I know alot of women who never married or had kids. Few dates and some of them lie about having a fiance, “but it didn’t work out, so I dumped him”. All of them seem to regret this; it wasn’t their fault, but it happened.
Intentional on my part, and no real regrets. My father died when I was 13; as the youngest of seven kids I was left with a very unhappy mother who drank. I moved out and started supporting myself at 19, and watched three of my four older sisters scream at their kids and, generally, become the worst of my mother. One sister has kids who stopped talking to her 25 years ago. People asked if I didn’t have kids because I didn’t like them. I have always liked kids, and even at 75, still do. I just didn’t see how I could escape the pattern. I eventually learned I couldn’t have had them anyway (serious gyno issues). I had a boyfriend for a very long time, dated a lot after that, was proposed to a lot, but I didn’t see much point in marriage, because I could support myself. I’ve come to realize that what marriage, or any partnership, really should be is two people who help each other through life. Life is hard. Having a partner who’s always in your corner, even when things get tough between you; having someone who you are there for too, working on a relationship based on mutual help and affection, that’s what it’s supposed to be. Too often, it is not that. It’s misplaced sexual attraction, which fades. It’s expecting someone to complete you, when you need to be complete already to be–and have–a good partner.
In short, no regrets, lots of learning. Lots of thinking. And even lots of love–I just wasn’t willing to commit.
Never really wanted to. Now that I’m in my 70’s, I wonder about that decision. I think about getting older and not able to do what I could even do 10 years ago.
Married, no kids. Perfect! After 40+ years not even a twinge of regret.
I would feel guilty if I had had kids. They would have been neglected because I had a rewarding career –and now? What a world. I wpuld hate to see adult children struggling in current conditions.
Intentional. Legal marriage is based on a flawed premise, namely that you can promise today to feel a certain way in the future. Majority of married people I know are in loveless or sexless marriages. They don’t leave because it’s too difficult.
I was a partner at a big law firm. Colleagues who had kids also had 3 nannies—daytime, nighttime and weekend nanny. I couldn’t do it. No regrets though. I was very passionate and fulfilled through my work.
I did get married, but no kids, and that was on purpose. I spent my childhood and teen years raising kids. My adulthood was for me! Maybe if I hadn’t had so much childcare delegated to me by my stepmother and if I’d been allowed to have any other job but babysitting before I was out of high school, I’d have wanted kids, but it was for the best. I learned young that I’m not temperamentally suited for raising kids. No regrets whatsoever!
No. My body was meant to have ten kids. I met the love of my life who said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children. He’s with someone 18 yrs older
I’m 44F. I kept putting off having kids until I finally admitted to myself that frankly I just don’t want to do that. I don’t want it for my body, and I don’t want it for my life.
I froze my eggs before I came to this realization. I have no desire to use them, but I keep them on ice in case they could ever be of use to a friend.
My Godson and friends’ kids are cool. I’m also glad they aren’t my responsibility.
I LOVE dogs, though.
I spent my 20s/30s trying to capture the “good on paper” man, but I was also dealing with a series of unresolved traumas (deaths – suicide and cancer – of two dear friends and then my brother. In one case I found my friend’s corpse).
I am grateful I didn’t wind up married to any of them. We would have both been miserable, looking back on my longest relationships that got to real talks of marriage.
I’d welcome a great partner, but I’m not actively seeking it. Life is fun as is.
I was allowed to roam in suburban Midwest in the 80s and 90s as a kid. I’m not sure that kind of childhood exists anymore – certainly not free of cell phones and social media. I’m kind of sad for kids now.
This is a long post. Short version: I’m happy with never having children and, at present, am enjoying my life without a partner.
I am married but do not have any children. I don’t have many regrets but not having children is one of them. I considered having a child on my own when I was about 30 but just could not see how to make things work since I had to work fulltime. When I married later, it seemed the time had passed. Sad.
