Hello! I’m sorry in advance this is a long post.
I do understand that the title sounds harsh. But I (22F) and my fiancé (M24) got asked to be in our friend’s wedding of December this year. I was more than happy to accept, until she started laying all of the costs on us.
My fiancé and I are planning on getting married in the early summer next year (2026) and are set to buy a house from a friend in late summer/early fall of this year (2025). So we are trying to save every penny that we possibly can to make our dreams come true.
The first issue was when she wanted to go to a fancy resort 3 hours away for a week for her bachelor/bachelorette party. It would roughly cost each person (separately, not joint) around 700$ for the entire week we are staying there. That doesn’t include activities, food, or literally anything else.
The second issue was her bridal shower. She sent us each dresses that she would like us to purchase to wear to the event. The dress was $80. The bridal shower will be at a bar and we aren’t allowed to bring carry ins so in total, this event alone would probably come out to be $100-$110 including the dress.
My third issue that she’s expecting extravagant gifts from said event. In my opinion I always thought that the extravagant gifts were something that you give to both the bride and groom on their special day, but I could be mistaken on that.
The fourth issue was the groomsmen suits. She wanted us to go to the most expensive place in our town and rent a suit for $700 to wear for one night. Thankfully we did talk her out of this and only had to spend $400 at a cheaper place that all of them could afford.
I’ve tried telling her that I don’t have the extra money to be spending right now. Between the down payment for our house and planning for our own wedding which will only be about 6 months after hers. I don’t have a problem with spending the money for my bridesmaid dress and a hotel for the night of her wedding. But it’s the extra costs that I can’t handle. Is this normal for a wedding? For a couple to be expected to spend almost $2000 on another persons big day?
I truly do want to be there and support her on her special day but my finances aren’t the same as hers. My fiance and I are on the same page that this is not something we will be expecting from our bridal party. So would I be the asshole?
EDIT: she’s not a super close personal friend of mine. I met her through my fiancé as her groom is one of his good friends. We hang out as a group a couple times a month. But never one on one. I consider her more of a friend by association.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hello! I’m sorry in advance this is a long post.
I do understand that the title sounds harsh. But I (22F) and my fiancé (M24) got asked to be in our friend’s wedding of December this year. I was more than happy to accept, until she started laying all of the costs on us.
My fiancé and I are planning on getting married in the early summer next year (2026) and are set to buy a house from a friend in late summer/early fall of this year (2025). So we are trying to save every penny that we possibly can to make our dreams come true.
The first issue was when she wanted to go to a fancy resort 3 hours away for a week for her bachelor/bachelorette party. It would roughly cost each person (separately, not joint) around 700$ for the entire week we are staying there. That doesn’t include activities, food, or literally anything else.
The second issue was her bridal shower. She sent us each dresses that she would like us to purchase to wear to the event. The dress was $80. The bridal shower will be at a bar and we aren’t allowed to bring carry ins so in total, this event alone would probably come out to be $100-$110 including the dress.
My third issue that she’s expecting extravagant gifts from said event. In my opinion I always thought that the extravagant gifts were something that you give to both the bride and groom on their special day, but I could be mistaken on that.
The fourth issue was the groomsmen suits. She wanted us to go to the most expensive place in our town and rent a suit for $700 to wear for one night. Thankfully we did talk her out of this and only had to spend $400 at a cheaper place that all of them could afford.
I’ve tried telling her that I don’t have the extra money to be spending right now. Between the down payment for our house and planning for our own wedding which will only be about 6 months after hers. I don’t have a problem with spending the money for my bridesmaid dress and a hotel for the night of her wedding. But it’s the extra costs that I can’t handle. Is this normal for a wedding? For a couple to be expected to spend almost $2000 on another persons big day?
I truly do want to be there and support her on her special day but my finances aren’t the same as hers. So would I be the asshole?
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NTA. It’s ridiculous she’s expecting others to spend that much and in THIS economy right now. Your life is the priority, not hers. If you still want to attend the bachelorette party then go for a day or two, something you can afford, if you want to. But at this point, her demands would turn me off from attending or being a part of it at all. She seems very selfish.
