This might be a little confusing but I’ll do my best!
I (30f) and my boyfriend (37m) are in a relationship and are already sure that we are going to get married. We are waiting a little longer because while we’ve known each other for a while, we’ve only been in a relationship for about 10 months. Neither of us want to wait too long, though.
My brother (25m) and his now fiance and mother of my niece, just got engaged. BTW im over the MOON for them and am so excited for them. But the problem is they don’t want to get married for about 2 years. They are planning a big move and want to focus on that first.
To me, it feels weird to be engaged at the same time as my brother. I feel like our engagement would steal their thunder especially if we get married before them which will most likely be the case if my bf an I go this route. I feel like its weird and rude. My bf feels its weirder to put our lives on hold.
I don’t know. I don’t want to steal their thunder, but I also don’t want them to take our spotlight. Also, could you imagine my family having to pay for 2 weddings in a year?
Anywho, I’d love some thoughts on this please!
Comments
I understand your fear of “taking it from them” but that’s a facade, and I agree with your man that it’s odd to put your life on hold when you both deserve joy and can experience it at the same time! They knew they’d wait 2 years before they got engaged – they talked about it, and that’s their choice. Just like you have a choice to live your lives as well! congrats to your brother and his fiance and I’m rooting for ya’ll too! Go live your lives and see where it takes you. It likely won’t work out in some big scary way like you fear. you all love each other – you’re family.
It’s not rude. You are the older sibling and most people would expect you to be married first. If you guys are sure don’t put off your happiness for someone who probably wouldn’t care anyway. He will probably be happy for you.
From the outside looking in- it seems ridiculous to have someone else’s engagement have any effect on yours whatsoever. I realize family dynamics probably make this more complicated. But if his engagement is stopping you from yours, seems like there’s more problems in the future here. If y’all are ready, then go for it. If you’d rather wait, then wait.
If your brother loves you as much as love him, surely he wouldn’t ask you to put your happiness on hold. Though you could take the opportunity to save up for your wedding, saving any cost to others. For me, either outcome is a win. Congratulations!
Have an honest talk to get their feelings on this.
You’re older and it’s only logical that you would likely marry first. Set aside preconceived notions to the contrary. What sets weddings apart is their uniqueness. I agree with your fiancé it would be a shame to put your life on hold. Plan a unique wedding & reception that you two can call your own. Your brother and his fiancé will likely do the same.
And there you have it: Two beautiful weddings with big sis leading the way. Congratulations in advance regardless of who gets married first.
What’s rude about it? Will you also delay buying a house, or a car, or getting a dog, or having a baby? Do you delay choosing cooking dinner until they decide what they want to eat first too?
You’re older, you’re making similar choices but at different stages of life and on a different timeline.
It’s your life and you ca n obviously do what you want, but I don’t get it at all, sorry.
If you really want to wait three years to get engaged and then married then do that; there’s nothing wrong with that either. You do you
You’re certainly not the first family in the world to have multiple engagements going on at the same time, so I don’t understand why this feels weird to you. Don’t worry about “thunder,” just live your life.
Your brother and his partner don’t want to get married for 2 years. You and your partner don’t want to get married right now but you don’t want to wait “too long.” So… why can’t you get married next year, and your brother gets married the year after?
While I don’t see why parents would pay for the weddings of a bunch of grown adults, if that’s the way your family rolls I’ll bet your parents already have some money earmarked for the eventual nuptials of both of their children, since they know all of you are in serious relationships, right? Maybe discuss it with your family and come up with some plans that make everyone feel special and happy?
Best policy? Ask. They may not see it that way at all. Besides, if you are thinking about kids, odds of getting pregnant as you age get tougher.
I doubt they would think that if you get married a year sooner. Best wishes to all of you. How joyful!
You want to wait for two whole year, not to take spotlight? That would be unreasonable for me, if I was your partner.
Just talk to your brother if you’re worried about it! I can’t even imagine my little brother beginning to give a shit. Also, why would your family have to pay for both weddings?
It sounds ridiculous to put your life on hold. I agree with your boyfriend. Get married when you are ready and they will get married when they are ready. One has nothing to do with the other.
It’s crazy to wait for your brother. Especially if you want to start trying for kids, two years at thirty could easily mean conceiving naturally vs having to do IVF etc…
you are making up a reason to delay, precisely because you are not sure, and don’t feel ready
The world does not revolve around you.
Yes. It’s not a competition, for crying out loud. You should marry when the moment is ripe, every “clout” concern is plain silly.
I think you’re thinking to hard about something that’s not happening for 2 years, it’s not like you’re planning to get married the same day. Get married, don’t think to hard about it.