I have a different perspective to share. I am married with children and 53F. I would advise my daughter and son to NOT have children and and NOT get married. I don’t want my daughter to lose her earning potential and I don’t want her relying on a man when over 50% of marriages end in divorce. I don’t want my son saddled with alimony or child support. I don’t want grandchildren growing up in chaos. My daughter has a son but not married. She moved home when she had her baby because he was no help. I am grateful she didn’t marry him. It was much easier for her to leave. She gets no child support and has to do it all herself. Well we help. So she’s not doing it all, she has a good support system, our son lives at home too and provides child care and takes online classes he’s 20. The benefits marriage used to provide are gone. It used to provide paternity for a child. A child born in marriage was automatically the husbands and children born out of wedlock had no father. We have DNA now. That changes everything. I have married friends that have no children. They travel the world, they both earn $$$. They have a spoiled dog and a beautiful home and are very happy and very much still in love. I think dual income no kids “DINKS” are living the life.
No it wasn’t intentional. I came from abuse, neglect, broken home. This led to problems as I reached adolescence. I recognized that I had problems with establishing/maintaining relationships and was behaving in self destructive ways. If not for the option to avoid having kids I would have had them. Yes there is regret and feeling like I missed out on something major and it will be a lonelier old age.
Got married later in life and regret not having done it sooner. We got lucky and still had kids in our 40s.
I’m glad I chose the right person though. I intentionally wasn’t married until I was just 40ish. Didn’t find my person and wouldn’t want to be married to the wrong person.
That said, the right person is the one you can compromise with and talk to and solve problems together with. With similar goals in life and similar values.
There’s no such thing as Mr or Mrs Perfect. But there’s a difference between Mr Right and Mr Right-Now. I’ve wasted too much time with Mr Rightnows who took advantage of me (and I of them!) and that was all so meaningless in hindsight. Feel like I’ve wasted my time there.
I would NOT be happy without kids and my husband and I was never this happy before we met. But it sure is ongoing hard work!
I’m late 60’s and I think in kindergarten I decided that I didn’t want kids. My mom told me when I was a teenager that menstrual cramps were mild labor pains and right then and there I vowed to never have a child. My periods were so, so painful for the first 2-3 days. I would be in bed sleeping sitting up with a heating pad across my stomach. I’d always miss school the first few days of my period and back in the day the dr prescribed Valium and bc pills. I wanted no part of labor pains. Have I regretted my decision, no. I do have great step kids do they’ve been my kids.
I 55F grew up in an alcoholic household.
Life was so hard on every level and I knew early on that I never wanted to repeat that pattern.
Therefore no kids, never married.
I wouldn’t mind finding a partner but I’m not looking and I’m ok being with myself now.
I think enjoying marriage and kids depends on having the right partner, enough money and luck.
Luck because if you had gotten a home at the right market, you didn’t have to worry for a lifetime. Enough money is having sound financial knowledge early on to invest and not worry even if kids eat up resources.
Right partner is of course someone that supports you to be a better version of yourself, is a great team player, knows to communicate and is a best friend for life. Such unicorns go exist and I am married to one.
Outside of this, I see marriage in most cases needs enormous sacrifice from a woman. I cannot fathom why my mother had 2 kids or continues to stay with the man she is married to right now (yes, my biological father).
Married. No bio or adoptive kids. Two stepsons.
Two grands who accept me as “grandma.” But they live far away.
Not at all intentional. I desperately wanted bio and adopted children. There is a big, dramatic, and sad story that involves bad timing, unfortunate adherence to religious dogma, a life threatening illness, irresponsible medical advice, and a tragic twist of fate. It could be a Netflix series.
62 cis gen F here. I had a wonderful sex life, lots of adventures and met some good men. Only one was the person I mated in my heart at the age of 30. We didn’t marry and I was thrilled it was so simple when we split up a decade later.
I worked diligently to not have children because I never wanted them. No regrets. In fact my ex SO and I were frauds for decades until he passed away. I am financially fit, emotionally content and have marvelous lifelong friends. It’s been a good life and I look forward to many more happy years.
