Basically the title. Was it the cause for breaking up or did you still find the relationship to be worth it? Did it become worse over the years?
Women whose partner prioritized friends over you, how did it go?
r/AskWomen
Basically the title. Was it the cause for breaking up or did you still find the relationship to be worth it? Did it become worse over the years?
Comments
At some point they prioritized everything else and left me!
He wasn’t a “partner”. Just someone I fell for. Made me question everything, triggered my insecurities, caused problems. Things are not the same.
always worst prioritizing men
Prepping to file for divorce and yes it got worse. 11 Years later and he prioritises everything and everyone EXCEPT me. It’s going to cost him but oh well, he did it to himself.
Absolutely terribly. It started with friends which I thought would even out in time, but it was really showing a pattern of behaviour that gradually got worse over time.
After 2.5 years I felt so invaluable. I’d spent so long not feeling seen that I lost my sparkle.
It was not worth it. Would not recommend. Even now I struggle to see the good times which is something I’ve not experienced with anyone else.
This happened once. We talked about it. He apologized, and he found the courage to tell his friends that he had plans with me that day. But I was going to leave him over it. If our plans were really cancelled that day, I was going to be done with him for life. It doesn’t matter how much I liked him and enjoyed spending time with him, it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who treats your time with disrespect and disregard like that.
I don’t give 2nd chances. I give one chance, that’s it. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern. This was his one chance. If it happens again, he will be dead to me.
I don’t even entertain that now. If you want to prioritize your friends, go do that and let your friends prioritize you. Let me find someone who wants to be in a relationship where they prioritize their partner as this matches my relationship values and what I do.
it was a very freeing thing in my life to change my thought process from “you are wrong” to “you are wrong for me.” I look more to my compatibility and values now instead of just my attraction or feelings for someone and my relationship tends to be better overall.
At first I found it upsetting. It was a new dynamic for us and I felt neglected. After a while, I came to enjoy both hanging with the friends together, or having the house to myself when I wasn’t feeling social. I still enjoyed his company and it’s not like he never spent any time with me – although some weeks we were with friends more than not.
It was a bit of a phase. He was really excited to be around these people and found fulfillment in doing hobbies with them. But we moved away and we’re back to spending probably too much time together, lol.
If he was always like this though, I wouldn’t have stayed with him.
I remember telling him about this and we made plans for a date on the weekend. I reminded him a few times about it.
I had a gut instinct but he would not remember and was really hoping I was wrong.
He didn’t see it as a big deal, but I’ve constantly told him that I need him to show up for me. When he bailed he told me I was overreacting.
We broke up because he realised he probably didn’t want to have kids and I know I do. Even though that was the main reason, I was really unhappy in the relationship for months prior. I think you can always ignore the fact that he prioritises friends over you when it’s only one or two times per month, but sometimes the problem is that he just doesn’t prioritise you or the relationship. Eventually it leaves you feeling like you don’t matter.
I’ll let you know lol
I called him on it early on and he changed his behavior. For a while. Then it mushroomed, because he realized what he really loved was a certain friend group sinking into manosphere rhetoric and that was what he wanted for his true life partner. I’m hoping they’re all very happy together.
It was indicative of a bigger problem where I realized he was extremely codependent but instead of codependent with a partner it was with his friends.
We fought many times over it but one fight in particular stands out where he told me “these people are my family they have been in my life for YEARS before you and they will be in my life long after you are gone!”
It was just such a bizarre statement like he was already planning my exit but they were permanent fixtures in his life. Yes it made me look crazy jealous bc I WAS.
One of them refused to move into his girlfriends apartment where he could have lived FOR FREE (she was head over heels and literally offered to cover their living expenses if his salary would go towards saving for a house) bc she lived 40 mins away and that was ‘too far’ from the crew.
I was devastated when we split up but eventually realized he is already in a relationship….with his boys.
We broke up. After many conversations and even some arguments, it became clear that our relationship was falling apart for several reasons. This latest issue just added to the list and reinforced my decision to end things. I could feel the relationship starting to turn toxic, and I knew it was time to walk away
It was lonely and not worth it.
It ended poorly and I stayed too long. When I finally realized that you can’t change people who don’t want to change, I left. After I left I was finally able to reduce my stress, anxiety and regular my nervous system. After that, I realized that I was in love with a version of him (his potential) and not the man he really was. I’m happier, healthier and no longer entertaining peoples potential. Life is too short to waste time on the partners who prioritize everything except you.
He let his best friend convince him that I’m worthless. He broke up with me a month ago because of it. His best friend has never liked any of his girlfriends. The friend never took any time to get to know me. I was never first. His bromance was always first. It made me feel like complete shit.
Terrible. It was one of many reasons a relationship with an ex ended.
They were misogynistic pigs and he went along with everything they said, even if it hurt me. There was a lot of him excusing bad behavior, a lot invalidating my feelings with “stop being so sensitive” if they were “joking around” about something that wasn’t funny or talking about my body or our sex life when I’d expressly asked him not to. There were also a lot of weekends alone because if his friends invited him on a “boys weekend”, then he never told them no, would completely drop off the map, and I was just supposed to deal with it, regardless of any plans we’d made together. (Meanwhile, same dude was incredibly insecure about my friendships and me cheating on him, which never happened, and guilted me out of girls nights with cheating accusations.)
We were together for multiple years and it never got better. There were a lot of reasons I was unhappy and why that relationship ended, but knowing I was always going to be last place to his friends was definitely one of them.
It went. It only took me 7 years and an onset of bad anxiety to realize I was the last item on his list or priorities. I chose me and my babies, left and I’m grateful I did.
He’s my ex now.
It’s not so much him having friends that was an issue b/c we’re all allowed to have them but when you’re in a committed relationship with someone, you gotta consider their feelings also.
My ex did this sometimes. In college we were both stoners, so it was usually him walking over to a friends place to smoke for an hour or two that would turn into many hours. It would bother me if we had plans or said we would spend time together. But otherwise I’m not bothered by this at all. I spend tons of time with my friends every week and think it’s unhealthy to spend too much time with your partner.
A lot of people get in relationships and forget how to be a friend. Like yes, your relationship is important, but that doesn’t mean you go from seeing your friends every weekend to once a quarter.
It was short lived business and he got his walking papers.
I left eagerly.
Friends were 3x a week. Date night became once a month. Somehow he still wanted me to revolve my life around him and didnt want me mirroring him.
It was symptomatic of how he treated everything in our marriage. I never felt he “had my back” and felt really lonely throughout our marriage. It got worse over time, and when one of his friends hit a rough patch. Sadly the prioritisation also applied to our kids.