Tell her it will be too expensive for you with your own wedding coming up and you can’t be a bridesmaid. Don’t tell her to shut up about her wedding or that she’s not at the top of your financial list. Go as a guest and give her a nice gift
I don’t think you would be the asshole for saying you can’t afford what she’s asking of you but I do think you’d be an asshole to tell her to shut up about her wedding that she’s excited about. I know it’s uncomfortable to talk finances but I think any reasonable person would understand that it’s too much especially with your own wedding coming up/buying a house. If she doesn’t then I would tell her plainly and honestly that you can’t be apart of her wedding. Costs vary from person to person when it comes to weddings and if she wants it, it’s her big day and you shouldn’t make your problem her problem.
Stay in the wedding. Tell her you can’t afford the bachelorette so you won’t be going, First, she shouldn’t be hosting the shower herself. That’s a gift grab. Tell her you don’t see the need for look-alike dresses for the shower and you can’t afford them. Buy gifts without your budget. If she balks at that, she can ask you to leave the bridal party, which you will graciously go along with.
And of course, you won’t make these ridiculous demands on a wedding party.
She’s absolutely behaving ridiculous and completely without consideration to the expense that people in her bridal party will be out of pocket, that’s selfish beyond belief.
A weeklong bachelor/bachelorette party is insane. These things have gotten completely out of control. It used to be just a night out. Then it became a long weekend and now it’s a week? Absolutely not beyond the time it takes you off work vacations are expensive and you’re already out money for your dress and his suit and everything else.
Start telling her what you will and will not do. And start by canceling on the weeklong bachelor bachelorette trip. If you want to go for two or three days fine otherwise skip it. I would’ve already told her that the $400 suit rental was too much and it would be better if he just stepped out of the bridal party. The fact that you’re both in it says it’s over the top.
As for the gift, your gift is the fact that you’re spending money to attend her wedding, the flights the dresses, etc. We told our bridal party we expected no presence from them that we knew that they were going out of their way to help us and their gift of coming to the wedding, getting the dresses, and a one night bachelor bachelorette party, was more than enough.
This woman has the audacity to ask for a lot more than that from you and at the same time still wants an extravagant gift?? The greed is nauseating.
Just because she’s being a bridezilla that doesn’t mean you need to accommodate her demands
Expecting you to wear a certain dress to the bridal shower? Are you freaking kidding me??
I recommend only going to events that you can and that make financial sense for you. The week long bachelorette sounds unreasonable in terms of cost so maybe skip that and just do the bridal shower?
Although generally if I’m in a wedding party I don’t give a wedding gift – it’s insanely expensive to be in a wedding party, especially if you’re on the bride’s side. When my best friend got married, I was a bridesmaid and all in every bridesmaid spent about $5k between all the different events we had to go to. There was no way I was giving an additional gift on top of that.
I say do what you can to support your friend but don’t put yourself out over it – if she’s a true friend she’ll understand that you have priorities/limitations
Your friend seems hideously entitled. Don’t tell her to shut up, but do have an honest conversation with her. And if you need to back out of being in the wedding party, do it now.
Also, congrats on your upcoming home purchase and nuptials!
Blimey that’s ludicrous! I really don’t understand these entitled brides that think their wedding is the be all and end all. A marriage is soooo much more than party’s, dresses and aesthetics. I totally get having a wonderful day but that’s all it is, ONE DAY and it’s over in a flash. NTA at all IMO. Bridey is being unreasonable.
Christ, no. Weddings these days seem to be exhausting to me. What’s all this conspicuous consumption for? OH and I got married donkey’s years ago and I think spent £1500 including my dress, his suit, dinner for 32 and a case of Veuve Clicquot. Some friends took pics and we used our own cars. Scaled up at today’s prices this would be more like £6K. We didn’t ask anyone to wear anything special and I didn’t have a hen party or expect personal gifts. Crazy how entitled people are.