I’m 50/50 on marriage. I believe a life long partnership is worth forging and all the challenges that can come with it can be worth it in the end if you find a partner willing to work on themselves (and you on yours) so you can grow together.
No kids. Never was a desire. No big regrets about it. Maybe like 5% of me wishes life had been perfect enough to have them HOWEVER I was never in a place in my life, with a partner in my life that I would have wanted to pull the trigger on kids with. I need tremendous security and I never got it with any of my partners so I can’t imagine having kids and I would have had a nervous breakdown trying to raise kids on my own.
The best thing you can do to ensure your happiness is know yourself, then make decisions based upon that knowledge. Be careful listening to people who tell you who you are or what you will or won’t want.
I made sure I wasn’t ever going to have kids by getting sterilized when I was 28.
No regrets, because I’m a selfish bitch who enjoys not having to give my life to to do all the shit people do with kids. My husband and I can go chase our baseball team across the US, go to 5 concerts a week, eat ice cream for breakfast, and sleep in.
My parents had a terrible marriage for 35 years before my mother finally pulled the plug. While my parents weren’t physically abusive, my brothers and I suffered from chronic emotional neglect. Both parents were born during the Great Depression and survived terrible abuse from their parents. We always had food on the table, a roof over our heads and didn’t get the crap beaten out of us. My folks didn’t realize we kids had emotional needs as well because theirs were never addressed.
So the whole “Marriage + children = happiness” equation never computed for me. I’ve been in love 3 times, but never met the right man at the right time for marriage to even be a consideration. I never had a strong drive to have biological children. When I was in my late 30s, I looked into becoming a foster mother or adopting, but then my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was her primary caregiver for 9.5 years. That would have been all but impossible if I had a husband and kids.
Do I regret not having children? Not really. Do I regret not finding “The One”? I’m not dead yet.
When I was 12, I knew I never wanted to be a mother. School was torture. My extended family were alcoholics. I was not the patient sort. In all, I knew I and my family did not need any offspring I might have produced.
As I am older, I look at my nieces and nephews: I know I made the right decision.
I’m in my 60s and never had kids. Nothing about pregnancy interested me. I kind of chuckle when people say they had kids to have someone take care of them when they get old. My brother hasn’t seen our mom since pre-Covid. You never know what kind of kid you are going to get. No regrets.
I’ve been proposed to several times but none of them were the “right” one. And since they weren’t the “right” one, I didn’t have children. Now that I am older, I miss having a partner by my side, if only to help with the household things.
However, listening to people complain about their partners makes me realize you can have a partner and still be lonely. Weirdly enough, I never feel lonely.
I always put a 2-year cooling off period between the time I was engaged to the wedding date. In the 4 times I was engaged….we never made the distance. I’m still glad I did that and firmly believe that I’ve dodged some very serious bullets over the years. Same with children. I’m 54 and retired. I have everything I want. There’s no way I’d be as comfortable as I am now if I’d had children. I don’t regret not having them for one minute. There are a lot of parents in nursing homes who never see their kids. They sacrificed their lives to raise another human being who either walked away completely or simply care more about themselves. I had a blast in my younger years and I’m really glad I did.
Comments
Intentional. No regrets. I get to sleep in, do whatever I want, buy whatever I want. I don’t have to be responsible for others. It’s great.
I know alot of women who never married or had kids. Few dates and some of them lie about having a fiance, “but it didn’t work out, so I dumped him”. All of them seem to regret this; it wasn’t their fault, but it happened.
I was 50 when I got married. Children are overrated. Having a husband just because is too.
