I hardly ever post so apologies if it’s not well written and is way too long. I need advice on if I should pay for my half of a dinner date with a guy I won’t be seein again.
I (26f) matched with a guy on a dating app and we decided to go on a coffee date. The coffee date was alright and he was a pleasant guy but I wasn’t sure about the chemistry being there. I was still interested in him so when he asked me on a second date I agreed and we went out again last night. We had a nice time again and good conversation but I still wasn’t sure if the connection was there, as there were a lot of awkward moments through out the night. When he walked me to my car, he tried to kiss me, and I awkward dodged it by going in for a hug while he kissed my cheek. We said our goodbyes and went home.
We talked a little bit over text today and I let him know tonight that, though I enjoyed getting to know him, I wasn’t interested in moving forward. I know I should have told him at the end of the date but I felt really awkward after the attempted kiss and I started feeling sick towards the end of the date, which ended up being a small case of food poisoning from the dinner we had. I didn’t tell him after I got home because, well, the food poisoning. After I told him that I was no longer interested he asked if I could send him my half of the bill as “it was a little expensive and I was kinda hoping things would go somewhere”
My initial reaction is to say no since there is no guarantees in dating, especially on a second date. However I know that dating is expensive for men as they are often expected to pay on dates. Should I pay him back for my half of the bill?
PS. Even though I’m in my mid 20s, I’m new to dating as I was in an 8 year long relationship that recently ended and I didn’t date prior to that person. Any and all advice is needed and welcome.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I hardly ever post so apologies if it’s not well written and is way too long. I need advice on if I should pay for my half of a dinner date with a guy I won’t be seein again.
I (26f) matched with a guy on a dating app and we decided to go on a coffee date. The coffee date was alright and he was a pleasant guy but I wasn’t sure about the chemistry being there. I was still interested in him so when he asked me on a second date I agreed and we went out again last night. We had a nice time again and good conversation but I still wasn’t sure if the connection was there, as there were a lot of awkward moments through out the night. When he walked me to my car, he tried to kiss me, and I awkward dodged it by going in for a hug while he kissed my cheek. We said our goodbyes and went home.
We talked a little bit over text today and I let him know tonight that, though I enjoyed getting to know him, I wasn’t interested in moving forward. I know I should have told him at the end of the date but I felt really awkward after the attempted kiss and I started feeling sick towards the end of the date, which ended up being a small case of food poisoning from the dinner we had. I didn’t tell him after I got home because, well, the food poisoning. After I told him that I was no longer interested he asked if I could send him my half of the bill as “it was a little expensive and I was kinda hoping things would go somewhere”
My initial reaction is to say no since there is no guarantees in dating, especially on a second date. However I know that dating is expensive for men as they are often expected to pay on dates. Should I pay him back for my half of the bill?
PS. Even though I’m in my mid 20s, I’m new to dating as I was in an 8 year long relationship that recently ended and I didn’t date prior to that person. Any and all advice is needed and welcome.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Im gonna get the popcorn and watch the comments on this one !
I have competing thoughts…
1: the person who asks pays.
2: you probably should have clarified you werent sure, in all reality you knew you werent interested..
3: If youre a modern women and believe in equality at all levels then sling him the cash for your half/half.
I dislike anyone whose opinion is always based if they get the best out of it, thats not value based, well it is do i get the most value? then I value that…
But you already knew before the 2nd date ended that you weren’t interested in him. Why didn’t you just split it then? I’m a woman and back in my early dating stages, I always split the bill unless the men insisted otherwise. Economy’s tough lol give that poor man the money he spent. If he knew you wanted a more platonic relationship, i highly doubt he would’ve paid your half.
Personally, I would have paid for my own dinner if I knew before the date that we really didn’t have chemistry. That’s how I’ve operated in the past, at least.
If I want it to go somewhere romantically/sexually, I’ll let someone pay for the date. But if I’d already met them for coffee and was “meh” about them, I would feel rude letting them spend money on me.
Ugh and here we think men are the root cause of everything evil…thank you for this precious example of why I hate my gender nowadays.
No, you shouldn’t. Where I come from, if you gift someone, it’s incredibly disrespectful to ask for the gift back. You’re not a prostitute. It’s not ok for him to say “I paid for you to either date me or have sex with me. If you’re not giving me what I want give me my money back”. You dodged a bullet there. He wants to be seen as a gentleman, but that’s only while he’s getting what he wants.
Why wouldn’t you always pay your half?
I would send half. It shows you are genuine and not just out for free dinner.
That said prefer to pay my own way regardless.
Two things here.
First. He offered to pay, you accepted, so he pays. Getting something from the date is irrelevant. Thinking otherwise is bratty entitlement.
Second, if you were unsure about him, then you should have paid your half. You used him for a free meal knowing you’d probably never see him again.
Sounds like you both got lucky this has fallen through.
I think you should pay your half. He’s right; he hoped it would go somewhere and it isn’t going to. That’s no one’s fault, but you should pay for your dinner.
If it was me, I would have offered to pay for my half during the date.
However, it does sound like he’s only asking for half because you don’t wanna sleep with him
Since it’s after the second date and assuming he paid both times, yes I would pay him half for the second (assuming he’s referring to just that one date and not asking you to pay your half on both).
I don’t know if it would be as rude after a first date to not pay your half if things end badly, but in this case I can see why after two dates he’d be asking you this.
NTA I would probably have offered to pay for half the dinner upfront. However, him asking you to pay only after you’re not going to put out makes it seem like he’s treating you as a sex worker who didn’t hold up her end of the deal. And that’s not what happened here. You don’t have to provide him with a refund because you didn’t provide him with sex.