I stayed for two years only to discover they were attempting to cheat again. 🤷♀️And that was after “doing all the right things.” Not worth it, move on.
ETA: the two years was not fun. Not happy. Not easy.
They eventually cheat again. I caught him, he was sad and apologetic and begged me to stay. I stayed. He did all the “right things”. He cheated again. Just leave while u can. He doesn’t respect u and never will! Especially now since staying around essentially shows them how much they can get away with.
He wanted to cheat on me – tried to plan it, then backed out, and the girl sent me all the sc of sexts and plans. I was young and dumb, so I stayed and believed his excuses of it just boiling down to “sexual incompatibility” (i.e. me not having a very high libido after starting bc).
I mourned the relationship I thought I had with him, and went against all my morals and boundaries and stayed because I truly loved him and tbh maybe moreso ‘trauma bonded’.
Aaaand then he made a new FB to message his ex, which I also found out about.
We had a break since he obviously wanted to see other people. So, we both saw other people while also still seeing each other, which made me go crazy. I’d go through his phone constantly when I went over, would sign in to his accounts on my phone and sabotage hook ups with other girls, just all around very toxic.
We ended up getting back together, and I gave him my complete trust – didn’t go through his phone, no location sharing, etc. I thought if I didnt trust him, what’s the point in staying?
I really thought we had beaten the odds and worked through the hard times, and that cheaters CAN change.
He ended up breaking up with me again a year and a half later 🤷♀️
all of my previous partners cheated on me and I forgave every single one of them at least once, they all cheated again some just got sneakier about it. I’ve learned my lesson, I will no longer be forgiving
A brutal and immediate breakup is the best medicine for cheaters imo, maybe they’ll be better in their next relationship. If you forgive them, they’ll do it again
I stayed with mine, he admitted to it and everything. Our relationship was mostly good I really loved him, but honestly I just couldn’t marry him. I stayed another 3 years and the last couple were great. I could just tell that’s where it was heading, I didn’t want to marry someone I couldn’t fully trust.
Also, I don’t think he went outside our relationship but that man leered so much it made my blood boil. I know several contradicting statements. But I was young, and in love 🤷🏼♀️ Still I hope he finds whatever he’s looking for.
He admitted cheating. Cheating was completely out of character for him, and I knew how much he loved me (yes – I am aware how it sounds but good people do shitty things sometimes), so we ended up working through it and getting to a good place again. I wasn’t worried about it happening again.
We stayed together for 2 more years, but eventually ended it because our lives started going different directions due to careers, etc. We have both moved on since, but still see each other out and keep in touch.
It was like a constant stain on the relationship that no matter how much soul searching and therapy I did wouldn’t ever fully disappear. I would keep my emotions in such a lockdown during any arguments after since I was doing my best to forgive them. Turns out they were still an asshole years later and we split after a long drawn out marriage. Wasted a lot of my life on them tbh.
Divorced. Deleted, blocked, erased from my life as much as possible. Haven’t spoken to him in years, except for when the nth bank calls cos he’s gone awol on them after defaulting on loans/credit cards and left my details as nominee.
I have a TPO 🫠 if you cannot trust a man to respect the most basic principle of being in a relationship (to not sleep w/ other ppl), just assume that there’s not much else you CAN trust him with, including your safety
I forgave twice. Both went on to be incredibly selfish, shitty partners, and continued cheating. I will never forgive cheating again. There is just no world where I find it worth it.
My cousin did go back to him, they had kids. It came out after another 7 years he was cheating again. It seemed like he did a lot, it came out about lots of times she didn’t know about. She eventually got to move on to someone who loved her and he could not keep a relationship going.
When they got back together it was awful because she brought it up regularly because she had no catharsis. It was so uncomfortable. I don’t believe anyone was happy for a lot of the time. She just didn’t want to be a single parent until she realised it’s better if the parents are separate and happy then together and miserable. 14 years and twice he was caught but afterwards it was closer to five or more. First time when she was pregnant in the honeymoon phase. So sad.
We’ve been together for 21 years, 2 awesome kids, great careers, pretty much crushing life. I noticed a few years back that he was drinking more, but it fit in with his work culture and he would excuse it away when I asked. Mostly binge drinking stuff.
Almost two years ago he went to a work conference. On the last night there was free alcohol and everyone was getting wasted. He had a one night stand with a random woman from a other city, didn’t even remember her name.
He told me immediately. He was a shell of a human. It gutted me, and we already had therapists so we jumped into marriage and individual counseling immediately. He hasn’t had a drop to drink since, we talked about it to death, he listened when I was mad or sad or just needed to talk. We talked and talked and talked. It was brutal and I was pissed at the extra work he gave me to do, all the shit I had to process.
Now everything is on my terms. No drinking, no going out unless I OK it, and not in like a ‘my wife has to OK it’ way but in a ‘I fucked up and I will never do anything to hurt you again’ way.
He’s still my best friend, although if you had asked me a year ago when it was more fresh I might have had a different answer. We’ve always been best friends and our marriage was truly picture perfect, and I wasn’t ready to throw that away because he was an idiot one night.