Intentional on my part, and no real regrets. My father died when I was 13; as the youngest of seven kids I was left with a very unhappy mother who drank. I moved out and started supporting myself at 19, and watched three of my four older sisters scream at their kids and, generally, become the worst of my mother. One sister has kids who stopped talking to her 25 years ago. People asked if I didn’t have kids because I didn’t like them. I have always liked kids, and even at 75, still do. I just didn’t see how I could escape the pattern. I eventually learned I couldn’t have had them anyway (serious gyno issues). I had a boyfriend for a very long time, dated a lot after that, was proposed to a lot, but I didn’t see much point in marriage, because I could support myself. I’ve come to realize that what marriage, or any partnership, really should be is two people who help each other through life. Life is hard. Having a partner who’s always in your corner, even when things get tough between you; having someone who you are there for too, working on a relationship based on mutual help and affection, that’s what it’s supposed to be. Too often, it is not that. It’s misplaced sexual attraction, which fades. It’s expecting someone to complete you, when you need to be complete already to be–and have–a good partner.
In short, no regrets, lots of learning. Lots of thinking. And even lots of love–I just wasn’t willing to commit.
Never really wanted to. Now that I’m in my 70’s, I wonder about that decision. I think about getting older and not able to do what I could even do 10 years ago.
Married, no kids. Perfect! After 40+ years not even a twinge of regret.
I would feel guilty if I had had kids. They would have been neglected because I had a rewarding career –and now? What a world. I wpuld hate to see adult children struggling in current conditions.
No and sometimes……
Intentional. Legal marriage is based on a flawed premise, namely that you can promise today to feel a certain way in the future. Majority of married people I know are in loveless or sexless marriages. They don’t leave because it’s too difficult.
I was a partner at a big law firm. Colleagues who had kids also had 3 nannies—daytime, nighttime and weekend nanny. I couldn’t do it. No regrets though. I was very passionate and fulfilled through my work.
I had two surgeries to make sure I was baby-proofed. I do not enjoy being around babies and young children. Too smelly, sticky, and loud.
Never wanted to get married but I did that.
This is an offensive question. “Was your decision intentional?” You looking for some sad “spinster” tales? Get out of here with this garbage.
I did get married, but no kids, and that was on purpose. I spent my childhood and teen years raising kids. My adulthood was for me! Maybe if I hadn’t had so much childcare delegated to me by my stepmother and if I’d been allowed to have any other job but babysitting before I was out of high school, I’d have wanted kids, but it was for the best. I learned young that I’m not temperamentally suited for raising kids. No regrets whatsoever!
Yep. Nope.
No. My body was meant to have ten kids. I met the love of my life who said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children. He’s with someone 18 yrs older
I’m 44F. I kept putting off having kids until I finally admitted to myself that frankly I just don’t want to do that. I don’t want it for my body, and I don’t want it for my life.
I froze my eggs before I came to this realization. I have no desire to use them, but I keep them on ice in case they could ever be of use to a friend.
My Godson and friends’ kids are cool. I’m also glad they aren’t my responsibility.
I LOVE dogs, though.
I spent my 20s/30s trying to capture the “good on paper” man, but I was also dealing with a series of unresolved traumas (deaths – suicide and cancer – of two dear friends and then my brother. In one case I found my friend’s corpse).
I am grateful I didn’t wind up married to any of them. We would have both been miserable, looking back on my longest relationships that got to real talks of marriage.
I’d welcome a great partner, but I’m not actively seeking it. Life is fun as is.
I was allowed to roam in suburban Midwest in the 80s and 90s as a kid. I’m not sure that kind of childhood exists anymore – certainly not free of cell phones and social media. I’m kind of sad for kids now.
This is a long post. Short version: I’m happy with never having children and, at present, am enjoying my life without a partner.
Cheers!
I am married but do not have any children. I don’t have many regrets but not having children is one of them. I considered having a child on my own when I was about 30 but just could not see how to make things work since I had to work fulltime. When I married later, it seemed the time had passed. Sad.
