Would I be wrong to confront my husband’s mom about the abuse he went through and cut her off?

‼️⚠️ warning for child abuse mentioned ⚠️‼️

My husband went through horrific neglect as a child. His parents went to jail for drug use, and when he was placed with his grandparents, things weren’t any better. The house was full of addicts, the food was literally locked up with chains and padlocks, and my husband and his two siblings were made to live alone in a back house without any supervision. No adult took them to the doctor, got them glasses when they needed them, or even made sure they had food or hygiene. They were severely neglected and emotionally abandoned.

He doesn’t talk about it much, he was taught not to. His emotions were beaten out of him, and he was raised to believe that “men don’t cry.” But I see the lasting effects every day. He struggles to express his feelings and carry this invisible weight. It breaks my heart that no one ever protected him or stepped up for him.

His mother is still in his life, though not closely involved. But here’s the part that’s been eating at me: recently, she joked, yes!!!! joked, about washing his mouth out with lye soap when he was a kid. Not just regular soap—LYE. Like, the kind that can burn your skin. She laughed about it like it was no big deal.

And the worst part? My kids were nearby. They’re young, and I don’t want them hearing that kind of talk. Hearing abuse framed like a funny childhood story. I don’t want them to internalize that kind of behavior as okay or normal. I don’t want her near them if that’s the attitude she still carries.

Part of me wants to confront her. I want her to understand how messed up it all was, and I want to cut her off from our lives, especially if she can’t even acknowledge the harm she caused. But another part of me worries: is it my place? This is my husband’s trauma. His story. He doesn’t talk about it much, and I don’t want to cross a line or make things worse for him. He asks her to come over and clean the house a lot because we both work a lot and don’t have the energy at the end of the day. I don’t think that’s reason enough to keep her around.

Would I be wrong to confront her and set that boundary myself, even if he hasn’t done so? Or is it okay for me to protect my children and our home from someone who openly minimizes serious abuse?

Any advice or perspective would be really appreciated. I’m struggling with how to support my husband, honor his past, and also protect my family.