I do feel like I have more walls up (before there were zero) and it still breaks my heart that it happened. Like my fairytale will never truly be a fairytale, there will always be a stain. Which sucks. But day to day we are getting there.
The first time, we broke up for a very short time. We got back together and everything was great for 2ish years. Then I got the feeling he was cheating again. I didn’t have the proof and he kept denying. Eventually I found the proof and ended it.
I found someone much better and we’ve been married for a little over a year now, so it’s worked out fantastic for me. Last I heard he was engaged now. For his fiancées sake, I hope she knows what’s she’s signed up for.
Literally notice the trend of women trying to stay and then it not working. You’re NOT an exception, they’ve disrespected you to the highest level by cheating do NOT stay. Someone will love you correctly, and by cheating they already showed you it’s not going to be them.
I stayed with my first boyfriend for a year after finding out he cheated. It just turned me into a crazy person always worried about what he was up to, and he did not change. 0/10 do not recommend
He did it again! They ALWAYS do it again, and if they don’t, they would if given the opportunity to again.
Which makes me wonder how many men would cheat if they could.
It haunts your every day and colors your opinions of them and their actions in everything they do. Constantly looking for all of the lies and things you missed last time and every time the slightest thing happens that reminds you of that time you spiral and your trust issues and insecurities flare. I wish I hadn’t stayed but I was too ashamed at the time.
Mine cheated and at least for today we are still together 4 years later . I do not worry about him cheating nor does he give me the impression that hes doing anything shady . But there was a big diffrence he joined AA of his own accord after and since then hes been completely sober and hes very much changed . It took me a very long time to trust and forgive him but we are best friends now .
Who knows He may still cheat on me on the future time will tell . But for today were happy.
I only stayed until he put his hand on my throat during an argument. He didn’t squeeze but the mere act alone…I planned and saved until could leave. Before that, he wanted to DARVO me after he had been posting his peepee on Craigslist to get serviced in the backseat of a car from another guy while I was doing 16-17 hour days between school, externship, and full time work. I didn’t care that he was bi. I was pissed he tried to find something to pin on me so he didn’t have to be the reason why we broke up. HIS GUILTY CONSCIENCE. Not like he wanted me other than to be his mommy and cook and clean for him. He thought if we didn’t have an abortion that I would have stayed with him. The sheer nerve to admit that you wanted to trap me. The only reason I said no to kids(having and raising) is because I need to undo the damage my mother did to me. No child deserved it. I didn’t. I wont risk passing on that trauma. I want a quality of life for my child and myself. If the father is present and involved without it being a power struggle, thats great. But when it comes to being a parent, I need to prepare to risk doing it solo. That’s worse case scenario and it needs to be planned for so worst case scenario is just dealing with lack of secondary parental figure. I want my kids to grow up to be emotionally mature and untraumatized. That begins with who the father is and how he treats me. Doesn’t matter who I still have feelings for. If he won’t communicate, acts exasperated when I’m crying upset, and can’t stay faithful…I’ll just stay single. I can love on myself better than any one I’ve been with. Half assed gifts were worse than no gift or even a late gift. Yeesh my mom really conditioned me to accept the bare minimum and feast on crumbs.
I’ve stayed for 4 more horrible years until he cheated again with a girl from work. He left me for her, and now she is squeezing one promotion after another out of that idiot.
I’m now in a healthy and loving relationship with a wonderful man, and my ex was always the first one to watch my WhatsApp status whenever I uploaded some vacation pictures with my new boyfriend, until I blocked him there and everywhere else.
Did not cheat physically, at least not yet. Caught his messages twice. At first time, I was naive, young and madly madly in love and deeply devoted. I forgave, he blocked that girl.
Another one I caught after we got married and had kids. I did not have his passcode, he gave the phone to me as MIL wanted to talk. What’sapp was open and there was this chat with this intern at his workplace. I was merely 7 months postpartum and to say that i was devastated would be an understatement. That was closest that I have come to fainting. When confronted, he blamed it on me and that i checked his phone. I should have. I stayed, it is pathetic. I do not trust him now, he has also lost all the respect I had for him. I cannot leave as of now, with 2 boys and no financial independence. I am trying to though.
I stayed for two years. I resented him the whole time. It was a shit show. I don’t have proof he cheated again but I know he did in my heart. Thank Christ I ended it. Should have ended it immediately.
He told me a couple of years ago that he has some residual guilt. If I do have any enduring distrust, I’m not aware of it. But it was 22 years ago. I’ve had a lot of time to heal.
We broke up for several months. Got back together, did therapy, had a lot of hard talks. 5 years later we added a child to our family and are getting married next year. I know he’s obviously capable but I’m choosing to forgive so therefore have to let him prove himself.
I stayed. I don’t know if he cheated again, about 10 years together after the fact. But trust never came back and he wasn’t willing to do the work without me begging him. I lied to myself that I trusted him in that I never really thought about it anymore, but my attraction to him and intimacy took a big hit that never fully recovered.
He wanted to talk about it once and if I brought it up again he’d make me feel like a burden despite him doing absolutely nothing to fix it. He just locked his shit down further and if I snooped because he wasn’t giving total transparency, then I was the crazy one.
