My boyfriend has recently developed a habit of smoking cigarettes, he was always a smoker but nowadays its just 5-6 and probably even more a day. I am seriously considering breaking up because even after me saying its a deal breaker he has not slowed down and becomes furious at the talk of rehab.
He firmly believes, he can QUIT WHENEVER HE WANTS, but that is obviously not the case.
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I’d breakup/divorce after it didn’t look like a mistake. I have zero tolerance for smoking and would not give him the chance to smoke more than once
> even after me saying its a deal breaker he has not slowed down and becomes furious at the talk of rehab.
You’re still together. Is it a dealbreaker or not?
That’s always been a dealbreaker for me when dating. Yes, they can quit whenever they want to, but in my experience with smoker friends and relatives, they rarely truly want to. And I can’t live my life with constant exposure to second- and third-hand smoking, waiting for a man to finally want to quit.
boundaries are about how you respond. if you’ve told him it’s a deal breaker, you need to follow through and break it off — otherwise it’s not a deal-breaker. he’s made his choice. he prioritizes cigarettes over you not wanting him to smoke.
but to answer your question, it would depend whether i wanted kids or not. i wouldn’t have kids with a smoker because i want to show healthy habits and also have my child raised in a healthy environment without second-hand smoke or having to walk on eggshells around someone going through withdrawal. personally if i was in a position where i didn’t want kids i wouldn’t care too much as long as it didn’t directly affect me (ie no smoking inside or letting it control our daily activities). but ultimately it’s up to you
Zero tolerance for me.
It, and vaping would be a non-starter for me. Unless you are also a smoker on the road to an already early grave, being around him is literally toxic… And noxious, the smell is awful. If he doesn’t want to stop, better to cut your losses.
I would not and will never be in a relationship with a smoker. My husband does not smoke. We do however, enjoy a cigar once a quarter in the backyard together. I grew up with both my smoker parents and I despise the smell and tar stains. I don’t want to be exposed to smoke, and I don’t want to be with someone who’s gonna die of self-inflicted cancer and drag me down emotionally, financially, and possibly physically.
It’s either a deal breaker or it’s not. Being with him while he’s smoking is very clearly stating that it’s not a deal breaker for you.
Yes, I will never date another smoker again. Not after going through x-ray school and seeing what cigarettes do to the lungs.
My fiance used to smoke well before I met him. He knows it’s an absolute deal breaker if he started again.
Rehab for smokers? Is that a thing?
Either way, it’s your boundary. If it’s not something you can live with, move on. If you’re going to continue to tolerate it and make comments, that’s on you.
I would end my 10+ year marriage if my husband started smoking.
I smoked for several years and have now been clean for over 10.
I would never date another smoker. Not just because I’d be afraid of relapse, but because it’s just a bad habit that I can’t support.
Yes, that also includes vaping.
Yes. One of the main reasons I stopped dating someone. I grew up around smokers and once I was out of the house I was glad.
I guess I can deal with a cheeky cigarette every week or so, but a pack a day or sth like that is unsustainable in a long term relationship, unless they’re very very willing to stop
It’s a deal breaker. He would never get kissed or touched if he smelled like cigs because obviously it stinks, but smell is an intense sense for me.. it dictates my mood and actions lol. I’m grateful that my husband also hates cigarettes, he’s also smart enough not to give up something good for something bad.
I wouldn’t be able to even start dating a smoker. Hard no from me.
I would not date a smoker. Period.
Maybe he can quit whenever he wants, and he’s telling you that he doesn’t want to. This is him telling you that you wanting him to quit isn’t an important enough reason for him to.
Yes. If that’s a dealbreaker for you, you are perfectly in your rights to break up with him.
I have a 0 tolerance policy for smoking. Dump him
So is it a dealbreaker or not.
Smoking is a deal breaker for me. I won’t date a smoker. I am sympathetic towards smoking addiction, but I do not support it and I absolutely think it is a huge deal. I have friends who smoke and I hope every day they quit for good.
Quitting smoking doesn’t require rehab, that is kind of an insane suggestion. Especially considering 5-6 cigarettes a day is a pretty light smoking habit compared to most smokers.
Nobody likes to acknowledge this but every former smoker will tell you all it takes is actually wanting to quit and then just doing it. He CAN quit whenever he wants. He clearly just doesn’t want to lol. Quitting smoking is actually pretty easy. Quitting when you don’t really want to is basically impossible.
All that said, you can’t make your boyfriend do anything. They’re his lungs and it’s his money. If he doesn’t wanna quit, you either have to decide to deal with it or decide to leave.
Yes. I’ve lost a good friend to cigarettes; another friend lost her beloved father in his early fifties. Not worth the heartbreak. I don’t expend my time and effort on smokers any more.
Five or six a day is a deal breaker? Packs or darts? Was he only smoking one or two before? Rehab for cigarettes? Are you talking about tobacco or pot? I’m seriously confused.
ETA – I wouldn’t date a smoker anyway, but you seem to be particularly intolerant of this habit…
Yeah, cigarette smoking is a deal-breaker for me. I suffered enough years of secondhand smoke from my dad. Everything stank and we had to repaint. Also, you know. Increased lung cancer risk.
Would not need to break up because I would not have gotten involved with a smoker in the first place.
Yes. A dealbreaker means leaving. Smoking costs a lot, in terms of money and health, and it would be hard for me to trust a man who knowingly buys something that’s clearly harmful, even just to him. I have learned not to judge friends or loved ones who smoke temporarily while going through severe hardship, but part of being ready for a relationship means he can be trusted to take care of himself, like make and go to doctors appointments, not make dumb or harmful decisions etc, but I wouldn’t date someone who smoked especially that heavily.
Yes. Also I would’ve never dated them in the first place.
Smoking is a no deal for me. My grandpa smoked like a chimney for the first 16 years of my life, and he died when I was 18 from lung cancer. People who vape aren’t much better, exhaling large plumes of smoke out of their faces. Quitting is extremely difficult, and just as hard to keep from going back to.
I am so allergic to cigarette smoke that I wouldn’t have been able to start dating a smoker in the first place. Hard stop for me. My husband enjoys the occasional cigar (like… once every 10 yrs occasional) and that’s even a bit much for me.
I’ve watched two smokers die from diseases related to the habit. In the process of watching another family member who just won’t quit go down the same path.
That’s your future if you decide to stay.
You say it’s a deal breaker but you didn’t end it, so… Why would he care?
But to answer the question: yeah, probably. I grew up in a smoker family but never smoked. Saw what it did to their (mental) health and property (ever moved a picture frame in a smoker’s house…? That’s the walls smoking second hand. Imagine their lungs.). I don’t think I could stand spending my life with such a person. The stench is nostalgic, but I’d like to keep it that way. In the past.
Also gotta consider your health. If he doesn’t care about his it’s his business. But you also get to choose whether you want to sign up to a lifetime of being affected by it.
I would 100% break up. It’s so gross smelling and tasting. I do not want my mouth touching anyone’s who smokes. If you want to smoke, that’s fine for you, but it’s not fine for me!