What an absolutely tremendous waste of money and set of ridiculous expectations
YWBTA. She can have any wedding she wants and if you said any of that to her, you would be a shitty friend. How would you like it if your friend tried to make you feel bad about your wedding? The right way to handle this is to take her out for a drink and explain that you cannot be in the wedding due to finances, that you will still come to the wedding as a guest of course, and are very excited for her. Then sit back and let her go on all night about her wedding because that’s what we do for our friends.
NTA Tell the bride to be that you’ll do better at her next wedding
The simple approach:
A text.
“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to drop out of the wedding party and all of the festivities.”
Hit send.
If she texts back demanding to know why, just reply:
“After much thought and careful consideration, participating just isn’t in my budget. Thank you for asking me, but I must bow out. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time with the other ladies.”
Hit send.
*It’s classy, apologetic and you have a written trail now of anything derogatory she may spew after that in case she lies about your exit from the lineup.
No . You are not being unreasonable but your friend definitely is. I don’t understand why people getting married think it’s acceptable to ask friends to spend thousands of dollars. It’s very selfish of them.
We went to a comedy club for my bridal shower and my husband went to a Cubs game!
Nta. Just say no.
You can attend her wedding and support her without acquiescing to the expensive stuff. Be a guest not a member of the party. A specific dress for a shower? That sounds ridiculous to me.
I’d back out and use your own wedding as an excuse. Attend as a guest, skip the bachelorette party, and use this experience to be the more considerate bride to your own wedding party.
nta this is serious overkill.
NTA. She’s can expect all the extravagant gifts she wants, that doesn’t mean she’ll get them. Do NOT feel obligated to overspend just because she’s entitled. She’s set herself up to be disappointed by having ridiculous expectations.
Prioritize your savings and goals. Opt out of things that you can’t do financially and set solid boundaries with her financially.
PLEASE, step back now! There’s no need to dig yourselves into a financial pit to keep the bride happy.
YWNBTA if you explained that you are not able to afford your friend’s (is she?) demands for an Instagram-worthy bachelorette-shower-rehearsal-wedding-gift grab. I understand that you and your fiancé agreed to participate but you are under no obligation to put your own life dreams aside for someone who seems to be focused on what she can get out her friends for her special event.
“I’m so sorry to tell you that with buying a home and our own wedding coming up, fiancé and I are not going to be able to participate in your wedding. Of course we’ll be there to celebrate with you and FirstHusband as guests.” If you are brave you can offer to help with some other small part of the wedding but expect to be asked to shell out money for something. I wouldn’t offer.
(Are you sure this is a friend? One – who wants to use a week’s worth of vacation time to slavishly prop up, and pay for, someone going through an event that has a 50% chance of being repeated? I don’t get these brides demanding to be feted at a luxury resort for an entire week. Two – the bridal shower is usually thrown by a family member of the bride. The bride isn’t involved in demanding a dress code or specifying the gifts that are given. Three – again, a gift is something that is chosen by the gifter, not specified by the giftee unless there is an explicit agreement beforehand and all parties are willing, as in a group of people chipping in to buy a high cost item.)
Nta for not wanting to spend the money. You can’t afford it plain and simple.
Ywbtah for telling her to shut up about it. Sounds like (since you’ve been asked to be in the weeding) you guys are close and this is a big event in your friends life happening in just a few short months. It’s normal for it to be at the top of her mind.
Go to the bachelorette party for 2 days. A week is crazy.
$400 to rent a suit? You can buy a very nice suit for $400. Certainly for $700.
Bridal shower- spend $50.
Wedding gift- spend $100.
Wedding customs in the US are ridiculous.
I’ve tried telling her that I don’t have the extra money to be spending right now. Between the down payment for our house and planning for our own wedding which will only be about 6 months after hers.
That should be enough. No need to make a scene or get angry. You told her the facts. I would just tell her where your limit is-dress, one night hotel PERIOD. ‘That’s what I’m able to do. I understand if you feel that is not acceptable in which case please feel free to replace me in the wedding party’. If she gets mad at a simple explanation like that, I would be questioning her motives and the value of your friendship. A friend would say ‘Oh okay. I’ll keep you posted about what I decide’. A control freak will gaslight you and say ‘I can’t believe you are so cheap that you won’t support me on my special day’. See the difference. One shows she values YOU. The other shows she values HERSELF. No need for anyone to be an AH. It’s simple economics. I just had a friend attend a destination wedding. It cost them $3500 for the trip and the kicker is the request on the RSVP. ‘We will be happy to accept as your gift of $300 to help offset the cost of the wedding’ so altogether we’re talking $3800. It was a U.S. wedding so the Canadian funds converted to American is over $5000 plus other expenses along the way.