My self esteem, self validation and feeling valued in the relationship all nose dived.
Anyways, I ended up cheating in the end when I had completely checked out of the relationship right before I left, and we’re now divorced.
Stayed for two years (he full on physically & mentally abused me) & it was a nightmare wondering where he was all the time and why I wasn’t good enough for him & he needed to seek sex with others. Lies and more lies for two years and that coupled with the abuse seriously messed me up. If you’re with a cheater, just leave. I waited too long.
He cheated again a year later.. we broke up. It was a long year of pain and him not stepping up to the plate to reconcile / repair after his actions. Despite all his loving words and empty promises. He was addicted to porn and weed, both which made his decisions a lot easier for him to do I think. It’s not worth it to stay with men (boys) who lack respect for themselves and for you.
So it’s a long story, but the only relationship I was in was with my high-school sweetheart. He cheated. I forgive him …. but I realized that he cheated a lot . Every time I was going to break up with him, he begged me not to. We were together for 13 years, but maybe after 7, we should have completely broken up… he became very aggressive and had very low negative points of view about women . He drank and was still hooking up. we got to the point where i was just living there
… he cheated multiple times, tried breaking up with him, but every time he begged and said he wouldn’t know what his life would be without me …. he realized I was actually done with him … went to a friend’s house his friend realized he was carrying a custom cup of us he said I really fucked up I washed 13 years away ….and he shot himself nobody found him until a day after .
Maybe he was just struggling with everything
I want forget if im ever in a relationship again this isn’t something im allowing again if they can’t respect me im not going to be on your side either … because I don’t want to lose myself again …. it was kinda pathetic in a way because I was going to where he did it 4 weeks after and was talking to him and still cared about him but he left me with so many questions unanswered and of course ….Facebook… all the girls he cheated on me with was coming out ….and I ended up telling is family I can’t be apart of this …. he never had a problem hurting me …. im done .
Even though he cheated he became abusive too I just don’t want to ever get into this type of situation ever again
Well. It’s been over for more than 20 years, but, after 8 months apart, in the two years we were reconciled he cheated with two acquaintances, a stripper, and finally a teenage girl.
Split up after 14 years of marriage, when youngest kid (mine) was in high school. He came back, things were different. I tried to change and be happy doing all the things he now wanted to do like going out with friends every Friday and Saturday (his friend group that I didn’t really know or have anything in common with), going to sporting events I had no interest in, etc. I thought of it as a compromise and tried to enjoy, tried to keep him happy because I thought it was just a phase we were working through. Lasted 3 years, then he cheated with someone in that friend group and left me for her. At first I was very upset, but after a while I realized it was the best thing that could have happened. I spent 3 years losing myself to try to keep him happy.
My bf, who I broke up with, and I am with casually dating, also cheated. He admitted to using Tinder and other apps while we were official. I broke up with him immediately, he wanted to get back together and when I found out he still didn’t wanna break up. He said he did it bc he wanted to make me jealous, and it bothers him. I have guy friends. I saw messages between him and his guy friend speaking of his also. Besides the cheating, he’s good to me, proper dates, polite, in love w me, and takes shopping, opens car door and provides.
What do u guys think is it worth giving him another shot. I don’t wanna be placeholder or worry he’d rather be with some white girl and is settling. Also tbh the ex before him while he doesnt want me I’m still not over him and in love with him. I can’t control how I feel and idk how to forget him and idk if I’m pushing this guy bc he cheated or bc of him.
If someone cheats on you, they have proved they don’t respect you. They’re prepared to hide information from you in order to get the outcome they want. It will be reflected in the rest of their behaviour and the relationship is doomed anyway.
Long over. Both me and my sister has had the same.
For me it was my then boyfriend, I was early 20s. At first I stayed and blamed myself, I had a really bad self confidence at the time, and was also SA’d by him. He continually cheated and told me off for not just accepting my situation, eventually after 2yrs (3total), I manged to leave and good fucking riddance.
My sister, her then serious bf cheated, when she found out he apologised in his knees and swore it would never happen again. They got married, and years later (4? 5?) when they had to live apart cos of jobs, he cheated again. This time she left him and didn’t accept his grovelling.
Unfortunately, most of the time, even if they are actually sorry for doing what they did, it’s very possible for it to happen again if the opportunity arises. It’s the mentality/triggee/weakness/temptation (whatever the trigger was) that allowed them to do it the first time, that will allow them to do it again.
I found graphic photographic evidence of my husbands sexting affair with his ex as I was sitting at my dying grandfathers bedside (he passed about 10 minutes after I found the pics). I stayed as I was too consumed with grief to do anything else; in the 12 months prior, my dad died suddenly, my husband was fired, we moved states to support my mom and grandfather, I lost my job due to company downsizing and my grandfather fell and passed about 6 weeks later. I wish I had left and I beat myself up at times still but I can objectively see that I was doing the best I could at the time. We have since divorced. My advice to anyone going through infidelity is to leave.
