Not a breakup post. I’m not even sure if this is the right sub. I searched for one potentially more relevant, but I’m not an avid Reddit user and couldn’t find one. Anyway…
I’m happily married. 33F.
So is my first love. Now 37M.
No romantic interest whatsoever. We’ve been over for sooooooo long. 15 years at least. We were teenagers, but we loved each other very much. We dated from the time we were 12/15 to 15/18.
I last spoke to him 13ish years ago. My husband and I, it took us 10 years and 2 rounds of IVF to have our baby. I saw today where he and his wife are now having an IVF baby after years of trying, too. I just want to say to him I’m so happy it worked out and that they will love that little girl more than life itself and all the waiting and heartache will be worth it, and he will have a unique appreciation for his wife and family. Would that be weird or inappropriate to say?
I don’t know why I want to say it to him, but I do. I AM genuinely happy for him, and I think I can relate to at least some of their journey–as best I can tell from the outside looking in.
For what it’s worth, I’ve never met his wife and would never dream of disrespecting her. I like to think if the shoe was on the other foot, if he had reached out to me to say this instead of me because they had their IVF baby first, I wouldn’t think twice about it being weird. I also would obviously tell my husband. No ulterior motive here…
Thoughts? Please be kind if you can. Thank you
TL;DR: Happily married, no romantic interest in my first love (we broke up 15+ years ago, last spoke 13 years ago). My husband and I went through IVF to have our baby. I just saw my ex and his wife are now expecting through IVF, too. Part of me wants to reach out and say I’m so happy for them and that the wait and struggle will be worth it, but I’m not sure if that would be weird/inappropriate. Would tell my husband obviously. Is it maybe crossing a line for the ex?
Comments
I think that would be a kind and well-received gesture, assuming you phrase it with an emphasis on how much you and your husband adore your child, how happy you are for the couple, not just him, and wish them both luck. De-emphasize your past romantic connection and you should be good. And keep it short and sweet!
I think it’s a nice thing to say. How did you find out, social media?
I think sending your long-ago ex that message would be a very kind and sweet gesture. In fact I would add a PS saying “I’ve never met your wife, but please share this message with her. I know from my own IVF experience that she’s endured a lot physically and emotionally to finally realize her dream of becoming a mother, so I’m sending my heartfelt congratulations to her as well as to you.”