Just tell her you can’t afford it. You’d be happy to attend the wedding as a guest. Explain you have upcoming events that don’t allow your commitment.
That’s a house payment!!
Your “friend” sucks.
A special dress for the bridal shower FFS??? That’s a new one. And a hard pass all round. 🤣 NTA
Eh… the weddings I’ve been in as a participant, I received a gift and wasn’t expected to give one. This was the case every time. Is this not customary?
Anyways, it’s ok to say no. Be nice about it though.
Having a week-long bachelorette is unreasonable. The cost aside, asking people to take a week off their regular lives is just not possible for most people. Even if money or vacation time isn’t an object (rare), other obligations can be.
Stipulating a particular dress for the bridal shower is also insane. The bride can dictate what the bridal party wears on the day of the wedding. Not for anything else. (Not to mention, at least traditionally, the bride isn’t the one who hosts the bridal shower.)
Asking anybody to drop $2k+ and an entire week of vacation time on a wedding is unreasonable to expect.
Tell her that you will buy the dress and be there on the wedding day, but you simply don’t have the finances to do any of the rest of it. If she wants you to back out of the wedding party as a result, then you are happy to attend as a guest.
Ball’s in her court at that point; she can let you know what she wants based on your stated willingness/availability. I do see that you mention that other bridal party members have dropped out—I’m not surprised. People are starting to push back against all of these bridal party expenses, and it’s more than about time.
Also tell her you aren’t using your PTO for a weeklong party.
You should step down and the 2 of you just be guests.
NTA. Honestly I would bow out of the wedding, and not look back.
NTA. A week for a bachelorette? Somebody’s going to get murdered if you are together that long. At this point, I would dip out.
NTA
Tell her that you’d still love to be part of her special day but sadly you’ll have to step back from the responsibility of bridesmaid.
Explain that with your future wedding and new home purchase happening within 12 months you and your future husband financially you’re not in a position to afford all her extras.
If she decides to talk crap about you behind your back then it’ll show she’s not as good a friend as you thought she was.
She is requiring a specific dress for the shower? That’s ridiculous. Wear something you already have. And the person giving the gift chooses how much to spend. Not the recipient. Most reasonable brides don’t expect gifts from their BMs. If you choose to give a gift,pick something off her registry that you can afford. Or perhaps you and another guest buy something together.
Yes, YWBTA for saying that.
Put on your adult hat and tell this other adult that you are unable to meet the unreasonable demands of being in her bridal party. That’s it. That’s all the necessary conversation.
If she then turns around and speaks poorly of you to others, that’s on her. She’s showing you that your friendship is less important to her than coordinated shower outfits and bachelorette vacations. Believe her, and stop GAF what she thinks of or has to say about you.
Do you want to keep this friend? If you do, I wouldn’t suggest telling her to shut up because shes not your financial priority. If you don’t, then by all means go ahead.
I’d just tell her that when you agreed to be in her wedding you did not anticipate the costs of everything that is expected and unfortunately now that you know them you just can’t afford it and need to step down. If she truly wants you there, she’ll find a way to pay for it herself or make something else work. Otherwise a good friend would say “I’m disappointed that you won’t be there for my bridesmaids activities, but it would still mean a lot if you came and supported me on my wedding day.”
Your friend is NTA for having a certain vision for her wedding day, but she is TA for expecting people to pay for everything to make her vision come true and then shit talking those that step down because they can’t afford it. If she truly wants it to look a certain way then she needs to pay for it and if she can’t afford it then she can’t get pissy if others can’t afford it either.