No one is thinking “Wow look at how sister, getting married 2 years before her little brother, she’s taking the spotlight!”
Seriously, it’s crazy.
For two months, sure. Two years? No.
No its not rude
as long as you don’t get married within i’d say two weeks of them or announce any of your news at their events, you’re in the clear. don’t put your lives on hold for anyone else!
The two relationships are not connected in any way. True love doesn’t care about who’s first or timing. You should rethink your marriage. You’re putting importance on irrelevant factors. Like you are looking for an excuse not to be married or engaged. I couldn’t wait to marry my girl! Fuck everyone else’s situation. That’s real love. Yours sounds manufactured. Who care when siblings get married or if. You may want to think about what you really want. God bless.
No one really gives a fk.
It’s not weird to care about your brother.
But it is a little misplaced to think your life has to pause out of fairness.
You’re not stealing anyone’s thunder by living your own timeline. And he’s not stealing yours either. Marriage isn’t a competition. It’s a commitment. And how you handle your engagement won’t take anything away from his.
If your intent was to overshadow him – sure, that’s a problem. But right now, you’re just trying to be respectful. And that says enough about your character already.
Two engagements, even two weddings, in close proximity doesn’t have to be chaotic or rude. It can be a season of joy for your family – if everyone stays grounded and doesn’t start keeping score.
Your boyfriend’s not wrong either. Putting your lives on hold for two years just to avoid overlap might feel like you’re prioritizing appearances over substance. The real question is this:
Are you both ready?
Do you want this for you – not just for the sake of doing?
If so, then move forward. Kindly. Transparently. Without guilt.
Because love doesn’t have to wait for someone else’s calendar to clear.
And no one gets one spotlight. We’re all allowed to shine.
How do you know your family won’t be thrilled for you, if they’re a kind and caring lot, I don’t see why they won’t be overjoyed for you both.
Sincerely –
Mr & Mrs Universe.
I’m with the bf. You can’t delay your life for two years OP.
Have you talked to your brother at all? Maybe ask him how he feels about the situation.
This one’s up to you but I would say if you want talk to your brother bc he might be like” I don’t give a shit either way” then you have nothing to fear
They are young. You are not. You should be nutz to think a 37 year old man should wait 2+ years to not steal someones “thunder” lol…
Maybe give it 3-6 months for the proposal.
Hello !
I’m glad you both couples are planning to get married soon!
At a lower level, this is not like planning a birthday party where you can easily say: “ Well my brother is throwing a party in 2 weeks, so I will throw a party in 3 weeks!”😎
Since when do you plan on other people’s plan for a wedding?
Planning a wedding takes a lot of time & money! Start planning today!
I will pray for you all for guidance on that matter!
Have a wonderful day!
Your brother should feel nothing but happiness for you. Anything else would be selfish. I think the way everyone turned weddings and engagements into a show is what is causing this confusion. There are only two people whose opinions and feelings should matter in this decision… you and your partner’s.
Millions of people get married every year around the world. While your engagement and marriage are special for you, and your brother’s engagement is special for him, getting married itself is not unique. It makes no sense to me to wait to do something that is important for your life just because someone else is doing it.
If your brother was launching a new business and you decided to launch the same kind of business at the same time competing for customers that would be weird and a bummer for everyone.
A rising tide lifts all boats. You are allowed to be happy in the same way as him at the same time. One person’s joy does not need to detract from another’s.
Live your life! Be happy! Be happy for him! It’s not “either or,” it’s “both and.”
Is your brother The Golden child because it seems like you’re more concerned with his wants and needs then you are soon to be fiance and that’s kind of weird
I’m with your bf why would you put your life on hold cause they want to wait
I can honestly say after participating in 4 weddings that were back to back weekends…
(I’ve been in 11 weddings, 1 my own ❤️)
No one really has any time outside of your engagement party day, any wedding related event days and your wedding day, to be thinking that deeply about other people’s weddings. Literally those are the only days people really pay attention and care.
There will be a few cunty exceptions somewhere trying to stir up drama. But the people that they are talking to are rolling their eyes on the inside.
As long as you aren’t announcing something on or within 2 business days (exceptions for people who have genuine approval from BOTH parties) of any celebratory event, it is fine.
Also an exception for cultural stuff, E sure to be mindful of that too.
But no, no one will think you’re stealing thunder if you also get proposed to. You’re life is still allowed to unfold, as your brother’s has.
Life progresses. Time moves. It moves in parallel to the people we love. All of these things are true and can happen, around the same time.
That is part of community and society.
More people, more celebrations.