Better, probably because the power dynamic has shifted. When I found out, I threw him out before he had time to think. I didn’t act shattered or cry, I was too angry. I got the “I’m sorry….Where will I go? The kids….” etc 🙄. I said he should have thought of all that beforehand & ghosted him for nearly a year. When I was agreeable to it, he had to court me all over again. I realised how I am the heartbeat of the family & how strong & independent I am. I was FINE without him. My decision to reconcile came with boundaries which he’s stuck to. The main reason why I took him back was because he’s essentially a very good man. He did an idiotic thing which could have cost him everything. He’s bloody lucky I forgave him & knows it.
About 4 months into our marriage I found that my husband was sending naked pics and texts to a guy from his past. He cried when I confronted him, said he was drunk, promised never to do it again, etc… I forgave him and stayed with him. It’s now several years later and I found more texts, messages, pictures on his phone. I filed for divorce and am enjoying the peace of mind I’ve always wanted.
I stayed while I worked on an exit plan, and he continued to cheat and didn’t think I knew. I pretended everything was fine for a year and then one day he came home to an empty house. Now my divorce is finally almost finalized and I couldn’t be happier.
I tried because I love him and I felt he still loved me. He cheated twice and then almost a 3rd. I left and never looked back. Sadly, I still love him but I would never put myself through that again. Even if I’m alone for the rest of my life. I rather love him from afar.
I stayed for several years because of the kids, making an exit plan and finding a new job/City. It was awful. We were separated while living together. Finally found the best option to move on, kids were old enough to go to college too, and divorced . It was one of the most stressful times in my life. Now a few years later, we still do business together and he is the first person I would call when in need and vice versa. But other than that life is so much better now.
I stayed on for 12 years after first finding out. Still in the relationship. They have apologised asked for forgiveness and tried their best to fix the relationship. We are considerably happy but every so often during some intense arguments I do get triggered by what has passed. It does come up cos the hurt is buried.
However, still madly in love with each other and I know for a fact they never did it again.
It was an obstacle when it happened bit we overcame it together.
I stayed. He emotional cheated. I was 17 and he was 19ish.
He emotionally cheated again and again. We would go on breaks or break up but always got back. I finally had enough and slept with someone on our break.
He never cheated again and we have been together for 7 years now.
We were young and dumb. It may have been easier to just move on but who’s to say someone else wouldn’t have done the same thing too 🤷🏻♀️
Wgat really fixed our relationship was just maturing and getting sober. We were both addicts for roughly 3 years. He relapsed a few times but he’s now been sober for 2-3 years and is doing amazing. I feel like I’m dating a whole new person with the same quirks I liked him for in the beginning. But just with more respect, kindness, empathy, communication skills and selflessness. And of course. Maturity.
If this is someone u really get along with a love for then stay. If they are willing to work things out. If they aren’t then don’t. Can be the only one trying to
Them begging for you doesn’t guarantee anything. They can do it once and they will do it again.
I stayed so many times and it worsen my anxiety, that “there’s always another girl” I can never escape it. I stayed cause he did “good things” towards me and the hope that oh maybe this time he means it but I always caught him being sneaky. I should have walked away the first time but I didn’t , guess that shows how much self-respect I have for myself :/
So dont be like me. Walk away even if it hurts. People only change if they want to change.
He didn’t stop. There’s always another girl. When I confronted him about the lies, he turned it on me and said I was being delusional. Then he said he couldn’t stand being with someone like me, took my money, wrecked my car and blocked me. Wasted 3 years of my life to find out there were even more people than he admitted to at first.
It’s not worth it, even if he’s a “good” guy… if he did it once, he’ll do it again. Heaven help you if you forgive him, because then he’ll interpret it as “you will always love him no matter what evil he does to you…” he might even praise you for having a heart of gold and “giving him something he doesn’t deserve” but in the end, all his mind recognizes you as is “with her, I have freedom because there is no consequence” and so inevitably, he will do it again. 9 out of 10 times. A man who isn’t scared of consequences is a danger to himself but more importantly, a danger to you.
For anyone who’s with a guy who’s cheated on them. Do yourself a favor —leave. Even if he becomes “better” later, let him become so by enduring the pain of losing you. You can be his cautionary tale but I promise you that the pain of leaving now will be far less than the pain of working so hard to repair a relationship which he will inevitably take another hammer to.
Give more value to your peace of mind, serenity in solitude is far better than misery in companionship.
Comments
I stayed for two years only to discover they were attempting to cheat again. 🤷♀️And that was after “doing all the right things.” Not worth it, move on.
ETA: the two years was not fun. Not happy. Not easy.
I cheated on him and it’s amazing. We survived it
They eventually cheat again. I caught him, he was sad and apologetic and begged me to stay. I stayed. He did all the “right things”. He cheated again. Just leave while u can. He doesn’t respect u and never will! Especially now since staying around essentially shows them how much they can get away with.
I stayed for 5 more years, then discovered it was worse. He just got better at hiding it. Been divorced for 6 years. I wish I had left the first time.
I stayed to make my exit plan come to life. I deserve that safe exit and it’ll take time to build my finances to where they need to be.
The relationship is hollow.
I know he doesn’t care about me the same way I cared about him so I’m slowly emotionally distancing myself from him.