Nta. The fact she’s expecting her wedding party to throw her a weeks long bachelorette party, at their expense, is absurd. I get they should cover the bp expense but that’s usually a party for one day- not a week’s long event at some fancy resort. That’s insane. Some ppl tend to go so overboard- it’s ridiculous
NTA. I’ve never heard of having to wear special dresses for a bridal shower. If I were you & your BF, I’d bow out of being in the wedding party and either attend as guests only or not attend at all.
And if you do invest in a wedding gift, only go in for one for the actual wedding which benefits both bride & groom.
And as for the bachelorette party? Nope. Don’t go. And for a bridal shower, gifts are usually cute little items for the bride to have for the honeymoon, like a frilly negligee, some perfume, gag gifts.
I said it before I say it again today these brides and grooms are just getting cleared away back in the day when my cousin got married I was in the wedding yes I paid for my own dress and my shoes we threw her a bridal shower which is pretty much for the bride and then any other gifts or cards were given at the wedding reception
“Sorry, I really wanted to participate, but I just don’t have the funds. If you’d rather I not participate, then I wish you a happy wedding day.”
Sharing this with her would be good. It’s all about how you say something to someone, not what you say. Weddings can be expensive and I understand her side, she has a vision of what her wedding will look like but then there is also reality. And she should be able to understand where you’re coming from. If she can’t, I’d kindly reject the bridesmaid role.
I wouldn’t spend even in normal circumstances that much.
Are people really spending this much for anyone apart from their family or spouse?
I’m always amazed by people who think everyone has money to blow. Since she’s not a really close friend I’d bow out. Tell her planning your wedding it’s starting to add up & you just don’t have the money
In all the bridal parties I’ve been in, the group usually chips in for one big gift for the bride for her shower, usually something more expensive off of her registry. I’ve never been told what I had to wear to the shower. Just show up, set up, look nice.
You would be if you put it like that, but I also see no reason to simply say: we can’t afford this, sorry. The end.
NTA but you can thank your friend for showing you how NOT to treat your friends. You do not need all this extra stuff to prove, I don’t know what, on the big day. I have been married 55 years and my bridesmaids wore their prom dresses and groomsmen wore suits. My friend made my dress and family friend made the cake. Everyone there was sharing in our love for each other, not oooing and awwwing the decor and venue. Everyone should save their money and buy really useful wedding gifts. And wedding pictures will be more entertaining to look at if every bridesmaid and groomsmen look different.
You have to back out now. Gives her plenty of time to adjust. You know it’s just gonna keep getting worse, so now is your only chance. Don’t wait and bail last minute.
Tell her you want the best for her, and you 2 aren’t able to be that right now, with your other financial obligations. This is because you want to give her what she needs.
What is a bridal shower? I always thought they were the same as a bachelorette party? We just have one (England), a hen party. Just sounds so excessive. And you say she’s not even a close friend? Then go to one or none. Don’t wreck your finances over her.
First of all, if you made the same demands on her for your wedding, she would probably have many excuses why she can’t afford it or do all those things.
Her demands are crazy. If she wants a destination bachelor/bachelorette trip, she should fund it. Otherwise, get rooms in a local hotel and go to a bar or a club, the way it was done before people got all full of themselves and started demanding destination trips that their friends couldn’t afford.
On the subject of suits, isn’t it cheaper to just buy a suit? The groomsmen can but their suits from the same place so they match, for the same price or less. Then they still have the suit.
You might want to rethink being in this wedding.
She is being completely unrealisitic in her demands, especially the week long batchelorette party and the bridal shower (like you, I thought the couple got showered with presents at the actual wedding). If I were you I would sit down with your fiance and work out a joint budget that you can afford to spend on this wedding, taking all your other expenses into account. Then get together with the bride and groom and calmly explain to them that this is what you can afford and ask them what they would like you to prioritise with that money. Let them decide and politely offer to pull out if this doesn’t work for them. Their reaction to that should tell you whether they are really your friends or not.
Better to bail early, make a clean quick break. fpcus on your finances and goals.
time to push back on the self-centeredness so many egaged couples are exhibiting
Updateme!
