.
I turned down a green card proposal from my brother’s friend in a public cafe. We had become friends and I thought we were hitting it off, and he was super cute. When he asked me on what sounded like a date (a walk around a lake and lunch at a cafe in a cute part of town) because he wanted to talk about something, I thought he was going to ask me out. Then he explained how the process would work, how long I’d be on the hook, how much money his family was prepared to offer me, how he liked me and thought that would make it easier and more believable. I wanted to marry for love and naively thought I’d definitely be married in the next few years and would hate to miss my chance with “the one.” i just told him I wished I could help him but i believed in marriage for love and if I met someone I loved I wouldn’t want to be tied up in a front. He understood, had few expectations otherwise, and eventually found another girl a few years later. But it tanked our friendship. I felt used and deceived.
I just kind of looked at him and said no. We’d been dating like a month. It was in public. I was too in shock to bother being polite.
My ex proposed AFTER I had broken up with him and moved out. I had found out he was hiring escorts. I had gone to the house to pick up some things, and he got down on one knee and held out a ring. I rolled my eyes and told him to f-off.
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In a restaurant, a violinist appeared. A box was produced containing a ring. We were in a relationship, and had been for about a year and a half. He was a sweet guy, but nine years younger than I. I said no and explained that we weren’t there yet. He was sad.
Within a year, he was showing signs of a nervous breakdown. I had no idea what was happening. He became incredibly paranoid, and his behaviour became very strange.
Turns out he had a crack problem. I had never taken drugs other than trying weed as a teen, so I wasn’t able to read the signs correctly. He was doing it at night when I went to bed.
That was the end of that.
If it’s in public, I say go for a tight hug. Whisper in his ear, can we get out of here? And then you let him down in private.
But honestly, if somebody is cocky enough to propose in a public place, they have to accept the possibility of being turned down in front of everyone. To each their own, but I think proposals should be private. (Mine happened on a ferry, but it was very quiet and inconspicuous.)
I knew he was planning to propose because I overheard him talking to his mother about redesigning family heirloom rings 😨. I wasn’t sure how much I even liked him let alone commit to marrying him! I tried to talk to him about how good is was to take things slowly etc but a week later, the proposal came regardless. I said how I felt honoured by the rings but couldn’t accept them because it felt too soon for me & gave them back. He became very pushy saying things like I was just overwhelmed & of course I wanted to be with him forever. I said I wasn’t overwhelmed, I just didn’t think he was “the one” as it was all too sudden & we hadn’t even discussed our core beliefs. He said I’d “never get anyone better than him” & he’d give me a week to think about it 😳. I had a lot of my possessions at his house but packed everything up & left when he went to work. He was furious so I stopped taking his calls. I spent the next decade dating, loving & losing then found a guy I knew I had a good future with. We’ve been married 28 years & he is MUCH “better than him” who, interestingly, never ended up getting married…….
Proposals shouldn’t be a surprise. The relationship is either at the point where you’re seriously talking about a life together or it isn’t. It’s weird to me that so many people think it’s normal to ask this question in public.
We’d been broken up about a year, bad breakup – his choice. I’d moved back home for a part of the time (another state, 2000 miles away) and he worked hard to get me to move back to where we’d met and lived. Within five minutes of picking me up he proposed in the car while driving. In all seriousness. I said I wasn’t ready to talk about that. Apart from the whole break up/get back thing I was 23 and am not keen on marriage in general.
It never came up again, we broke up for good about a year later – which made sense to both of us. He had a big impact on my life but no regrets. He’s married and divorced a couple of times since. I had a partner for 20 years, neither of us were in to marriage.
All of mine were private – it would have been hugely disqualifying for it to be public and they knew that. Anyhow, I basically said that I don’t think we know each other well enough yet (3 cases) or that I don’t see us both being having the same level of commitment.
If any had been public, I would have had to have [very gently] said “not yet” and later broken up.
I had just spent a few weeks at his place and fgured that I did not like what I got to know.
Came back home and told him a few days later, that this will not work out anymore.
We were long distance (ca. 2000 km). We met each other a couple of times.
He proposed to not lose me but I was done with this relationship.
I was being polite on that Skype call. We had been together for 1.5 years and it even though I was done with this, it wasn’t easy for me too.
