Women with partners with sex drives lower than yourself; how did/do you work around it?
Women with partners with sex drives lower than yourself; how did/do you work around it?
r/AskWomen
Women with partners with sex drives lower than yourself; how did/do you work around it?
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Came here for answers and got left hanging like I do in bed..
We split. Life is too short.
Oh man, listen.. my answer is really only reflective of my own experience. And I’ll share it, in case it helps someone else to be able to relate to. I have a high libido. Well, higher than my husband. I’d happily have sex every day, and most days would be ecstatic to have it twice a day.
We negotiate. Not as in we schedule or plan, but we’ve spoken about how I have higher needs, and he less. He’d be happy with 1-3 times a week.
So our compromise is 3-5 times a week. I’m quite comfortable with compromise. It’s not a battle, there are no tantrums about it, it is what it is. We’re still individuals who love each other and it just so happens that our sex drives don’t match. But that’s okay, because our marriage isn’t only about sex.
We’ve been married for 13 years and have 2 kids. Sometimes sex drives wane, depending on life phase or circumstances, and that’s okay. It’s an important part of marriage, but not the totality of it.
Focusing on myself in every way, both sexually and just with life overall.
Basically: acting single, while still honouring monogamy with my lower sex drive partner. Feels a lot better, even if itās not a permanent solution for the relationship.
In all honesty, toys lots of toys. Keep yourself entertained on the days they canāt keep up.
You read sexy books and maybe write your own stories and use a toy. Stuff like that. Having kids helps distract.
We split.
I wouldn’t necessarily say his sex drive is lower, he just never initiates sex, and I honestly think he’d prefer his left hand over me. My vibrator is where it’s at.
At first, I thought I could go without. We got along so well, I loved him so much, he treated me like a princess. So I tried to tell myself it wasnāt a big deal. Until I couldnāt anymore. We broke up. The rejection takes a toll on you in the long run. I knew I had to get out when I noticed I would train my brain and my body to not get turned on anymore to avoid the disappointment. It was very hard cause he was everything I loved about a man physically.
It took me almost a year to reconcile with my sexuality after the breakup. It became a non negotiable for me. Now I have a new parter, we have the same sex drive and itās the best.
The relationship ended. There were post of excuses ultimately he was just lusting after other women (friends he was crushing on, porn, onlyfans etc).
I donāt know if he and I would agree on drives and who has more or less – but they are oddly different for how sexually compatible we are.
I used to think being more of this that or the other was what I should do but Iām kind of big energy as is so I mostly just get to the point and ask if he is DTF. š 50/50 chance heāll back out at any point anyway. We do have these āperceivedā days that we usually have sex.
We had a pretty active life for our comfort. I think if you want it multiple times a day and daily thatās unrealistic all the time but also thereās a unicorn for everyone and Iād find it instead of building resentment or being unsatisfied.
HRT
Oops read that the wrong way round š³
Our drives vary.
Sometimes Iām the problem, sometimes him.
HRT has fixed me. I feel human again.
Him- I wake him up with a Bj. Usually perks him up š
Easy, if he isnāt into I can do it myself. If Iām not into it, he can do it himself. We are very intimate and affectionate in our day to day life which I feel helps as well
Masturbate every day til I die š
I left
We broke up ā¦.dead bedrooms are not worth it in this lifetime
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There’s more to sex than just penetration. I’ve come to realize that my libido is very high, but I am much more likely to feel satiated if I am mentally stimulated. Intimacy and seduction bring me in the right headspace. Things like massages, feather-light touches across my body, feeling my partner’s lips and breath against my skin; the kind of things that make my hairs stand and my skin flushed.
Sex is important to me, but not so much that I would be upset if my partner is unable to offer more than he can give. As long as my partner is open and willing to meet me halfway, the intimacy of being present in the moment with my partner is more enjoyable than pure carnal pleasures.
My husbands medications (Zoloft and Finasteride) were making his libido insanely low. He started tapering off of one of them and heās back to wanting it minimum 2-3x a week when it used to be 1-2x a week!
Making sure heās exercising, eating healthy, and not stressed is a lot bigger of a deal than people realize for libido. On top of that, he doesnāt watch porn. Porn is such a huge thing that can subconsciously affect his ability to connect with you.
Open communication, honesty with myself when I wanted sex and a good sex toys. Oh and showering together with 0 expectations of sex.
We talk about our sex drives, how theyre feeling at the moment, I’m honest when I want sex or other intimacy and if I am feeling undesired I just tell him that. I don’t put a lot of emotion into sex because we have intimacy in other ways still like cuddling, showering together, kisses etc.
His is lower than mine but comes in spurs, but he does always find ways to meet my needs when they arise. I return the favour when heās having a āspur.āĀ