People who have destination bachelorettes, a bridal party with matching dresses and gifts for the bride alone (!!!), and then want expensive clothing rentals AND a luxe couples gift are living some sort of stupid rich people TV fantasy, and it’s very tired in today’s economy.
Your fiance is welcome to stay part of the groom’s party, but you don’t have to do all of this for an acquaintance.
I wouldn’t be able to fork over this kind of money even for a close friend. Also, none of my friends are this entitled. It’s nice that you want to support you but she doesn’t feel the same about you unless you’re forking over thousands of dollars to her. This is not a real friendship.
The week Bachelorette vacation is over the top.
“Dear [Bride],
[OP’s Fiancé] and I are finding that the demands, on our time and other resources, associated with your wedding are much greater than we had anticipated when we agreed to be included in the wedding party. We wish you and [Her Groom] every future happiness, as we step entirely away from involvement in your wedding.
[OP]”
Just drop out. Her expectation will never end. NTA, save your money for your own future.
There’s no way I would spend money and vacation days on a week long bachelorette trip. That’s insane. I can’t believe so many people do this.
Just decline and opt out of all of it. You owe the bride ZERO explanation, but if you want to provide one, just say after understanding the role expected of you, you no longer have the capacity and financial means to commit. It’s already weird to be in her wedding party if you’re not close to begin with. And extravagant gifts? Your gift is the time and money spending on pointless, ridiculous events. Again, just decline and move on. This is not someone you should waste time being friends with in any meaningful capacity.
Probably not tell her to “shut up” but just say that you need to drop out of the wedding party since it’s not financially doable. It also allows your fiancé to continue being in the wedding since he is a close friend to the groom. Since it sounds like your fiancé has a close relationship to the groom, you should make sure you’re on the same page before approaching the bride about it.
My daughter was a bridesmaid recently. The bachelorette was in a western state, the wedding in a southern state, and my daughter lives in a different state altogether. All told, for my daughter and her husband to attend and with all the expenses she spent $4K. Husband was not part of the wedding party. It’s outrageous.
This is insanity and you are allowing and encouraging it.
Tell her that you’re out and drop out immediately.
When you are planning a wedding, a life together, and most importantly purchasing a home, every penny is going to matter. It’s ridiculous for her to expect all this nonsense and imposition on your time and resources.
Pre-wedding gifts and vacations, renting a suit for $700!!! WTF?
I know you probably feel like you made a commitment, but it is time to give yourself permission to walk away. And frankly these poor choices and this stupidity would make me want to re-evaluate the entire friendship.
NTA. I just spent around $500 on Bach party/hotel/ travel/gift for my grad school BFF’s wedding. Though I was not in the wedding party, $2000 seems INSANE.
Drop out
If you can’t afford it, you can’t. End of story. Tell her you’re honoured she asked you, but you simply do not have the budget to be a bridesmaid. If she talks shit about you, oh well. Everyone she talks to likely knows she’s being an unreasonable brudezilla anyway. I sure wouldn’t want a “friend” like this and I’m not sure why you do.
A WEEK long bachelor/bachelorette trip? I don’t think so.
Tell her you and your fiance will attend the wedding as guests, and thats it, and will not be participating in any events outside the wedding itself.
Nta. And it’s not normal for a wedding at all! Although it’s becoming more common now. For my wedding (85 people 25 years ago), my fiancé and I couldn’t afford very much. So we got married in the evening and had a cocktail party (so no sit down dinner). We didn’t have a cake as neither the groom or myself liked cake. Instead we had rumballs dipped in chocolate. And our friend payed for the dj because he didn’t want to go shopping and buy a gift. He apparently hated shopping that much. So the dj was our gift. My bridal shower was at my MOH house and it was a potluck party and I got some hilarious gifts and we played a few really fun games. My bachelorette party was at a local bar that had male strippers and we all pitched in to rent a limousine. Had champagne in the limo and loads of drinks at the bar.
I never would have dreamed of telling my bridal party to shell out for a week long party and to go to the most expensive place for wedding clothes. That, in my opinion, is just rude.
