My daughter was a surprise. She wasn’t planned but for the most part she has been welcomed and loved. She is due in November. My partner and I live with my MIL and FIL trying to save for a house. Recently due to my MIL being in the hospital for 3 weeks due to liver problems she told us that we need our plan place because a baby can disrupt her recovery (which apparently will take about a year). That’s fine by me, no problem there we are getting an apartment until we can actually get a house. The problem is the fact that she might need a liver transplant and can barely really do much on her own. She wants to take care of the baby and help babysit when my partner and I are at work. Besides the snarky passive aggressive comments I am not comfortable letting her be alone with my daughter if she needs to be in recovery due to her medical issues. I’m fine with her visiting as long as my partner and I are there. She’s also convinced I will keep my daughter away from her. Am I overreacting for not wanting her to be alone with my daughter until she is medically stable?
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as Ecstatic_Flower_3401 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Ecstatic_Flower3401 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
I understand all your concerns, and they are all valid.
Latch onto her healthy issues cause eshe can’t argue with those.
If she does not stop, you give her some reality; you are selfish. You are ok risking my child cause you want to have alone time and you don’t take into consideration something could happen.
Then what?
If you are ok to allowing your grandbaby to go through something dangerous, I’m not willing to risk my daughter.
Don’t ask me to be a shitty mom, cause i wont be.
If a baby can disrupt her recovery, why does she want to babysit? She doesn’t make sense. Keep baby away until she recovers just to prevent any “disruption in her recovery” by the baby.
She is not fit to babysit. Her feelings are irrelevant. Who is pressuring you? Just find childcare that works for your family and don’t discuss it with her. If she brings it up, have DH say, “We have it covered, but we’ll let you know when we need extra help. It’s important you focus on your health.”
AND if she accuses you of trying to “withhold” your child, ask her what she means? She isn’t entitled and has no rights to your child. Your partner needs to shut her down and tell her instead of trying to accuse you of something that hasn’t even happened yet, maybe she should manage her expectations of what her role in your child’s life will be.
A really fast google check gave me this AI quote…”Recovery after a liver transplant in your 60s typically takes between 6 to 12 months to return to normal or near-normal activities.”
Your MILis delusional.
What does your SO say about her wants?
I’m the same. I’m just not comfortable with my LO being alone with his family due to numerous things. Just say thank you, we will let you know if we need a babysitter. Nothing further
You are not keeping your daughter away’ from her by not letting her babysit, you’re protecting your child. If JNMIL is worried about even having her around because of her recovery, she can’t expect to keep her without someone else being there, she can’t have it both ways.
From the sounds of it, you’re going to hear a lot of guilt trips from JNMIL about not letting her ‘bond’ with your daughter (letting her care for her alone and trying to be mommy) but the fact is she is not a safe person to care for her. I would try to gently explain that and then when JNMIL starts going on about you keeping LO away you’re going to have to be blunt and tell her that she will not be caring for her.
Put your boundaries down now and let JNMIL know that they are nonnegotiable. Let her know that there will be consequences for any and all boundary stomping and that she is the grandmother, not the parent.
Good luck 🍀 and congratulations!
Your MIL sounds delusional. She can’t take care of an infant in her condition. That would actually be the wrong choice for your MIL’s well being as well. So, no. You’re not wrong. You’re making the right choice for your child and your MIL. Your MIL may not like it, but this isn’t her choice to make. It is yours.
If your MIL is that ill, she is not reliable childcare. Chronic liver disease is very serious. You will be scrambling to find someone else when she gets too sick to watch your child. Find someone dependable now.