And next, I’ll start to physically distance myself because I’m going to focus on some new hobbies and spending time with people who deserve me.
He wanted to cheat on me – tried to plan it, then backed out, and the girl sent me all the sc of sexts and plans. I was young and dumb, so I stayed and believed his excuses of it just boiling down to “sexual incompatibility” (i.e. me not having a very high libido after starting bc).
I mourned the relationship I thought I had with him, and went against all my morals and boundaries and stayed because I truly loved him and tbh maybe moreso ‘trauma bonded’.
Aaaand then he made a new FB to message his ex, which I also found out about.
We had a break since he obviously wanted to see other people. So, we both saw other people while also still seeing each other, which made me go crazy. I’d go through his phone constantly when I went over, would sign in to his accounts on my phone and sabotage hook ups with other girls, just all around very toxic.
We ended up getting back together, and I gave him my complete trust – didn’t go through his phone, no location sharing, etc. I thought if I didnt trust him, what’s the point in staying?
I really thought we had beaten the odds and worked through the hard times, and that cheaters CAN change.
He ended up breaking up with me again a year and a half later 🤷♀️
all of my previous partners cheated on me and I forgave every single one of them at least once, they all cheated again some just got sneakier about it. I’ve learned my lesson, I will no longer be forgiving
A brutal and immediate breakup is the best medicine for cheaters imo, maybe they’ll be better in their next relationship. If you forgive them, they’ll do it again
I stayed with mine, he admitted to it and everything. Our relationship was mostly good I really loved him, but honestly I just couldn’t marry him. I stayed another 3 years and the last couple were great. I could just tell that’s where it was heading, I didn’t want to marry someone I couldn’t fully trust.
Also, I don’t think he went outside our relationship but that man leered so much it made my blood boil. I know several contradicting statements. But I was young, and in love 🤷🏼♀️ Still I hope he finds whatever he’s looking for.
He admitted cheating. Cheating was completely out of character for him, and I knew how much he loved me (yes – I am aware how it sounds but good people do shitty things sometimes), so we ended up working through it and getting to a good place again. I wasn’t worried about it happening again.
We stayed together for 2 more years, but eventually ended it because our lives started going different directions due to careers, etc. We have both moved on since, but still see each other out and keep in touch.
It was like a constant stain on the relationship that no matter how much soul searching and therapy I did wouldn’t ever fully disappear. I would keep my emotions in such a lockdown during any arguments after since I was doing my best to forgive them. Turns out they were still an asshole years later and we split after a long drawn out marriage. Wasted a lot of my life on them tbh.
Divorced. Deleted, blocked, erased from my life as much as possible. Haven’t spoken to him in years, except for when the nth bank calls cos he’s gone awol on them after defaulting on loans/credit cards and left my details as nominee.
I have a TPO 🫠 if you cannot trust a man to respect the most basic principle of being in a relationship (to not sleep w/ other ppl), just assume that there’s not much else you CAN trust him with, including your safety
I forgave twice. Both went on to be incredibly selfish, shitty partners, and continued cheating. I will never forgive cheating again. There is just no world where I find it worth it.
I’m happily divorced because, suprise, he never stopped cheating.
It got worse, and worse, until I gave up
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My cousin did go back to him, they had kids. It came out after another 7 years he was cheating again. It seemed like he did a lot, it came out about lots of times she didn’t know about. She eventually got to move on to someone who loved her and he could not keep a relationship going.
When they got back together it was awful because she brought it up regularly because she had no catharsis. It was so uncomfortable. I don’t believe anyone was happy for a lot of the time. She just didn’t want to be a single parent until she realised it’s better if the parents are separate and happy then together and miserable. 14 years and twice he was caught but afterwards it was closer to five or more. First time when she was pregnant in the honeymoon phase. So sad.
Over.
He continued cheating, more secretive than before. Divorce at last after ten years since the first cheated year.
The relationship is great now! With my new boyfriend.
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We’ve been together for 21 years, 2 awesome kids, great careers, pretty much crushing life. I noticed a few years back that he was drinking more, but it fit in with his work culture and he would excuse it away when I asked. Mostly binge drinking stuff.
Almost two years ago he went to a work conference. On the last night there was free alcohol and everyone was getting wasted. He had a one night stand with a random woman from a other city, didn’t even remember her name.
He told me immediately. He was a shell of a human. It gutted me, and we already had therapists so we jumped into marriage and individual counseling immediately. He hasn’t had a drop to drink since, we talked about it to death, he listened when I was mad or sad or just needed to talk. We talked and talked and talked. It was brutal and I was pissed at the extra work he gave me to do, all the shit I had to process.
Now everything is on my terms. No drinking, no going out unless I OK it, and not in like a ‘my wife has to OK it’ way but in a ‘I fucked up and I will never do anything to hurt you again’ way.
He’s still my best friend, although if you had asked me a year ago when it was more fresh I might have had a different answer. We’ve always been best friends and our marriage was truly picture perfect, and I wasn’t ready to throw that away because he was an idiot one night.
I do feel like I have more walls up (before there were zero) and it still breaks my heart that it happened. Like my fairytale will never truly be a fairytale, there will always be a stain. Which sucks. But day to day we are getting there.
