(18F, 17M, together for 1.5 years)
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Right now, he’s abroad for two weeks for a language course. He doesn’t know many people there and most of them speak different languages — except for one girl in his class who speaks the same language as him. They sit next to each other and sometimes walk back to the hotel together (about 15 minutes).
A few days ago, I found out he followed her on Instagram. He didn’t tell me — I had to find out myself. When I asked, he said he was the one who brought up the idea of following each other because she’s the only one he can properly communicate with in class, and it would be helpful for school stuff (like class info or possible trips).
But the thing is — he’s not totally alone there. He’s sharing a room with a guy who also speaks the same language, so it’s not like this girl is his only option for someone to talk to.
What really bothers me isn’t even the follow itself — it’s that he never told me. He planned to tell me about her after he got back home, two weeks later. To me, that feels dishonest. I’d much rather know the truth, even if it hurts, than live in a fake illusion where everything seems okay while something is going on that would upset me.
The fact that I had to ask who he sits with to even find out he was spending time with her… and then later had to find out myself that they follow each other… makes me feel uneasy. Especially since I had just opened up to him the day before about how I prefer honesty in the moment, and he still didn’t bring it up himself.
So here’s my question:
Would this situation bother you if you were in a relationship?
Do you think I’m overreacting?
What kind of contact with another girl would feel okay or not okay to you in a situation like this?
I’m just trying to figure out if my boundaries are too strict — or if this would make others uncomfortable too.
tl;dr:My boyfriend followed a girl while abroad and didn’t tell me — now I feel uneasy and don’t know if I’m overreacting.
Comments
Ok. So him not telling me about the follow wouldn’t bother me, tbh its IG really its meaningless. But the fact that they’re spending so much alone time together in a foreign country might bother me a little. Because realistically they could be hooking up and theres ZERO chance you could do anything about it.
I did a study abroad trip to South Asia and because of how dangerous it was to go out at night I remember just staying watching movies and hanging out with the girls from my UNI, one thing led to another and I had tons of sex with them. And their boyfriends never found out because they were thousands of miles away. But if hes never given you a reason to worry, i would just worry now because of an IG follow
Why does he need to tell you about everyone he follows? You’re overreacting.