I have a different perspective to share. I am married with children and 53F. I would advise my daughter and son to NOT have children and and NOT get married. I don’t want my daughter to lose her earning potential and I don’t want her relying on a man when over 50% of marriages end in divorce. I don’t want my son saddled with alimony or child support. I don’t want grandchildren growing up in chaos. My daughter has a son but not married. She moved home when she had her baby because he was no help. I am grateful she didn’t marry him. It was much easier for her to leave. She gets no child support and has to do it all herself. Well we help. So she’s not doing it all, she has a good support system, our son lives at home too and provides child care and takes online classes he’s 20. The benefits marriage used to provide are gone. It used to provide paternity for a child. A child born in marriage was automatically the husbands and children born out of wedlock had no father. We have DNA now. That changes everything. I have married friends that have no children. They travel the world, they both earn $$$. They have a spoiled dog and a beautiful home and are very happy and very much still in love. I think dual income no kids “DINKS” are living the life.
The problem with this question is there is no way of knowing how things would have gone if different paths had been taken.
And it’s not like you can go down to the partner and kid store and pick some up when you decide to try it.
Any particular reason you’re asking?
No it wasn’t intentional. I came from abuse, neglect, broken home. This led to problems as I reached adolescence. I recognized that I had problems with establishing/maintaining relationships and was behaving in self destructive ways. If not for the option to avoid having kids I would have had them. Yes there is regret and feeling like I missed out on something major and it will be a lonelier old age.
Intentional, no regrets.
Got married later in life and regret not having done it sooner. We got lucky and still had kids in our 40s.
I’m glad I chose the right person though. I intentionally wasn’t married until I was just 40ish. Didn’t find my person and wouldn’t want to be married to the wrong person.
That said, the right person is the one you can compromise with and talk to and solve problems together with. With similar goals in life and similar values.
There’s no such thing as Mr or Mrs Perfect. But there’s a difference between Mr Right and Mr Right-Now. I’ve wasted too much time with Mr Rightnows who took advantage of me (and I of them!) and that was all so meaningless in hindsight. Feel like I’ve wasted my time there.
I would NOT be happy without kids and my husband and I was never this happy before we met. But it sure is ongoing hard work!
I’m late 60’s and I think in kindergarten I decided that I didn’t want kids. My mom told me when I was a teenager that menstrual cramps were mild labor pains and right then and there I vowed to never have a child. My periods were so, so painful for the first 2-3 days. I would be in bed sleeping sitting up with a heating pad across my stomach. I’d always miss school the first few days of my period and back in the day the dr prescribed Valium and bc pills. I wanted no part of labor pains. Have I regretted my decision, no. I do have great step kids do they’ve been my kids.
I 55F grew up in an alcoholic household.
Life was so hard on every level and I knew early on that I never wanted to repeat that pattern.
Therefore no kids, never married.
I wouldn’t mind finding a partner but I’m not looking and I’m ok being with myself now.
I think enjoying marriage and kids depends on having the right partner, enough money and luck.
Luck because if you had gotten a home at the right market, you didn’t have to worry for a lifetime. Enough money is having sound financial knowledge early on to invest and not worry even if kids eat up resources.
Right partner is of course someone that supports you to be a better version of yourself, is a great team player, knows to communicate and is a best friend for life. Such unicorns go exist and I am married to one.
Outside of this, I see marriage in most cases needs enormous sacrifice from a woman. I cannot fathom why my mother had 2 kids or continues to stay with the man she is married to right now (yes, my biological father).
Married. No bio or adoptive kids. Two stepsons.
Two grands who accept me as “grandma.” But they live far away.
Not at all intentional. I desperately wanted bio and adopted children. There is a big, dramatic, and sad story that involves bad timing, unfortunate adherence to religious dogma, a life threatening illness, irresponsible medical advice, and a tragic twist of fate. It could be a Netflix series.
62 cis gen F here. I had a wonderful sex life, lots of adventures and met some good men. Only one was the person I mated in my heart at the age of 30. We didn’t marry and I was thrilled it was so simple when we split up a decade later.
I worked diligently to not have children because I never wanted them. No regrets. In fact my ex SO and I were frauds for decades until he passed away. I am financially fit, emotionally content and have marvelous lifelong friends. It’s been a good life and I look forward to many more happy years.
Married twice. No kids.