The first time, we broke up for a very short time. We got back together and everything was great for 2ish years. Then I got the feeling he was cheating again. I didn’t have the proof and he kept denying. Eventually I found the proof and ended it.
I found someone much better and we’ve been married for a little over a year now, so it’s worked out fantastic for me. Last I heard he was engaged now. For his fiancées sake, I hope she knows what’s she’s signed up for.
Literally notice the trend of women trying to stay and then it not working. You’re NOT an exception, they’ve disrespected you to the highest level by cheating do NOT stay. Someone will love you correctly, and by cheating they already showed you it’s not going to be them.
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Over lmao
I stayed with my first boyfriend for a year after finding out he cheated. It just turned me into a crazy person always worried about what he was up to, and he did not change. 0/10 do not recommend
Stayed together 5 more years and he cheated 4 more times. They always will.
He did it again! They ALWAYS do it again, and if they don’t, they would if given the opportunity to again.
Which makes me wonder how many men would cheat if they could.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
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It haunts your every day and colors your opinions of them and their actions in everything they do. Constantly looking for all of the lies and things you missed last time and every time the slightest thing happens that reminds you of that time you spiral and your trust issues and insecurities flare. I wish I hadn’t stayed but I was too ashamed at the time.
Mine cheated and at least for today we are still together 4 years later . I do not worry about him cheating nor does he give me the impression that hes doing anything shady . But there was a big diffrence he joined AA of his own accord after and since then hes been completely sober and hes very much changed . It took me a very long time to trust and forgive him but we are best friends now .
Who knows He may still cheat on me on the future time will tell . But for today were happy.
over lol
Things actually got better for us, weirdly enough.
I only stayed until he put his hand on my throat during an argument. He didn’t squeeze but the mere act alone…I planned and saved until could leave. Before that, he wanted to DARVO me after he had been posting his peepee on Craigslist to get serviced in the backseat of a car from another guy while I was doing 16-17 hour days between school, externship, and full time work. I didn’t care that he was bi. I was pissed he tried to find something to pin on me so he didn’t have to be the reason why we broke up. HIS GUILTY CONSCIENCE. Not like he wanted me other than to be his mommy and cook and clean for him. He thought if we didn’t have an abortion that I would have stayed with him. The sheer nerve to admit that you wanted to trap me. The only reason I said no to kids(having and raising) is because I need to undo the damage my mother did to me. No child deserved it. I didn’t. I wont risk passing on that trauma. I want a quality of life for my child and myself. If the father is present and involved without it being a power struggle, thats great. But when it comes to being a parent, I need to prepare to risk doing it solo. That’s worse case scenario and it needs to be planned for so worst case scenario is just dealing with lack of secondary parental figure. I want my kids to grow up to be emotionally mature and untraumatized. That begins with who the father is and how he treats me. Doesn’t matter who I still have feelings for. If he won’t communicate, acts exasperated when I’m crying upset, and can’t stay faithful…I’ll just stay single. I can love on myself better than any one I’ve been with. Half assed gifts were worse than no gift or even a late gift. Yeesh my mom really conditioned me to accept the bare minimum and feast on crumbs.
Happily married for 7yrs now. For me, giving him a 2nd chance was worth it.
I’ve stayed for 4 more horrible years until he cheated again with a girl from work. He left me for her, and now she is squeezing one promotion after another out of that idiot.
I’m now in a healthy and loving relationship with a wonderful man, and my ex was always the first one to watch my WhatsApp status whenever I uploaded some vacation pictures with my new boyfriend, until I blocked him there and everywhere else.
Happily divorced after three years of trying (one-sidedly), only for him to try to cheat again.
Every time he was caught cheating or omitting the truth about cheating I penalize him $200
Did not cheat physically, at least not yet. Caught his messages twice. At first time, I was naive, young and madly madly in love and deeply devoted. I forgave, he blocked that girl.
Another one I caught after we got married and had kids. I did not have his passcode, he gave the phone to me as MIL wanted to talk. What’sapp was open and there was this chat with this intern at his workplace. I was merely 7 months postpartum and to say that i was devastated would be an understatement. That was closest that I have come to fainting. When confronted, he blamed it on me and that i checked his phone. I should have. I stayed, it is pathetic. I do not trust him now, he has also lost all the respect I had for him. I cannot leave as of now, with 2 boys and no financial independence. I am trying to though.
I should have left at the first instance.
Bad
I stayed for two years. I resented him the whole time. It was a shit show. I don’t have proof he cheated again but I know he did in my heart. Thank Christ I ended it. Should have ended it immediately.
It’s complex and mature.
He told me a couple of years ago that he has some residual guilt. If I do have any enduring distrust, I’m not aware of it. But it was 22 years ago. I’ve had a lot of time to heal.
Stayed and forgave repeatedly…only to be asked for a divorce so he could marry another woman.
We broke up for several months. Got back together, did therapy, had a lot of hard talks. 5 years later we added a child to our family and are getting married next year. I know he’s obviously capable but I’m choosing to forgive so therefore have to let him prove himself.
