I’m HELLO EVERYONE!
I am in need of so advice that I need an outside view for.
I (26F) have been with my partner (25M) for about 7 years “friends” for 1yr, dating for about 4yrs, engaged for 2. We met at work and had a lot of fun talking to each other, hanging out (we ended up being in the same friend group), and just getting to know each other as aquanauts. Well it didn’t take long for the factory love bug to strike and I was spending my breaks in his car well doing things… (I look back now and really question myself.. girl what the heck).
Either way our relationship was progressing. When dating I saw things that I didn’t like, but kept finding want to justify what was happening. For example he always forgot to brush his teeth, forget to change after work, and his room and car were ALWAYS dirty. I didn’t complain because I wasn’t there all the time and my room could be messy too. Life gets busy. We started take trips across state line to beautiful areas so I fall in love extremely hard. (He was always clean on the trips)
Years went by I got pregnant during the last year of Covid, we moved I together. I lay down the rules : partner washes dishes, we take turns on the trash, he cooks, and I do everything else. I thought it would be such an easy to maintain which it was .. until our son was born. I got covid in the hospital spending the first 2 weeks of my 3 month maternity leave not being about to hold my baby. From there it went down hill, I was more hands on with our son breast feeding, diapers, cleaning his bottles, etc. Except for giving him a bath, my back hurt from the epidural if I’m bent over for long periods of time.. he complained a lot about this (I still have that pain my sons 3 almost 4). The tasks became harder to maintain and I just couldn’t keep up with 3 of us from the baby bottles to our dishes to the cleaning I was overwhelmed.
Then a horrible situation took place and his younger brother moved in. From there I just gave up on having a peaceful maturity leave. Having his brother over only made my situation worst we only have a 1 bedroom apartment you can imagine why this was a horrible idea. I couldn’t clean without worrying I’ll wake him up, I couldn’t watch tv because it was in the living room, and I couldn’t be comfortable post partum with someone who isn’t my mom or partner (I love his family but I felt vulnerable in weird ways). Then Elden Ring came out.. I lost my fiancé for good. He spent 300 hrs on the game with his brother while I took care of the house and our son. 300 hours. I’ve givin up on a lot from there.
Well fast forward now. His hygiene is beyond horrible now from him not brushing his teeth, not showering, leaving dishes . I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t have sex with him because of his body odor, breath, and the thought of his saliva on me makes me want to shutter. I’ve asked him if it was depression or something else but with his history of not flushing the toilet, sleeping in his work clothes, and refusing to go to the dentist because he know what they are going to say; it seems to me it’s more of a habit. One that I can’t find myself looking over anymore is takes bath and soaks in the water, with the tub is dirty or clean. I’ve seen time and time where I had to drain his bath water just to shower and just having stuff in it.
I have gotten to the point I’m not happy anymore and I want to leave, to be alone and have a space I can invite friends over and not have a looming cloud of negativity (I know I didn’t get into this part but I almost left 2 times before for this reason). The things stopping my are wanting more kids, leaving in general a life I’ve lived for so long, and my son. Our kid is so happy with his dad and our family, he’s so full of life and energy. How can I be so selfish to take that away, but how can I stay somewhere I feel is full of negativity. I can fake things and keep going but at what cost?
Soo… my hotties what do you think?
Thank you for reading everything of you made it to the end. I know I left so much out but I wanted to an outline ish of everything.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I’m HELLO EVERYONE!
I am in need of so advice that I need an outside view for.
I (26F) have been with my partner (25M) for about 7 years “friends” for 1yr, dating for about 4yrs, engaged for 2. We met at work and had a lot of fun talking to each other, hanging out (we ended up being in the same friend group), and just getting to know each other as aquanauts. Well it didn’t take long for the factory love bug to strike and I was spending my breaks in his car well doing things… (I look back now and really question myself.. girl what the heck).
Either way our relationship was progressing. When dating I saw things that I didn’t like, but kept finding want to justify what was happening. For example he always forgot to brush his teeth, forget to change after work, and his room and car were ALWAYS dirty. I didn’t complain because I wasn’t there all the time and my room could be messy too. Life gets busy. We started take trips across state line to beautiful areas so I fall in love extremely hard. (He was always clean on the trips)
Years went by I got pregnant during the last year of Covid, we moved I together. I lay down the rules : partner washes dishes, we take turns on the trash, he cooks, and I do everything else. I thought it would be such an easy to maintain which it was .. until our son was born. I got covid in the hospital spending the first 2 weeks of my 3 month maternity leave not being about to hold my baby. From there it went down hill, I was more hands on with our son breast feeding, diapers, cleaning his bottles, etc. Except for giving him a bath, my back hurt from the epidural if I’m bent over for long periods of time.. he complained a lot about this (I still have that pain my sons 3 almost 4). The tasks became harder to maintain and I just couldn’t keep up with 3 of us from the baby bottles to our dishes to the cleaning I was overwhelmed.
Then a horrible situation took place and his younger brother moved in. From there I just gave up on having a peaceful maturity leave. Having his brother over only made my situation worst we only have a 1 bedroom apartment you can imagine why this was a horrible idea. I couldn’t clean without worrying I’ll wake him up, I couldn’t watch tv because it was in the living room, and I couldn’t be comfortable post partum with someone who isn’t my mom or partner (I love his family but I felt vulnerable in weird ways). Then Elden Ring came out.. I lost my fiancé for good. He spent 300 hrs on the game with his brother while I took care of the house and our son. 300 hours. I’ve givin up on a lot from there.
Well fast forward now. His hygiene is beyond horrible now from him not brushing his teeth, not showering, leaving dishes . I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t have sex with him because of his body odor, breath, and the thought of his saliva on me makes me want to shutter. I’ve asked him if it was depression or something else but with his history of not flushing the toilet, sleeping in his work clothes, and refusing to go to the dentist because he know what they are going to say; it seems to me it’s more of a habit. One that I can’t find myself looking over anymore is takes bath and soaks in the water, with the tub is dirty or clean. I’ve seen time and time where I had to drain his bath water just to shower and just having stuff in it.
I have gotten to the point I’m not happy anymore and I want to leave, to be alone and have a space I can invite friends over and not have a looming cloud of negativity (I know I didn’t get into this part but I almost left 2 times before for this reason). The things stopping my are wanting more kids, leaving in general a life I’ve lived for so long, and my son. Our kid is so happy with his dad and our family, he’s so full of life and energy. How can I be so selfish to take that away, but how can I stay somewhere I feel is full of negativity. I can fake things and keep going but at what cost?
Soo… my hotties what do you think?
Thank you for reading everything of you made it to the end. I know I left so much out but I wanted to an outline ish of everything.
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I don’t think leaving him would take away him being a father. Co parenting is something you would have to do. I think that having a mom who is present and happy would also be extremely valuable too. Either way I don’t think you should sacrifice your health and happiness.
Leaving won’t take your kid away from his father. It would just mean you would actually have to share the responsibility of raising him.
Awwww I really feel for you. What a position to be in. He killed your love for him. It would have taken minimal effort on his part. I kind of think you should get your ducks in a row for moving out, then show him this post. It might wake him up if he doesn’t want to lose you. If not, don’t lose yourself. Just go. Your son can still see his dad.
Living in filth and with an unhygienic partner would be my idea of a nightmare/hell on earth.
Not to mention such an unhealthy environment for your child.
Once you get out & in a safe clean space you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.