“no.”
that’s it. that’s all i said. but i’ve never been the type of person to say yes to anything out of politeness.
granted, this proposal happened over the phone and in private, but i have no problem embarrassing someone by saying no to a public proposal. we had dated for five years, so he was well aware that i was never going to accept if he proposed in public. the reason i said no was because he assumed the answer would be yes. the relationship had a lot of problems and he refused to acknowledge any of them, so i was already mentally preparing to breakup.
I turned down a proposal once because I realized I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment, even though things seemed great on the surface. It’s tough to say no in that moment, especially when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but looking back, it was the right call for me. I think being honest about your feelings and timing is important, rushing into something because you feel pressured doesn’t help anyone in the long run. I found that taking that step back actually helped both of us figure out what we really wanted.
I’ve turned down a few. At the times just everything inside me screamed this is not good.
You just say I’m sorry but I can’t. It will normally end the relationship but I’m a firm believer in “if they knew me well enough to marry me, then they wouldn’t have asked.”
It really depends on the context of how they ask. If it’s in public. I would probably just ask them if we can discuss this in private.
It’s a question and it is ok to say no.
I looked at the sweet 7 year old student with a gorgeous plastic blue ring (no shade), and gently told her that she was too young for me. She seemed bummed but understood.
For context, I’m a 33 year old substitute teacher. I had just walked into the lunchroom two minutes prior to the surprise proposal. I was getting my bearings because the whole grade was in the lunchroom because the NYSESLAT testing was still going on. Those kids needed more room and accommodations so the other kids had to go to the cafeteria to continue with their work. I shared this story because it’s too cute not to and it’s a sweet memory.
It was not in public. We were broken up for about 6 weeks. He slept in his car outside my house all night, and when I woke up in the morning to get ready for work, I realized he was there. I went to talk to him & he immediately tried to get down on one knee and had a ring box in his hand. I told him to stand tf up and we weren’t doing that right now.
That was 12 years ago now. We tried making the relationship work then, and tried again a few years later. Twin flames for sure; loved each other fiercely but we never worked bc we never wanted the same things. I knew potentially marrying him then would have been a mistake, just like I know now that my life has worked out as it was intended; without him.
I just said no. I am sorry, but I don’t see us there yet.
I had someone drunkenly propose to me in college, at the time I was dating someone else which was pretty much what I told him. Me and the guy I had been dating broke up and, although alcohol is always an issue, this is one of the only proposals I’ve ever regretted not saying yes to. With the grace that my younger self clearly couldn’t see the future!
One time I was taking my recycling (in my 30s) and an octogenarian who I met in the parking lot insisted he was a good Christian man looking for a young wife to essentially be his in-home caregiver (& I don’t even want to think about it). Not only did he propose to me but he kind of left something of an open invite if I like “knew anyone” who wanted to marry a rich old guy who would financially take care of them while he literally needed them to take care of him….
I’m disabled to an extent that it was easy to explain why this wasn’t going to work.
I like to think maybe someday after being with someone for like 10 years maybe I’ll get asked again lol but it would sure be nice to be actually dating the guy for once 😂
When it happened in private, I stayed quiet… pretended I didn’t hear it. Not out of cruelty, but because I didn’t want to hurt him not even gently with words I wasn’t ready to say.
But the one time it was real and in public I felt my heart ache. I knew I couldn’t say yes, but I also couldn’t let him carry that rejection in front of a crowd. So I kissed his forehead, held his hand, and softly asked if we could talk in private.
I asked him not to propose.. he had cheated on me and I was unable to forgive him/
By politely saying NO
Why does everything we do have to be polite? Just say no.
I was 18 and in a psych unit, obviously not doing well or feeling like myself. Some older man, 45 at least, also not himself or feeling well asked me to marry him with his own wedding ring he took off his finger. Easy no thank you.
It was not in public.
My partner at the time had gotten a Fulbright scholarship overseas, and wanted me to join him for a full year. However, in order to legally stay there for the year, I needed a visa and the easiest way to get one was to be married.
He proposed the idea of getting married just for the visa and when he asked the idea of marrying him just made me feel sick to my stomach for some reason. So, I said no I don’t want to do that for a visa.
I ended up going with him anyway, just on a tourist visa and illegally overstaying (I just had to pay a fine when I left). We broke up shortly after leaving.
“Hehe, sorry, I’m in a rush”
On my first vacation to Málaga I received three marriage proposals from randos on the street.
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