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Divorced and I stayed for way too long
I move out in 3 weeks. It took me another 4 years to break but the little lies never stopped so the trust was never able to rebuild
I stayed. I don’t know if he cheated again, about 10 years together after the fact. But trust never came back and he wasn’t willing to do the work without me begging him. I lied to myself that I trusted him in that I never really thought about it anymore, but my attraction to him and intimacy took a big hit that never fully recovered.
He wanted to talk about it once and if I brought it up again he’d make me feel like a burden despite him doing absolutely nothing to fix it. He just locked his shit down further and if I snooped because he wasn’t giving total transparency, then I was the crazy one.
My self esteem, self validation and feeling valued in the relationship all nose dived.
Anyways, I ended up cheating in the end when I had completely checked out of the relationship right before I left, and we’re now divorced.
I did in the past and it was awful. I would never stay again.
Stayed for two years (he full on physically & mentally abused me) & it was a nightmare wondering where he was all the time and why I wasn’t good enough for him & he needed to seek sex with others. Lies and more lies for two years and that coupled with the abuse seriously messed me up. If you’re with a cheater, just leave. I waited too long.
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He cheated again a year later.. we broke up. It was a long year of pain and him not stepping up to the plate to reconcile / repair after his actions. Despite all his loving words and empty promises. He was addicted to porn and weed, both which made his decisions a lot easier for him to do I think. It’s not worth it to stay with men (boys) who lack respect for themselves and for you.
So it’s a long story, but the only relationship I was in was with my high-school sweetheart. He cheated. I forgive him …. but I realized that he cheated a lot . Every time I was going to break up with him, he begged me not to. We were together for 13 years, but maybe after 7, we should have completely broken up… he became very aggressive and had very low negative points of view about women . He drank and was still hooking up. we got to the point where i was just living there
… he cheated multiple times, tried breaking up with him, but every time he begged and said he wouldn’t know what his life would be without me …. he realized I was actually done with him … went to a friend’s house his friend realized he was carrying a custom cup of us he said I really fucked up I washed 13 years away ….and he shot himself nobody found him until a day after .
Maybe he was just struggling with everything
I want forget if im ever in a relationship again this isn’t something im allowing again if they can’t respect me im not going to be on your side either … because I don’t want to lose myself again …. it was kinda pathetic in a way because I was going to where he did it 4 weeks after and was talking to him and still cared about him but he left me with so many questions unanswered and of course ….Facebook… all the girls he cheated on me with was coming out ….and I ended up telling is family I can’t be apart of this …. he never had a problem hurting me …. im done .
Even though he cheated he became abusive too I just don’t want to ever get into this type of situation ever again
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Well. It’s been over for more than 20 years, but, after 8 months apart, in the two years we were reconciled he cheated with two acquaintances, a stripper, and finally a teenage girl.
Split up after 14 years of marriage, when youngest kid (mine) was in high school. He came back, things were different. I tried to change and be happy doing all the things he now wanted to do like going out with friends every Friday and Saturday (his friend group that I didn’t really know or have anything in common with), going to sporting events I had no interest in, etc. I thought of it as a compromise and tried to enjoy, tried to keep him happy because I thought it was just a phase we were working through. Lasted 3 years, then he cheated with someone in that friend group and left me for her. At first I was very upset, but after a while I realized it was the best thing that could have happened. I spent 3 years losing myself to try to keep him happy.
Divorced. The relationship is never the same. If you stay with a cheater the first time, they know they can keep cheating.
My bf, who I broke up with, and I am with casually dating, also cheated. He admitted to using Tinder and other apps while we were official. I broke up with him immediately, he wanted to get back together and when I found out he still didn’t wanna break up. He said he did it bc he wanted to make me jealous, and it bothers him. I have guy friends. I saw messages between him and his guy friend speaking of his also. Besides the cheating, he’s good to me, proper dates, polite, in love w me, and takes shopping, opens car door and provides.
What do u guys think is it worth giving him another shot. I don’t wanna be placeholder or worry he’d rather be with some white girl and is settling. Also tbh the ex before him while he doesnt want me I’m still not over him and in love with him. I can’t control how I feel and idk how to forget him and idk if I’m pushing this guy bc he cheated or bc of him.
Over!
If someone cheats on you, they have proved they don’t respect you. They’re prepared to hide information from you in order to get the outcome they want. It will be reflected in the rest of their behaviour and the relationship is doomed anyway.
Long over. Both me and my sister has had the same.
For me it was my then boyfriend, I was early 20s. At first I stayed and blamed myself, I had a really bad self confidence at the time, and was also SA’d by him. He continually cheated and told me off for not just accepting my situation, eventually after 2yrs (3total), I manged to leave and good fucking riddance.
My sister, her then serious bf cheated, when she found out he apologised in his knees and swore it would never happen again. They got married, and years later (4? 5?) when they had to live apart cos of jobs, he cheated again. This time she left him and didn’t accept his grovelling.
Unfortunately, most of the time, even if they are actually sorry for doing what they did, it’s very possible for it to happen again if the opportunity arises. It’s the mentality/triggee/weakness/temptation (whatever the trigger was) that allowed them to do it the first time, that will allow them to do it again.