I’m 50/50 on marriage. I believe a life long partnership is worth forging and all the challenges that can come with it can be worth it in the end if you find a partner willing to work on themselves (and you on yours) so you can grow together.
No kids. Never was a desire. No big regrets about it. Maybe like 5% of me wishes life had been perfect enough to have them HOWEVER I was never in a place in my life, with a partner in my life that I would have wanted to pull the trigger on kids with. I need tremendous security and I never got it with any of my partners so I can’t imagine having kids and I would have had a nervous breakdown trying to raise kids on my own.
The best thing you can do to ensure your happiness is know yourself, then make decisions based upon that knowledge. Be careful listening to people who tell you who you are or what you will or won’t want.
Never had kids, and yes, it was intentional.
I knew when I was a kid that I never wanted kids.
I made sure I wasn’t ever going to have kids by getting sterilized when I was 28.
No regrets, because I’m a selfish bitch who enjoys not having to give my life to to do all the shit people do with kids. My husband and I can go chase our baseball team across the US, go to 5 concerts a week, eat ice cream for breakfast, and sleep in.
I would love to see a post where the poster asks, “Women who got married and had kids: was this intentional? Do you regret it?”
Yes it was intentional and no I do not regret it. I’m glad I had the fortitude to stick to my decision and not give in to the pressure to have them
My parents had a terrible marriage for 35 years before my mother finally pulled the plug. While my parents weren’t physically abusive, my brothers and I suffered from chronic emotional neglect. Both parents were born during the Great Depression and survived terrible abuse from their parents. We always had food on the table, a roof over our heads and didn’t get the crap beaten out of us. My folks didn’t realize we kids had emotional needs as well because theirs were never addressed.
So the whole “Marriage + children = happiness” equation never computed for me. I’ve been in love 3 times, but never met the right man at the right time for marriage to even be a consideration. I never had a strong drive to have biological children. When I was in my late 30s, I looked into becoming a foster mother or adopting, but then my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was her primary caregiver for 9.5 years. That would have been all but impossible if I had a husband and kids.
Do I regret not having children? Not really. Do I regret not finding “The One”? I’m not dead yet.
I am 60 years old.
When I was 12, I knew I never wanted to be a mother. School was torture. My extended family were alcoholics. I was not the patient sort. In all, I knew I and my family did not need any offspring I might have produced.
As I am older, I look at my nieces and nephews: I know I made the right decision.
Don’t regret at all.
I’m in my 60s and never had kids. Nothing about pregnancy interested me. I kind of chuckle when people say they had kids to have someone take care of them when they get old. My brother hasn’t seen our mom since pre-Covid. You never know what kind of kid you are going to get. No regrets.
No kids, no regrets.
I’ve been out of the country 3 times this year and it’s only April. I sleep in on Saturdays. I like other people’s children, but none for me thanks.
Yes. I had other things to do. I’m so freaking happy I don’t have kids.
Intentional on my part not to have kids and I don’t regret it.
I was open to it but I never met that person. As I got older, I realized I prefer my independence and it would be hard to live with someone.
I had no desire to have kids. I don’t know if that would have changed if I’d have gotten married. I’m late 50s now so que sera sera.
I’ve been proposed to several times but none of them were the “right” one. And since they weren’t the “right” one, I didn’t have children. Now that I am older, I miss having a partner by my side, if only to help with the household things.
However, listening to people complain about their partners makes me realize you can have a partner and still be lonely. Weirdly enough, I never feel lonely.
Yes.
No.
I always put a 2-year cooling off period between the time I was engaged to the wedding date. In the 4 times I was engaged….we never made the distance. I’m still glad I did that and firmly believe that I’ve dodged some very serious bullets over the years. Same with children. I’m 54 and retired. I have everything I want. There’s no way I’d be as comfortable as I am now if I’d had children. I don’t regret not having them for one minute. There are a lot of parents in nursing homes who never see their kids. They sacrificed their lives to raise another human being who either walked away completely or simply care more about themselves. I had a blast in my younger years and I’m really glad I did.