I’ll keep it short but I just want some opinions.
Me and husband found out we are pregnant with our first child, and we told immediate family except for sister as she’s out of state currently. A family member reached out stating they think sister knows and we weren’t sure how. When we called sister to tell her she said that husbands SIL called her one day and asked “did your brother call you yet?” and she said no, so SIL said nevermind. Then when husbands mom was on the phone with sister a different day, toddler niece was there too (she was not suppose to know but SIL told her) and husbands mom while on the phone with sister immediately when the phone call started shouted to niece “don’t tell your aunt anything!”
We’re a bit irritated that no one directly told her really, but everyone made it obvious to the point sister knew before we had a chance to tell her. Do we have a right to be upset about that?
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Backup of the post’s body: I’ll keep it short but I just want some opinions.
Me and husband found out we are pregnant with our first child, and we told immediate family except for sister as she’s out of state currently. A family member reached out stating they think sister knows and we weren’t sure how. When we called sister to tell her she said that husbands SIL called her one day and asked “did your brother call you yet?” and she said no, so SIL said nevermind. Then when husbands mom was on the phone with sister a different day, toddler niece was there too (she was not suppose to know but SIL told her) and husbands mom while on the phone with sister immediately when the phone call started shouted to niece “don’t tell your aunt anything!”
We’re a bit irritated that no one directly told her really, but everyone made it obvious to the point sister knew before we had a chance to tell her. Do we have a right to be upset about that?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Of course. You asked for discretion with your personal news and they let sis find out. At the end of the day it’s not a huge deal but I would be frustrated. “Did your brother call you yet?” is like saying to someone reading a book you know the end of “have you gotten to the part where [protagonist] dies?”
Nope, not a big deal. Let it go. People get excited or don’t think or whatever.
A secret is no longer a secret once you tell someone else. Once told, you an no longer control the narrative.
Your life is about to become more complicated and busy than you can imagine. You will have actual complaints with merit.
Please just let this go.
A fish wouldn’t get caught if it didn’t open up it’s mouth.
life lesson, never share anything with anyone unless you are okay with it being leaked by someone.
We also have family members who look for workarounds with keeping secrets. Now our motto is that no one knows until everyone knows. News is now shared all at once with group texts.
Why didn’t you just tell the sister when you told everyone else? Problem solved in a phone call.
A secret is no longer a secret if you tell someone. You and your husband should have told everyone or no one.
Yeah, I would be irritated too.
Sure, you have the right to be a bit irritated. But i’d just let it go. At the end of the day, there was likely no malice in her actions. Just excitement and maybe she’s bad at keeping secrets.
You’ve learned a lesson and I’d just move on. Also, the early pregnancy hormones make us more easily upset and annoyed, so keep that in mind.
We told people not to tell but only told those we KNEW wouldn’t spill. Last person we told (close family member) is a blabbermouth, so we knew once she found out, it was game over.
Next time tell those you trust with the news first. And SIL and others can be on an information diet
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t either 1) not tell anyone until you were fine with everyone knowing 2) be annoyed someone told when you already started telling people. Once you start, you lose control of who knows what. Why is it such a big deal the one person not be told when you’ve been running your mouth to everyone else?If you wanted to tell her yourself, then wait. You already announced your pregnancy, just not to one person. You’re picking a fight and letting this be bigger than warranted.
Sorry but your story is hard to follow. Your sister’s husband’s SIL asked your sister about her bother calling? Who is who?
I’d be extremely annoyed. My wife had an aunt who we shared something with. It was NOT a secret and we never intended it to be. She was free to tell anyone she wanted immediately. However, she somehow misunderstood. We found this out in a couple weeks when a different relative confessed to us that said aunt had shared the information multiple times and swore everyone to silence because, she said, “It’s a secret for now and I shouldn’t be telling anyone!” It was the most absurd way ever to learn the valuable lesson that we could not trust said aunt with Any. Information. Whatsoever.
We literally never told her anything even vaguely private until the day she died a decade later.
Our situation was harmless and I was still very annoyed that said aunt THOUGHT she was violating our trust. You be as annoyed as you want because your trust was actually violated. In the end, however, just move on from it with the added knowledge of how funny some relatives can be with their lack of ability to keep confidences.
You guys messed up here. First, never tell a single person before 12 weeks, unless you want to tell them about a miscarriage. Second, always tell people in order of importance, that’s how they’ll think they were notified anyway. If a distant cousin knows before a mother, drama ensues. Third, don’t tell anyone at all until you’re ready for everyone to know.