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10/10 the best relationship I’ve ever had. Deeper love and trust.
I found graphic photographic evidence of my husbands sexting affair with his ex as I was sitting at my dying grandfathers bedside (he passed about 10 minutes after I found the pics). I stayed as I was too consumed with grief to do anything else; in the 12 months prior, my dad died suddenly, my husband was fired, we moved states to support my mom and grandfather, I lost my job due to company downsizing and my grandfather fell and passed about 6 weeks later. I wish I had left and I beat myself up at times still but I can objectively see that I was doing the best I could at the time. We have since divorced. My advice to anyone going through infidelity is to leave.
Better, probably because the power dynamic has shifted. When I found out, I threw him out before he had time to think. I didn’t act shattered or cry, I was too angry. I got the “I’m sorry….Where will I go? The kids….” etc 🙄. I said he should have thought of all that beforehand & ghosted him for nearly a year. When I was agreeable to it, he had to court me all over again. I realised how I am the heartbeat of the family & how strong & independent I am. I was FINE without him. My decision to reconcile came with boundaries which he’s stuck to. The main reason why I took him back was because he’s essentially a very good man. He did an idiotic thing which could have cost him everything. He’s bloody lucky I forgave him & knows it.
Each and every one is over, but not before I got hurt again. The best thing to do is walk away.
Any lesbians have any feedback on partner infidelity?
About 4 months into our marriage I found that my husband was sending naked pics and texts to a guy from his past. He cried when I confronted him, said he was drunk, promised never to do it again, etc… I forgave him and stayed with him. It’s now several years later and I found more texts, messages, pictures on his phone. I filed for divorce and am enjoying the peace of mind I’ve always wanted.
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I stayed while I worked on an exit plan, and he continued to cheat and didn’t think I knew. I pretended everything was fine for a year and then one day he came home to an empty house. Now my divorce is finally almost finalized and I couldn’t be happier.
I tried because I love him and I felt he still loved me. He cheated twice and then almost a 3rd. I left and never looked back. Sadly, I still love him but I would never put myself through that again. Even if I’m alone for the rest of my life. I rather love him from afar.
I stayed for several years because of the kids, making an exit plan and finding a new job/City. It was awful. We were separated while living together. Finally found the best option to move on, kids were old enough to go to college too, and divorced . It was one of the most stressful times in my life. Now a few years later, we still do business together and he is the first person I would call when in need and vice versa. But other than that life is so much better now.
I stayed on for 12 years after first finding out. Still in the relationship. They have apologised asked for forgiveness and tried their best to fix the relationship. We are considerably happy but every so often during some intense arguments I do get triggered by what has passed. It does come up cos the hurt is buried.
However, still madly in love with each other and I know for a fact they never did it again.
It was an obstacle when it happened bit we overcame it together.
I stayed. He emotional cheated. I was 17 and he was 19ish.
He emotionally cheated again and again. We would go on breaks or break up but always got back. I finally had enough and slept with someone on our break.
He never cheated again and we have been together for 7 years now.
We were young and dumb. It may have been easier to just move on but who’s to say someone else wouldn’t have done the same thing too 🤷🏻♀️
Wgat really fixed our relationship was just maturing and getting sober. We were both addicts for roughly 3 years. He relapsed a few times but he’s now been sober for 2-3 years and is doing amazing. I feel like I’m dating a whole new person with the same quirks I liked him for in the beginning. But just with more respect, kindness, empathy, communication skills and selflessness. And of course. Maturity.
If this is someone u really get along with a love for then stay. If they are willing to work things out. If they aren’t then don’t. Can be the only one trying to
Them begging for you doesn’t guarantee anything. They can do it once and they will do it again.
I stayed so many times and it worsen my anxiety, that “there’s always another girl” I can never escape it. I stayed cause he did “good things” towards me and the hope that oh maybe this time he means it but I always caught him being sneaky. I should have walked away the first time but I didn’t , guess that shows how much self-respect I have for myself :/
So dont be like me. Walk away even if it hurts. People only change if they want to change.
He didn’t stop. There’s always another girl. When I confronted him about the lies, he turned it on me and said I was being delusional. Then he said he couldn’t stand being with someone like me, took my money, wrecked my car and blocked me. Wasted 3 years of my life to find out there were even more people than he admitted to at first.
It’s not worth it, even if he’s a “good” guy… if he did it once, he’ll do it again. Heaven help you if you forgive him, because then he’ll interpret it as “you will always love him no matter what evil he does to you…” he might even praise you for having a heart of gold and “giving him something he doesn’t deserve” but in the end, all his mind recognizes you as is “with her, I have freedom because there is no consequence” and so inevitably, he will do it again. 9 out of 10 times. A man who isn’t scared of consequences is a danger to himself but more importantly, a danger to you.
For anyone who’s with a guy who’s cheated on them. Do yourself a favor —leave. Even if he becomes “better” later, let him become so by enduring the pain of losing you. You can be his cautionary tale but I promise you that the pain of leaving now will be far less than the pain of working so hard to repair a relationship which he will inevitably take another hammer to.
Give more value to your peace of mind, serenity in solitude is far better than misery in companionship.