Completely ridiculous. Tell her if she wants to pay your expenses for all the pre wedding stuff you are in otherwise a hard NO. And frankly I would drop out too. She can find someone else to pay that and fawn over her.
Ask her if she’ll have the same $2k to spend on your wedding the following year. Chances are no, she’ll either be paying back wedding debt, house payments, travel, pregnancy etc. Provide her with an excel or Google sheets spreadsheet with all the costs plus slught cushions built in for extra fees, accessories, interest, etc and ask her why & how she sees each of her bridesmaids & his groomsmen able to pay her & her vendors these funds. Last, see what costs can be shifted off to other guests, their parents & extended family, groomsmen, one shared gift vs separate expensive gifts, and ask the other bridesmaids too. I don’t think you have all the costs & fees added in. There are more still to come.
Is she the first of your friends to marry? Usually, the last gets completely ripped off as everyone is onto the next life stage & is broke. Tell her sge needs to have one solid figure $$$ that she needs that includes every gift, drink, dress, shoes, hair, makeup, bracelet, tiara, resort rooms for bridesmaids & for her, food, transportation-everything. Ask the other bridesmaids if they are staggering under these requirements too. These are 2-3 complete mortgage payments, a semester partial school fees, down-payment, travel holiday, complete crib & baby setup…$2,500 plus at least. Unless she pledges to pay back next year for your wedding, even if you won’t be asking or charging these amounts, make her think about how she can do this for each if her bridesmaids & friends & really think about how much time, paid vacation time, and pure cash she is requiring everyone to pay. If she says she will put up the cash for your wedding, have a prepared fast contract ready to go to fill in her & your name & date. Tell her you’ve heard stories of brides skipping the promised turnaround for their bridesmaids as they really process IRL how much they are asking, so you just want to be sure.
So, what you do is say, since I’m getting married next year, rather than trading back and forth with the cash, you cover me now while I save for my house, and I cover you when it’s my turn. Otherwise we need to talk about the budget and what is affordable.
Nope out of everything and encourage your fiancé to do the same. Those demands from the bride are beyond ridiculous.
You can’t afford it. Tell her “no”. Not a close friend? No big loss, then.
“You have very lovely taste but unfortunately all your mid 20’s friends don’t have the budget for that. Either you need to work with the budget we have, pay for it, or we can drop out and just be guests.”
let her know that you will no longer be in her wedding due to your own financial “hardships”
I continue to be shocked that brides ask their friends to spend significant sums of money and take several days of their vacation days for their wedding. In my era (90’s) , I don’t know anyone who would have done this.
The simple answer is that you will not be able to participate in the bridal party but you’ll be happy to attend the wedding and reception. Bring a gift you feel you can afford.
A week-long bachelorette trip? Dress code for a bridal shower? Are you kidding me?! This belongs on the EntitledPeople sub.
No, just no.
It’s a good job I live in the U.K. If I lived in the U.S I would have no friends left as I certainly wouldn’t be paying for those expensive Weddings!
A week long bachelorette? Way tooo long
Tell her you are sorry but you are not going to be able to be in the wedding party, would she like you to join them for one of the days of the bachelorette (if so, which one) or would she prefer to keep it for just those staying the week. Don’t be rude, but be firm that your budget isn’t going to be able to manage that.
NTA. You can explain you can afford the dress and hotel, but all the extras are out of your budget.
Both skip. Everything she’s demanding is outrageous. I bet once you drop out others will as well.
Back out politely now. You can’t afford this whilst buying a house and paying for your own wedding.
I was an April bride and these people who expect everyone to pay out hundred and hundred is just ridiculous these days. Yes some of my friends had to ay for hotel rooms and flights, but when it came to the wedding I gave them all choices for dresses. I told them what color and the company to buy from but gave them free reign on what dress style. That allowed everyone to look for sales and get a style they loved. For the groomsmen I got the cheapest rental suit for $100 because I didn’t want to cause a financial hardship for anyone.
as a non american, my opinion about that wedding of yours is that it is a scam for posers and misers. they ask you to pay to help them. “the best day of their life” is the day they suck away all the money of their friends. It is litterally a scam.
NTA