My husband and I (25M & 25F) have recently decided that we would like to start trying for a baby in July. We have been together for over 6 years and married for over a year now and we have decided that we are ready to start our family.
I have a lot of anxiety surrounding how pregnancy and having a child will be given the state of my relationship with my parents. My parents have asked many times since we got married when we are planning to have kids because they are so excited to become grandparents. I haven’t been close with my parents since I graduated high school – they weren’t very supportive while I was in college, hardly check up on me now, and when I do see them or speak to them (usually only 4-5 times a year) they talk down to me and make me feel bad about my life decisions. Since I’ve been living on my own and going to therapy I’ve realized how emotionally abusive they were throughout my childhood which had led to be being very independent as an adult and just not sharing a lot about my life.
One of the things I’m scared of the most is sharing a pregnancy with them when it does come along. I’m not interested in their unsolicited opinions and advice, and I’m certainly not ready for them to act entitled to a relationship with me or my child after years of being so disconnected. I’ve thought about just not sharing the pregnancy with them for a while, likely until I would be out of my first trimester but I do feel like that might be wrong of me to do?
Besides the reasons above, I know for a fact that I could not trust them to keep a secret to themselves. I know once I tell them they will immediately tell the rest of our family even if I tell them not to. I know this because my mom had done the same thing with other family members pregnancies before and my dad TOLD ME when my now husband told him he was planning on proposing even though I didn’t ask.
I am super close with my husband’s parents and siblings so they will most definitely know almost immediately. We live closer to them, see them every weekend, and most of all – I know I will be able to trust them with this secret. Would I be the asshole is we tell his parents right away, but don’t share the information with my parents until right before we announce it to everyone else. I feel like I have valid reasoning behind this but part of me feels like it would be wrong to keep this from them.
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Backup of the post’s body: My husband and I (25M & 25F) have recently decided that we would like to start trying for a baby in July. We have been together for over 6 years and married for over a year now and we have decided that we are ready to start our family.
I have a lot of anxiety surrounding how pregnancy and having a child will be given the state of my relationship with my parents. My parents have asked many times since we got married when we are planning to have kids because they are so excited to become grandparents. I haven’t been close with my parents since I graduated high school – they weren’t very supportive while I was in college, hardly check up on me now, and when I do see them or speak to them (usually only 4-5 times a year) they talk down to me and make me feel bad about my life decisions. Since I’ve been living on my own and going to therapy I’ve realized how emotionally abusive they were throughout my childhood which had led to be being very independent as an adult and just not sharing a lot about my life.
One of the things I’m scared of the most is sharing a pregnancy with them when it does come along. I’m not interested in their unsolicited opinions and advice, and I’m certainly not ready for them to act entitled to a relationship with me or my child after years of being so disconnected. I’ve thought about just not sharing the pregnancy with them for a while, likely until I would be out of my first trimester but I do feel like that might be wrong of me to do?
Besides the reasons above, I know for a fact that I could not trust them to keep a secret to themselves. I know once I tell them they will immediately tell the rest of our family even if I tell them not to. I know this because my mom had done the same thing with other family members pregnancies before and my dad TOLD ME when my now husband told him he was planning on proposing even though I didn’t ask.
I am super close with my husband’s parents and siblings so they will most definitely know almost immediately. We live closer to them, see them every weekend, and most of all – I know I will be able to trust them with this secret. Would I be the asshole is we tell his parents right away, but don’t share the information with my parents until right before we announce it to everyone else. I feel like I have valid reasoning behind this but part of me feels like it would be wrong to keep this from them.
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